First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

Thanks @AnnaMC214 and I hope you get a temperature rise. It's looking good to me so far. Fingers crossed for you! Xx

@Catconfusion sorry to hear that the sample was lost, I know how terribly frustrating that can be! Hopefully it will turn up very soon. Also sorry to hear that you aren't getting all the tests you had hoped for, but as you say, hopefully you won't need it! Leukorrhea is a great sign! Everything crossed for you for tomorrow xxx.

Thanks @sadtoday21 but it's a bfn. I'm ok though and just want to get on with a new cycle now. I'm 11 dpo now so would have thought it would be showing by now. If I don't get AF I'll test again.

It might be for the best considering the stabbing pains I've been getting. Maybe my body does need a bit longer.

Hopefully the sample just isn't in the system yet. It's annoying though as we couldn't dtd just before ovulation due to having to abstain so if it's lost all for nothing.

Op on another thread has said only consultants can order the AMH test so we'd probably need to pay for it. I'm wondering whether we give it another cycle then pay a consultant for the tests and a private consultation.

DH has just suggested taking a cycle off temping as this long cycle has been so frustrating. We've got lots of fun things on in the next couple of months so it might do us good to relax and take our minds off it for a bit.

I could start dtd every other day from day 14 to day 28 and then do my temperature then to see if post ovulation. It's only two weeks and we managed three this cycle.

How are you feeling today? Any more symptoms? Xx

@Catconfusion so sorry you had such a bad experience yesterday and VERY frustrating they've lost DH's sample 😡. Sounds like a good plan for next month to take the pressure off a bit. Whilst I've loved temping in terms of knowing a bit more what's going on in there I can see how it can become quite obsessive.

Still a BFN here as well I'm afraid. A slight drop in temp as well but still well above the cover line and spotting seems to have stopped so who knows! Will give it a few more days to see if AF arrives before testing again. X

Thanks @3204ECL and I'm so sorry a bfn for you. I'm with you on testing if AF doesn't come. I'm not spending more money on FRERs.

It's such a shame as we both had promising charts but I guess you can go to the hen party a bit more relaxed and I might go to the 40th birthday party tomorrow.

The NHS were amazing during my mmc and mc but the diagnostic stuff is very limited. The knowledge and range of tests available seems poor. I guess wanting a baby isn't a life or death situation but it's a kick in the teeth for someone like DH who's never been to the doctors for anything else.

I also have pcos which is an illness I've never really got the right treatment or advice for. I literally cringed when the gp said he'd just put me on the pill if we weren't ttc and that would solve it, urgh no the pill makes it worse. Just so ignorant of him. Anyway rant over.

Have a lovely time tonight with your friends and we'll see what the next few days brings! Xx

@Catconfusion always here for a rant! Thanks, hope you enjoy the 40th tomorrow as well. X

So frustrating about the GP @Catconfusion seems to be so hit and miss, hope they find the sample!

Still have everything crossed for you and @3204ECL hope you and everyone here can have lovely weekends x

I think my body definitely needed a bit of time, think I expected too much thinking it’d be fine straight away after the chemical combined with the MMC. This AF is heavier than any I’ve had in years and TMI but I’ve passed a few random bits of tissue throughout the month 🤢 Hopefully this means this cycle will be a lot better!

Sorry for not contributing yesterday...one of those low days again and dwelling in self-pity...anyway, today is a new day lar lar lar

Given your chart @3204ECL I was convinced it would be a BFP! You have really strong post O temps. Sorry it was a BFN, but it's not over until AF arrives. Great to see that you have a good strong attitude for either way. I hope you have a lot of fun on the hen night! Xx

Really sorry to hear that the BFN got you down @Catconfusion - it's horrid isn't it, all of this! I can't believe the lack of knowledge from your GP, I would have been fuming and would have found it hard not to ask him why he didn't know the basics! Unbelievable. Why is the pill such an answer for GPs. I think the pill has made GPs lazy at diagnosing and treating properly. But I ain't a doctor, so what do I know. At least you are getting some testing done. Hopefully DH spent tests are returned/found! Again, unbelievably frustrating! I bet you felt like your head was hitting a brick wall yesterday xx

