First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Hey @sadtoday21 - my doctor did a HPT when I had just start to bleed with the recent early loss. It was negative, so HCg had diminished to a level which wasn't detectable on a test. Not sure what the docs tests are though, probs anything above 25hcg.

I've got some mild stabbing pains down in my lower abdomen today, and actually noticed these whilst I was laying awake last night. Has anyone else had mild pains? It's hard to explain how it feels, just mild and constant, but not enough to really call it a pain.

Gosh that must have been scary @bananamonkey! Hope you are okay! I've only fainted once which was fairly recent when I was giving blood in a medical scenario, I could feel the nurse moving the needle around in my arm and I hadn't slept for a day and was so dehydrated...anyway passed out and wet myself!!! 😂 we laugh about it now (and when I say we, I mean my DH), but at the time it was scary and didn't know where I was when I can round. I tell you this story as you may find some solace in that you didn't wet yourself, although voming isn't kind either. Xx

@Catconfusion - don't get to upset with the temping, you are just having a bad day with it. Remember last week when that stupid doctor told you to stop the temping etc, you where having none of it. It is your life line with the irregular cycles.

I'm with @sadtoday21, god-knows how people do that SMEP plan (BD every other day and then ramp it up before O), we would be exhausted...timing BD during the FW is much less of a hassle (for us that is). However, you guys are newlyweds, so may be different...me and the DH tried for about a week of dtd every other day and it felt to staged and he got performance anxiety. Now I keep my O schedule to myself, at least then he feels no pressure about dtd. Xx

@sadtoday21 the idea of dtd every other day feels a little crazy to me too. I guess we're lucky in that DH works in local radio on the breakfast show so he's home at 1pm. I did think then might be a good time to do it. Just looking at ways to minimise the stress. I've been really struggling with my emotions. I'm not sure if the ambiguity of my temps is making this worse. I read my sensor and then feel like I'm in a mood all morning.

The romantic get away sounds perfect after all you've been through. I so wish we could afford something like that. You've reminded me we've got a voucher to stay in a friends airbnb as a wedding present. It's at Holkham Beach. We should book it.

Baby making is so not romantic. Xx

@3204ECL I'm so pleased AF is here for you. I hope it goes without too much pain. My first AF after surgery was horrendous but it was a chemical pregnancy loss as well so doubly bad. Hopefully you can now get back on track! Xx

Oh no @bananamonkey What a relief DH was there though. Xx

@Amanda81 I'm getting mild cramping too. I had a nap this afternoon and woke up with it. It will be interesting to see what our temps do tomorrow.

Urgh poor you on the fainting front. That must have been scary for you not to mention awkward.

I probably will continue to temp just felt a bit stressed with it this morning. Really want to stick it to that doctor too. You're right, it's so hard to know where I am without it. Also handy if a pregnancy is achieved as my LMP is not entirely accurate in knowing how far along I am.

This cycle dtd has felt much harder to enjoy. DH is fine with doing it whenever I want, I'm not sure how long that will last but he's pretty much there on demand. It feels like such a chore sometimes. I think SME might be a marathon with my long cycle. Xx

@3204ECL congrats on the first AF post-mmc! That is a big hurdle to get through on the road to recovery. My first AF was not that heavy, even though I also over-prepared for it like @Amanda81! It lasted 3-4 days only, pretty much like a normal period, even though a bit more EWCM than I remember in the past. I was expecting to bleed a lot since it was both the first AF and also an early natural mc, but the bleeding and pain was pretty minimal. I'm not a huge bleeder though - it was also very light after the d&c. Best of luck and hope you get through it ok!

@Amanda81 I totally agree with you! I try to keep the info to myself so DH doesn't feel too much pressure. I think I need to do a better job of this though, sometimes it's a bit obvious that I'm temping and opking in hope of results! Plus I am pretty adamant about a lot of bding during FW. I wish I could be someone who didn't even know they were pregnant for the first three months, if only I could be that oblivious now! Unfortunately, now I've researched all of this a lot and know way too much. I knew immediately when I was pregnant again, even though it was only for a few days. The mmc has definitely made me more in tune with my body. I'm sorry to hear you are having sharp pains, I hope it's not anything serious. I haven't had any pains since AF finished, just in limbo without too much going on for the moment. I hope you feel better soon!

