First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@readytotryforfirstbabax Don't worry, anxiety in early pregnancy is perfectly normal. I was very sick with my pregnancy. The doctors and midwife all said it was a good sign, sadly it wasn't. My baby stopped developing at 6/7 weeks though I didn't find out until 10 weeks when I paid for a private scan. By12 weeks I was having surgery to remove the baby. I was vomiting right up until the surgery. The placenta was healthy and kept growing despite my baby's heart stopping. I knew about missed miscarriages but I never thought it would happen to me, it did. They are however rare at 1% of pregnancies.

My advice would be to try not to worry about not having symptoms, plenty of ladies don't and the baby is fine. I'm a good example of someone with all the symptoms yet a missed miscarriage. It sounds like you're worried so I'd go and have a reassurance scan for your mental health more than anything as at your stage the chances are slim of something being wrong.

Good luck! Xx

@sadtoday21 I've got everything crossed for your negative result. Xx

@Amanda81 I haven't got a darker line with the cheap ones either. Not sure if it's worth trying the digital ones with my PCOS.

Sadly it's looking like a failed ovulation as not enough of a rise to be fallback. I'm just hoping my body tries again and it's not a cyst. Here's the latest chart. FF is still saying it's a maybe so guess it's more waiting. How is yours looking today? Xx

So sorry for your loss. As to when to start trying again, have one normal period minimum first before you consider it to allow your body to get back into the best shape to carry a pregnancy to term - take vitamins and eat healthily to return your levels to before your last pregnancy. It's very common, and most go onto have a normal pregnancy but do wait.

Sorry @readytotryforfirstbabax forgot to say I had no bleeding or cramping so baby had stopped growing 5/6 weeks before my surgery with no sign anything was wrong. I know it's the stuff of nightmares but please remember it's unlikely this will happen to you. Xx

@sadtoday21 I'm still waiting for first AF, feels like it's dragging on forever to be honest. I've had a few bits of spotting which made me think it was coming then nothing! Will give it another week before going back to the doctor. How are you tests going? If you get a negative this week are you able to start trying again? X

Hi @Catconfusion - it certainly looks like you are going to have another attempt at O. You are hovering around the cover line, albeit a dashed one. Have you got any other O signs? I recall you saying previously that your cycles are usually on the long side with a long LP, when do you usually O?

Mine has shot up today. I never get decent rises in temps. I think my hormones are still messed up. FF still hasn't confirmed O, which is because (I think) I don't have 6+ lower temps. I had one of those nights last night where I struggled to fall to sleep, so probably got about 6 hours of decent sleep...I haven't a scooby as to what's going on. Xx

@Amanda81 it's so weird because I feel like it's happened: mild cramping and sore boobs for the last couple of days. Also ridiculously low mood. I was very tearful yesterday. DH asked if I'd just ovulated as he remembered me being like this last cycle. Are you getting any symptoms?

I'm hoping temp shoots up again in the next few days. My ovulation is very irregular so nothing to base it on. Last time it was day 28 but after mmc. The cycle I conceived on the first time day 24 I think. It has happened much earlier and later though. I've been temping 5 cycles and never had this. The shift has happened over a few days but always upwards. I guess it's a waiting game.

Yours definitely looks promising and maybe a slow rising shift. I've got my fingers crossed for you it goes up again and you get your confirmation. Well done for getting the bd in. I will be jumping on DH when he gets home from work just in case. Xx

Ladies there is an Ovusense code for 20% off. It's Springbaby. www.ovusense.com/uk/store/

It measures core temperatures internally overnight and then uploads to your phone so really accurate and hassle free way of monitoring cycles. It's really worked for me as some of you know. Fantastic support group on Facebook too! Xx

@readytotryforfirstbabax please try not to worry. Unfortunately I had no indication anything was wrong but still had pregnancy symptoms right up to the scan, even though baby had stopped growing 4 weeks before. I had no pregnancy symptoms at all with my first perfectly healthy pregnancy till much later on, not even a hint of nausea, there’s no rhyme or reason to it unfortunately. I know it’s an anxious time, good luck with your scan x

@readytotryforfirstbabax - it is a very anxious time. I went for my 12 weeks scan to be told that the baby had stopped growing at 10+1. I had symptoms right up to the 12 week scan. So you can't base it on symptoms. If you can, I would go for a private scan so that you can put your mind at ease. You can normally get in the next day. Might be good for your mental health.

@Catconfusion - sorry, I do forget that I am 3 months ahead most of you on this thread regarding the MMC. Until you mentioned the detail of your cycles, you've been through so much in the last 2-3 months MMC, MC, your hormones will be bouncing around all over the place which may not delay O, but will show up in your chart in some shape or form. At least my body has had a break between the two and perhaps less disrupted. Give it time is all I am trying to say. If you've had other signs of O, then perhaps the BBT should not be trusted during this cycle. After all, all these systems we plug our data into are algorithms, and perhaps don't deal with the variables such as miscarriage, colds, different environment (these are three things which I think are disrupting my chart). Trust your instincts. I hope you get the rise over the next few days, it might be that the oestrogen is winning over the progesterone for a day or two.