Hopefully you got a temp rise today @AnnaMC214 and the crosshairs have gone solid in FF. There is conflicting advice on when to take temps, some say after a solid 6 hour sleep, others say at the same time each day. I guess, asking as you start to see a pattern, it's finding the right system that works for you. I am a little like you where I wake up before my alarm some days, so just take my temp and fudge the time. A pattern tends to reveal itself so don't worry to much xx

It will be interesting to see what your LP is @sadtoday21 - your reasoning sounds about right xx

Hope everyone else is okay xx

Sorry that AF is a heavier than usual @bananamonkey - hopefully it will give you a good clear out and reset everything to normal. I always found the start of a new cycle dredging in some ways...xx

@Catconfusion and @3204ECL I'm sorry to hear about the bfns. I hope you're both doing ok. As if we need a new way for our bodies to taunt us! Like @Amanda81 said though, you're not out until af turns up.

@Catconfusion I think time out with your dh to focus on the nice things you have coming up sounds like a great plan.

@bananamonkey I'm sorry to hear that af is being a bit horrendous but hopefully it's just a final clear out for a nice fresh start next cycle. I'm interested to see what my first af is like.

@Amanda81 yes my temp stayed up today and now even femometer is saying I ovulated. I'm so relieved! It's nice to know my body is recovering and doing what it should. I'm sorry yesterday was a bad day for you. You can only go on the information you have and right now that's the good blood results you had. I hope today is better for you. xx

Thanks @AnnaMC214 I'm so glad you ovulated. I'm ok, just keeping busy and making plans with DH to take our minds off it. Xx

Thanks @Amanda81 it's pretty shocking really. There's a public board meeting of our local ccg where you can ask questions. We're going to ask about fertility support at 39/40 to get some clarity.

I'm sorry you've had an anxious day. It really sucks that a previous mmc can make pregnancy so much harder. You're doing so well and hopefully your second blood result will reassure you more. When is the result in? Xx

Thanks @bananamonkey I do too. I'm sorry about your horrible AF. I'm expecting mine to be like this when/if it comes next week. Hopefully we both will then get a reset for a nice healthy cycle and maybe even a bfp. Xx

@Catconfusion and @3204ECL I'm really sorry to hear that - I was so sure it would be a bfp by now! That must feel really disappointing. I think you have the right attitude though to just look forward to a new cycle and in the meantime, enjoy some nice parties with friends and wine. That's what I would do/am going to do! Nice to have you guys as cycle buddies at least to commiserate with!

@AnnaMC214 Congrats on O!! That was pretty fast, way to go! You are well on your way now to ttc again and that is way more fun than the post-mmc recovery waiting. Still waiting around, but at least a different kind of waiting.

@bananamonkey that's interesting that AF was so strong this time after the early mc. Surprised there would still be bits of tissue after all this time. Hope you are doing ok and on to a fresh cycle now at least.

@Amanda81 so sorry to hear that you had a rough day yesterday. Was there anything specific that triggered it? I think you said the scan is Tuesday, so not long to go now. I completely understand why you would be nervous about it though. Always here for you if you need to vent!

So, I almost started freaking out last night and posting on here but tried to be rational and stop myself. Just before bed I had a lot of leukorrhea for the first time this cycle and, combined with the heavy boobs, I had nearly convinced myself that this was a new pregnancy and would turn out horribly like the last chemical pregnancy and set me back again with CX. Because, while I think DH and I were careful, we did happen to be time dtd with O perfectly and honestly when you are with someone for ten years and really want a baby you are careful, but not that careful really. So I started freaking out because, although I want to be pregnant, I don't want to set back the testing with CX again like last time. And also I've not been acting like I am in the tww because we weren't trying so I've been taking antibiotics and drinking etc. and just basically trying to enjoy a cycle free from ttc and have a normal life. Today, my temps are up, which I know doesn't mean that much because honestly post-O temps do not predict pregnancy most of the time. But still, just freaking out a little and thinking the responsible thing would just be to do a test before going out with friends tonight. Thoughts? Am I just being paranoid?