@3204ECL from what I've heard 5 weeks is pretty good going so that's great. Fingers crossed it settles straight back to how it was before with nice short cycles. Mine were 27 days before so fairly short too. I'm quite nervous for how long it might take for af to arrive but I'm only 1 week post op so I can relax for a bit. I'm planning on testing after 3 weeks.

All the ovulating/bd'ing talk is interesting. I had only been using the cheap opks but I think now that we weren't dtd early enough in my cycle. We got our bfp the month that my dh was away for 3 weeks and we only dtd twice the whole month. Once about 2 days before I got a positive opk and once ages after!

@Catconfusion definitely book that vacation if you can! We haven't gotten away yet since before the mmc and I feel it will help to reconnect. It's only for two days away, but still, will be nice to relax in the countryside together. I realised I may be O'ing while we are away though and sad that I can't get on with ttc yet! Oh well. At least this experience is teaching me to be more patient. I think I will take an HPT tomorrow, even though I am dreading it, just so I can have some idea of what the blood test may say on Thursday.

Let us know how the temping goes tomorrow! I think it's totally normal to feel emotional about it, I know I would. Always here if you need to vent about it xxx.

Thanks @sadtoday21 and your break sounds lovely. Hopefully you'll get the all clear to try again soon. I can imagine it's so frustrating. You're dealing with it really well.

Yes an FRER would be interesting as if negative less than hcg 7. It would be great for your mental health as well to see a negative test.

I will keep you posted. Hopefully it'll just shoot up. I'm feeling very post O at the moment. I think we will dtd later though just in case it hasn't happened. Xx

@Amanda81 so it's looking like failed O though still above cover line on FF so it's still saying I ovulated. I've been chatting to some ladies on the Ovusense support group. Apparently the cysts go away during pregnancy with PCOS so that may be the only reason my scan was clear. Also seems to be an increased risk of miscarriage with the condition. I showed my chart to some others who said they get this every cycle and it's failed ovulation. Some go on to just get a period and it's anovulatory and sometimes the body tries again and is successful. I'm just really worried the miscarriages have triggered my body to get PCOS symptoms again. Also mad the doctor won't offer support.

How are you getting on today? Xx

Morning @Catconfusion - I hear how disheartened you are. Please try not to let it impact your mood, although I know this will be hard. Sorry the temp didn't go back up. As you have irregular cycles perhaps it just needs a little more time. It's great that you have a support group who are familiar with PCOS, I really don't know much about it. Did you track your cycle in your early 30's? If you did, are there any similarities? I just wish that our health providers would help, it makes me quite cross. I do support the NHS, but god, they are frustrating at times! I hear far too much on MN that women are seeking private help to get them through their fertility issues, often with successes! Sorry to rant.

FF finally decided to give me some crosshairs today following a temp rise this morning. It was my Estrogen surge that made it go down, which is what I had anticipated. I decided to remove my opk results yesterday as these where misleading. FF is confirming O on cd16, which would make me 7dpo. Not even trying this month, so want to get this cycle over and done with. At least now I can expect AF at my usual time.

I would say that my temps increase/decrease more between the day to day than my previous cycles, which must be related to Mc/hormones. I'm also getting some 'pregnancy' symptoms, which I know again are probably related to hormones. Symptoms are insomnia, cramping, watery mouth and feeling a little nauseous throughout the day. It's all hormonal though, so won't be getting my hopes up with any of that...just not wanting it this cycle. Quite keen to see how AF responds after AF.

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Hugs to all xxx

Sorry, meant to attach my chart for those interested x

Hey @Amanda81 I'm trying hard today to not get down. It's so hard as I feel full of hormones. It's so odd feeling post ovulation when it likely didn't happen. Another lady with PCOS said this is the rollercoaster of the condition; your body gears up for it and behaves as it fit happened. Yes the Ovusense community is amazing. Nothing can beat this thread though.

I tried temping for a bit when trying with my ex. I didn't once confirm an ovulation, just lots of failed attempts. It was so disheartening I stopped and just tried to dtd lots. He had low sperm count so we'd have needed IVF had we stayed together. We did see a fertility doctor who said I'd need induced ovulation with Clomid fo conceive. I just hope I'm not going down that road again.

I'm so pleased you got your confirmation today. Looks like you dtd in a reasonable time frame so you never know, it often happens when you least expect it. The symptoms seem promising as well. I've got my fingers crossed for you. We need some good news on this thread!

