First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

@AnnaMC214 I'm so sorry you feel today is wasted but hopefully tomorrow will be better now everything is a bit more out in the open.

I know what you mean about pinning everything on one thing making you happy. Pregnancy created this mindset for me. This little miracle had happened and as ill as it made me, it meant everything. Now it's over it's so hard to prioritise anything else. I have some days where it just feels like I'm still pregnant because I can't see the joy in anything else. I've stopped drinking, I've stopped socialising and just feel in a weird limbo.

The bfn feels weird as I have strange tugging in tummy and the symptoms are still strong. I can't imagine it's likely a negative FRER will turn positive after 11 dpo but you never know I guess. Just don't want to waste more money. With all the supplements and opks etc it gets so expensive. Xx

Hello ladies! I am new to this group and somehow find it comforting to see so many posts on this particular thread I know it sounds awful. I just had my first missed miscarriage after trying for a while. I had a medical mismanagement done on 17 April (I was 9 weeks then). I bled and passed a few blood clots and had bleeding slightly heavier than periods. I had a follow up scan on 30 April but they said I had some remaining tissue left so the miscarriage wasn’t complete. I now have a ERPC on Tuesday 07/05. I haven’t had any unbearable pain since however today I am feeling a lot of poking/stinging sensation in my lower abdomen. Has anyone had this before? How long has it taken you all for your body to recover?

Hi @Iram1990 and I'm so sorry for your loss. Also that you need an ERPC after the trauma of a medical management. I went straight to an ERPC as I'd had no bleeding or signs of the sac breaking down. There were some strange sensations after the surgery but before I just felt very pregnant with no signs anything was wrong.

What I will say is that my experience of ERPC was very good. Everything was removed successfully and I recovered pretty quickly with a negative test / and a half weeks later and ovulation soon after.

I got pregnant again straight away as I was told I could try again. Sadly it was a chemical pregnancy. After the fact a doctor at the hospital told me it's best to wait for a period after an ERPC because you're super fertile but the lining has often not recovered enough to support a pregnancy.

I'm three months on and still getting very sharp cramps after ovulation and in the lead up to AF. It can take a while for everything to settle down so the pains you describe sound normal but see what the doctor says. The emotional side has been much tougher to deal with. A mmc is particularly painful I think as you've had time to bond with the baby.

I wish you well for Tuesday and I think you'll find this a safe and very supportive space during your recovery! Xx

When I did my Myers Briggs assessment it was so enlightening @Catconfusion. It gave me some clues as to how i should manage insecurities and fears. With you being an E I can imagine by all your feelings to withdraw from social settings this can be quite hard for your natural behavioural setting to get energy from others. Perhaps if you where to give yourself some weekly targets to meet with people who you haven't for a while, this may help with getting back to some kind of normality but may also help with the feel-good feeling that you E's get from being with people. Perhaps a little and often approach might be helpful. Just brain-dumping here. I have also found that sharing with people I really don't know too well has been a massive help, whilst also being a leap of faith by putting myself out there. The other day a meeting finished early and I had a bit of time to kill. I sat and talked in a 121 environment with a planner (lady), we don't really know each other that well but we got chatting (I can talk very easily with strangers) and we got on to the subject of children. She has never wanted them, and I shared my recent experiences (didn't say I was pg again). She didn't give me any guiding advice, but it was so helpful to open up to somebody who wasn't in my close circle. Women are great at helping each other, and one thing that we do best is support each other. Not quite sure why I mentioned this, but I just really hope that you find a way of connecting soon as I really do think you will find some positives and may help you with moving forward. Sending you a big cwtch xxx

MB buddies @sadtoday21 - love it! I don't think they like to do HCG levels beyond a certain pint as it doesn't give an accurate level of how a pregnancy is progressing. I don't think I will be getting them again. Scans will be much better at seeing progression. The NHS scan is in Tuesday. Depending on what we see on Tuesday, they may want me back a week or so later. I understand that once you are in the system of early scanning, they may call you back for another. As my dates are uncertain, this may be the case. If not, I am happy for this, but will most likely go private for scans. Sorry to see you got a bfn, but you are probs to early for a rapid response. I wouldn't rule yourself out just yet xxx

Oh no @AnnaMC214 - sorry that you and DH are having some fall outs. It's so not nice when that happens. Relationships are hard, but when you have been through so much it can really test them. Keep talking to each other and take care xxx

@catconfusion thanks so much for your response and support!! I think I am looking forward to the ERPC to have confirmation that it’s all clear so I can physically move on. Emotionally I can never forget what happened and the grief comes and goes but I hope everything will be okay in the end.

I hope the ERPC goes well and all clears up and I go back to having regular periods so I can try again!

