First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part 4)

[Kiki061190]

Hi ladies!

Our previous thread is now full so I’ve made a new one 😘

Hey @MrsMGE I’d definitely discuss baby aspirin and progesterone. My GP believes it’s too difficult to diagnosis low progesterone so it’s best to just start the pessaries with a positive pregnancy test. Not all GPs will prescribe it though. You can get a prescription privately if your GP has an issue with it. It’s a low cost medication so I don’t understand why we have to fight for it. I’m on baby aspirin just because I’m 40 and blood clots more easily as you get older. I’m sure it won’t do any harm taking it but check with your doctor first. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you! Xx

@MrsMGE I second @Catconfusion , they never tested me for progesterone but just prescribed it as a precaution because I do have shorter LP. You should ask for it.

I'm not meaning to be negative at all, but I don't feel this is my month. The reason being that it all came on so quickly we didn't have sex the days leading up to O, and as I said my poor DH have had some problems getting it up (sorry TMI) even on his own after taking those 'Fertil Aid), so he hadn't 'renewed' his sperm for 2 weeks! So those must be mostly dead or slow right? We did manage to have sex again in the evening but that might have been too late if the egg lived for 12 hours. If it lived for 24 we might have a chance.

It's all just down to luck and chance when it comes to TTC, so I'm trying to not think too now in TWW 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm thinking this... I've got some FRER, I will test on Sunday morning (this coming) pending I don't get my period before. I'll be 10 DPO then, and with a short LP surely I will see something if I'm pregnant? That's not too early is it? 1 year wedding anniversary is on Sunday and we're going out for a fancy meal, so if not pregnant I want to have wine 😁 🍷

As my cycles are more or less back to 'normal' we still have October to try, and from November the Dr will start stimulating my ovaries so I'll ovulate more eggs than 1 and quicker for the biggest chance of conception (at 35 I think 60% of the eggs are normal, 40% abnormal - this is what I've read, correct me if I'm wrong). I am lucky to live in a country where private healthcare is really good (especially through our work), we only pay for the meds which is not too expensive.

What I'm trying to say is that we have a 'game plan' in place, which makes me calmer! It feels like we're proactively doing something about this, and that's all we can do right? Goal is pregnant before the end of the year!

@MrsMGE you have been so good with your DTD this cycle, I have a good feeling about you this time! ☺️ all fingers crossed 🤞

Yikes I don't know why my replies always go bold!

@Kiki061190 I love spag bol! When I was pregnant I felt so sick and couldn't eat anything (went off literally everything I like), and couldn't cook due to the smell. Spag bol was actually the only thing I still LOVED (I love it non-pregnant lol). I had it for lunch everyday at work, people though I'd gone mad as I'm usually careful with my carbs 🤣🤣

How did it go down?

Hey @SunStruck I’m sorry you’re feeling like this isn’t your month but your mindset seems really good and it’s great your cycles are back to normal.

I really wouldn’t focus on what percentage of your eggs are normal. My doctor said it varies so much from person to person. Some people have very good eggs still at 40 and have no problems getting pregnant. Some like my poor friend have low egg reserve in their 20s or 30s. Chances are you still have good egg reserve and will be pregnant again soon.

It’s great you have a plan. I think it makes things a lot more chilled. Remember you’re learning all the time about your body and cycles which empowers you to make it happen sooner, probably when you least expect it. I really hope it’s before the end of the year. Xx

@Catconfusion @SunStruck Thanks. Do you think this is something I should do as and when I am pg again? Or before the pg/past the certain week of pg? Are there no side effects? I somehow doubt I'd get it on the NHS and will have to go private.

Is it possible the baby stops developing because of low pg/sticky blood? I always understood that these can lead to an early natural miscarriage with the usual symptoms, spotting, cramps, bleeding etc, or that they prohibit implantation. I'm trying to understand how/if they can become a factor in a missed miscarriage?

