First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@MrsMGE I would just try dtd 3x a week and that should do the trick 😘 I’m the same! No idea what cycle day I’m on but can’t be bothered to even figure it out. I actually don’t think this is the month for us again but I’m ok with it if that makes sense?

@Kiki061190 Thanks 😊 Yeah, it totally makes sense. I think I'm just going to continue with dtd whenever we want to and see what happens. I don't really know what to expect and maybe this is a good thing 😉 xxx

Hi ladies just popping in to see how you are all doing. So glad to see a few of you getting some normality back with your cycles etc but also sorry to see a few more ladies here, I’m so sorry for your losses.

Will be popping in and out and I truly am keeping my fingers crossed for you all x

Hi all, fine here thanks! Sorry to see some new joiners to the group - You'll get support here from lovely ladies though!

I'm just waiting for O now, tempting and using Clearblue OPK. Should be this weekend on hubby's birthday, isn't he a lucky man 😁😁😁

How are you other ladies getting on?

Hi everyone. Hello to the new joiners, so sorry for your losses I hope you can find some comfort and support here, we know exactly how you’re feeling.

I’m trying to take a bit of time out to stop obsessing and concentrate on DD, feeling like it may not ever happen for me so working out how I will try to deal with that. Still tracking this month, temp is dipping and got some flashy smileys so think OPKs imminent but as I said trying to not stress, also taken on a big project at work which is keeping me crazy busy. Finally got my GP appointment tomorrow so will hopefully get some bloods, ideally a scan but who knows, wish me luck.

@sadtoday21 how was your scan? Hope everything went ok x

Thanks for asking after me @3204ECL! The scan went well, I was trembling the whole time. Baby in the right place with a hb and measuring 7 weeks, which is just about right. Felt relieved only for a day and now anxious again :/. How are you doing? Xxx

Oh @sadtoday21 so happy for you !!! ❤️

@sadtoday21 I'm so happy for you, wonderful news! I'm glad you had some (if short lived) relief form the anxiety. I've found the relief has lasted a little longer with each scan I've had but the anxiety still comes back.

We had our 12 weeks scan today and I was just as terrified waiting as I was for our first scan but thankfully everything is fine. I'm 13 weeks exactly today and our little monkey was dancing around so much in there it took ages to get the measurements as he/she just wouldn't keep still!

Do you think you'll have another scan before 12 weeks?

Hope everyone else is doing well. Sorry to see new faces here but you've found a wonderful thread.

@Catconfusion congratulations, great news on O, got everything crossed for you!

xxx

@sadtoday21 so happy for you ♥️♥️♥️

@3204ECL awww amazing! 13 weeks! That feels so quick ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve been super busy ladies! Haven’t bothered about TTC this cycle and actually unsure when AF is due! I had some cramping the other day but think it might be too early for it yet. Think I’ll maybe try opks again when I get back from my holiday in mid September.

@Catconfusion hope you are doing well, thinking of you ♥️

@sadtoday21 ❤️ been thinking of you.

Congratulations to all the pregnant ladies, hope you're feeling OK. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and the little ones every day 🤞😘 xxx

How's everyone doing today? Happy to report I got a flashing smiley on OPK this morning, so I am certain I'll get a static one in 2 days - Body finally back on track almost 3 months after my MMC! Can't believe I will be doing the 2ww soon, this journey has been long!

Happy to hear about the positive scans in this thread ❤️

Hi All,

Hope everyone is doing ok.

@sadtoday21, glad to hear your scan went well. Do you have another booked or are you waiting for your 12 week?

I am feeling a bit sick today - you know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach.

My friend is expecting twins. Her due date was two days before mine was (although she is now booked in for an elcs because of history so its a couple of weeks earlier).

I am trying to organise our group of girlfriends to go and visit her when she has found her feet after the birth. I am really happy for her but I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it in reality. And it sounds awful but I am slightly resentful. I tried to do everything in the right order - education, job, partner, house etc. She just sort of landed on her feet. She wasn't even going to have any more children and yet, hey presto - twins! She has had her own struggles in life as everyone does so I know I am being unreasonable but I think I am just frustrated that I am not having any progress and my due date is looming!