It's strange @Amanda81 as I definitely do feel energised by social situations but during this it has to be the right situations with the right people. Strangely when I see my pregnant friend and her one year old I feel much better. There was one week where I was convinced I'd feel better if I got out more. I saw several friend but found it draining. I think little and often is better at the moment with key people. Strangers are also very good as you say. I told a lady on the train I'd had a miscarriage and it felt like a really safe conversation because I didn't really care what she thought of me or the situation.

I do wonder if I'm on the cusp of being an I tbh as I do get a little socially anxious in bigger groups. Ordinarily though I get over this and feel much better. Now I'm easily overwhelmed. I just love being home with DH and the dogs and to pick and choose the most supportive friends to spend time with when I feel up to it.

I've got my fingers crossed for your scan on Tuesday. I do hope it goes well and sets your mind at ease even more! Xx

@Iram1990 the surgery I'm sure will set you on a clearer path. It must have been horrible not passing it naturally. I was amazed at how quickly I was up and out of the hospital after the surgery. I only bled on the day but had twinges for a couple of weeks. All fairly easy to tolerate.

The grief is a strange thing and very individual. What I have learned is that it's not linear and you can feel better just for it to creep back in. It'll take a little while yet but you'll get there. Believe me you're not alone and the ladies on this thread have had a range of different experiences that will hopefully help in our discussions with you. Xx

I've also heard that life changing experiences can also change your profile @Catconfusion. In my previous practice (when an employee) I had some 121 management training and I had 10 1 hour sessions with a management consultant. She was amazing, she told me that women go through three key stages in their career lives and it is usually a personal event that makes them change their career direction and choose the path. This can change your MB profile, which makes a lot of sense. Perhaps you once was an E, but after starting a new business (and change of life style) etc you are more of an I. Step at a time seems sensible and manageable, and only you will know how quickly this can be xxx

Welcome @Iram1990 - I'm so sorry for your loss but glad that you've found this thread. My experience of the ERPC was very similar to @Catconfusion and I was glad I'd chosen that option. I hope it all goes ok and that it finally gives you the closure you need to move forward. xx

It's funny you should say that @Amanda81 I felt running the business made me more of an E and that maybe I'd previously been an I. I had to put myself out there more at networking events and with clients but realised this energised me. I do wonder if not actively promoting the business and winding down as I have as pushed me back to being I. I think trauma as well makes the need for space and time alone more essential as well. I lived on my own up until a year ago so home was a much more solitary place apart from being with my dog. Now I have my lovely little family with DH and the other two dogs. I love it and it gives me a lot of energy just all being together. MB is fascinating. I studied it when I was 18 but cannot remember what I was then unfortunately. Probably an I as very shy and loved to be a brooding teenager in my room. Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion and @Amanda81 - I feel much better now we've talked. I think sometimes he forgets how much it's still affecting me as, on the outside, I'm mostly back to my normal self. I just feel so mentally exhausted all the time.

@Catconfusion I have heard of it taking ages to get a test to show a bfp. Maybe just wait for as long as you can stand it before testing again if af doesn't show in the mean time.

I think my DH sometimes feels the same as yours @AnnaMC214 I think they try and repress it and be supportive but sometimes that need to move on comes strongly to the surface. I get it I really do but I sometimes think it's not possible to move on and things will only be ok when we bring a baby home.

I've heard that too: ladies who've waited, kept trying FRERs and get their bfp on day 18 or something. I had a very early positive last time at 9 dpo but 14 dpo with my previous one (I hadn't tried an FRER before that) Got a negative on a normal hpt at 9/10 dpo though. Yes I think waiting it out is the only way to go. Xx

@AnnaMC214 I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone in the way you are feeling with DH. My mmc happened just before Valentine's day and DH was so so great the day we found out and the day of the surgery - really loving and he took great care of me. Less than a week later, he was telling me to "get over it" and move on. I was so angry with him, I would go to bed and cry every night. I thought he would try to make me feel better, but he just got angry (or maybe upset) seeing me that way and it started to tear us apart a bit. It does get better in time. Once I started feeling better I changed my expectations and I started to realise men process this grief in a totally different way than we do. That's why you have us - to vent and to share these feelings! DH does not like to know about all this ttc stuff, I think it puts too much pressure on him. That's why I am so grateful for all of you ladies xxx.

Welcome @Iram1990 to the thread and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. These ladies have been a godsend for me and I hope we can support you in this difficult time as well! The ERPC will be fine, it is a pretty painless and easy process over all. Physical recovery should take a week or less, but then it might be several weeks before you get a bfn and can move on with ttc. Best of luck!

@Catconfusion just wanted to say that I totally get the wanting to stay in the pregnancy phase. Like you, I am also pretty depressed that these strong symptoms have just led me to a bfn. I knew I was getting my hopes up probably for nothing, but it still felt good to hope a bit. Anyway, now I am drinking wine and eating the cheese you aren't supposed to eat in pregnancy and trying to forget about it. It's best I pass the last test from CX anyway. It was just more jarring than I expected to see that really blank test and I do also feel that I have put my life on hold a bit whilst ttc. I guess I just don't remember what AF feels like...because my boobs are huge right now! Would have sworn it was pregnancy with the CM as well. Oh well, on to the next cycle. Let's hope AF comes soon!!

