First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@endevo

Hi and thank you so much for sharing your story. It's so helpful to hear about success after MMC. Congratulations on your rainbow baby and the new pregnancy. I can imagine as lovely as it is to grow your family the trauma of your first pregnancy is still there. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

MMC is a horrible experience and people don't realise what happens. Some assume miscarriage is like a late period which makes me so mad. I know people are generally well meaning and just reacting to stereotypes from the media. I certainly have learnt a lot about it through this experience. To raise awareness I shared my story on Facebook. Not is graphic detail but I shared how far I'd got but baby had died with no blood or signs and that I'd needed surgery. Not many people realise a miscarriage can land you in the position of needing a general anaesthetic.

I too found out at a private scan at 10 weeks. I'd had a slight bleed and the midwife wouldn't refer for scan. The bleed was unrelated to baby dying but it made us nervous enough to get checked out. Baby was 6 weeks with no heartbeat. It was devastating though nearly 6 weeks ago. I had the ERPC three weeks ago.

My pregnancy actually felt very normal. I felt horrendous and had been told by the doctor I was measuring big so maybe it's twins as I couldn't keep food down. I got more and more sick during the time after the baby died. This really messed with my head as everyone said a really good sign. It was such a shock to see the tiny little baby on the scan.

Can I just ask how long later did to ttc again? We've started as I'm nearly 39 so don't want to waste too much time. We do feel ready though. Did your cycles return to normal quickly? Do you have any advice for supplements or things to do differently? I know there's probably not much that can be done to prevent a repeat but I'm just curious.

Thanks for your support in this thread! Xxx

So I saw my GP and she was very supportive. I’m having my thyroid checked and they’re looking at b vitamins (my Dad can't absorb b vitamins so checking I'm not developing the same condition) plus a full blood screen. She’s said no reason not try again since we fell so quickly. As it was a missed miscarriage she’s not too worried about hormone levels not being high enough. After the surgery tests were done on what was removed and all was normal so it's likely a chromosomal cause. My lining was a good thickness and everything came away as planned. I asked about late ovulation and implantation being an issue and she said it isn’t as the mechanisms are the same so doesn’t make a difference. I’m getting the bloods done tomorrow. Should have results next week. I feel better and like I’m doing something.

That’s so good to hear @catconfusion. I did another pregnancy test today and it is still positive. I’ve spent most of the day crying. I thought I was over the worst of the tears but it’s just hit me all over again today.

@endevo thank you so so much for your post. I read it on the way out this morning and it really brightened my day. It was especially encouraging to hear that you felt different the second time and went on to have a successful pregnancy. I never thought about that and I really hope I will feel different too (and be more sick, ironically!). Thank you for giving me hope and I am sending you all my best wishes for your current pregnancy and health.

@SARmum14 I’m so sorry to hear that about the negative test. I know how heartbreaking it is. If it makes you feel better I also took one yesterday and it was still positive (2 weeks 4 days post-op), but the lines were very light. Don’t take the digital tests because it is so much worse to see the words “pregnant” and the lines will tell you how strong the hcg is. I’m really hoping it will be gone in a few more days.

On the issue of telling people at work, I also just went through the same thing! I told my boss today for the first time - he didn’t even know I was pregnant. It was a hard thing to do and I felt nervous about it like you, but I’m glad I did in the end. He was extremely sympathetic and now I feel at least one person at work will know that I wasn’t just slacking off the past two weeks. Best of luck with your return to the office, let us know how it goes! Hugs

@Catconfusion thanks so much for the info - it's really helpful to know that she didn't think it was hcg levels since it was mmc. I didn't realize there was a connection there. Hopefully your B vitamin/thyroid levels are ok too. I don't think long cycles really have any impact either on mmc either - as I said, I also have them, but I think it just messes up my dates more than anything else. My AF is a little irregular and O was on day 19 (which seemed late to me, almost the last day of month), but I haven't really been tracking that long either. I am taking prenatal vitamins, B vitamin complex, iron, and the evening primrose oil right now. I have also thought about taking a vegetable supplement - a green powder with lots of nutrients in it that mixes with water or juice. Most of this is just because I am not eating particularly well right now and feel the need to heal a bit more before actively ttc (once the test is negative!).

