First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

@Catconfusion @bananamonkey it's so hard isn't it?! Last time I was very lucky that I could hide behind dry January but I'm all out of excuses not to drink this time. The hen do is an overnighter so cant use driving as an excuse and the activities in the day are also quite physical so not sure I'd want to take part. I think if I've got any symptoms or a positive test I'll have to pull a sicky... hate to do it and a waste of money but I'm not taking any risks! X

Oh no @3204ECL that makes it so tricky. If only it had been the weekend after. I'm sure in retrospect in a few months the hen will understand if you get a bfp. Fingers crossed for you! Hopefully the next week will fly by. Xx

@sarmum14 I'm so sorry to hear about your surreal and sad day, it must have been so hard, and on top of that the stress of your house being a building site. In my case the grief of my MMC two months ago was compounded by a friend's suicide about a month later. It feels unbelievable to have gone from starting to be very excited about the baby to being in such a state of suffering in the space of a few weeks. So I know what you mean by thinking of looking back at this time and wondering how you ever got through it. But you will and so will I. I am just taking it day by day, and trying to savour the good moments. I was on a writing retreat last week which helped and had a very good work appraisal yesterday despite not feeling very motivated the last few weeks. I think it helps to think about the other things you have in your life, although believe me I know it is hard and that the loss sometimes overcomes and floors you again. Sending you lots of supportive and positive vibes.

@bananamonkey I can imagine you do see so many more pregnant ladies moving in those circles as a parent. I'd find it really hard too.

I think I'd feel the same if I were a bridesmaid about alcohol. I'm supposed to go to a wedding reception tonight but DH has the football so I'd pick him up and we'd go at 9.30. I just don't think I can go that late and have a good time. Everyone will be drunk. Since I've been feeling sick I've told him to go it alone as I'm not sure how much fun I'd have. I don't even know the bride that well.

It's just so hard to carry on as normal when ttc and during the 2ww. When I was pregnant I didn't mind missing out on things because it felt worth it in the end. Now there's just no guarantees! Xx

@sadtoday I had written a response to your message on the earlier thread from 12/4 before I realised the thread was closed. I think it's completely normal to have hard days two months on, although for me it's hard to know which of the two bereavements are getting me down at any point (see above!). Also it is fine to take a break from things and take the pressure off, personally I find it hard that everyone else seems to want me to have moved on, but I haven't. They are supportive but no-one really understands unless it has happened to them. Also, I seem to be unusual on here in that I don't want to immediately get pregnant again but just need some mental space to be me, do my writing etc. All this measuring temperature etc on this thread is a revelation to me, I am not doing that at the moment as for me I wonder if it would just stress me out more. But I see it works for a lot of people, maybe because it makes us feel in control after something happening that really is out of our control and we are so used to managing our lives so tightly?

@bananamonkey I find it hard seeing pregnant ladies too, they are everywhere, even on my daily commute. Sympathies! It is so hard to avoid triggers isn't it?

Can someone translate all the abbreviations? What is AF? And the other things? Sorry, I am a bit behind here!

@sarmum14 I’m so sorry to hear about your day yesterday, that must have been so hard. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Thinking of you xxx.

@catconfusion I don’t think it’s too soon or crazy. After the mmc/mc and all the tracking we are doing, we are much more in tune with our bodies and sensitive to small changes. I have everything crossed for you and for @3204ECL!

It looks like a temp rise today for me, fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Hey @Indiekid82 good to hear from you.

AF means Aunt Flo or menstrual period

I think it's completely valid to take as much time as you need to feel better. I hope your writing is proving valuable as an outlet during your recovery. Well done on the work appraisal too as that no doubt gave you a boost. You're right, you'll get there in your own time. We all will. It's just so very tough but the good moments will come more and more often when we let them in! Xx

Thanks for the reassurance @sadtoday21 I'm just trying to see it as a response to the elevated progesterone which could be a pregnancy or might not be. I am very sensitive to these changes anyway so it could mean either outcome.

I'm so pleased to see that rise. Definitely looks like O' Hopefully tomorrow will show it's sustained. Signs all point towards that happening. Xx

So sorry about your friend @Indiekid82 x x

Ah yes I’m a football widow tonight as well @Catconfusion!

