First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Thanks @SARmum14 I’m sorry you’re all going through this too, it’s just the shittest thing although I’m feeling so much better mentally this week. Just reading threads like this helps though, I’ve also been talking to more people IRL about it and it’s also helped.

My test on Tues was v feint, I thought bleeding had stopped this morning but no it’s back again My boobs are hurting though so maybe ovulation is on it’s way 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m desperate to get the first AF out of the way. The surgeon advised to wait at least 2 periods before trying again but I think I’ll wait one. I’m too scared to go through this again but also worried about my age (nearly 37) although I fell faster this time than with my DD. However that may be because I’m also better at spotting the ovulation signs now. I didn’t have a clue before after being on the pill all my adult life! Good luck to everyone

@sadtoday21 this is from the book that @amanda81 recommended - see the last couple of sentences. Might explain the illness you’ve been feeling post D&C? I had an ERPC myself which is slightly different.

Is the difference between and erpc and d&c that the erpc is a vacuum removal?

@SARmum14 I had an erpc, but still had a day of sickness, the day before getting loads of EWCM

Thanks @SARmum14 that could be it. I’ve just had a terrible fever, cold, flu, headache, vomiting, and diarrhea on and off for the past week or so. @Catconfusion this is totally the reason for the weight loss and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy! My clothes are just hanging off me and not in an attractive way. Add to this the hormonal cystic acne that I got during pregnancy and thinning hair that happened when the mmc occurred and I just feel like a skinny, balding, teenager! I feel and look so unattractive right now I can’t even think about dtd - poor DH.

I felt so terrible today and had a huge presentation at work that was also really stressful under the circumstances. Most people don’t know about the mmc and think it’s just the flu. Anyway, it’s so overwhelming to feel so physically awful at the same time as emotional that I just went to the bathroom and cried. Is this weird? I feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes with this whole thing.

On a more positive note, i got my BFN today three weeks exactly after the D&C. Hoping for ovulation next! Thank you all lovely ladies for keeping me sane with your messages and advice. It’s the best part of my day right now, seriously. Xxx

So pleased you got your bfn @sadtoday21 you are on the road to physical recovery and getting that first visit from AF. Sorry about your presentation, at a time like this you can do without feeling unnecessary pressure. I was in a fortunate position where I just cancelled work for 3/4 weeks (self employed) and didn't need to worry about performing. It may help to tell some people at work, if only for support. I told the majority of my clients and they totally understood and didn't expect to see any work from me until I was ready. We are all human at the end of the day and you may be surprised about how employers behave.

I hope you are okay. Give yourself some tlc and have a good night sleep. Xx

@bananamonkey sounds like ovulation is on its way to me. 🤞🏻 you stop bleeding soon x

@sadtoday21 as @amanda81 said, massive congrats on your BFN! This is the start of your physical recovery now. Hoping for ovulation and AF cycles returning smoothly and swiftly. That’s also awful re the presentation - does anyone at work know? I’ve told one peer and my line manager so I have some support when I return on Monday - but I manage a large team and I think they all think that I’ve had a nervous breakdown. They’ve been texting and sent flowers when I was suddenly off mysteriously and I haven’t been able to face replying or getting in touch. Making me dread Monday all the more. But grateful for the fact my line manager and colleague both know and have prepped to welcome me back on my first day.

Whilst also being my first day back at work Monday will also be three week’s post ERPC - and I can’t decide whether or not to do a pregnancy test on Sunday or Monday morning?! Either way I’m going to have huge anxiety. And really hoping I don’t have to call or go back to EPU - I had a miserable experience there and my husband even made a formal complaint about one of then sonographers there and the things she said to us (I’ll save that for a separate rant).

Be kind to yourself about the emotions going up and down and the weight loss - not only have you had to deal with the hormones fluctuating and also the emotional trauma of the loss but by the sounds of it you’ve also had some pretty shocking time with your health/infections. Hoping for you that now you have your BFN your hormones will at least start to settle and help with your wellbeing. Is your illness still here?

I’m typing this as I’m sat on a spin bike. I’m terrified, waiting for a class to begin. Have acupuncture later and looking forward to that - hoping to not burst into tears again.

I’d also like to echo what you said. This thread has kept me going, over the last weeks and days. It’s the strongest source of knowledge and comfort that I have so thank you all for that!