@SunStruck I think you're doing the same thing as me, look at the worst possible options (or a combination thereof) and try to prepare yourself in case the outcome isn't what you wish for. I don't judge you at all, I do it all the time. Whilst this worst case scenario we have analysed in our heads might happen, it might not, and I sometimes find that thinking about it weighs heavier on my mind than the uncertainty. I love to be prepared and to know everything, to have certainty as to what's coming as much as possible. But with this process, we simply won't have that, at all. I'm trying to get my mind to acknowledge this fact going forward, as I think accepting this truly will make a difference and make this process easier mentally. This comes back to my earlier point about achievements in life - what we achieve as women, as individuals, is mostly within our control, or at least within our reach. Having a baby is not one of those things and shouldn't even be considered as a 'task' in which we fail or succeed, as the truth is, we have hardly any influence over this.

You're armed with knowledge now, same as all of us (I am so impressed how much you girls know, I've really educated myself big time since I've joined the thread). Knowledge is power, but you need to use it to help you score that goal (in those little aspects you hace control over), not your own goal, i.e make you feel worse about it. I keep telling this to myself whenever I start writing all those bad scenarios in my head.

I think you've done very well, all you can, this cycle, and you have nothing to worry about. You literally could not have done any more, and you should be proud of yourself and how you've handled it. I think you may well have a positive outcome. Not long left till your test, I'd keep testing after 10 days if AF doesn't arrive. Mine isn't due until 25.09, when is your due? I'm not sure if I am going to test before it's due, maybe just before, but isn't it the case that it can take up to 12 days to implant itself? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Your replies are not going bold, the usernames go bold automatically - it happens to all of us on here whenever we tag another user in our post using "@" 😊

Xxx

Hey @MrsMGE it’s far less likely progesterone was a problem with a mmc however my doctor believes that there’s a small chance progesterone can fluctuate enough for the pregnancy not to progress. Progesterone is so important for the baby to develop normally. It doesn’t just help the lining build up but stops your body rejecting the baby by stopping the pregnancy. In theory you can have good levels that fluctuate to low and this can be enough. As we get older low progesterone sometimes becomes a problem. Using the pessaries keeps levels up to support the pregnancy. I’m only on a low dose and as I said there’s only a small chance it was the problem but I think it’s worth covering that base.

I feel it’s made my tummy problems worse but they were pretty bad in the first pregnancy when I wasn’t on it. You’d need to take as soon as you get a positive test so ask your doctor now about it so you know it’s available or seek out a private doctor who will prescribe.

The sticky blood again seems a rare complication. Ladies over 40 are prescribed aspirin after 12 weeks anyway as thrombosis is more likely as you get older. My doctor told me to take it straight away again as a precaution as we’ve not tested for blood clotting disorders. In theory there’s a small chance that an older Mum could get a random clot and that could end the pregnancy.

The aspirin and progesterone are both precautionary if no cause of mc has been found. It’s still more likely to be chromosomal but my doctor figures it’s worth a shot for piece of mind and so at least we’ve done all we can.

I hope that helps and great you’re putting a plan in place. Xx

Hi ladies, I hope you don’t mind me joining. I had a MMC two weeks ago - found out at our 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. Was booked in for surgery 3 days later but ended up miscarrying naturally before then. I was coping OK for the first week or so and went back to work straight away, but over the past week it has really hit me and I’ve been an emotional wreck! Seems to have been a bit of a delayed reaction. What has helped hugely is reading through all your posts and seeing how positive and supportive you have been for each other 😊 I don’t have many people to talk to about it in real life because we hadn’t told anyone outside our immediate family and my closest friends are struggling with their own fertility issues, so feel a bit reluctant to tell them. Congrats to all in this thread who have had a recent bfp - that gives me much-needed hope! xxx

Hi All,
@MrsMGE happy to hear confirmed ovulation.

@SunStruck do you mind if I ask what scans you went for? I assume you are going private? Did you have to get a GP referral? Were you given instructions on when to go?