Went to the GP today (3 weeks post-op) and thought I would update the thread. I still didn't have a negative test as of this morning, so they said to come in but refused to do blood tests. Told me to take another pregnancy test in five days and if it is still positive, they will do blood tests and check hcg levels. GP seemed to think it would be negative soon, since the line was very faint. I picked up some hormonal management tablets on the way home - WE magnesium tablets containing eight vitamins and minerals to regulate menstruation. I don't know if they work yet, but will keep you all posted. All in all, going to the GP was pretty much a waste of time and just made me sadder because of all the really small, really cute infants there. Sigh.

@sadtoday21 How frustrating! We were told if we got a positive test after three weeks to call the ward we were on at the hospital. However if it's a faint positive I can imagine it will be negative soon. I had a faint positive last Wednesday then Friday was completely negative.

Magnesium seems wise. I might pick up something like that as no sign of ovulation, although the cycle I got pregnant I ovulated on dpo 26. I'm currently 25 days post op.

I just went to the hospital to get the bloods done. As I have tiny veins I usually have a bad experience at the docs so bypass completely. There were pregnant women everywhere and new born babies. It's really slapped me in the face again today. Just simply horrible. I've just been thinking how unfair it is.

Hope your next test is positive. Xx

@SARmum14 I'm so sorry it's hitting you again. So annoying you've been testing positive still. Hopefully the next test will be better. Is it getting lighter? Xx

Hello, I posted earlier on your thread as I am in a similar situation but just wanted to add that was crappy of your GP, I’m sorry. I was advised to call EPAU directly if I was still getting positives/still bleeding a little after 3 weeks. It’s been 15 days and I got a faint positive this week and am still bleeding which is really annoying as I just want it to stop now.

I’ve been taking a tonne of vitamins for a couple of weeks now including magnesium, evening primrose and doubled my vitamin D, I think it’s massively helped improved my mood. This may also be down to getting more sleep and eating healthier but I think the vitamins have definitely played a big part.

Hello All

@Catconfusion recommended that I had a look at your thread, as I am on another thread. Firstly I wanted to say I am so very sorry for all of your losses, any type of loss can be cruel, overwhelming and ultimately pretty shitty. The trick of a MMC is double-cruel as it tricks your body and mind in to a place where excitement and daydreaming about the future starts to set in. There are no warning signs.

Our MMC was identified at the regular 12 week scan, the bean had grown to 10+1. I had all the symptoms of pregnancy, so was a complete shock to be told "I'm sorry, I don't have good news for you, there's no heartbeat". Those words will stay with me forever and the look on my DH's face will also. I opted for surgical management and had the ERPC in early November. I was utterly clueless about MC, and to be honest blissfully unaware of the mechanics of ttc (never tracked ovulation etc). Seriously, we just hoped for the best and didn't want to add any undue pressure.

Since the MC I have educated myself, I started with a book called 'Miscarriage, what every woman needs to know' by professor lesley regan. If you haven't read it, I would recommend that you do. Very insightful, and actually helped me understand what had happened. I also track ovulation and BBT now, I started doing this as I wanted to see if my body was turning back to normal. It took me 3 weeks to ovulate and a further 2 weeks to get my first period (5 in total). I am now on cycle 3 since that first period. As I have no reference as to when I used to ovulate prior to MMC, I didn't really know what was normal. Anyway, cycle 1 I O'd CD17, cycle 2 on CD17 and this cycle CD14. I have a 28 day cycle. Perhaps my body is still regulating? Just going with it at the moment. I've just turned 38 also, so have the added pressure of that tick tick ticking ⏰ ⏰ seriously gets louder every month.

As I've had a bit of time to reflect on the whole event, I can truly say that I am in a much better place, much more positive about the prospect of conceiving. Although, I still do have wobbles. I also think I am a 'glass is half full' kind of person, and think it could have been much worse. My friends sister carried to 8 months and lost the baby. This is not to belittle my loss, or anybody's loss, but did add some perspective for me.

I thought I would share my story with you...Xx

@Amanda81 welcome and thank you so much sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for your loss - you are completely right about mmc and it must have been even more heartbreaking to know you got to ten weeks (I made it to 9+4, also picked up on the 12 week scan). If I may ask, how long did it take you to get a negative pregnancy test after the surgery? I think our hormone levels were quite high at 12 weeks, so it is encouraging to know that you still O'd 3 weeks later and AF two weeks after that. How long do you think it took for your hormones to regulate?

