Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

999 replies

sadtoday21 · 14/04/2019 13:31

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
70
AnnaMC214 · 29/04/2019 12:32

@Catconfusion yes I think it's a very different experience for the man. I think my dh has much more patience than me but he's been very supportive and just gave me cuddles and let me cry which I appreciated. I've been trying to distract myself with sorting out the house but then I start thinking that none of it means anything without a baby on the way. Ugh 😣 Yours are very wise words. I'm sure this is just a dip and I'll have an up day again soon 😊 xx

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 12:45

@AnnaMC214 I think the most important thing is getting the support you need. I think back to past relationships and I know no one would have been as amazing as DH. Sounds like you're as lucky as I am.

The saddest thing I've found about this process is it's killed my hopes and dreams for anything else other than a baby. Coming so far down the path of becoming a mum and having to turn back is devastating. I'm learning to see joy in other things but it's so tough. Like you see even little things like tidying loses its meaning.

I think the question I keep asking myself is what kind of Mum do I want to be? I want to be mentally well and coping with my life. That's spurred me on to acknowledge the sadness but keep moving forwards, even if I'm crying while I do it.

You're strong and the fact you're able to give support to everyone on here shows how much you care. I think you'll be just fine with a bit more time to process it. Xx

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 29/04/2019 15:19

@AnnaMC214 I do think men process the miscarriage differently than we do. My DH was sad and very supportive at first, but then just wanted to kind of move on from it before I was ready to. That caused a bit of friction until I realised that he was right in some ways, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time. I was feeling really sorry for myself and dwelling on the past too much. In the end, I felt better when i started to look forward instead.

Congrats on your BFN! Mine was also at 4 weeks and not with an frer. The frer is too sensitive - I would have still been positive on that 6 weeks after the surgery. You probably will begin to ovulation in the next two weeks and then two weeks after that will have AF (fingers crossed!).

OP posts:
AnnaMC214 · 29/04/2019 15:36

@sadtoday21 he doesn't seem to find things triggering like I do. He keeps showing me pics on fb of my friends twins which are so lovely and I'm so happy for my friend but it's hard for me to be faced with right now.

You've made me feel much better about the frer. I'll just take that as my negative then and look to my temps for O. Fingers crossed it doesn't take too long.

@Amanda81 and @sadtoday21 thank you so much for your kind words. I'm feeling better already 😊 xx

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 15:45

My DH can be the similar. I just don't think they are triggered in the same way. He asked if he could invite a couple over to see our new house. She's at the stage of pregnancy I would have been at so their baby is due the week ours would have been due. She also showed DH her scan picture when she was three months and asked if we were pregnant because she assumed we'd beaten them to it. I found that really rude so of course its not appropriate for them to come round xx

AnnaMC214 · 29/04/2019 15:56

@Catconfusion oh yes, I think I remember you mentioning it at the time. There is no way I would have had them over, even if she hadn't been so rude! I know they don't mean to be insensitive but it's annoying when you have to spell it out that something bothers you. xx

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 16:03

@AnnaMC214 exactly. My DH was even triggered by what she said at the time but it got forgotten quickly. I just couldn't feel relaxed enough around them. They were at the hospital getting their scan when we got our bad news. I'm so pleased we didn't run into them! Xx

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 29/04/2019 17:00

@AnnaMC214 I'm glad it helped a bit and I would definitely count that as a BFN. Everyone is different of course, but I would be on the look out for a temp rise in the next two weeks signaling O! What are your temps now? If they are lower (33-35ish range) then you are probably pre-O. If higher, then it's possible you already O'd and should lookout for a temp drop instead signaling AF. It took me four weeks from my BFN (so 8 weeks overall post-surgery) to get AF. Then you can start ttc again next cycle (like me!). Hope we both get our bfps next time around :).

OP posts:
Original poster
sadtoday21 · 29/04/2019 17:03

As @Catconfusion said, I don't think men find things as triggering as we do post-mmc. They didn't carry the baby and have all the physical symptoms, so it was more of an idea than concrete reality for them. Speaking of symptoms - how is the symptom spotting going @Catconfusion @3204ECL? Even though I know there is no possible way I can be pregnant this cycle, I am still imagining symptoms haha - yd I was convinced my boobs were heavier/twinging! I guess this could be a sign that AF will come sooner than before, but we will see! Only 4 dpo now, but temps are steadily high.

OP posts:
Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 17:34

Hey @sadtoday21 still feeling nauseous and a bit crampy. Much milder than last time which is a good sign I think as I don't think my body was ready. I'm a bit dizzy today as well.