Happy Saturday ladies. Hope you’re all doing okay xxxx

Hi everyone: @Amanda81 @bananamonkey @SARmum14 @sadtoday21 and anyone else.

I was right about O as I got my temperature rise this morning, eek!!! I'm excited but scared. We didn't realise but we've timed dtd perfectly. DH says he thinks I've smelt different somehow as he's been really up for it. Anyway, guess I'm in the TWW without having had a period post ERPC. I don't have high hopes considering what's happened but you never know. I'm not getting my hopes up or even going to test unless I start seeing temps going up again. We'll see! Btw I'm on Ubiquinol too so wondering if this has helped however I've O on the same cycle day I fell pregnant back in December so seems like a normal cycle for me.

@Amanda81 yes it's not the nicest way to meet people online but good to chat to people who've had similar experiences. I find the other threads helpful but many people on them either haven't experienced loss or have had recurrent loss. As a first pregnancy and one loss albeit in this horrible drawn out way I think we have good chances of next time being perfectly normal. Maybe we'll start a new one for first pregnancy after MMC. Anyway hope you're doing well! X

@SARmum14 I completely relate to wanting to avoid certain people. Must be so hard with it being your brother and SIL as I'm sure they're really worried about you and want to support. Especially hard with the due date they have. Just remember you get to control who you see and when. There doesn't have to be a timeframe on this. You can keep updating them by text until you're ready as you're doing now.

My best friend is pregnant. I found out about mine the day she told me about hers. She's further along than I would have been though. She also has an 8 month baby so I knew it would be a double whammy of pregnant lady and baby if I saw her. When I plucked up the courage though it wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought. She's had losses in the past so really helped to talk it out. She also thanked me for seeing her as she'd been worried about me.

As you my immediate reaction was I must get pregnant again. I still feel like this to some extent but it's not as strong and I'm a bit more happy just to see what my body does.

Sorry to hear the sonographer said stuff you weren't happy with. We now need to put in a complaint about the midwife who wouldn't refer me for a scan. I'm dreading doing it as I hate confrontation but it it prevents other people from finding out about MMC in a commercial clinic it'll be worth it.

Anyway I really hope Monday goes well. I'm not sure I could handle the test before going back but if it is negative might make you feel better. Good you have some support at work and don't worry what your team thinks. You're entitled to take unexplained time off. Let us know how it goes! X

@bananamonkey sounds like ovulation isn't far off for you. I only just got my negative test a week ago and it's happened so amazing how quickly the body can kick right in.

I'm 39 so I'm worried about my age too and terrified we'll have another loss and it'll be age related. The GP has assured us this is unlikely and I know the chances are good but can't help worry.

We couldn't see the surgeon after the op but the EPU and GP said we could try when I stopped bleeding. This was the day after surgery which was 3 weeks and 5 days ago so we started ttc after a couple of weeks. Did your surgeon give you a reason for waiting? I'm a little worried now. We were told it's just for dating purposes and if my body feels recovered and I'm emotionally ready to go for it. Anyway hope things calm down over the weekend. X

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you've been ill and had extreme weight loss too. It just makes it all so much worse. I'm so pleased for you that you have those nasty hormones gone now so your body can recover. I feel like a completely different person since a week ago when I got my negative so hopefully it'll make a big difference to you too. Interesting you mention hair loss. Since the week before the op mine has been coming out in clumps. It's calmed down a bit now thank goodness. Must be dropping hormone levels. Anyway I hope you're feeling better over the weekend! X

Everyone: I was told it's no longer a d&c but ERPC now which has far less risks. They use vacuum and a tool just quickly goes in to smooth over and check they got everything. There is no scraping. I was the one asking ridiculous questions before as I was nervous. My uterus is retroflexed and I read there's increased risks so was a nightmare when I grilled the surgeon. He reassured me it's a very safe procedure. Such a shame some of you have then got ill after. Simply awful and adding to the whole trauma!

I'm going to echo the comments about how useful this thread is as a source of information and support. It's really helped on the bad days and the good. Have a lovely weekend whatever you're up to Good luck and good health to you all! Xxx

Thanks @Amanda81, I really appreciated reading your post while lying in bed sick! I know you can relate to how awful it is on top of mmc - it feels like a long, terrible virus but I don’t know if it’s to do with the miscarriage itself or not.