The book you mentioned sounds really great. Thanks so much for the recommendation! And you are completely right that things could be worse, I do think about that sometimes as well. My friend had a stillbirth at seven months, I can't even imagine it. It just makes you realize how precious and fragile life is. Wishing you all the best in ttc again and for a healthy, happy pregnancy. xxx

@bananamonkey thanks so much, it was a bit frustrating. I knew it would take awhile for the hormones to go down after 12 weeks of pregnancy, but was hoping that I would be starting to feel better after 3 weeks. GP did say it can take time if you were late in the first trimester when you had the mmc. Fingers crossed your bleeding stops and the faint positive turns to negative soon!

One thing I have noticed after the D&C, and maybe it is just me, but I seem to have very low immunity right now. I've been sick twice in the past three weeks with terrible flu, headache, vomiting, cold...just generally unwell, which is not helping on top of things. Anyone else find this? Hoping the new vitamin/mineral complex I bought today will help!

@Catconfusion how are you doing today? Sorry that you also had to see all the newborns, it's just so hard to be in a room with all of them. There was one today that was so tiny and cute, I just kept thinking about what mine might have looked like. I know that is not a positive way of thinking, but I just got really depressed after that. It's also depressing to feel so physically bad, but not have anything to show for it, if that makes sense.

I forgot to add the magnesium supplement also has zinc, b-vitamin complex, among other things. I read somewhere that zinc helps regulate menstruation, so giving it a try. I am prepared to wait quite awhile for AF to return - but wondering when to start testing for O? Did you start right after the surgery? I haven't bothered yet because I don't feel it is going to happen soon, but now that I am in week 3 it might be time. Wishing you all the best for a positive test soon!

Hello @sadtoday21 please do ask away...I didn't do a HCG test until 3 weeks after and got a BFN. I couldn't face getting a positive. Given that I made it over 25% along, I thought it would take time. It was when I got a bucket load of EWCM with a hint of blood in it that I did the test (I had taken the CM as a good sign of ovulation). So really ovulation was around three weeks.

One of my pregnancy symptoms was a really sore stuffy nose. It was very painful. This only went about 2 weeks ago. I think that was some form of remaining hormones. This is my first cycle where I have actually felt like my normal self. It does take time. Hormones are a curious thing. I have found that monitoring my BBT has helped with identifying patterns in my cycle and also identify irregularities which could perhaps mean things are still regulating...or could just be the norm.

I think you will be close to getting your BFN, you may just have a little left in your system. Did you have an Erpc?

@sadtoday21 one thing I forgot to say...I had one day of very bad illness, which was just before I got the EWCM. I had diarrhoea, sickness, fever for 24 hrs. It cleared up pretty quickly afterwards. Looking back, this could have well been hormonal shifts occurring x

@Amanda81 thanks so much for your reply, it means a lot to learn from someone who has gone through the same thing but is a few weeks ahead of me (in terms of physical recovery). I had D&C - I think it's the same thing as ERPC? The bad illness you described is exactly what I had last week - the same symptoms and also just before EWCM (but so light, I'm not even sure I can call it that). Weird! I wonder if it is a sign of dropping hormones...even though GP seemed to think it was just a virus. Oh well, it really is just a waiting game isn't it. Take care xxx

@bananamonkey I'm so sorry you're in this position. I got my negative test at 19 days after ERPC if it helps. Hope the bleeding calms down soon. X

@Amanda81 great to see you on here. We're forming a nice supportive huddle . It sounds like your body is doing a good job of getting back to normal. The emotional stuff I'm sure will be ongoing for a while. I didn't get any nasal problems but have heard of that before. I have also been germ free thank goodness since ERPC. I can see how it would knock your immune system though X

@sadtoday21 Thanks for asking but didn't feel great after the hospital. I just felt that feeling of dread I felt before the scans and all those pregnant people and babies. I get what you mean about feeling depressed. It just all felt very unfair we have to go through this. I tried to stay positive and think about poor friends who have fertility problems and can't even get pregnant but I couldn't get out of the funk. I just kept thinking what if this is it and I can't get pregnant again.