Thanks @sadtoday21 definitely looking forward to a new cycle but also mindful some ladies don't get a bfp until AF is due so not completely out. I too got a load of leukorrhea last night and felt convinced something might show today. If probably is just the hormone drop before AF.

I would definitely do an FRER before you go out just to check since you have an upward trend, however might still be too early at 9 dpo. It does sound unlikely from what you've said but you never know, stranger things have happened! Xx

Also, I have to say that I don't remember what normal AF signs feel like because I haven't has an AF sans pregnancy for....six months, at least? I don't remember have any strong PMS symptoms though. I don't know, the boobs could be a sign of AF, but isn't leukorrhea only around O or early pregnancy? I didn't have it with the early mc, but I did have a lot in the beginning of the mmc - it was one of the earliest signs.

Meant to say @Catconfusion that I am sorry about the testing as well. I know it's frustrating because time isn't on your side, but after reading a lot about these tests it seems that they are only marginally helpful for very few women. I think the nhs doesn't do it because a lot of ttc is luck more than anything biologically wrong with the woman. But I totally do understand your need for some answers at this stage and I hope you get the care you deserve xxx.

@Catconfusion Looking back my past two bfps were 11 dpo and 12 dpo, respectively. Do you think 9 dpo is too early to test?

@sadtoday21 I feel a bit like that too since haven't had a natural period that wasn't tied up with pregnancy loss since November last year. I definitely think nausea is a new thing for me.

I think in my case the tests are really important due to my age and the pcos. I know there is a lot of luck involved but if my pcos is now causing a hormone imbalance we may need drugs to fall pregnant again. My last cycle was very reminiscent of when I was younger and I doubt I could have conceived naturally then. Hopefully just the mmc and mc but pcos can change and become more symptomatic. I just want to know now so we have time to do something about it if there's a problem. Also just a weight off the mind to know all is well.

Leukorrhea is infertile mucus so can come at anytime after ovulation due to progesterone. Xx

@sadtoday21 yes it seems once my hcg finally dropped everything kicked in quite quickly. I'm very glad I'm temping though as I might have got to 6 weeks post op and panicked that I hadn't had af yet.

It does sound like testing before tonight would be a good safe guard but I'm sure you're worrying over nothing if you were (fairly) careful. However, if you do get a bfp then I really wouldn't panic about anything you've done. As we've discussed before there's very little you can do to cause anything bad, a little bit of alcohol won't do any harm, and if the pregnancy is going to make it then it will, no matter what.

Thanks @AnnaMC214 you are totally right and I know that, but sometimes it just helps to hear someone else say it! I've ordered some frers on amazon anyway for tomorrow, just in case, as I would like to take another hpt before sending the urine sample back to CX on the 16th. I don't want any more surprises! I think I'll just go out tonight and drink in moderation because, as you say, there is every chance this is just all in my mind because of what happened last month. I know we are more fertile after mmc, but not so fertile as to have an immaculate conception! Hopefully these signs just mean AF will come a bit sooner than last cycle, but we will see what the temps say in the next few days.

@Catconfusion that's completely true, it is different with pcos. Sorry, was forgetting about that! They don't seem to give you a lot of treatment for it though, do they? It's so frustrating when you have to advocate for your own health. Fingers crossed you get a different gp next time who is more helpful!

@sadtoday21 I think it's a really good plan to test tomorrow before sending your sample off so you know.