It’s great you were able to take some time off work to recover. I think I will take your advice and tell some people - I am just a really hard worker and I hate the idea that people may think I’m slacking for no reason! It’s a bit awkward to tell people though, especially male colleagues, but it’s true that everyone is really understanding for the most part. People just keep asking me if I’m recovered and I don’t know what to say. Not really? Anyway, it’s great to hear from you and hoping you have a lovely weekend xxx.

@SARmum14 thanks so much and I hope you get your BFN soon! As you know, I didn’t get it until exactly three weeks so fingers crossed for you. I also did it right before work and a big presentation, just because not knowing was also hard. I think I would do it if I were you, as long as it doesn’t get you down too much if it’s positive. Is your line faint now? If so, chances are good it will be clear by Monday.

I’m so jealous of your spinning, I haven’t even made it to the gym since the surgery! I’m sure it helps a lot to exercise. First thing on my list to do as soon as I get out of this sick bed! Have you tried yoga or meditation at all? I think that might help me cope with the emotional pain - going to go to a class for both this coming week, if better. Sending you best wishes for a good day today!

@Catconfusion hope you are well today and thanks for your message! Congrats on getting O! That’s fantastic news and it sounds like you timed everything perfectly. I completely love the idea of a new thread “first pregnancy after mmc!”

What is ubinquotal and do you think it would help me too? I’m not sure if it’s possible to O without EWCM, but my production seems to be lacking this month. Maybe it’s just too soon. I also wanted to echo your question to @bananamonkey - one of the main reasons for starting this thread was to find answers to this question of how long to wait before ttc - now that I have the BFN I’m really debating over whether I need to wait for AF too or not. Leaning towards not, like you...but worried about possible risks.

So interesting that you had some hair loss too. Looking back on it I think it was the only sign of my mmc and started around that time. Now I just have tons of small baby hairs growing out of my scalp. It’s like a weird form of postpartum hair loss maybe? It doesn’t sound like you’ve had the hormonal acne at least - anyone else had this or have any idea of how to clear it? It sounds stupid to say amidst all the other things we are going through, but I really miss my pre-pregnancy clear skin. Just want to be back to normal and it seems worse than ever.

Take care of yourself and hoping for a BFP for you soon!! Xxx

@sadtoday21 ubiquinol (sorry spelt it wrong) is supposed to protect the dna in eggs and sperm from the damage that happens as we age. DH is taking it too. Some studies have shown more successful fertilisation rates in older couples. I thought it would be worth a shot.

As we said before it's so difficult to know when to try again, especially since some surgeons are saying wait. I guess I'm concerned the GP doesn't know enough about it to comment. Research definitely suggests at no greater risk after miscarriage. The problem is we don't really get a follow up check on NHS unless the test stays positive. It'd be nice to get a once over before. I found this article helpful.
www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/conceiving-after-miscarriage/

My skin hasn't been great but only a few spots. Not something I generally suffer with. I really hope the hair comes back soon. I'm getting little short bits now too. I hope your skin clears up as well now you have your negative. Take care! X

Hello all, post spin class and have been obsessively researching Ubiquinol all morning! About to buy some but wanted to ask what dosage people are taking? Have read so many different things online. Thanks in advance - would never had heard of it if it wasn’t for you all. X

@SARmum14 I'm just taking 200mg daily. Hope that helps!

I started with 100mg. I have attached a pic of the ones I ordered. Ubiquinol absorbs fasted than Co Q10.

The surgeon said it’s to allow the uterine lining to get nice and thick again. This conflicts with everything I’ve read online which says you can try again straightaway but that’s talking about MC in general not after an ERPC, it’s so confusing! I’m just scared of it happening again and it sounds horrible but I feel like that’s 4 months wasted already, I don’t want to waste even more time just to end up back at square one.

Thought bleeding had stopped this morning but no back again and back to red blood 🤷🏻‍♀️ Will do a test in the morning I think.

Found a skin tag this morning which is another lovely pregnancy skin hangover

Just researching this question and found the dosage for Ubiquinol starts at 200 mg and then after two weeks you can drop down to 100 mg for maintenance.

I also don’t want to take too many pills (my supplement list is growing long and not sure if this would benefit me at 31), so also researched foods that have it and found this, in case you want an extra boost: “The Ubiquinol form of CoQ10 can be obtained from certain foods such as chicken, oily fish, whole grains, peanuts, spinach, avocados, olive oil and some other foods. However, the amount of Ubiquinol found in these foods is relatively small.”