@Catconfusion in response to your previous qs, the GP was worse then useless in telling me she wouldn't help me until we have been trying for a year, that fertility isn't a priority for them and then she directed me towards a hospital that doesn't deal with fertility and didn't tell me that I would either need a referral from her (which she won't give me) or I would have to pay to see a consultant - which we are lucky enough to be able to do but she didn't give me that info.

So - update from me. I know - another long one......

Today is my official due date. AF started yesterday.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel this weekend but despite p*ss poor training, I did my 10k on Saturday and 1/2 marathon on Sunday. The times were really poor but it was a beautiful route and a beautiful day and I am so glad I didn't pull out. I was going to take today off but did't get around to booking it - am working from home but might retrospectively take it if I'm not very productive.

On the flip side -
1 - On Thursday, my mum asked me if we are going to have children because she has been keeping toys and she wants to get rid of them if we aren't going to have any. She knows I am a very private person and she was very nice in the way she asked (and she didn't say it but obviously if we had been trying, something would have happened by now....) I haven't told her anything but suggested that if they are in her way, she should give them to charity.

2 - Next day went to the dentist - who is now about 4 / 5 months pregnant. Still having problems so will have to go back.

3 - Another old school friend has just posted her 3 month scan announcement on Insta. Her second.

4 - Talking to woman at race in que for the loo's - yes, she has just had a baby

5 - Everyone on my estate is pregnant....I can't leave the house without seeing them EVERYWHERE. DH and I have discussed moving if we can't have children as it seems this is a place for young families

6 - Can't even watch Peaky Blinders - two of them are bloody pregnant.

7 - This morning I dreamt about having a baby

8 - My period is ridiculous this month - pathetic. I am so mad that the GP won't listen to me but at least I am going to get myself booked in for the new STD checks they told me I have to have and get a couple of private scans booked in with a sonographer who was sympathetic.

I don't know if I am up or down, angry or apathetic. Thankfully I have been too busy this month to focus on it too much. Despite the above.

Not sure if we can try properly this month as DH has come down with a really nasty rash and I don't want to catch it if it isn't gone. He STILL hasn't done his sperm test. He has been too busy......

@bettymoo212

So sorry you are in a position to be joining this group.

Just be kind to yourself. If you can, take some time off and don't try and 'bravely carry on', give yourself some time to process what has happened and come back and talk to us. There will be ups and downs and that is totally normal.

@zoomies1 Thanks lovely.

Re your today's due date - I know it's not where you wanted to be. There's no point in pretending this is where any of us here would choose to be in, and I'm sorry another pregnancy hasn't happened for you yet. I completely get what you're saying re EVERYONE around you being pregnant. I feel exactly the same, I can't open the fridge without a pregnancy announcements. Work colleagues, friends, celebrities, actresses, journalists, shop assistants, beauticians, you name it, everyone is pregnant. Or just had a baby. So you're not alone. But thinking about it straight, this happens all the time. There's a lot of women pregnant at any one time, it's not the case that it all happens only when we're struggling. It's most likely we are surrounded by women of child bearing age and it's unavoidable. They're trying to squeeze this in much the same as we are. And I bet you a lot of them did struggle, but not everyone will always admit this. I know it doesn't make you feel amazing to look at them, but ultimately, this is your life and you need to focus on yourself not on what everyone else is doing. It's the same when we start comparing ourselves to our neighbours, they've just had a new kitchen, they've had a new car, she has her hair done every fortnight, the list can be endless. All it does is make us feel shit and inadequate. And the reality is, things are far from perfect for all of us, I mean it, all of us. It's harder when it comes to having children because you're more vulnerable, hormonal, and it just really hurts. Try to repriotise from looking at others into looking at you. How are you actually feeling now? Are you anxious, stressed? Are you going to see the specialist privately? Have you spoken to your DH about him not taking the test yet? These are the things that might help you get where you want to be and you need to focus your energy on them. It's hard enough as it is, don't make it worse for yourself by putting yourself down. I get it you're very private, that's absolutely fine - come here to talk and rant whenever you wish, and we'll pick you up. We're in this together. Xxx

@Catconfusion Thanks, that's really helpful. I think I'll wait for my positive pg test, I don't anticipate it is going to be this month. I can also see my GP pretty on the same day as and when needed (my surgery is a 2 min walk from our house, luckily), so even if they refuse to prescribe me anything, I can then arrange a private appointment fairly swiftly, I'd think.

