First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

PS. @sadtoday21 how’re you feeling? Hope you’re recovering and feeling a bit better today

Hi @mommato3 and welcome. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. It's so difficult to recover from a loss. It can be difficult for relationships too as we all grieve differently. I think women more often than not want to just be pregnant again. This makes it difficult when the guy needs more time. I've personally felt less urgency in falling pregnant again as time went on, my body recovered and my hormones returned to normal. I'm 39 too and have just lost my first pregnancy so feel the clock ticking. We are trying but I'm content with it not happening for a while. I hope you continue to recover and I'm sure you and your partner will be in the same page soon with regards to trying again X

@sadtoday21 I'm so pleased you're looking into tracking your cycles. It really helps to know where you are. Ovusense has been great for me because my cycles are a bit irregular. I also like that you don't have to think about it. The graph it produces clearly shows what's going on. It's also really accurate. We paid £150 for a year as we found an online code. I completely get why you'd worry about having it inside. I wear tampons and have never had problems with them. It is like a big rubber tampon. Once it's in though I can't feel it. There's no way it could get stuck. There's a long tail which stays outside so you can pull it out any time you like. Ironically it looks like a big sperm.

I'd say if your cycles are pretty regular you could get away with the sticks as you'll know roughly when to test and natural cycles might be good to tell you when. Not used it myself.

@bananamonkey It sounds logical to wait for at least one period but two sounds a lot. I wish the NHS would standardise their advice on these things as we were told not to worry about waiting. Know what you mean about not wanting to waste time. I hope you're feeling more recovered soon. X

@SARmum14 If natural cycles works for you I'd stick with it. I sometimes feel a little lazy for using Ovusense but my random cycles make other methods a bit more stressful. With Ovusense you stick it in, link up to your phone in the morning and it plots the graph. Sooo easy!

I'm so sorry you're feeling so distressed. Those hormones really don't help. I had nightmares and woke up crying too in the couple of weeks after we found out. It's a perfectly normal reaction to trauma. MMCs create so much shock and it's so hard to readjust to not being pregnant when you've got so far. I'm sure you'll feel a bit better with the negative test. I know it's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation because positive or negative is hard but those hormones make things so much worse. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I really hope it goes well. Let us know how it goes! X

Have a lovely Sunday everyone! X

Hello @sadtoday21 - there are so many choices, it's difficult to know what to use for the best. I am fairly new to all of the tracking, only 3 cycles in. However, temping has proved to be a fantastic tool in understanding the patterns in my cycle. I purchased a thermometer that syncs with an app on my phone. I take my temp every morning at 7am. At first I was worried about how it could become all consuming, but over time I actually like the routine of waking up the same time each day. I have pasted a link the the thermometer that I purchased.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B07JDJSMYY?psc=1&ref=ppxpoppmobbbasin_image

I also use the clear blue advanced OPK's. I use these as they are used on the FMU. I didn't like using the normal opk sticks as I didn't like not hydrating myself. I have only used the cb adv OPK's for 2 cycles. Each cycle has predicted O correctly. When I get my first high on the CB opk I also do IC OPK's in the evening as I think I actually get my LH surge in the afternoon/evening.

Also I have got better acquainted with my CM and CP. to be honest, since the ERPC my cervix always feels slightly open, and always seems to be quite high. Therefore I don't think I get many hints from my CP. but my CM does give a good indication. I have found that checking CM and CP at the same time of each day is the best method.

Hope this helps x

Hi @SARmum14 - I also struggled to get to sleep after the ERPC and also woke up through the night. This continued for quite some time. However, I found getting up each day at the same time got me in to a routine and I gradually got myself back into a sleep pattern. I think it took me about 2 months. I also found walking helped to relax my mind, I was constantly overthinking everything (only natural) and my brain was working overtime. The exercise that you are doing will help, but do take it easy on yourself x

Hello @mommato3 - really sorry for your loss. Like the others have said, there is no consistency in advice which is very frustrating. You will know when the time is right. The way I approached it was that I considered that if I did fall pregnant straight away, would I be able to cope mentally with another MC. This helped with my decision.