Yes sadly pcos complicates things and there's so little support and a lot of ignorance about what it actually is. The GP upset by saying I'm not overweight and not hairy so probably don't have it. I then told him my bmi is 28 and I've had cystic ovaries on scans. He then started to take me more seriously but didn't really have any solutions. I hate the assumption of being hairy. Some ladies have raised testosterone as get a hairy upper lip but it's not a given. Tbh I've never really been overweight until the pregnancy but slim girls get it too.

There is a young pregnant GP at the surgery so I might see her. She might have a bit more empathy maybe. Xx

I guess the thing that trigged a bad day @sadtoday21 was that my symptoms keep coming and going...which in turn is making me an anxious ball of fuzziness. I went to the hospital today to meet the kind midwife I saw on Wednesday so that she could do the next draw. I met another lovely midwife and she was trying to make me less anxious. As I went to the hospital the results should be ready for after 7pm tonight. A little bit daunting! The midwife did say that at this stage the HCG doesn't automatically double for everyone, but we are looking for a number that doesn't decline. I did ask her why is that some midwifes do the HCG tests and some don't, and she said that the policy is that they don't, but they can for people who have been through it a little...so basically they have taken pity on me. Not complaining at all, but do wish they would make this standard for all women who have suffered a loss.

The thing is, I'm out for dinner with friends tonight. My DH is all for ringing at the restaurant! And I've said I'm not suite sure how I would handle the emotion and don't want to be upset if it's bad news. He got a little bit arsey with me as he thinks I am expecting the worst, which I guess I am. He never gets like that with me, so perhaps he's feeling the pressure too.

Hey @Amanda81 how are you feeling today? I remember having good days and bad days with symptoms early on. It felt like they peaked and troughed as the hormones rose. Then I reached a point where they were constant.

Sounds like it was an awkward one regarding being out with friends and waiting for news. I do hope you got good test results. All signs point to getting a good rise.

It's probably just a case of riding out the bad days and staying as positive as you can which I know is hard. Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion - it was good news with the HCG results. It was such a relief. My friends have been there all the way through this process and know all about it. Just didn't want to make a scene at the restaurant or ruin the meal. Anyway, I left it until 8.30pm to call the hospital whilst DH and friends where downstairs having a few drinks. I cried when I got the results and DH shot upstairs and didn't quite know which way it had gone. He hugged me so hard. Friends are delighted and have been asked to keep it to themselves. I am feeling so much more positive after having some confirmation all is heading in the right direction, but know I'm not out of the woods yet.

How are you today? Xx

That's amazing news @Amanda81 I'm so pleased for you! I think the hiding it for 3 months thing goes out the window with closer friends a bit after loss. The support is so important. It means you're not putting on a front. I bet you feel like writing to the hospital to say how amazing your midwife has been and what a difference a simple blood test has made to your mental health.

I'm ok thanks, still having weird pelvic pain. Didn't you say it felt a bit weird for a few months after your surgery? It's definitely a bit better than last cycle. I'm 12 dpo but have run out of FRER so think I might wait until next weekend if AF hasn't come. We're supposed to be at a 40th birthday party today and I'm just not feeling it. It's a bit of a family affair with lots of kids even though the couple throwing it are struggling with infertility.

I just feel like hiding out still. I'm not sure how normal that is 3 months on. I am feeling very hormonal at the moment as well. Not sure if we'll go and feel a bit bad but almost feel like I need another month or too before doing too much socially, especially at this point in my cycle! Xx

@Amanda81 I'm so glad to hear you got the results and that they were good. I hope this helps you to feel brighter for the next few days until the scan and I hope it will also help you not to stress about symptoms. Your body gets used to the level of hcg and then you get another big rise so feel the symptoms more again. It's completely normal. xx

@Catconfusion it's completely understandable that you'd rather not go to this party right now. Sometimes I feel better once I'm there. Is it something you can drop into just for a bit or would it be more of a serious commitment thing? If the latter then I'd definitely give it a miss. xx