First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@sadtoday21 thanks for replying but I think too early. I read implantation can't happen before 6dpo.

@Amanda81 thanks for replying and showing your chart. Looks like you're going through something similar. It's a bit up and down then you get what looks like a slow rising ovulation. The drop could be a fallback rise but ff hasn't picked up on it yet. So difficult to say yet. It just make me the process so much more nerve wracking.

I think you're completely right not to get too worried about it. Well done for the walking. I have three dogs so will get them out in a bit and put it out of my mind. I just was a little surprised as I've never seen this before. It feels like the chemical messed me up more than the mmc did which is crazy. My body just snapped straight back after surgery at 12 weeks pregnant. A chemical at 4 plus 2 has however left more of a mark. Xx

@Amanda81 yes hopefully not out and temps will spring back up. You're right, O date could move. Just hope it's not annovulatory as I was clear of cysts last ultrasound so don't want the PCOS to get worse. Xx

Just thinking aloud @Catconfusion - your Stress related IBS may also be fooling your cycle a little. Has it calmed down? I wished that I knew about bbt before the MMC, as I have no idea what my cycle was doing but did get clear signs (EWCM). This cycle is known in my head as the 'wtf cycle', my CM is all over the place which is a sign that my hormones are still trying to understand what's happening. My CM has either been wet or creamy, none of the good stuff (sorry tmi). Drinking plenty of fluid should hopefully help cleanse and get this back on track. I could do with a good detox I think.

Three dogs! Well that's a handful right there. Enjoy the walk. It's a bit grey here in S Wales. You have so many lovely beaches in Norfolk. I just love Wells next the Sea...we used to holiday in Norfolk when I was a kid. Although my mum always said Yorkshire beaches are better (she was biased) I always felt Norfolk was truly stunning and the beaches are great. Have fun x

Morning ladies. It's such a miserable day here in Malvern. I'm currently at gymnastics with my daughter. Still bleeding but not as heavily and only v occasional cramping. Still not sure what that means. I had such minimal bleeding for the first week that I really thought that was it. Now convinced that the bleeding is just going to delay things even more.
@sadtoday21 totally get the feeling of limbo. I just want a time frame to work to but I know that's impossible. I think my body takes a while to settle down regarding hormones. It took three months for AF to return after I'd had the implant removed when TTC my daughter and 15 months for AF to return when breastfeeding.
@Amanda81 I really like your 'prepare for the worst, hope for the best' approach and plan to try it myself. I've just ordered a craft gin box and DH, we've booked a week away in Sardinia at the beginning of June and DH and I are going to have a night away at Dormy House or somewhere similar in the next month. I plan on making the most of it.
I temped when TTC my daughter as my cycle was all over the place but before the MMC I wasn't temping as I could tell when I was going to O each month due to EWCM and ovulation pains. I'm not sure whether to start temping now to try and predict what's going on or whether that will just add stress as more pressure to the situation. I can't speed up the process of my hormones settling and cycle kicking back in so I might just have to accept that and wait patiently. It's so hard isn't it. I do feel like I want to be pregnant again ASAP though, despite the anxiety that will come with it.

@Amanda81 My IBS miraculously got better a week ago. Not sure it's been affecting my cycles as I've had it for a while.

This definitely feels like a WTF cycle. I too haven't noticed EWCM. I wonder if your bad cold is to blame or maybe it's miscarriage giving us both s wobble.

South Wales is beautiful too. I love Norfolk and feel very blessed to live here. My dog is a Lab cross Dalmatian. My DH has two border collies and a cat so combining our little furry families meant we needed a bigger house, hence the move to the Norfolk countryside. We're about 20 minutes from the beach.

I would love to see the Yorkshire coast. DH was born in Norfolk but both his parents are from Yorkshire so we keep saying we'll head up there and see his family.

This ttc journey would be so much easier if our bodies played ball! Xx

@Birchwoods I know it's really frustrating but a good sign it's easing. I really hope it stops soon for you so you can try again. Xx

Hi everyone. It's my first day back at work today and my god it's been hard! Even more than I imagined. I've been on the edge of bursting into tears multiple times but thankfully have managed to hold it back. I'm also in quite a lot of pain still which is getting me down. I'm finding it difficult to care about the actual work as it all seems so trivial.