Hi all. I have ‘spoken’ with some of you in this thread in other threads but thought I’d join here too. It’s taken some time to read all your stories and I have to admit I can’t remember all of your names and what belongs to who however, we all have one thing in common - mc or mmc. I’ll tell you all a bit of my history.

At 15 I had a relationship with an older man who made me do things that I didn’t consent to. Got pregnant and parents decided I’d to terminate. 2 days before Xmas. 6 years later I had a mmc. I’d attempted an early scan but to no avail and didn’t actually get my dating scan until 13 weeks. My baby had passed at little over 6 weeks so I’d carried my baby dead for 6 weeks 😢 I had another d&c. 6 weeks later I was pregnant with dd1. In 2009 I had another termination. Then partner didn’t want children so it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and I was on the pill. Stupidly I allowed him to bully me into getting rid. January 2009. August 2010 I had my next ds, to the same man and still on the mini pill! I refused to be bullied this time so he’d to accept it or leave. He accepted it. October 2012 I had dd2. Again I was on the pill and again he accepted it. I got pissed off with the relationship as he was all about money and work and sex which was getting boring. Family holidays were spent trailing charity shops not sprawling on the beach. Sod it I was done! I got with my amazing OH just before Xmas 2018. We rekindled our unfinished romance from about 4 years previous. We had and still have an amazing connection. We decided last may despite having said no more kids that we’d like one together so in July I had my trustworthy Mirena coil removed. 20th December we found out we were pregnant. Ecstatic. Best Xmas present ever, just 2 days after his bday too which we had joked about! 11th feb I started spotting. 12th I saw gp then ended up in A&e with a full blown miscarriage. 13th we had scan to confirm all gone but it should have been our 12 week scan. Had I not miscarried that night it would have been a repeat of 2000 as baby passed around 7 weeks 😢. Mmc 6 years after termination, mc 6 years after dd2 born. Odd or what? I had my negative test exactly 2 weeks after mc. Lost a fairly big tissue looking clot after 2 weeks and 2 days which resulted in bleeding stopping at last. That was 2 days ago.

I’m desperate to start TTC again but think OH is quite traumatised. While I was in A&e they manually cleaned out an awful lot of clots from my cervix. I didn’t see but unfortunately he saw everything. When we had the TTC conversation a bit ago he said it’s not that he doesn’t want to but right now he can’t go there as it’s not that long since I passed our dead baby from there. And I get that. But as has been said, I don’t think I’ll be truly happy until I’m pregnant again. Every single one of my friends in my close circle are due within the next 10-15 weeks and before I fell on I was very jealous and found it hard to be around them. Once I fell on this passed but it’s creeping back again. I’m happy their pregnancies are going well but I find myself asking why us. I don’t want to be jealous of them but I can’t control it. Most of the time I’m ok while I’m with the family and busy but once night comes sometimes I’m a wreck. I keep thinking I should be x weeks now, we would have been deciding if we were having a gender scan etc. It’s awful. It sounds bad but I’ve felt like a sex pest the last week or so, but obviously until bleeding stopped we couldn’t anyway but now it has there’s nothing to stop us. But OH can’t. We have other things going on at the moment which have taken over a fair bit, he copes well with hard times but it does affect his sex drive where as it doesn’t mine and I hate it coz I feel selfish for wanting it and feeling that way when he doesn’t. I darent even try to initiate anything for the fear of rejection as I had a dream for a few nights that we’d attempted, gotten so far and he pulled away saying he couldn’t. He feels bad that I want it and he doesn’t feel ready and I feel bad that I want it and he isn’t ready!
I just want our intimacy back and I want to be pregnant again. Ideally I’d prefer to still be pregnant but we can’t always have what we want can we....

Anyway, you know all there is now! Hope you are all feeling as well as you can and so sorry to you all for your terrible loss and huge hugs to you all xxx

Oh and we too are 39 so feel time isn’t on our side... xxx

@mommato3 nice to see you on here and very sorry for your losses. It sounds like you’ve been through a very difficult time and I can understand why you are eager to try again and feeling frustrated. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice to give, but I hope that things get better soon. It’s so hard to be in this pregnancy limbo between the negative test, retracking O, AF, and then hoping for a BFP. It just feels like a long, really drawn out process. I’m also having a heard time just waiting and seeing what will happen. I think the best thing is to find some kind of distraction that is seperate from all of this, which is a lot easier said then done, considering I just spent half the day researching ovulation post D&C! Take care of yourself and hope things get better for you soon

Sorry typing too fast and hit sent before I read that...meant having a hard time and easier said than done.

