First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

I do @Catconfusion - the Midwife's have been amazing. They all know my history, which was quite strange. The one who took my bloods yesterday surprised us with how much she knew and it was the first time we had met. She was pregnant, but had also suffered multiple losses, as had the other midwife I saw on Wednesday. They totally got how I was feeling and was asking questions such as 'so, how many HPTs have you used?'. When I said 5, she said she had expected more as when she fell with the one she was carrying she did 15! Even though she is a midwife, she was saying all logic goes out of the window. It was good for my DH to hear this and to also listed to another women who had gone through it.

I did have pains after the op. I went to see the doctor as I was worried about an infection. The pain I had was around my sides, near my kidneys. However, I was also ultra-sensitive down there and could feel everything. The doctor at the time did take bloods to double check a few organs, but she also said that your organs and equipment are all settling back in to position, which can cause feelings or twitches.

I know what you mean about hiding away from it all. Sometimes you just need your own head space and to cwtch up on the sofa with the blanket. Yesterday I was all up for cancelling our friends or at least putting them off until another night, but DH was adamant that I needed a distraction. He was right of course! I do get a lot of energy from being with others and it lifted my mood. We also went for a little stroll along the river before dinner, so it was nice to get a bit of sun on my face and to be semi-active. It might do you good to be with other people, but only you will know how you will manage. A large group might be difficult at this time and family can be a challenge as they aren't discrete with asking too many questions! Do you know the couple well? Do they know of your recent losses? If so, perhaps nip along for an hour and see how you feel. I am sure they wouldn't understand if you felt overwhelmed and needed to go home. Xxx

Soz @Catconfusion - should say would and not wouldn't in the last sentence 😆

@AnnaMC214 thank you and you are so right about the surges. I had a surge on Thursday night and all the symptoms came back and knocked me out. Then pretty much gone Friday, mild on Saturday and feeling them much more today. Xx

Oh wow @Amanda81 it's so reassuring to know good ones are out there. It probably really helps them having been through it themselves.

The partner of the guy who's birthday it is was my bridesmaid so we know the couple well. They've had two failed rounds of ivf due to low egg reserve. She's only 37 so it's really sad. They've accepted they probably won't have their own kids as she doesn't want to use a donor egg and he doesn't want to adopt.

It's likely to be kids and families during the afternoon and then hardcore drinking in the evening. We just don't feel a part of either of those crowds. That's what I hate about trying to conceive after loss - it's not the same. Especially after a mmc and getting so far in. The things that appealed to me before really don't now as if I'm still pregnant. Also I haven't seen a lot of my friends since before the pregnancy and a party seems a difficult environment to do it in.

I'm like you in that I get energised by social situations. Have you ever done a Meyers-Briggs test? I'm an ENFP. Since the mmc though I find social situations draining. I feel very sensitive and it's really easy to react badly to the things people say. Most people there will know as we shared it on social media. I think that helps as we won't have to put in a front but there will probably be awkward questions.

I think a lot of it is the weight gain and the fact I haven't really been working since before my pregnancy. It's hard to explain why three months on I'm still rebuilding my life. I don't even know what I'd wear. One of my friends has also said to another friend she'd put money on me being really skinny now as I always lose weight when I'm going through bad stuff. It's quite the opposite so I think my friends will be a little shocked.

I think we're going to walk the dogs and see how we feel but it's a tough one. We can just drop in but I'm wondering whether it would be better to see my friends when I'm feeling a bit more confident! Xx

@Amanda81 that is great news, I’m so happy for you! Only two more days until the scan yay!!

@Catconfusion I know what you mean, I totally didn’t want to go out last night but ended up having much more fun than I thought I would. I’ve also been hiding away in the house too much lately, although part of that is because I’ve been working hard lately. I agree with just making the best of it today and leaving early if you don’t feel it.

I’m 10 dpo today and still trying to decide if I should test or if I’m just being crazy. It’s likely I’m just feeling signs of AF on her way and I don’t really want to waste an frer test on my paranoia. Plus seeing bfns is no fun. I’m going to try not to and just hold out for a temp drop in the next two days.

Thanks @AnnaMC214 we could just drop in. I'm feeling so hormonal though as 12 dpo and either we've on the cusp of a bfp or AF is coming. My head is not in the best place to face a party. I hate putting my life on hold, especially since it's three months after the surgery. Maybe I'm just not ready to reclaim my social life yet. I can see how ttc and having infertility issues can gradually lead to issues socialising but it's like mmc is a fast track to feeling like this. I honestly think if we'd just not managed to conceive by now I'd feel differently about my social life and be physically stronger. I could maybe embrace the possibility of being a childless couple. Now I've been pregnant twice it just feels so wrong to face life without a child. I feel like everything is on hold until I'm pregnant again. I know this is really unhealthy but I can't help it. Xx