I can't really contribute much to the talk of cycles as I'm not there yet but I really feel for those of you trying to get to grips with it all again. I do know that I hated ttc so I'm probably going to hold off on opks etc at least for a little while and try to focus on reconnecting with the hubby. I think we need it after the last few months.

Sending you all lots of love xx

Hi @AnnaMC214 and well done for your return to work. It's so hard to return to normal life after such a significant trauma. Just make sure you feel ready and comfortable enough with the symptoms to be at work. Is there any way to take more time off? Don't worry about being at a different stage. There's plenty of support on this thread. Sadly we've all been in your position. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Xx

@Amanda81 I did a chart overlay with last month. My temps are so much lower and ovulation was so much clearer last cycle although later on. I guess it's just a waiting game now. Xx

Sounds like you have some wonderful plans booked @Birchwoods, and a wonderful gin to make too. I might give that a go, always fancied making my own liquor 🥴x

Well done on the first day back @AnnaMC214. It is sooooooo very hard to get your head back in the game after such a traumatic experience. It takes time, and take it easy on yourself. i frequently used to feel myself tearing-up, which is hard to suppress. If you are in pain, can you either take more time off or work from home? Sending virtual hugs x

It will be interesting to see what tomorrow brings @Catconfusion. I don't know about you, but I have moments of being impatient about seeing how the cycle goes...but then you end up wishing your days away. Must do better on this front.

@sadtoday21 - hope you are having a good day. its a good approach isn't it? But like you, there are moments of sadness. I think this might continue for a while. I'm not feeling too upset about the due date @sarmum14 after all it is a superficial date! (She says in her pragmatic mind).The baby may have been early or late. But there is no denying it, it will be a hard day. The date also has other meanings for the family, which is helpful. I was hoping to be pregnant before the 21st May, which of course I have been, but that didn't get very far. Pants! I guess I am going to have to set the target for a 2020 baby.

@Catconfusion and @Amanda81 can I just say that I love this chart analysis discussion :). Will share mine as soon as it gets more interesting this cycle, I think I won't restart until about CD10 or so.

Sorry @Catconfusion, you are right, probably too early for implantation dip. Wishful thinking haha! If you are ttc this cycle I might continue the bding every other day for a few more days, not clear whether this is confirmed O yet. It will probably become more clear tomorrow or the next day when we can see where the trend is heading. I think if you had EWCM with the temp rise then it is almost definitely O. EWCM is by far the most accurate indicator for me, even though it sometimes starts a whole week before O.

@Amanda81 have you ever had a cycle like this before? All I can think of is that maybe you had a fever in the beginning of the cycle and that is why the temps were elevated before. I do clearly see a temp drop around the "W" patch, which would seem to indicate O. Sorry I can't be more help, as I've only had one chart thus far. Are you using OPKs too? I think you said you were not going to use them this cycle, but that might help give an additional idea of what is going on.

@AnnaMC214 I'm so sorry that you are having trouble being back at work today. I completely understand what you are going through and hope that you can relax and treat yourself tonight. Just make it through the day - that is a victory in itself. One day at a time. Sending you hugs!

@sadtoday21 I think you're right with regards to continuing with dtd just in case it hasn't happened yet. It's so strange as didn't really notice EWCM, not to say there wasn't any just didn't check. Last time it was obvious. I'm now getting painful boobs and mild cramping like I'm post o' so I guess we'll see tomorrow.

I think cd 10 is a good time to start. When will you get your next test results? Xx

Hola @sadtoday21 - yeah, used the CB adv OPK's. they usually are right on it with predicting O. I went from high to low, but this doesn't correlate with my temp. However, I usually O on cd17, which Is when I got my last High. Perhaps I just missed the surge...but this hasn't happened before (always got a peak). Also I think the CB adv OPK's are supposed to get the 2 days prior to O. If I did O on cd17, I normally get a fall back around 3dpo, which would have been yesterday, which happened. I guess I will find out over the coming days/week. My Cm was creamy from cd15...doesn't correlate. I've had a 10 day cold though, so suspect with the Mc, everything is just out of whack.

@Catconfusion - this is my overlay for the last four cycles that I have been tracking. My temps this cycle are higher than normal, but tends to be following a pattern, apart from cd20 and cd21.

@Amanda81 yes you can definitely see the pattern. That's definitely reassuring. Mine seem so unique each time. I am wondering if we're both having a fallback rise. I found this...