@bettymoo212 Welcome, and sorry for your loss. We're always here to talk. It's lovely to hear what you've said, I often wonder whether anyone else is reading us and finding this thread helpful in any way. I think I would have been much worse without the girls on here, and especially when I was in the same position as you, fairly raw after the MC, it's kept me sane. Look after yourself now and talk to us whenever you need to, together we are nearly a full on MC and post-MC pregnancy specialists on here by now 😊❤️ xxx

Hi @MrsMGE thanks for the response. Don't worry, I am aware that all of those people will have their own stories and struggles and it is their business whether they choose to share them. I am also conflicted as i am very aware of the downsides of having children (which makes me feel guilty and confused).

WRT focusing on myself, that is why I did the races at the weekend. I am not allowing my life or goals to stop.

I hope everyone on here gets their BFP soon but for anyone else that goes past their original due date, those few days may make you pause to think. That's all this is and in a few days I'm sure I'll be back on the wagon. I don't envy those women, I wouldn't take anything away from them. Their story is separate from mine. They are just a reminder that no matter what I try, it doesn't seem to make a difference and seeing them is a constant reminder of that.

And I think of it as like when you buy a new car. Before you got that brand or colour, you never saw them and now they are all you see. I know it is very common.

@zoomies1 It doesn't make it any easier though, and you're allowed to be upset. Sending you lots of love, especially today ❤️❤️❤️

@zoomies1 I'm so sorry to hear you're having a difficult time 😔 especially around the due date. I second what you say about everyone being pregnant, this is so true! Take care of yourself and make your DH go to the Dr!!! It might not even be you!

Of course you can ask me about what I have done in terms of treatments. So I'm not based in the UK, and I'm under private healthcare where I am based. After the mc it's been taking so long for my cycles to go back to normal, and I want to speed things up, so the Dr suggested us to track for one cycle (to track the follicular phase up to ovulation) with scans, and that she would give me meds to bring ovulation forward a bit (I ovulate super late every cycle). So this is what we were tracking. She prescribed me Letrozole to stimulate my follicle to grow, to take from day 2 of the cycle for 5 days. After this I went for a scan, not much had happened so she prescribed me Gonal-F injections (only 2 in total) which is a stronger hormone to stimulate. Went for a scan after, and it did bring forward my ovulation by a bit but not much. It's good though, because now when we have tracked 1 medicated cycle, the Dr knows to up the dosage next time around - The goal is to stimulate a few follicles so more eggs are released during ovulation for a bigger chance to get pregnant that cycle.

When the Dr saw that I had ovulated, she prescribed me progesterone pessaries and baby aspirin to start with straight away during the TWW.

So this "tracking of cycle" cost us 280 quid in total, and then we had to pay separately for the meds (about 20 quid for the pills, 70 for the 2 injections or something like that).

So for the next cycles, we only pay for the meds.

Hope this helps! I have already done blood tests and the blood sugar test (to check if diabetic because I used to have a thyroid problem when I was a child). All came back clear so we know I'm healthy, so the mc was just one of those things.

@bettymoo212 so sorry to hear about your loss 😔 must be horrible at the 12 week scan too. You're not alone, just come here and vent when needed! We have all been very up and down, and the support here is amazing. Was this your first try?

@MrsMGE you hit the nail on the head! I always analyze what the worst scenario will be to not get disappointed! Maybe not the first time around when I was naive (I was actually really positive then 🤣), but definitely this time around! More in a matter-of-fact way if you know what I mean?

I guess we're used to being high-achievers and well-prepared (a must in my industry, and I'm sure the same with yours), so it's completely true what you say about being well prepared but still not in control. It's frustrating!!! I'm not very patient, so I'm trying to do everything to make it happen but it's still not down to me. I have to try set a goal, it's difficult for me to breezingly 'try without trying' (very jealous of the other ladies managing this!).