Here is my FF chart today. I'm assuming it would remove the crosshairs if it thought definitely failed. We've decided to dtd every other day until we know for sure. Xx

Morning ladies. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with everything, I hope you're all okay, or as well as can be expected.

I went for a scan yesterday afternoon as I was still bleeding, and they identified some retained product. I had to go back yesterday evening to have tablets inserted vaginally (it wasn't a pessary which I thought was strange). We were there for hours waiting. I was expecting the medication to take effect quite quickly but so far nothing has happened. They said it can take a bit longer sometimes and they call me after three days to see if it had worked. I'm so angry and upset and just want this over with, this will be delaying my AF returning.

Has anyone had medical management before? How long did it take to start working?

Hi @Birchwoods I didn't have medical management but @SARmum14 may have some advice. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and I hope it's over soon! Xx

@Birchwoods so sorry you are going through this, it must feel like a lot on top of everything else. I had a d&c with the tablets inserted just before surgery - after about half an hour I felt that something was going on down there, not painful exactly but not pleasant either. But I went into surgery right after that so not sure about how long it should take. I hope you have some supplies and are resting at home today. Sorry this is delaying your recovery further, it is the worst! Thinking of you xxx

@Amanda81 congrats on confirming O! I think it's great you are taking a relaxed approach this cycle, but based on your chart you are definitely not out of the running this month. As @Catconfusion said, sometimes these things happen when you least expect them! I have everything crossed for you.

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry you are going through this regarding O and fears about returning PCOS. I think it is normal to have at least one anovulatory cycle every year, if that is what is happening here, so hopefully it's not a sign of more problems. From your chart, it still looks to me like O, since the temps didn't go back under the coverline yet. Did you try comparing your chart to other FF users with similar circumstances?

I did an HPT today and got a clear BFN. Did not have any FRERs left, so it was one that measures 15 hcg. Felt I had to do it before the blood test tomorrow, just to get an idea of where my hormones are now after the early mc. I'm going to feel so defeated if the next blood test comes up above 5 again :(. I just want to get the negative blood test so I can move on to only urine tests and waiting one more month before ttc again. I don't know why, but lately I have been thinking more about getting pregnant again and how stressful it will be. I guess the only way through it is to just take one day at a time and fill those days with other meaningful things. It is wonderful to have each other to support through all of this!

Thanks @sadtoday21 I shouldn't be worrying so much about it. Just not good for a positive outcome. It's just hard because I'm thinking with increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities due to age and PCOS it could get tricky. It might be worth saving in case we do need to do IVF.

I'm still not convinced I haven't ovulated. Thanks for the suggestion of comparing charts. I actually found a really similar one. Someone with PCOS who got a bfp on this cycle. I've attached it. Purple is me.

I'm so pleased you got a negative hpt. Hopefully the blood will reflect this. I think you're right just to keep filing days with meaningful things and deal with each day at a time.

This thread is a Godsend and I honestly believe we'll all get there eventually! Xx

Also really interestingly @sadtoday21 and @Amanda81 I've looked at some post miscarriage charts showing lower post ovulation temps generally. Not sure why that would happen but interesting! Xx

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry you are having all this worry about ovulation. I don't know much about temping but from what others have said it still sounds like it maybe did happen? xx

@Birchwoods it's so unfair that you have to go through all this after everything you've been through already. Like @sadtoday21 I only had the surgery and the tablets you get before that. I think my body's generally quite stubborn and all the tablets seemed to do was giving me raging diarrhoea (sorry for tmi). I hope it kicks in soon and we're all here for you if you need to vent. xx

@sadtoday21 it's a positive thing that you got a bfn on the hpt today. I have everything crossed for you for your next test. You so deserve to be able to finally move forward. Being pregnant again is both something I long for and something I'm completely terrified of. We all know so well how high the risk of more heartache is but ultimately it's worth that risk. That's what I keep trying to tell myself anyway. xx

Yet on the BFN @sadtoday21 - 🤞🏻 for the bloods! You are almost there...looking forward to hearing you chat about your chart and O'ing, and symptom spotting. If you get the all clear on the bloods, how long do you think it will be to start ttc? Xx