Anyway last night I felt much better because I noticed I have EWCM so it looks like 'O is imminent. It's a little scary as we've been DTD unprotected. I'm 3 weeks 5 days post surgery today so if that day had been a period this is a very normal time to ovulate for me. My temp dipped low this morning which it generally does just before. Guess I wasn't expecting it to kick in so soon. I haven't told DH as although he's happy with risking me falling again I don't want to stress him. Sure it won't happen so soon anyway.

Magnesium supplement sounds great. I might try that one. I found it on Amazon.

I started wearing my Ovusense on day 9 after surgery. I just wanted to check it still worked and get into the habit again. It definitely helped to see my temps going down as the hormones subsided.

I find it amazing that you can have high levels of hcg in your body yet it gears up to ovulate again. It must sense an empty womb. I wondered if I'd have to count day one as when I got the negative test but clearly surgery was day one. Maybe once empty the hcg goes low enough to trigger normal pre-ovulation hormone levels. My pregnancy symptoms definitely reduced after surgery. Anyway it's a fascinating process. I heard also we'll be more fertile in the next six months. I hope we all fall again soon!

It would definitely be worth having a look to see where you are with your cycle. I found it quite reassuring. It's certainly lifted my mood knowing my body is kicking in again. I hope you get that negative soon! X

@sadtoday21 I’m sorry you had such a horrible time at the GP. I think that the line is getting more feint is a positive sign and hopefully it’ll be gone in 5 days. I was told to call my EPU if mine is still positive after three weeks (which will be Monday - my first day back at work 😳), although imagine at EPU they would tell me to test again in 5 days and call back. I know what you mean about babies - there seem to be more newborns and pregnant women in the world since I found out about the MMC. I know that’s not logically true but that’s how it feels. The magnesium sounds great - will you keep us posted as I might join in? I’ve stocked up on prenatal vitamins for me and for the first time have bought some male ones with zinc for my husband in case they help. I’m willing to try it all. Also have my second acupuncture session tomorrow too.

@bananamonkey my bleeding lasted on and off for 12 days after my ERPC ans I’m now 18 days post op and whilst bleeding has stopped I’m still getting strong lines on pregnancy tests. It’s heartwrenching to see - I guess my body just takes longer than others to breakdown HCG. Am going to test again after day 21 and then call my EPU. I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this too.

@amanda81 - I’m sorry to hear your story and it’s nice to have you on this thread (that feels counterintuitive to say). I’m really interested in your research - I’m nearly 37 and don’t feel like time is on my side. I too didn’t have much of a sense of my ovulation before my MMC but thanks to your recommendation I ordered that book last night and it should be arriving today. I plan to inhale it this weekend.

@catconfusion - do you think it’s possible to ovulate with HCG in one’s system? I find it all so confusing. But like you, I’ve been trying to get back in the rhythm of monitoring (although confess to never really knowing what my ovulation days were before I fell pregnant) but was tracking my temperature and using the Natural Cycles app so have returned to do that. According to the temperature spikes and the app I ovulated this week but I’m also testing positively on pregnancy tests so am a little confused by it all. I did an OPK but understand that it can be fooled by HCG and therefore not give an accurate result until it’s gone from my system. It’s as though the MMC wasn’t cruel enough - the aftermath seems interminable and is lasting an eternity. I just want to take control and move on.

Sending lots of love and light all your way. Xxx

@SARmum14 Hi I hope you're doing ok, I think it's possible for follicles to develop. I found another thread where someone had miscarried, had a scan and there were follicles seen on her ovaries. She still had hcg. I'm pretty sure I'm about to but then my hcg levels are probably zero. When your temp went up did it stay up? If it did you ovulated and are now in your luteal phase so AF on the way. AF will come when you get a drop. It it doesn't drop but rises up to a new level and stays up there's a pregnancy.

I use Ovusense which is so easy I don't really have to think about it. It monitors my temp while I sleep and I just upload it.

It's such a complicated process, especially after what we've been through so I guess just have to see how it goes. X

@SARmum14 that's pretty much what I did, I couldn't put it down. I will probably read it again sometime soon, as I didn't make many notes whilst I read. There's also another book called something like 'it starts with the egg' I intend to purchase and read this soon, just looking for a break in my workload.