@Catconfusion sorry for the x posting! I’m an INTJ and that describes me really well! So as you can tell I do not get energy from being with people at all, but it’s still nice to focus on something else for awhile sometimes. I just had two glasses of wine last night and laughed a bit and it was also good for DH to get out with me. Do not worry about the weight or not having moved on yet! Three months isn’t a long time to recover from something so tragic as the mmc. And everyone deals with grief differently. I personally gained a lot of weight (for me) after my mum passed because everything just felt too hard and I couldn’t focus on eating well. Strangely with the mmc I’ve lost weight but it’s not because of grief or because of eating well, just some weird hormone thing still I think. I’ve also not been exercising and eating terribly. My point is no one should expect you to look a certain way because of grief! Everyone and every loss is different. And quite frankly sometimes the best way to heal is wine and snacks and bad Netflix shows! Be gentle with yourself it’s still early days ❤️

I totally get what you're saying @sadtoday21 and I'm really pleased you had a good night last night. I think I could handle a night out maybe with close friends. The house party is a lot of pressure though. There's a lot of people from the past. An ex of mine will be there. It just feels a bit like being dropped in the deep end. Coupled with the fact I'm up to my eyeballs in hormones and still don't know if I'm just going to get a bfp after all.

I think maybe for your mental health it might be best as you say to wait it out. It's horrible seeing a bfn, even when not actively trying. Definitely a good idea if your temps stay up and no AF. I have some less sensitive tests so I'm waiting to see if AF doesn't come. Don't want to waste money on FRER as tempting as it is since I got a negative yesterday. Xx

@Amanda81 fantastic news on the results, amazing how quickly they turned them around! Only 2 more sleeps until your scan 😊

@Catconfusion sorry you're feeling so unsure about tonight, It does sound like quite a difficult situation. I'm definitely with you on the feeling of social situations since the MMC but actually when I've thrown myself in they've made me feel much better. See how you feel later and do what you feel is right.

The hen weekend has been really fun here and I'm so glad I came and am loving being the only one not waking up with a hangover! I had a few but mostly just drank orange juice pretending to be vodka and orange! My friend that knows is feeling very delicate today after being an absolute legend and drinking all my shots and finishing off a few drinks for me!! Still no AF here and I don't have my thermometer with me so not sure how my temp is looking.

@sadtoday21I'd sounds like it's definitely worth taking a test to put your mind at rest if nothing else! X

Your friend sounds like an absolute legend @3204ECL, my DH always drinks my shots for me when I'm not feeling up to it, but usually can't resist a sambucca 😂😂 glad you are having fun with the hen. The midwife team have been amazing and feel truly blessed to be given the support when I truly needed it for my well-being. What dpo are you now? Xx

I'm an ISTJ @Catconfusion. So we are complete opposites 😂😂. They say that the opposites would make a good team! I think I have moments where I love being with people (so perhaps borderline I/E, but I get the strongest energy from being in my own space. I'm also not great with crowds...group of 10 is good enough for me. Like @sadtoday21 says, don't rush in to anything if you don't feel ready. I also felt conscious about not losing the weight i have gained since the surgery, so totally understand where you are coming from. It does make it more difficult if one of your ex's are there to, as you will want to be feeling your best. Totally get it, and take it easy on yourself. Enjoy the walk with the dogs and the DH and absorb some of this lovely BH sunshine xx

I don't know how you are resisting @sadtoday21. Are you still getting some symptoms? I was the same this cycle, I was convinced that AF was coming as I had the whole schbang with cramps etc. I did hold out to 14dpo though, but that was only because I was convinced it wasn't as we wasn't really trying! Might be worth holding out for a few more days. What are your temps doing? Xx

@Amanda81 ISTJ is pretty close to INTJ, we are meyers buddies! Also meant to say before that its amazing you are getting hcg levels checked and how long do you think it will continue? I am still getting some slight symptoms, sore and heavy boobs, fatigue, increased appetite, leukorrhea a bit, and (just now) EWCM! What does that mean? I've never had EWCM at 10 dpo, it's just weird. This is a very wtf cycle indeed. Temps are still high, not much change there. I think I might just have to test for peace of mind as @3204ECL said.

@Catconfusion also meant to say that I have been very self conscious since the mmc! I hid away from people because of the terrible spots. So I totally get why you wouldn't want to see an ex especially right now. Would probably give it a miss myself in that case, way too much pressure! Hope you are doing ok today xxx.

I just had another huge fall out with my dh when we were supposed to be going out for a nice walk. Our relationship feels so strained right now. He was great after the mmc at first but now it's like he thinks I should be over it so he doesn't have to be nice to me anymore. I don't feel like we're much of a team. Sorry for the random rant.

