First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

Hello ladies

Sorry to hear about the bfn @Catconfusion - don't consider yourself out just yet as it's early days. Pleased that the pains have stopped. Any kind of pain is unsettling, but pain that is remindful or unhappy events is hard to process. I know what you mean about feeling like a crazy person...thing is, you felt it, so there is definitely something going on in there. Whether that be something settling down after all that you have been through, or reaction to hormones, of something more exciting. If AF does come along, at least your body can experience a normal period and you can start afresh xx

Hey @sadtoday21 - really hope you get the all clear soon and this is your final test package. You can hear how ready you are for trying again. What are your temps looking like? Xx

I have only just got my blood tests results back (4.30). Such a long wait for the day, but I didn't notice much of the afternoon as I had a very long snooze! 💤 💤 😴. The HCG test has come back as 12085!!! Which probably puts me in to the bracket of 6 weeks, or a very healthy 5 weeks! The midwife has been so kind and said do I want to repeat them either tomorrow or Saturday. I have opted for Saturday as this would allow for over 48 hours. I feel so much better after hearing the number. I know it's all a window in time and anything could happen, but it does help. My scan is next Tuesday at 9am, so feeling a little more hopeful, and less like it is all doomed. Xx

Hi all, sorry I've been away for a few days with work so just catching up.

@Catconfusion so sorry you've had horrible cramps but glad they've gone now. BFN how annoying... definitely test again on sat just in case as you've had such promising symptoms.

I'm planning to test in the morning. Have been feeling a bit weird while away but nicely distracted. I go down one minute thinking AF is coming to the next thinking maybe it's symptoms instead. I've had a tiny bit of spotting today at 9dpo so not sure if
That's implantation or early AF?! I'll test in the morning and see how I'm feeling and decide if I should go on this hen weekend or not!

@sadtoday21 really got everything crossed for you that this is the last test and you can move on to TTC again. I think it's natural you're picking up on what seem like symptoms, I know I definitely feel so much more in tune with every little twinge in my body since all of this.

@Amanda81 so sorry you've been finding it so hard. I can't even imagine what it's going to like when it eventually happens. Sounds like you had a wonderful and very understanding midwife and so pleased you've had a blood test. When do you get the results?

@AnnaMC214 any sign of o yet?

@bananamonkey its good AF arrived and you can put your WTF cycle. I hope you enjoy the wedding this weekend

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Hoping that tomorrow is confirmed O @AnnaMC214. All sounds very promising!!! Are you ttc yet? Or are you waiting for AF to arrive and then trying?

@bananamonkey - that sounds like a hard conversation to overhear. Good riddance to the wtf cycle (yey) and on for a fresh start. Also nice that you can let your hair down for the weekend wedding xx

Fingers and toes are crossed for you @3204ECL - how long is your LP normally? Xx

@Amanda81 amazing news on the results and it must be such a relief to hear. Also amazing that she's offered you another! I wish they could offer simple blood tests to everyone to ease some of the stress of waiting for a scan. X

@Amanda81 I don't know how long my normal LP is as I've not tracked it before. My normal cycle length is around 26-28 days looking back. I'm on day 24 now and 9dpo x

I was the same @3204ECL - not a scooby before all of this. Sounds like you O'd nicely in the middle of your cycle. What symptoms have you had? Xx

@Amanda81 boobs at slightly tender and I've had some quite unusual twinges and slight cramps. I've been quite tired and irritable but that's not that unusual around AF! Temp has been steadily high and increasing and I've had milky CM for the last 7 days. Only time will tell and I'm really trying not to let myself get too hopeful. I'll be happy of a normal cycle if nothing else! X

In hear you on not getting your hopes up @3204ECL, but doesn't it sound promising! So bloody annoying that AF symptoms can also be pregnancy symptoms. The milky CM is the one that stands out for me. Still, I have everything crossed for you xx

Thanks @Amanda81 let's see what the test says in the morning! X

@bananamonkey I know what you mean about still being up and down. I can feel fine one minute but something can bring it all back again fairly easily right now. Glad to hear your wtf cycle is over with and I hope you enjoy the wedding.

@Amanda81 I'm thrilled for you that the test came back with a good result. Great that you have another one on Saturday to keep you going until your scan. You've really been in my thoughts. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope if it's ever my turn again. We're waiting until after one af before ttc. xx

@3204ECL I have my fingers crossed for you tomorrow. It all sounds very promising! It's nice though that you can see an up side whatever the outcome.

@AnnaMC214 fingers crossed for confirmed O tomorrow! This is so exciting to pass the first hurdle of the first post-mmc cycle! Congrats and I do think you are very wise to wait for the first AF, which will be here soon hopefully! xxx

@Amanda81 Amazing news! I'm so so happy for you and it's great to hear that you could be at six weeks already. I hope the scan goes well next week. Thinking of you! My temps are pretty steady, not much going on as far as I can tell. It was a weird cycle, but hopefully AF will come soon and the next will be sorted.

@bananamonkey glad to hear that you too are done with this wtf cycle and can move on with ttc. Have fun drinking at the wedding!

@3204ECL best of luck for tomorrow! Please keep us posted!