I do have a dentist appointment this afternoon though. Yay! Am bloody terrified of dentists.....

And it sounds awful but I am slightly resentful. I tried to do everything in the right order - education, job, partner, house etc. She just sort of landed on her feet.

This. @zoomies1 I could have written that myself.

You're not unreasonable, we'd all feel this way. Sadly pregnancy is not a matter of justice and fairness. Most of them are lucky accidents, whether planned or not, and if you're lucky again things will go well, but they may not. It's not a matter of who deserves it and who doesn't. And it's entirely out of our control, too.

I think you're taking a lot on by going to see her, it's really lovely of you. I'm sure if she's a good friend she'd understand if you didn't do that, or not straight away. If you feel strong enough and ready that's amazing. But there's no way you'd feel 100% happy and confident in doing so, and no one can blame you. Honestly, you're doing more than enough. If you'll have a sh*t time afterwards, you know we're here for you

You will have your baby, just hold on to your own path and try not to let your mind stray to other people's paths. I've gone as far as deactivating my social media to avoid comparing myself to the pregnant women I know. It worked wonders xxx

@MrsMGE hiiii! How are you? Holiday countdown on now?

@zoomies1 totally get what you’re saying! It’s natural to feel that way. Fingers crossed we get some more BFP on here soon ♥️

Thanks everyone for their good wishes and many congrats @3204ECL for making it to 13 weeks! That is amazing!!! You must be feeling so relieved now.

I'm feeling anxious again, really convinced the next scan won't go so smoothly. Still not having enough morning sickness and I read a scientific journal article that was very well done (RCT, high powered, controlled for exogenous variables) that said women who have had a previous miscarriage and no morning sickness are only 30% likely to have a healthy pregnancy :(. So odds don't seem in my favour once again. Trying to stay positive, but really expecting the worst. It doesn't help that my next scan (in 1-2 weeks) is going to be at the same hospital where I found out about the mmc. This is the ride we are on or will be on soon! It's tough, but have to just take one day at a time.

And @zoomies1 your feelings are completely normal and valid. I resented my friend who had a healthy pregnancy too. I resented other pregnant women. I hated seeing babies on the streets. The only people I didn't resent were women who had gone through what I went through and came out on the other end with a healthy baby. We all struggle with feeling very unlucky compared to others. Just know that it doesn't last forever and your time will come, probably when you least expect it xxx.

@sadtoday21and @3204ECL I'm so happy for you both. You're doing so well to get through early pregnancy with the anxiety of previous loss. You're an inspiration to me for when my time comes. xx

@zoomies1 I'm so sorry you're having to organise a trip to see your friend who's due close to your due date. It's a very difficult situation to be in. Is there any way you can go another time? If she's a real friend she'll understand. I hope you got on well at the dentist. I've been today and I need a root canal. They won't do it because I'm in the two week wait so I have to wait until I know if I'm pregnant. It sucks! xx

I'm completely with you on the deactivating social media @MrsMGE as it can be so toxic during the best of times. xx

I'm really pleased @SunStruck you're back on track and I've got my fingers crossed for you. xx

@bananamonkey how did you get on at the doctors? I really hope you get some answers! xx

@Kiki061190 I really like your attitude. Nice and chilled seems to be best and it sounds like you're managing to keep it all on the down low which is amazing. I hope you get some surprise news soon! xx

So ladies I've had a very difficult time of it. On Friday my best friend who I haven't seen for ages came to stay so she could be there for our joint 40th party. We got on really well and everything was fine. I confided in her my problems with ovulation and that I had finally had managed it and we're trying to keep stress to a minimum to give ourselves the best chances now we've possibly conceived. We booked a few nights away after the party to relax and hopefully aid implantation. On Saturday morning my friend said she felt unwell and checked herself into a hotel. She didn't come to the party and got the train home because she didn't want to give me the bug since we're ttc. At 3am this morning I got a message from her saying she feels our friendship has run its course and no longer wants contact with me giving no reason other than she thinks its an unhealthy dynamic. I have no idea what I did. DH said we were just like old friends catching up and he didn't feel I did anything wrong. If anything she upset me a bit. She works as a theatre technician and has seen ERPC procedures. She said its no more physically invasive than a coil fit. Urm no, that's why you have a general anaesthetic. Also, the mental invasiveness is unmeasurably bad. Anyway I've had no sleep through crying and I've felt very stressed all day. I'm just so annoyed she did this now while a potential baby might be trying to implant. She knew we were going away to keep stress at bay in the tww. What's worse is she's blocked me so all very strange. I'm just so sad as her and her kids were a huge part of my wedding and I thought we were good friends. Anyway sorry for the rant. With the stress of this and my tooth issues I don't like our chances for conceiving this month. If it's a negative test or another loss I'll always wonder if her actions caused it. xx