My goal is end of the year now, and if that doesn't happen I need to re-assess what the next goal is 😄 maybe Q1 next year 😅

Lots of people visiting the next few weeks will take my mind off this at least!

@Catconfusion thanks for you putting my mind to rest about eggs! I hate all the scaremongering about 35 years being this kind of cut-off for fertility, and after this you fall off a cliff basically 🙄

@SunStruck thanks for that. That's really helpful.

Re 35 being a drop-off - I read that the data is from the 1800's. More recent studies suggest that at age 37/38, your chances are the same as at around 28. The drop-off happens a bit later. However, obviously everyone is different.

@zoomies1 Thank you. I think you’re right - I’m quite a stoical person by nature but my usual keep-calm-and-carry-on approach just hasn’t worked at all this time! I’m so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I know what you mean about there being babies and pregnant women everywhere. I went to a wedding at the weekend hoping for a few hours of escapism and there were 2 heavily pregnant ladies at my table 😭

@MrsMGE Thank you so much. Yes, it’s been such an enormous help to see that there are other people going through the same thing and feeling the same way. I don’t know of anyone in real life who has had a MMC.

@SunStruck Thank you so much. Yes, it was my first pregnancy and it took us quite a while to conceive. I think my biggest hurdle at the moment is dealing with my negative thoughts. I know it’s completely irrational but I’ve convinced myself it will never again happen for us! I’d like to be able to switch my brain off for a while 😊

@SunStruck What do they say, "you're my sister from another mister"??? Or something along those lines 🤣🤣🤣 I hear you, I really do. We have to rein each other in whenever needed, let's not go into a full control-overdrive mode, it won't help us.

I think it's good to have some "deadlines" and a Plan B, I'm doing the same thing. I always have a strategy in life, haha! A 5 year plan since I can remember, really. Ultimately though, we have to believe things will happen soon, and if we need help, we will get it. There is always a positive outcome at the end of this! #womenonamission ❤️

@bettymoo212 I won't preach, if you read my posts from last week, I was at the rock bottom convinced I'll never ovulate and never conceive again. We've all been there, and yet look how many new rainbow pregnancies to celebrate now ❤️ You will be OK, and you will get pregnant again. For now, don't put pressure on yourself and focus on your own health (including mental health) and wellbeing. TTC and getting pregnant again after the MC do take its toll on you, so think about the next few weeks and months as "me time", your own time to digest on things, build your energy levels back, and come back stronger. This is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and you will get there, keep the faith ❤️ xxx

@zoomies1 I'm so sorry you haven't received more support from the GP. After 6 months they should be helping you if you're over 35. Hopefully you can get help quicker privately if the referral can be done.

The social side of ttc after loss is horrendous. Pregnant women appear everywhere and its so hard to see.

I had a situation with my mother in law where she wanted to give away the baby blanket she made for the baby we lost. Her heart was in the right place and she said it with kindness but it's still hard to have those conversations with parents.

I'm sorry your partner has a rash too. I hope it clears up and isn't something infectious. My DH has raised skin that comes up but the doctor has said it's a skin condition I can't contract. These things all add to the frustration though. I hope you have some good news soon! xx

@MrsMGE that sounds like a plan and great you can see a doctor quickly. Just a heads up I had to wait two days for my progesterone as it's not something my chemist has in stock so they had to order it. No doubt you'll test in good time though so you can get it. I was 4 weeks when I started mine xx

@SunStruck it really annoys me when I read articles about the risks of having babies over 35 as many women have no problems whatsoever and have been doing it for many years. It does feel like scaremongering. At 40 I've been marked as low risk by the midwife for any complications. It's also not been difficult for me to get pregnant. Admittedly I had a mmc on the first try but that can happen at any age. Unless you've been diagnosed with a particular condition the chances are pretty good. I would still advise other people to start trying as early as possible. Unfortunately DH and I have only been together 18 months so we've tried as early as we can. I think mid to late 30s is a great time to have a baby Xx