All this talk of new pregnancies has made me a little scared, tbh. I totally agree with you @AnnaMC214 that I don't know how I am going to cope next time. Reading stories of stillbirths and no hbs at 20 week scan also doesn't help...I just know too much now and I know anything could happen at any time. It's hard to cope with that kind of anxiety for 9 months. I was so blissfully ignorant and happy before and I know I can't go back to that time again. I think I could cope with a bfn or with another chemical pregnancy, even though that was hard in a different way, but I am not sure I have the strength yet to cope with another late stage mmc or worse. The thought of another mmc makes me feel weak still, even though it will be three months (!) tomorrow since the d&c. What to do? I don't know....I guess there is no choice but to go forward, into the unknown.

And this post has just made me realise that I would have been six months pregnant tomorrow :(.

@sadtoday21 I'm totally with you on all those feelings. It's terrifying and I'm so sad I can never have an innocent and worry free pregnancy again. I'm scared of feeling terrified for a whole 9 months! I would have been 20 weeks on Saturday and I saw it in my phone calendar yesterday and had a little cry! X

Sounds promising @3204ECL!

And @AnnaMC214!

Think AF hormones are just making me feel sensitive this week, had some other baby news this week rubbing my face in it and then my mum collapsed and went to hospital on Tuesday (she’s ok) so everything’s making me feel a bit crap!

@sadtoday21 and @3204ECL I couldn't agree more with what you've said. It makes me very sad that the chance to have the full excitement without the worry has been stolen from us. I don't doubt though that it will only make us stronger mummys to our future rainbow babies. We are all definitely risking future heartbreak but it will be so so worth it in the end. It's a bit of a funny one for me though as I even spent the first pregnancy absolutely terrified that something would go wrong. I was fully aware of the possibility of a mmc and had it in my head as the worst thing that could happen so of course it did. It was like a nightmare coming true at the scan. Sometimes I think maybe I knew and at my darkest, guilt ridden times I think maybe I made it happen somehow.

Amazing news @Amanda81 I'm so pleased for you. Xx

Good luck @3204ECL for the morning. Fingers crossed for you! Xx

@bananamonkey I'm sorry to hear about all the baby news and your poor mum. Good you've started s new cycle! Xx

I'm so sorry @sadtoday21 I would have been 6 months too this week. It's so tough thinking about what we've lost and what we need to go through for another chance. I hope this thread is becoming a lucky one! Xx

@AnnaMC214 Interesting you say about dark times when you worried you were to blame. I wished it gone the weekend before my mmc. I was so ill. I wasn't wishing the baby gone. My mind has gone to that place too. Of course it's not our faults.

I was reading an interview with obstetric doctor the other day. He said most miscarriages are chromosomal. The only exceptions are cocaine use and trauma to the stomach. This made me silly for thinking my sleeping position caused it or the couple of baths I had. Xx

Thanks for all the well wishes. I'll see what the weekend brings. I hate the period of the two week wait from 7dpo when the symptoms are rife and maybe a test would show it. If I could afford it I'd just test everyday until AF came. Xx

@AnnaMC214 please please please don't blame yourself. I was doing this too after the mmc...until I learned it was a partial molar and the baby would never have lived, no matter what I did. It really was doomed from the start, even though it lasted 12 weeks. I also was super careful with the pregnancy, as it was my first. In the end, I really don't think that anything any of us did would have caused this to happen besides chromosomal issues and what @catconfusion said.

I hope you are right @catconfusion that this can become our lucky thread. There are times when I don't think about the mmc or pregnancy that much and I feel back to normal, but I still think about it quite often. I just really want to be pregnant again.

@Catconfusion and @sadtoday21 thank you both. I've swung between feeling I jinxed it somehow (when at my most irrational!) or that the worry and stress caused it. Even though I knew that was silly really and people go through a lot more stress than that and have healthy pregnancies. I too felt like I'd tried to do everything right so that was the only way I had left to blame myself I guess. I didn't realise how much I was doing that until I burst into tears when I read what @Catconfusion said about the obstetric doctor. I'm a terrible worrier at the best of times (as you can probably tell!) and my own worst enemy.

It's so hard isn't it @sadtoday21 I woke up with DH at 4am this morning and even after the bfn I was really positive. I made my to do list and felt determined to get on with life. I then got sleepy as I'd got up to early so I had a nap. When I woke up I felt completely different, really negative and irritable. I do wonder if it's post traumatic stress. My mood just changes so quickly. Like you I just want to be pregnant again. I just feel in limbo now as I'd given up so much for the pregnancy due to illness. It's just hard getting it back and I don't see the point when I just want another pregnancy. Xx

I'm sorry @AnnaMC214 I didn't want to upset you. I just got some comfort from what the doctor said. It really does take a lot for a healthy embryo to stop growing and it's not down to anything you did. Please try and believe that. I'm one to talk as I've done my fair share of self blame but nothing you could have done! Xx

This seems relevant!

@Catconfusion please don't think you upset me! I think they were tears of relief more than anything as it confirmed that any guilt we might feel really is misplaced.

I'm sorry you're still feeling so up and down. It could very well be pts given what you've been through but I also think it's completely normal. Your whole world changes when you get that bfp and then when it's cruelly snatched away from you it's so hard to just go back to how things were before. xx

Morning ladies, despite another temp increase this morning sadly it's a BFN... guess I can expect AF tomorrow or some point over the weekend. Like I said yesterday while clearly my preferred outcome would have been a BFP, I'll be glad of AF in the next couple of days and a normal cycle again. I feel like I know myself and my body so much better since temping as well. Bring on the hen weekend! 🍾🥂x