@Catconfusion and @sadtoday21 yes I think you're both so right. Men seem to be able to and want to move on faster than us. My dh has tried to be understanding (up to a point!) but it's been quite eye opening to me how differently we've dealt with it. He's also the only one in real life I've had to talk to and I think it's all got a bit tmi for him at times. I'm eternally grateful I have you guys to talk to and who understand. xx

@sadtoday21 I'm sorry you're feeling disappointed by the bfn. When all you want is a baby a negative test sucks no matter what. At least this way you can get that bfp without the added stress of messing up the final CX tests and having put all that behind you at last. xx

Thanks @AnnaMC214, that means a lot. I know it's stupid to be upset, honestly I should be happy that the hcg is clear. I guess I was just secretly hoping for a surprise bfp. I know you understand that so well, it's just so frustrating to be three months out and still not pregnant again.

Just thought this link was supper interesting! www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/When-can-I-expect-a-positive-HPT-if-I-am-pregnant.html

@sadtoday21 it's definitely not stupid to be upset. The statistics you linked to are incredibly eye opening! I've actually never tested until af was late. I see it as a bit like Schroedinger's cat. If I haven't opened the box yet then the cat could still be ok. 😂😂

Oh where to start. My husband and I had only been trying for one month and fell pregnant and when I look back there was always problems. My husband went through testicular cancer and had one removed and chemotherapy so we had to wait for his levels to recover. So once I was pregnant I felt all the usual stuff but I was bleeding slightly so we went for an early scan at 7 weeks and told all was good and saw heartbeat. Felt better but continued to bleed slightly for further weeks but still felt pregnant. At 11 weeks so last Thursday I was walking to work and felt a massive rush of liquid and was soaked in blood so called to get a lift to hospital. I called early pregnancy clinic and they told me to monitor but I didn't feel right so went to a and e and they took me to the EPC for examination and we waited an hour with other happy couples for a scan. As soon as they turned the screen away I knew it was gone. I felt so angry at myself and at her for telling me. I have never felt so hopeless. They wanted to keep me in but I said I wanted to go home. They gave no word of what was going to happen next. I went through a 24 hour labor and delivery. Every three minutes for 24 hours. Bleed seems to have stopped for now. It has been over a week and I got negative at 8 days. Feel like I have lost my identity and lost who I am.

I'm so sorry @Rainbow8bubbles you've been through such a traumatic experience and I'm sorry for your loss. It's such a cruel way to lose a baby: seeing the heartbeat and getting so far in.

I can really relate as I fell pregnant straight away on my honeymoon. It felt so special and like it was meant to be. When I went for a scan at 10 weeks due to some spotting we were shocked to learn there was no heartbeat. Then needed surgery at 12 weeks because it wouldn't pass naturally.

Loss of identity is something we talk about a lot on this thread. Please know you're not alone. The ladies on here have literally been lifesavers. We're all rebuilding our lives after a loss.

It sounds like your DHs illness has also been very stressful as well which can't have helped to then experience so much grief.

I hope we can all offer you some comfort during this horrible time! Xx

@Rainbow8bubbles I'm so sorry for your loss and what you've been through. I can relate to the anger you felt when you first got the news. I can remember sitting in a waiting room at the hospital and wanting to scream at people. How could they carry on like normal when I'd lost my baby? I know you feel lost in the darkness right now but you are not alone. We're all here for you xx

@Iram1990 @Rainbow8bubbles - I wanted to say that I am truly sorry for your loss 😓 I hope that you find some support on this thread. The ladies on here have all sadly been through similar experiences, so you are not alone. I hope you both have speedy recoveries, it does take time and every woman handles it differently. I had an ERPC @Iram1990 (heartbeat stopped st just over 10 wk) and was a very pain free operation. It was my first time in surgery and theatre type setting which was more upsetting and scary. The surgeons know what they are doing as unfortunately MC is quite common. One thing I would say is that your slot on the day may change a bit due to other emergencies so anticipate this, and if you feel dehydrated or start getting a headache ask for a drip to be put in to give you fluid. The last thing you want is to wake up with a headache. My thoughts are with you both xx

@Iram1990 @Rainbow8bubbles so sorry for your losses and that your find yourselves here. This group has been a real life line for me so hopefully our experiences can help you as well.

My temp had dropped back to cover line here and AF has arrive on CD 28 so pretty much inline with a normal cycle. Fingers crossed for a more normal AF this time.

How's everyone else doing today? Hope you're all enjoying the bank holiday x