Hello @bananamonkey - I also got a skin tag after my erpc. It was in a delicate place and discovered whilst showering. I grew fond of it as a reminder of my pregnancy. Oddly, earlier this cycle it came away. I thought it was a skin tag, but was actually a calcium build up. I actually do miss it, which I know sounds weird x

Hi @Catconfusion - I know what you mean about being of a mind and content if pregnancy doesn't happen soon. They do say that healthy couples (below the 35yr age range) can take up to 12 months to conceive. Which on the face of it is quite alarming, especially when you are told to be careful to not miss a birth control pill x

@Amanda81 yes it's quite alarming when you look at statistics. We'll be 40 in July and there's supposedly only a 5% chance of conceiving each cycle when you get to that age. I just keep clinging to the fact we fell straight away. The GP reassured us this shows we're very healthy and no reason to think it'll take too long. I just don't want to become someone who obsesses about getting pregnant. DH and I are newly married and very happy so just want to enjoy being together and make sure we've covered fertile periods with dtd. I'm working on losing weight, my diet and getting the right supplements too. I know people who've had recurrent losses and I've seen how ill and desperate it can make people. Just don't want to destroy myself or my relationship over wanting a family. I know that's easier said than done and we are very early on in the ttc journey but I'm just trying to put it all into perspective and be as content as I can with what we have now. X

@Amanda81 thanks very much for the info on the thermometer that you use. I was actually looking at this one an amazon as a potential option, as it is not too expensive and seems easy to use. Stupid question - I know you have to use it at the same time every morning when you wake up, but does it have to be at 7 am? And is it ok if the time varies a little, say by half an hour or so? I am assuming the app tells you when you are in the fertile window, since I have no idea how to calculate that (temps rising?). I never thought about CP...but I do agree that CM and EWCM are good predictors of O. If I haven't had any since the mmc (sorry tmi), does this mean I am not ovulating?

I used to use clear blue digital ones as well - the "smiley" face ones, which I found easy to read. I almost gave up on it though because I started testing at day 14 and used all the tests in the box before I got my smiley on the day 19. I have no idea whether my surge is in the morning or afternoon, but it seems a bit much for me to test twice a day, particularly since I have no idea what day it will be. This morning I used one of the cheaper boots OPK tests and I got a lighter pink line next to the dark control line. The box says this is a negative, but do you know if the light line (as opposed to no line) means that you are going to O soon? I've never done a line test before so not sure how to interpret this really. Sorry for all the rambling and thanks again for your advice! xxx.

@SARmum14 thanks so much for asking, I am starting to feel a bit better today - just a lingering head cold now. I can't wait to get back to the gym like you as soon as this illness is gone, but I do agree with the others that you shouldn't push yourself too hard. I know what you mean about yoga and meditation - I am also not good at it, but would like to be better. I used the headspace app last year when my mum passed and it seemed to help a bit to quiet my thoughts and restore a bit of peace. Maybe this would help you with sleeping? I used to do ten minutes before bed and found it to be soothing. I also had trouble sleeping after the mmc - it was so bad that I was sleeping every other night only and also really exhausted. I am sleeping better now and, as @Catconfusion said, I think you feel better when the hormones start to go.

Speaking of which, did you do the test yet? Really hoping you get your BFN today and have a smooth transition back to work tomorrow! Interested in learning also which tracker you decide to go with - the natural cycles seems like a good option. I would be really interested in learning how long it takes to O after mmc if anyone has any data on this. I know it takes at least two weeks, but now I am at 3+2 and I am wondering if maybe I missed it altogether this month. Or maybe it will just come really late? Anyway, wishing you all the best as you start on this journey as well!

@Catconfusion thanks so much for the additional info on ovusense! I didn't want to ask, but that helps clarify things a lot. It's great you got a coupon code for a whole year, but fingers crossed you won't need it! I understand what you mean about the rush of ttc receding a bit as time goes by. The whole process takes so long and at some point you feel that you do have to just start living for something else again. But still, in the back of my mind I am a bit obsessed with this, although trying not to be. I tried to talk to DH about O this morning and it was just a laughable conversation! He lost interest at the world "cycle," I think. At least I have you lovely ladies to turn to for advice and support! Thanks again x.