I watched GOT which was amazing but lots happened and it made me a bit more dizzy. It was well worth it though. Xx

3204ECL · 29/04/2019 17:39

@Catconfusion @sadtoday21 I can't decide if it's all in my head or not and really trying hard not to get my hopes up but I'm definitely starting to pick up a few symptoms. I can't decide if they're just normal AF build up as Ive forgotten what that's like but my boobs are tender (not sore but you know they're there!), I've had a few twinges and I feel quite achy and tired today. Also I've had consistent almost milky CM which was one of the earliest things I noticed last time. Like I said really trying hard not to get my hopes up but it's so difficult to ignore your body after what we've been through. I ordered some tests today so I can take one on Friday and decide what to do about this hen weekend!

Hope everyone else is doing ok. X

Amanda81 · 29/04/2019 17:41

Hey @sadtoday21 - you might be feeling those bb symptoms due to the Oestrogen surge around 3-5dpo...so possibly not imagining it 😉 xx

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 17:42

@3204ECL I can totally relate. It's so hard when you notice the telltale signs. I too have tender breasts and the cm.

I might test on Friday too. It's driving me a bit crazy now and just want to know. Xx

3204ECL · 29/04/2019 17:48

@Catconfusion it's so hard, I'm desperate to test as well! I have a feeling it's going to be a long week! X

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 29/04/2019 17:49

@Amanda81 that's good to know - thanks!!! How are you doing today?

@3204ECL the milky cm was one of the earliest signs for me too last time! Is that what they call leukorhhea (sp?)

OP posts:
3204ECL · 29/04/2019 17:52

@sadtoday21 yep that's the one! It was the only thing I really noticed early on last time as it was particularly different to normal. Not loads at the moment but definitely been there consistently for the last 2/3 days x

Amanda81 · 29/04/2019 17:59

Awwwww @3204ECL that's a solid sign ... you've got me excited for you xx

AnnaMC214 · 29/04/2019 18:00

@sadtoday21 it would be nice if we started ttc again around the same time 😊 I'm not sure about temps as I have nothing to compare them to and I know everyone's different. All have been between 36.3 and 36.7 since I started 2 weeks ago so likely pre O I think.

@3204ECL and @Catconfusion I'm on the edge of my seat for Friday now! Sending you both lots of baby dust and sticky bean vibes 😊 xx

ps So excited about GoT tonight!!

Amanda81 · 29/04/2019 18:01

@sadtoday21 - feeling okay. Just wish I could fast forward time a little. Xx

Indiekid82 · 29/04/2019 18:18

@AnnaMC214 Hope you're feeling better now. I agree with the others, it's totally ok and normal to have moments when you're overwhelmed, and that men do generally seem to respond differently. I came in from an evening out crying the other day and DH looked shocked and I had to explain I still have these moments two months on, think I was also exhausted. Now we are on holiday in Montenegro and I had hoped we could relax and recover but we didn't sleep well last night and have been bickering. We are normally both very laid back.

Indiekid82 · 29/04/2019 18:22

A general question, has anyone else found they've put on weight since the MMC? I'm about half a stone heavier at least, maybe a stone. I was comfort eating at first but being healthy again now and doing lots of walking, running, netball etc, which usually keeps me slim. It's annoying me now, seems like an extra slap in the face! It may be partly that my boobs are still bigger than usual but don't think that explains all the weight gain.

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 18:27

@sadtoday21 you're getting some great signs your body is ready to start when you get the go ahead.

@3204ECL DH wants to wait until I miss a period. That would be a week and a half away though because of my long luteal phase. I just want to know then just stay as positive as possible if it's a bfp. I am aware I'm very sensitive to hormonal changes so could just be the raised progesterone. If it's another loss I'd rather know so I can tell the doctor. I hope we get good news at the end of the week. Xx

Catconfusion · 29/04/2019 18:30

@Indiekid82 I'm still about half a stone heavier too and have found it hard to lose. I do wonder if it's because the hormones take a while to settle. It's like a band around my tummy. I'm not too worried as I'm trying to fall pregnant again. I can imagine it's frustrating for you since you're so active and trying to get back to normal. Xx

AnnaMC214 · 29/04/2019 19:27

Thanks @Indiekid82 - it can be so hard not to argue with eachother when emotions are high and you're under stress. Add tiredness and hormones to the mix and I think it's almost inevitable. It was arguing about the right way to hang curtains (of all things!) that tipped me over the edge at the weekend. Then I burst into tears because we were arguing. 😂 I hope you and your dh manage to make up and have a nice relaxing rest of your holiday.

Oh and I've also put on at least half a stone since the mmc. My metabolism was great when I was pg and I could eat whatever I wanted. Unfortunately this soon wore off and I'm a terrible comfort eater.

3204ECL · 29/04/2019 20:03

@Catconfusion I can totally understand why DH wants to wait my DH was the same until we realised the difficult timing with this hen weekend! My AF is due Saturday according to my normal cycle length so Friday isn't too far out.

@Indiekid82 I've had the same issues with my weigh since the MMC as well. At first I comfort ate a bit but bar a blip at Easter have been very healthy other than that. I'm probably between half a stone and stone heavier than before and like @Catconfusion a lot around my middle 🙄 feels like a real kick in the teeth on of everything else! X