@Catconfusion thanks for suggesting this thread. You all seem lovely. To be honest it would very much prefer not to be part of the MMC club, I'm sure we all would, but it is nice to have contact with people who are going through a similar situation. It's also nice to hear that people have gone on to have successful pregnancies after MMC.

Most of you who are posting seem to be waiting to hear from AF for the first time after the MMC, which I know can be quite frankly tedious and frustrating after what we've all been through. It may seem like a long time away, but I am looking forward to sharing comments when you get past your first AF arriving and the whole ttc journey. Who knew ttc and having a sticky bean would be this difficult!

Hope you are all bearing-up. Believe me, when AF shows her face, you will feel a lot happier and will feel a little ready to move on with the recovery.

Happy Friday...🤗🤗 sending hugs 🤗 🤗

@amanda81 that’s so nice to hear. I’m almost dreading AF as, against advice, I’ve already started TTC. I know it’s insane but I feel like I won’t be happy again until I’m pregnant again. My SIL is pregnant too and due the day before me. I haven’t seen her or my brother since this all happened and they’re desperate to reach out. I feel like I’ll only be able to see her again when I’m pregnant too. And I know this sounds unhealthy. It’s just where I am right now. Perhaps it’ll ease off with time.

Thanks for all of your insights and advice. As you say, it’s sad to all be a part of this same “club” but reassuring to have kind companions who completely understand it all to travel along with.

X

@SARmum14 I totally relate! After my operation all I wanted was to be pregnant again, and like you started to try soon afterwards and before my first AF. It is totally natural to feel the way you do. All I would say is that does ease with time. I look back now and think "how did I get through it all", but you do.

Whilst you are keeping your brother and SIL at arms length, which is a coping mechanism for you (and I totally get it), you are missing out on their journey of starting a family, and they will be desperate to help you through what is a difficult time. I am sure they understand if you are not ready to see them, but I am sure you would benefit from speaking with them and talking about your future niece/nephew. If you don't mind me asking, how far along was you? When was you due? Xx

@amanda81 I don’t mind at all - I was 10w. Baby stopped at 7w. I was due on 5th Sept, she’s due on the 4th. I feel so bitterly jealous and then really ashamed that I’m so bitterly jealous. It’s really ungracious of me. And that’s a good point you make, about missing out on their journey. I don’t feel ready yet. We’re in contact on text but am yet to actually see them face to face. How’s TTC going for you? What apps etc are you using to track ovulation? I’ve just started acupuncture to see if it’ll help with recovery from the ERPC and the MMC. No idea if it’ll help but I’m trying to do all I can to be proactive and be in control. That’s why I’m so glad for the book recommendation. I’ve read every mumsnet thread on the subject dating back to 2005! I feel I need more info, to be informed. I hate this period of just waiting - waiting for my cycles to return, waiting for my pregnancy test to turn negative, waiting to hear that I won’t need another ERPC or scan to check for retained products. It’s so frustrating and I feel like I don’t have the time to waste! Anyway, I know we’re all in the same boat so I’m sorry to moan.

Not a moan at all @SARmum14

So sorry that you got that far. I started to relax at 10 weeks...such a mind-f$%k isn't it!

I'm using fertility friend app and have also been tracking ovulation with the clear blue advanced opk. I've only had three true cycles since my first AF after MMC, and there has been some minor fluctuations. But I am ovulating, which is what I wanted to know and key to all of this. TTC since the MC has been all consuming. Prior to MMC I didn't do any tracking, so I have found tracking and temping overwhelming which has made me a little bit too focused if you know what I mean. Also it has been hard on my DH...he's never really had to perform on demand before and the OPK's did that during our last cycle. We had a chat and all appears okay now. I do feel for the DH/DP in all of this.

I have also started to take Ubiquinol. its for the older woman trying ttc. You should do some research to see if it's for you, I think it has improved my CM and I think has made me ovulate sooner. I only 'think' this as I am still waiting for this cycle to end, once I have taken for a couple more months I hope to have some facts.

You will have to keep me update on the acupuncture. I considered it, but haven't yet decided what to do with that.