@Catconfusion the more you tell us the more I think you should go with your gut and not go to the party if you don't feel up to it. I so know what you mean about life feeling on hold. I feel the same and I'm sort of ok with it but it's so hard when the rest of the world carries on as normal. I also haven't shifted the weight. I'm very apprehensive about a wedding I'm going to next month. If I haven't lost any of it by then not only will I feel self conscious but I'll also have nothing to wear! xx

Always seem to have issues on a Sunday morning! After getting my random peak last Sunday (but also being exactly two weeks since AF) I kept testing every other day to try and understand my cycle. This morning my clear blue is now showing as high after getting some negatives during the week! Any ideas 😫😫

@3204ECL I'm so pleased you had a good night. Your friend sounds lovely and it must have been nice to have someone who's got your back. Fingers crossed for when you test again or AF.

I don't think I'm going to go to the party. My DH is full of cold and I'm really not feeling it. We had a lovely walk with the dogs and feel we need to chill out this afternoon. Im still getting cramps also joint pain. I have arthritis in my hips so my joints are always bad before AF. I will obviously test at the end of the week if it doesn't come on Thursday Xx

@sadtoday21 I also just wanted to say that the cycle of my bfp I had ewcm a few days after opks indicated I'd ovulated. It totally confused me at the time. It could just be a random hormone thing though.

@Amanda81 I love a good Meyer's Briggs conversation. It was so enlightening when I found out what I am. It's interesting what you say about opposites. I've met other ENFPs and ENFJs and really clashed. My DH is an INFP so he's a more introverted version of me in that he powers up on his own and doesn't need social interaction as much. Our conversations are insanely good. We really get each other but he's happy for me to be a bit more dominant which I definitely need.

I don't know much about ISTJ but can imagine it's quite different to me but like you say opposites do quite well in a team situation.

I think you're right, seeing the ex is playing on my mind. It was a bad time in my life and not a particularly serious relationship. Seeing him might stir things and like you say I'm not not feeling my best so not sure I want him to see me like this. Xx

@sadtoday21 my best friend is an INTJ and I know it's such a rare personality type. We compliment each other really well in lots of ways but there are lots of stark differences. It's an interesting friendship and I cherish it a lot.

I completely get why you hid away too even though I'm sure you looked absolutely fine. A lot of it is in my head I know but looking my best is really important socially. It still feels a bit soon to be around 40-50 people in a party situation.

It sounds to me that a test would give you some piece of mind. I might go out and get some too for the morning. DH just said he thinks it'll be a long week if I don't just test again since my LP is so long. AF might not come until Friday. Xx

@sadtoday21 meant to say my symptoms are driving me a bit mad too. Still a little nauseous and crampy. Our bodies can be cruel! Xx

I'm so sorry @AnnaMC214 you're having a fall out with DH. It's such a strain on relationships having a mmc. They don't understand the impact. My DH is the most non confrontational person you'll meet but we've come close to having a row at times. He just carries on and doesn't seem to have an emotional reaction to it these days which winds me up when I'm low. Would you ever consider counselling? I'm wondering if it's something we should try as I'm not that much further on. I was feeling better after ovulation but getting negative hpts has really triggered me more than I thought it would. It feels like grieving the loss all over again. Xx

Hey @wanderlustgirl are you temping as well? Your body may have tried but not quite ovulated. It might be gearing up to try again now. I know it's frustrating but I think it's part of the body's recovery. Xx

@Catconfusion I know, my symptoms are driving me mad too! There is definitely some hormonal action going on, I just can't tell whether it is AF or something else.

I took an rapid result frer just now and it was completely a bfn. I meant to buy the early result one though grrr now I think I wasted it because 10 dpo is obviously too early except for an early result test. Supposed to use this one on day of missed period and I'm far from that. Anyway, probably not pregnant but at least I know now.

@sadtoday21 I've never used one of those so don't know. It might be worth doing an FRER tomorrow. It's good In a way from an hcg perspective that you got a clear one as likely your bloods will be clear too.

Obviously the best case scenario would be a surprise pregnancy and I'm sorry you had to see a bfn which is never easy when wanting a baby.

The symptoms drive you crazy. I'm feeling really irritable today. A family with a baby and toddler had a go at DH because one of our dogs ran ahead and kept rolling over in front of them to get attention. The guy angrily turned round and shouted at us that they didn't want to play with our dog and we should keep her under control. I nearly lost it at that point. Our dogs are our family. How would he feel if his toddler came running up to us and we reacted in that way. DH held me back and said it wasn't worth it. It wasn't but still very out of character for me to get enraged like that! Xx

@Catconfusion no I think i need to start doing this as well! So frustrating what our bodies do 🙁

I know @wanderlustgirl it just feels like miscarriage is a never ending process sometimes. It can take a while for the body to heal! Xx

@Catconfusion we've had a big chat and made up but now I feel like my plans for a nice day getting out of the house are ruined. We're going to try again tomorrow though. I have thought about therapy too. At the moment I can only ever think of one thing in life that will make me happy which probably isn't very healthy and creates far too much pressure. I'm sorry the bfn has been so hard on you. I can completely understand why, especially with all the symptoms you've been having. This is all so hard and there's no manual for how to get through it. xx