@Indiekid82 I meant to say I'm really sorry about your friend. I just can't imagine that level of grief. My thoughts are with you! Xx

@sarmum14, thinking of you at the moment. There are so many ladies on here who go through such difficult experiences and I am full of respect that you manage to keep your heads up and show such strength.

@Catconfusion Fx for you. Sorry you are feeling rough though!
To answer your question, yes, I initially opted for the medication but a week after taking it nothing had happened and I didn't want to risk taking it twice (read some horror stories) so I opted for surgery which was actually much easier than I expected (as long as it has all gone ok).

GP appointment on Thursday was as expected. He thinks the spotting I had may have been AF and he wants me to keep waiting......doesn't want to do any blood tests because he doesn't want to 'over medicalise' the process. I guess I can understand that but I'm only giving it two months and if there is no proper period, then I'm going back. I will keep up with the BBT and am back on the OPKs.

@zoomies1 I think you're completely wise to go back after a couple of months. The hormone blood test needs to done a couple of days after a period so you'll want the blood form ready so you can have that done. You'll probably get a more accurate picture after you get what feels like a natural period. Your temps will gradually build up a picture of what's going on.

I understand doctors don't want to rush in with diagnostics as sadly mcs are common and also it costs money. It is however such a traumatic thing to go through and it's good for our mental health to know we're on a path where we might get answers, even if it's normal test results.

I'm nearly 40 so I really don't want to waste time. Even at this age the loss is still likely to be bad luck but we just feel like if there is a reason we want to know now. We've decided to pay for testing if we're denied it again at our next GP appointment. Xx

@Indiekid82 I’m really sorry about your friend, that is a lot to go through at one time. I hope the writing is helping you heal a bit. Don’t worry about not wanting to ttc again yet, everyone has their own pace for recovery. I haven’t been allowed to try for the past three months, which is hard because I want to, but it is giving me some time and space to deal with the mmc.

@Catconfusion what tests are you going to do? Did you get the results yet from your DH test last week? I really relate to the convo you guys were having about the tww. I just scheduled a garden party for just after my tww in June so that I can either celebrate or console myself then! I actually don’t entirely act pregnant in the tww because I feel that is too soul crushing if it’s a bfn. I’ll drink a small amount of coffee and wine, just in extreme moderation - but then I don’t have hen dos or weddings to attend!

@Amanda81 how are you doing today? Thinking of you xxx

I'm going to get a cd 3 hormone panel. This test gives an idea of oestrogen levels and egg reserve, also testosterone which can be a problem in pcos.

There's also a progesterone test after ovulation but I don't really have any signs of low progesterone so might leave that one.

I completely agree with carrying on with most things during the two week wait. You can't put your life on hold as no guarantees. It's unlikely a couple of drinks or a small amount of coffee would affect it anyway.

In my case I worry because of my pcos so I'm extra cautious. Also I had a few Christmas drinks before I knew I was pregnant last time. I'd had a negative test that day so saw no reason not to. It's likely it hadn't even implanted yet so I know it didn't cause our sad outcome but I think I'd worry anyway if I drank and then found out I was pregnant. Xx

Oh @sarmum14 that must have been a very difficult event. My heart goes out to you and your DH, thinking if you 😘 hope you are okay. I hope getting back into your own space will give you some breathing space and some time for you and DH to take stock and rebuild xx

@Catconfusion Your symptoms sound promising! You know how hormones affect you so early on, so could be that you have caught. How exciting! How would you feel about catching? Xx

Sounds like an early test would be wise @3204ECL Especially if you are going on a hen night! Sounds fun, I haven't been on a hen night for ages! Xx

Must be hard @bananamonkey being in your circles where you see lots of mums to be. I must be honest that I don't really get affected by seeing pregnant mums or new mums, I get more happiness out of seeing how happy they are. However, I am probably not exposed to it that much as none of my friends have children. What cycle day /dpo are you? Xx

Sorry to hear about your friend @Indiekid82 - that must have been a very challenging time! the retreat sounds amazing and has given you some time to reflect which must be helpful in the recovery. Everyone's different with moving on, I guess i feel the pressure with age, if I was younger I would perhaps take a little more time to reflect and not feel the pressure to get pregnant so soon after what has been a very difficult time. My journey has been a long one, which started with genetic testing (family history), so all in all just over 3 years! Who knew it would be so overwhelming, disappointing and full of sadness. But I do believe that we will all have our babies soon xx

Ohhh @sadtoday21 Your temp rise looks promising! Let's us know how it goes tomorrow! Xx

i agree to go back in a couple of months @zoomies1 - how are your temps doing?