Hi everyone and thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to know we aren’t all going through this shitty time alone. And lost of good tips and advice here too.

OH and I had a chat this morning. He isn’t worried about us getting pregnant again it’s the whole bd. Although he knows there’s nothing left of our baby he said he feels like it would be wrong in a way but he’s got mental vision of what he saw them removing so I get it’s hard for him right now. Patience is a virtue. I’ve told him it takes as long as it takes and I would never pressure him. He’s my world (along with the kids) and I love him to death so it’s in his own time.

@SARmum14 my OH is a high anxiety sufferer so I can relate to you in many ways. This is why he’s having so many issues with dtd at the moment, due to what he saw and the anxiety surrounding the images. As for tracking I only ever really use period tracker and cm. I found when I was temping I was too focussed on becoming pregnant that nothing else mattered so I stopped and took the it will happen when it happens approach and caught on the following month! It took us 5 months from having the Mirena removed to conceiving. We were told an average of 6 months so not bad I didn’t think. Everyone is different though. Good luck with it all. I kind of felt relief initially when my test went negative as it meant I could focus on grieving and recovering although now, several days later I find myself feeling lost and empty. But I still think it helped in a way. Good luck when you do it. We’re all here.

Thinking of you all this rainy Sunday afternoon. I’m having a PJ day as we had a rough night last night. Think everything has got intop of my OH atm as he recently lost his grandad who he was close to, we inherited his dog and had to have her put down recently and then the miscarriage along with a length court case regarding his children. It’s not been easy since November. But he’s doing well.

Enjoy the rest of the day everyone xxx

@sadtoday21 - you can temp at anytime really, aslong as you have had sleep and it's taken at a regular time each day when you wake up. Depending on what app you use, the fluctuations of the time can change, but generally half an hour before/after the regular time is deemed okay. I opted for this thermometer as I can temp quite discreetly without disrupting DH too much. He wasn't particularly keen on the idea of an alarm going off at 7am each morning, but has got used to it now and sees the benefit.

There are quite a few 'rules' about temping and things can disrupt your temps, for example disrupted sleep, alcohol, colds. It would be worth doing some general research on BBT, if not done so already.

I tend not to use the thermometer app too much. I add the temp data into fertility friend app. FF collates data from temps, CM, OPK's etc and predicts your o day. I have found FF to be more in tune.

EWCM is a good indicator of O. Perhaps you haven't yet.

I'm not familiar with the boots OPK's, but generally on strip OPK's you should see the line gradually getting darker to match the control line. If you have O'd already you should see the line getting even lighter. So I would keep on testing to see if this indicates if you are going to O or have already.

Hope all of that makes sense 😳🤓

Many thanks @Amanda81 - that helps clarify a lot! I bought the femometer and will give it a try. So far I like the app and it seems like a pretty good low-cost option for tracking.

@SARmum14 how did your first day back at work go? Did you get your BFN yet? Hoping all went smoothly for you!

Hi everyone! Thanks for asking @sadtoday21. First day back today and cried twice - once in front of my team and then sobbed in a catch up meeting with my line manager. Not the look I was going for. Also, the peer who is the only other person who knows took me out for lunch today and told me that she’s pregnant. I’m so happy for her but so sad that we could have been going off on maternity leave at the same time.

In other news, still testing positively. Called EPU just now and they said that is bizarre (which I don’t think it is as women seem to process the HCG at differing speeds/times). But she did ask me if I’d been TTC and I sheepishly said yes. She said there’s a chance I might be pregnant again - I really don’t think I am but worried I’m going to cling on to the hope that I am. As currently staying with relatives nowhere near the hospital where I had my ERPC she told me to contact my local EPU ASAP and ask to have bloods taken. So doing that now. Gahhhhh.

On my way home from work and trying with all my might to not cry on public transport. Today was tough. Hoping tomorrow will be better now that I’ve ripped the plaster off and got 1st day blues over and done with!

Took my first Ubiquinol today. Is the size of a horse pill. How’s everyone else doing? Xxx

@SARmum14 Sorry you had a bad 1st day back 😕 it will get easier... I hope since your colleague has announced that...