@sadtoday21 I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about your anxiety and can completely understand. Statistics can be so misleading though and I'm sure you're chances of a healthy pregnancy must be higher than that. I can appreciate the lack of sickness is making you feel uneasy but some ladies really don't experience that side of it. I know many many ladies who've had very healthy pregnancies with no sickness. As you say all you can do is take one day at a time and you'll get through it. I'll be thinking of you! xx

@sadtoday21 your not you're

@Catconfusion, I'm with you - that all sounds really odd and must have been horrible. The fact that she has blocked you as well is really excessive. Perhaps after she's had some time she'll realise she has overreacted. How does she normally react when you disagree about something?

@MrsMGE, @Kiki061190, @sadtoday21 thanks for you messages. I'm happy to arrange the visit but then I wondered if I will be holding her one month old and thinking about what I should have been doing. I just needed to give myself a mental slap. One of the other girls in the group has been through the same thing and I want to be sensitive to her as well.

I am just being impatient. DH bought a sperm test kit from boots the other day so waiting to see what happens with that. He is super fit though so I expect things to be ok his end which would be good. I'm not asking him when he is going to do it though....

Can you ladies confirm something for me please? For those us over 35, it is six months of trying before you go to the GP right? If you get pregnant and have a miscarriage, the clock starts ticking from the beginning right? Just want to make sure I'm not missing an opportunity.

@bananamonkey, how did you get on with the doctor?

Hey @zoomies1 thanks for replying. I really think that's it for our friendship, to be honest. It's very sad but I don't think I can forgive her doing this during a time she knows I'm avoiding stress. We never really have disagreed before so I wasn't aware there was a problem. Always seem to get on. I think its mainly her mental health issue that is to blame but shes at the stage of pushing long-standing friends away it's really sad. I'll be ok I'm sure as I don't need destructive people in my life.

Good luck with the testing. It's a good idea to know for sure he's ok.

With regards to a fertility referral, my appointment is coming any day. It is 6 months over 35 and any pregnancy losses do not reset the clock. My two losses weren't taken into account. I hope that helps! xx

@Kiki061190 Hello 😊 Holiday countdown definitely on, I've had a mother of all weeks in work [insert all the swear words you wish here], cannot actually believe how busy it was and I've had enough lol! Just want a detox, you know when you're in a job surrounded by people all day long, at some point you start hating them (even if you like them) and want to get away 🙄? That's how I'm feeling now. But, hallelujah, 2 days left!!! Go go, Power Rangers!!! 🙌😁

@Catconfusion I am fcking baffled. In simple terms. I read your post three times and I still can't get my head around your friend's reaction. But, I will say two things: 1. There's always that one bitchy friend who shows her true colours after years. I've had one too. After my other friend announced her pregnancy recently & her DD is the same as mine was, I said it's very sad our children won't be brought up together. To which she responded "if you get pregnant now, they will be." Uhm, no love, if you can count to two, this would be my second child. A different* child. She also constantly brags about her 18 month old. I've cut down speaking to her to a bare minimum cause otherwise I'd end up selling her some home truths.

1. Ignore her. I know it's hard. But it's your choice whether you let it get to you or not. Prioritise yourself and your health, and the rest can frankly sod off. You don't need people like this in your life, especially now. Don't let them affect your mood, they are simply not worth it. You can talk yourself out of this, and do it. You're more important than this sort of rubbish.

Such a small world, and so many idiots around. Xxx

@Catconfusion Correction - I've only now seen your most recent post. If she has MH issues she may not be thinking straight and maybe this isn't necessarily her fault. But still, it's for her to address them, and not for you to be upset as a result. Xxx