I've had a reasonable day today, hairdressers, followed by lunch and a nap, then over to the shops (late afternoon to miss the crowds). Now back at home (on my tod) having a fish pie and salad. Yummy 😋

I woke up this morning with my bbs feeling full and heavy, but the feeling is changing throughout the day. Generally feeling nauseous in the morning, more so when I've got an empty stomach. Mentally I feel better with having symptoms, but know it means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Hope you are all enjoying your weekends xx

@catconfusion and @amanda81 Yes, I meant to say that my age (36) although I know not that young, gives me the luxury of time to recover. I wish you all the best in your endeavours to conceive again, part of the reason I am putting it off is because I know it must be so hard after a MMC, to go through that cycle of disappointment and excitement and worry all over again. I am just getting myself mentally strong first but in a way I wonder if it is best to just see what happens and not use birth control as I don't want to build it up into a big thing again. But I guess we are all going to find this hard now either way. Hope you're all having good weekends and managing to find some lightness amid the dark.

Hey @Amanda81 sounds like a lovely day to me. Good those symptoms are there. Still a good sign to have them. My GP was shocked I was so sick and it turned out to be a mmc so symptoms usually bode very well and it's very unlucky when they don't.

I was very on the fence about catching this time but that was mainly because this cycle has been a marathon waiting for O. Now it's happened and I'm feeling nauseous I can't help but get excited. I'm not sure how medically it's possible to get symptoms so early but like you said I am sensitive and it happened last time. I'm a bit scared about going through another loss but if I have caught I'll try harder to keep mentally strong. If I haven't caught it will still be nice to catch AF and start afresh so it's a win either way.

Have a lovely evening too! Xx

@Indiekid82 yes there are a range of emotions involved in this and it helps to have good resolve. After a mmc things like ovulating late in a cycle or seeing temps drop when they should be rising are much more crushing. Even if I was a couple of years younger I would have taken some time out. My husband and I have only been together for just over a year and married for 6 months so it would be nice to just enjoy being together. We are however approaching 40 and don't want to look back and regret waiting if we can't conceive.

I think it's a good plan to not stop it from happening but maybe not use birth control. Might make the ups and downs a bit easier. Are your cycles regular? I think that makes it easier. Mine are very unpredictable so tracking is helpful for me anyway to know where I am with things.

Have a lovely weekend too! Xx

It is difficult @Catconfusion - when I caught this cycle I was (still am) nervous after catching after the MC. However, what has helped my reasoning is that if it is a chromosomal issue, perhaps the odds are in my favour with a bad one last cycle and good one this cycle. Remind me, what dpo are you how? It's good that you are happy either way, this cycle has been a tough one for you with it being so unpredictable. Xx

I found the first few cycles after my MMC tough @Indiekid82 as I didn't know what was normal, other than a 28 day cycle. I was pleased that I didn't catch in the first two cycles after the erpc as this gave me time to understand my cycle (ovulation etc). I also started temping which has been a lifeline to understanding my cycle. I decided to not go back on the pill as I wanted my hormones to level out naturally. If I'm honest, I don't think it gets any easier, when you are ready to try again, I am sure there will be some anxieties that remain (but hope not), but I went into it knowing that I could accept another loss if that was to happen. Unfortunately it did happen again, but mentally I am strong enough to cope, although i do have a wobble occasionally. Xx

Yes I thought that as well @Amanda81 If we do ovulate out of the other ovary it'll be a different egg store too. Ovusense is saying 5 dpo (cd 35) and Fertility Friend is saying 4 dpo ( cd 36) I did get a positive Opk on day 35 so maybe 36 making me 4 dpo. The peeing and nausea is definitely there. All I can think of is maybe it's the progesterone. My mood is so much better though I'm less weepy and a bit more cranky.

Here's my chart again. Xx

Well you've got the guaranteed fall back at the right time with the Oestrogen surge. It will be very interesting to see how the next few days go. I remember sat in a tea room with my DH at 7dpo and saying 'this sounds unbelievable, but I think I'm pregnant again', we of course just fobbed it off and said hormones (and we weren't timing this cycle), but I think you just know. Intuition I guess. Not intending to get your hopes up...exciting for next weekend for you xx