Hmmm it’ll be interesting to know what EPU say. So wish we were TTC again but oh can’t bear the thought of going near there right now 😟

I was having a fairly good day, even had my lost babies tattoo added to to include latest then my stepdaughter announced her teacher was pregnant. Ouch! That felt like someone had ripped my heart out and stomped all over it.... not nice at all...

Good luck with EPU. Hugs xxx

Hi all,

@Amanda81 how are you getting on this cycle? Are you feeling ok?

@Mommato3 It just seems like there are pregnant woman and babies everywhere at the moment. Guess its more noticeable after a loss but not nice when its someone you know.

@SaRmum14 was thinking of you today. It sounds like you did really well. I know you got upset a few times but completely understandable. Like you say you got the first day over and done with. Its just typical you had to deal with a pregnancy announcement as well. I'm sorry to hear you're still getting a positive test. It would be amazing if a new pregnancy but I guess you just want to know what's going on. Hope you can get some bloods done soon!

@sadtoday21 Did you make any decisions about how to track O? There's so many options available it is tough. If you have any more questions let me know.

As for me I'm 4 DPO and trying not to think about the two week wait. I'm just going to treat my body as if I am pregnant I think in terms of self care and avoiding caffeine and alcohol etc. Also trying to decide whether to keep using Ovusense to see if temps go up again suggesting pregnancy or whether to leave it and just do pregnancy test in two weeks time if period doesn't come. I'm a little worried I'll find it hard to take my mind off it if I'm looking at my graph each day and stressing over whether or not its showing signs of pregnancy. It would however be nice to have that graph if it does happen. Feel a little sad I didn't carry on doing temps in cycle I had the MMC as it would have been interesting to see a pregnancy temperature cycle. I think I'll do it for a couple more nights and decide. Have a lovely evening everyone! xx

Thanks for asking @Catconfusion

Feel different this cycle 😳

Not sure what to expect this cycle as I ovulated earlier than usual. I usually ovulate around CD17, and when I say usual, I've only been tracking since the MMC, so this is my third cycle of data. This cycle I ovulated on CD14. This will make me 9dpo. In my previous two cycles I had an 11 day luteal phase - my cycles have always been 28 days bang on. So I'm not sure if this cycle is what is the norm and therefore have an extended LP or will af be here on Thursday. 🤔

Symptom spotting like a crazy luney here. I've got stabby pains in my abdomen and you can't fill me...constantly hungry. The hunger could be chalked down to hormones...not sure on the stabby pains, they started yesterday and don't feel like af cramps.

I know what you mean about the tww! It's so hard. I constantly look at my graph throughout the day, as if it will magically look better in the afternoon 😂😂 I guess it just means that we want it so badly. I've tried to be nonchalant about it all, but the crazy chick kicks back in soon after my attempt of playing it cool. Do you normally have patterns in your bbt chart?

Well done for the first day back @SARmum14 it was never going to be easy, but it sounds like you have managed well. Interesting comments from the epu! 🤞🏻 all is okay

@sadtoday21 good news you made a decision. Let me know how you get on. Do you intend to start straight away or wait for your first cycle? One thing I like about BBT'ing is the early warning sign that AF is arriving - my temps tend to start getting lower from 10dpo (so tomorrow).

@Amanda81 sounds really promising this cycle then. Even though day 14 is a little early for you I guess it fits the perfect model of when we're supposed to ovulate if textbook. I had stabbing pains when I was first pregnant in December. I panicked and worried ectopic. I told EPU and they said sometimes a very early pregnancy can cause pain in the ovary that released the egg and that a bit of pain is very normal for a successful cycle. Can also be AF so very confusing. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

I'm symptom spotting too even though very unlikely there would be any signs after a few days. I had an upset tummy this morning which happened with the pregnancy last time and continued for the duration. Probably my reaction to elevated progesterone.