Hi all sorry for the radio silence, have had a crazy busy weekend and work is beyond mad. All a good distraction as still no sign on AF... think I'm finally getting the hang of temping and working out FF And I've been interested to read your discussions @Amanda81 and @Catconfusion

How is everyone? I've been trying to keep up with everything going on!

@AnnaMC214 sorry your first day back was hard, I found going back to work very hard at first and just wanted to be at home but it did get easier over time.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. People at work are lovely but it's only my manager who knows why I've been off so having you guys to talk to really helped me through. @sadtoday21 you are right, it does feel like a victory that I got through day one. Hopefully it'll get easier from now but thankfully I have the option of working from home if I need it. I'm feeling very sore and tired now so a chilled evening is in order. What's everyone else up to tonight? xx

Good to hear from you @3204ECL Glad the temping chat is helping you. What cycle day are you on now? Xx

@AnnaMC214 I'm completely chilling this evening. My emotions and hormones have felt all over the place this cycle. It's exhausting. What are you up to this evening? Xx

@Catconfusion you definitely deserve a relaxing evening taking care of yourself. In fact, everyone on here does! My dh is on a night shift so I have a hot date with my hot water bottle, Netflix and a large quantity of chocolate 😊 xx

@Catconfusion I've put my chart below, it's a zoomed in version as I've set it up with my last AF in December and the date I passed the last of the MMC tissue. It's a bit all over the place but at least seems to be looking a bit better the last week or so! The interpretation seems to be a bit confused but hopefully after AF things will become clearer... who knows!!!

Ahhh, the plot thickens! I ran out of CB Adv OPKs on cd17. I thought that you couldn't use new sticks on an old applicator/holder. So I used the new holder and new sticks. Turns out I shouldn't have done this...such a dope! This explains why I went from high to low on my readings. Should have just not bothered with the OPK's this cycle (like I was gunna). Feel like such a numpty!

Thanks @AnnaMC214 enjoy the Netflix. Xx

@3204ECL Thanks for posting your chart. Good you're keeping track of things and I'm sure it will start to settle soon. Xx

@Amanda81 I really don't understand opks. I've got cheapy ones but never really caught a strong positive. As I have irregular cycles and a history of PCOS I've also heard it's possible to get false positives as the body gears up to o' but doesn't quite get there. Do you find them helpful ordinarily? Xx

I hope everyone else is having a nice evening too! Xx

@Catconfusion - normally they are quite good. They indicate when I get my peak and bbt confirms it the next day. However I've tried the IC OPK's and I never get a line as strong as the test line. I've heard that some women get their surge whilst they sleep, which means catching it will be difficult.

Until tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing what our temps do 🤗🤗xx

@Catconfusion - normally they are quite good. They indicate when I get my peak and bbt confirms it the next day. However I've tried the IC OPK's and I never get a line as strong as the test line. I've heard that some women get their surge whilst they sleep, which means catching it will be difficult.

Until tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing what our temps do 🤗🤗xx

Hi sorry to jump in and im so sorry for your loss. Could I ask if you had any pain/bleeding or any signs? Im currently 10 weeks pregnant and waiting for my first scan in 2 weeks time but I have had no symptoms or morning sickness, i got told just to feel lucky I'm not having any, but i just can't get it out of my head that something is wrong and it sounds awful but I can't even feel excited yet u til i know everything is ok x

@Amanda81 I think the advanced OPKs need a baseline and you have to use the same one the whole time - the first day alway says negative too, even if you are actually near peak fertility. I learned this through trial and error last month with CB advanced digital. First day said negative and then got flashy smiley on the day I actually O'd. It should have been a solid smiley, but I started testing too close to O date to catch it. Interested in seeing what your temp and @Catconfusion's graph does tomorrow! Fingers cross for rising temps!

@Catconfusion thanks for asking about the tests. I am going to get more blood drawn on Thursday and then will probably have the results 2-3 days later. Hoping beyond hope for negative hcg so I can begin to move on a bit from all of this.

@3204ECL happy to see that you are temping too now and understanding your cycle. Have you already had one AF now?

@SARmum14 how is everything? Thinking of you xxx.

@AnnaMC214 glad to hear that you made it through the day. Netflix sounds like a great idea, going to do the same thing with a nice glass of wine! Definitely important to take good care of yourself during these difficult days.