Hi everyone, hope you are all enjoying a relaxing weekend. Now that I have my BFN, I’m starting to track ovulation again. I think (maybe I’m wrong?) that you can’t ovulate when you still have a positive HPT, so I’m assuming I haven’t missed it this month, although I know sometimes the cycle after the mmc is anaovulatory.

Since I have no idea where I am in the cycle, it’s really challenging to know when to test for O. What ovulation testing methods do you all use? I’m trying to decide amongst a few options: (1) ovusense - thanks to @Catconfusion; (2) ava; (3) basal temperature monitors - any suggestions on brands?; and (4) ovulation sticks - what I used before one time before getting BFP. I think ovusense is the most accurate of all these methods, but I’m a little concerned about putting the probe up there all night (I don’t even like tampons really and what if it gets stuck?). The other thing is the subscription could get a bit pricey. Ava is cool because it’s a bracelet, but even more pricey, and I’m afraid it’s not as accurate as ovusense and potentially just an overly expensive thermometer. On the thermometer, I don’t know which one to buy or how to use it - I’ve never temped before. Ovulation sticks worked for me once, but I’m afraid it might not work again and that I might miss O unless I constantly use them (also pricey in the long run if I use so many). The sticks are also annoying with the whole don’t drink or use the loo for four hours rule and I never know what time of day is best to test.

Sorry for the long post, I’m just sort of a newbie at this and I know how important it is for ttc. I’m really worried I won’t fall as easily the second time around and I have zero idea what my body is up to now. Thanks for any advice you may have!

Good morning. I’ve only ever used the cheapy OPK sticks and they worked both times although I found EWCM the best indicator. I thought I had a BFN this morning but it’s the faintest of lines. I also did an OPK and got a faint line so hopefully things are going on the right direction.

Hi @sadtoday21 - I was going to look into Ovusense thanks to @catconfusion recommendation. Even though I’m yet to have my BFN (might test in a min - will save me doing early tomorrow and before my return to work, wish me luck!!!) I started tracking my temp 10 or so days ago just to get back into the habit. I was using natural cycles when TTC last year and it seemed to work. It’s a combo of tracking temp and every now and then they tell you to use OPKs to confirm what their algorithm suspects is your ovulation day. I never got the hang of the OPKs but think I was only doing it correctly in the last month of the year, which is how I conceived. I think my monthly subscription is £7 and the basal thermometer cost me £15? Or you can buy an annual one for cheaper but I’m determined to fall pregnant sooner (stubborn).

I’ve just come back from another spin class and barely kept up. Think I might have thrown myself into the gym a bit too much this week. Am so nervous about work tomorrow and I haven’t slept through the night since I first found out about the MMC 4 weeks ago now. Anyone else have that? At first it was because I was so sad I would wake up crying in the middle of the night and now there are less frequent tears (although sometimes catch me unsuspectingly) but it takes me ages to fall asleep and I wake up at least a couple of times every night. I’m so tired! I’ve tried meditation and yoga before but I’m hopeless at it. I’m a high anxiety person and I find it really difficult to slow down my mind. Which I know means that I’m the kind of person who really needs to slow down their mind. But I’ve tried mindfulness and yoga and just haven’t got on with it. Spin and that kind of thing is good for me because I can get stuck into it and it’s fast and it’s like I lose myself.

I had acupuncture again yesterday and it was good. I dozed on the therapist’s table with needles everywhere. He reminded me again that Chinese medicine sees a miscarriage as more traumatic to a woman’s body than to give birth at full term and that I need to be slow and gentle still.

Anyway. I’m rambling. Avoiding that pregnancy test. Sad for there to be a line. Sad for the line to be gone and therefore my baby too.

@mommato3 sorry to hear about your losses and welcome. I don’t have much advice other than to follow what feels right for you and to take it easy on yourself.

I ordered my Ubiquinol on a Amazon Prime and it’s arriving today. Hoping to add that to the mix of proactive action to help give me some good news soon.

Happy Sunday to you all. Take care. X