This is my fourth cycle using Ovusense. To be honest I didn't use it every day or take it too serious for the first three as we weren't trying to conceive but just see what my cycles were doing so a shock to fall on the third cycle. My O days have been between day 14 and day 25 (this current cycle). The cycle I got pregnant on was day 23. My periods have always been irregular as I used to have polycystic ovaries. Miscarriage scan revealed normal ovaries so I'm pleased my body is ovulating normally now. I asked doctor if I should worry about my odd cycles as now unexplained and she said not at all just track ovulation and DTD at the right time. My luteal phase is always 17 days so long but results of pathology after ERPC showed healthy lining so GP happy its healthy.

Anyway it would be amazing if we all got our BFP. Itching to start a pregnancy thread! xx

Thanks @amanda81 @catconfusion @mommato3. I’m so jealous of your BFN and the fact that you’re trying again. My tests are still positive (see attached - that’s quite a strong test line isn’t it? It’s three weeks post ERPC today). But also according my my temps and natural cycles app I ovulated 8 days ago and temp still consistently high and have been DTD in that time, but it’s crazy to think that I could be pregnant right? It’s too early to show up and I can’t have ovulated with HCG in my system.

I’m envious that you all sound a bit more in tune with your bodies - noticing pain with implantation and ovulation etc. I don’t notice anything so don’t know if I did ovulate. Am driving myself mad. Sorry to ramble on at you. Already in my PJs and about to climb into bed. Cried again this evening and just so tired from it all. Hoping for some sleep tonight.

Hoping for good news for you all soon!
X

@SARmum14 I wish I could say we were trying again but OH can’t face going near the nethers right now so no such luck for me for some time I’m afraid. Good luck to you though.

I couldn’t see any image but if you’ve been dtd I suppose anything is possible...

I started spotting again a bit today so guessing I won’t be regaining any form of period routine anytime soon.

Personally I’m starting to think I should just forget the whole idea and get over myself...

Good luck to you all xxx

@SARmum14 I wonder if the ovaries gear up to ovulate as hcg comes down. My ovulation came only a week after my negative test so I can't believe it only took a week for my ovary to pick an egg and push it out. I saw on another thread a lady whose ovary showed a follicle developing at her miscarriage scan so she must have had hcg in her system. The fact your temp has climbed is a good sign. I'm presuming it decreased and went down low after ERPC. Thats a sign the pregnancy hormones were reducing. How many days after your op did you ovulate? Had you done a pregnancy test before that point? Sorry for all the questions but just wondering if this could indeed be a new pregnancy. I really hope so and if not hopefully you'll be recovered soon!

With regards to us all noticing symptoms etc. Some of them are probably in our heads and jumping to conclusions. I think you're doing really well to be tracking your cycles and noticing patterns so soon. I'm not that much further along than you and I picked the lazy Ovusense route. Be gentle with yourself and get some rest. Hope you get some answers soon! xx

Sorry - test attached here!

@SARmum14 that's a really strong positive. Is it getting darker or lighter?

To be honest @SARmum14 it does seem unlikely that this could be a new pregnancy, however it can happen. Like @Catconfusion I have many questions. Did you notice a temp dip? Did you have any fertile CM? Have you had any pains in the abdomen?

Don't want to sound alarming, but could you have retained product (sorry I hate that terminology)? This can prevent hcg leaving the body.

Thanks for that info and your kindness @mommato3 @catconfusion. According to natural cycles app my temps started climbing 12 days after ERPC and I ovulated on CD15. I only started tracking temp from CD8 as felt too depressed and pointless to do it in the first week after ERPC, but definitely saw a climb in temp from CD8 to CD11/12. I also did my first pregnancy test on CD8 which was strongly positive (I know it was only a week after ERPC but I was in such a desperate mindset at the time and wanted to move forward - perhaps still am in that desperate mindset, hence these rambles). Have taken tests every 3/4 days or so, just to track. Never had a negative test in that time.

@mommato3 - I’m sorry to hear about the spotting. But maybe it’s the prelude to AF and once the first one comes it’ll help things start to settle and regulate? Am keeping my fingers crossed for you that’s what’s happening.

Lots of love ladies and thanks again for your counsel and support. I’m in bed with a bar of chocolate and old episodes of Gossip Girl. Don’t judge! Xxx