Interesting about the lower post O temps @Catconfusion - perhaps it is a lower progesterone. I understand that vit B6 can support progesterone levels, and in turn Bbt temps. Some women who have vit B deficiency can also display low post O temps. I've done quite a bit of reading about the purpose of Vit B's in general, and they say that if you where on the pill, the pill can strip all vit B's from your system and therefore a vit B complex should be taken to help bring the levels back up. Perhaps after miscarriage, due to the progesterone taking a massive step down, vit B may reduce temporarily, and therefore bbt levels reducing. I need to do more research in this area...but might be worth popping some vit B's. I started taking a vit B complex supplement due to my normally having low post O temps, but stopped taking it when I thought it may have whacked out my O. Xxx

@sadtoday21 - we are getting close to the 1000 posts on this thread! As you started this wonderful support group, I was wondering if you had considered a name for the next thread? Xx

Thanks @AnnaMC214 tomorrow's temps should be telling. I'd definitely recommend Ovusense if you did plan to temp. My mood is a bit better today so I'm thinking the hormones might be more stable now. How are you today?

That's interesting information about vitamin B @Amanda81 My b levels were definitely normal after the first miscarriage in my blood test. Not to say there's not a problem now. My pre conception tablets have the b complex in so I should be covered. Our diet has plenty in too. Hopefully if it is a deficiency it'll righten itself. I have to say my temps normal rise well and stay elevated for 17 days so hopefully an off cycle.

I think if I hadn't fallen pregnant so easily and then miscarried I wouldn't be so paranoid about my cycles. It's given me that extra sense of time running out. I've also worried about chromosomal issues and not getting help in time if we now can't conceive again. If we were still trying and I'd never been pregnant I don't think I'd feel as stressed out. Xx

@AnnaMC214 thanks so much for the good wishes on my tests! How are you doing today? I know you are in that terrible "in limbo" time where it feels like forever waiting to get the first BFN and then first AF. It's so hard to finally put the mmc behind you when the recovery process is still ongoing. How are you coping with it all? Hope you are able to find some nice distractions and to relax as much as possible xxx.

@Amanda81 I'm so happy to see your beautiful chart - it looks great! If I get the all clear next week then I will have to wait another month and get one more negative before being cleared to ttc again. This would mean I have to wait another cycle and try to catch O around mid to late May, best case scenario. I'm drinking my fill of wine and coffee until then, but really just counting the days until I can try again. I'm trying to act like I enjoy not being pregnant, but secretly I miss it a lot. I remember the day I went to the scan and got the terrible news...I came home and had DH open some wine right away, just a little since the d&c was the next day, but I started crying because I really didn't want any wine, just for my baby to be safe again. It's so hard to think about it, even now. But at least this whole molar thing has taken the pressure off this month, just going to start temping when I see EWCM out of curiosity. Thanks also for the info on vit B! I've decided to start the evening primrose after the blood test tomorrow. Will let you know how it goes!

I can't believe there are almost 1,000 posts on this thread already. I feel so lucky to have found such amazing women and to be part of this community. You are all so strong and inspiring and kind. I talk about the mmc with my family and friends in RL, but no one can really understand it and appreciate all the gory details in the way you ladies can. You have all made me feel less alone and I am so thankful for that.

I hope the next thread will be First Pregnancy POST-MMC, in the words of @Catconfusion, when we all have successful and healthy pregnancies. Until then, wishing you all the strength and resilience to keep going on xxx.

@Catconfusion I'm so glad to hear that, mood wise, today has been better for you. I think I will definitely try temping if we find it's taking a while to get pregnant again. That clock is always relentlessly ticking and it might sound a bit callous but those weeks when I didn't know that the baby had stopped growing now seem like a waste of precious time.

@sadtoday21 I'm doing ok today thank you. By the end of work yesterday I was completely wiped out so worked from home today which has helped lots. I'm trying to enjoy not having all the do's and don'ts to follow for a while but, like you said, it's very bitter sweet.

I second everything you have said about this little community. I can't thank you all enough for the support you've shown me. I don't know how I could have gone through all this without it. xx

Good afternoon all.

@AnnaMC214 glad being back at work is ok

@Birchwoods how are you doing now?

@sadtoday21 everything crossed for your tests

@AnnaMC214 I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today. I know what you mean about wasting precious time. I hate the thought of those three weeks when I thought the baby was growing and it wasn't. Also hard to accept that the pregnancy continued for three months even though it was doomed from conception. This is what I fear the most next time around and I think I will have to do more scans to cope with it.