I've not felt any signs of O, but did way back in cd14(ish). I had my usual back ache. Although I don't rely upon this symptom as I had a back injury following a snowboarding incident and can flare up on time to time. This next bit might be tmi, but I've also had some globs of CM, not stretchy, but gluey. I have marked this in my notes on my chart, I had this on cd16,17,21. I've had it before (Cycle 2 after MMC), so nothing to worry about I think. Defo hormonal.

I've just noticed, we are cycle twins this cycle - both cd22! Xx

@Amanda81 thanks for the advice and you're probably right about the fallout from the two back to back miscarriages. I definitely feel like the oestrogen is winning. Just so emotional again. I did my yoga and cried because I couldn't do a certain position. I need to try and get a grip.

I'm so pleased we're cycle buddies!

It's so hard with back issues to know if a sign of anything. I had a prolapsed disc a few years back so completely understand. The CM is interesting and as you say probably a sign of hormonal changes.

I think you're right about not getting too caught up in what the temps are doing and not necessarily a sign of anything. Ovusense has however been a Godsend to me because I was convinced I wasn't ovulating after being diagnosed with polycystic ovaries in my early 30s. To see that temperature rise has meant so much to me after years of doubting my body. I need to stop fixating on it though and accept it's fine to not have that rise for one cycle. Xx

@bananamonkey and @sadtoday21 are you feeling hormonal after having the two losses back to back? I just feel all over the place. I feel worse emotionally in some respects than after the mmc. My body is definitely more unpredictable. Xx

@Catconfusion hmm it is puzzling, but as you are still above the coverline I would give it another day to shoot back up. I know how hard it is to not have much to compare to - my cycle after the mmc was crazy! 53 day cycle with O on CD36 (the cycle before the mmc I O'd on CD19). I am assuming that the D&C messed my body up and that I will O this month on or around CD19 again - it is usually within 1-2 days of the same day each month, right? I am only on CD8 for this first cycle after mmc and after second mc, so we will see how it goes in about week. Interesting that you think the mc messed up your cycle more than the mmc - wondering if that it also what is happening with you @Amanda81? Or @bananamonkey? I'm prepared to bet that this cycle will be strange for me too after the early mc last week.

@readytotryforfirstbabax I'm so sorry you are feeling anxious and I really hope that everything works out for you. I have to say that I found your post to be a bit triggering and upsetting I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but it was very similar to what happened to me. I had no symptoms at all, no morning sickness the whole time. Everyone told me I was just "one of the lucky one" and to enjoy the pregnancy. It turns out I was right to be worried and actually one of the very unlucky ones, since I had an mmc at the end of 12 weeks (baby's hb stopped at 9, but I didn't know), and then learned it had been a partial molar pregnancy five weeks later. I am sure you will be fine and go on to have a successful pregnancy, but I would kindly suggest that you post queries about pregnancy on a different board, since this thread is for ladies that have actually gone through miscarriage. As others have said, please do get a scan to give yourself peace of mind and find some answers - only the scan will tell you what is going on, since everyone and every pregnancy is different. I sincerely hope you don't have to join us here, but if you do, we are one hundred percent there to support you. Otherwise, I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy xxx.

@3204ECL so frustrating about AF! I hope the spotting turns into an actual bleed soon, it does feel quite cathartic. Do you feel your hormone levels are dropping? I feel mine are starting to go down - the hair has all grown back thick again now and my skin is starting to clear. I've been too afraid to take another HPT after the second mc though, just hoping the bleeding has cleared it all out. @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @bananamonkey did you guys take an HPT after the early mc to check if the hormones had gone? Wishing you all a happy Tuesday!

@Catconfusion, sorry, x-posting! That's a very good question. If I think about it too much, I do feel pretty bad having two losses back to back. It makes me a bit scared for the future, even though I know it probably was just too soon. I think it's a bit different for me because I can't try this cycle anyway, so I'm just watching it, but not really emotionally invested like before. I am also sure that feeling will not last long and would also be emotional if I wasn't sure I O'd, particularly with your history of pcos. Even before I got pregnant, I was upset when I thought I didn't O and elated when it finally came. It's a weird thing but feels like an achievement. I am about a week behind you on this cycle, so will have to see how it goes. I've decided not to temp until I see EWCM, but I may start earlier than that if I can't resist.

How are you feeling about the back to back losses? Is DH being understanding about it all? I told everyone in my family we had a second mc and they were all a bit shocked, but obviously preferred to hear that to molar regrowth news. Did you tell anyone about it? I think it is important to recognise the loss, since you had all the emotions that came with it the moment you saw that BFP. I know I did. Happiness, anxiety, disbelief, starting to dream again about a new baby. Feeling that "special" pregnancy way. All of it - for just about three or four days. Now I am feeling relieved that my body is starting to heal from the hormones, but I still feel sad about the losses too. I am also emotional and up and down about it still. Sending you hugs and thinking of you!

@sadtoday21 I really hope it does. I'm trying not to stress about it but it's hard. A normal lady should ovulate at a similar time each month, give or take a few days. CD 19 sounds about right for you so should be around then.

As my GP has now confirmed polycystic ovaries is for life even though the cysts have gone, I cannot predict when my O will come. This pattern of getting a rise only for it to fail is common with my condition. I've been lucky enough that my cycles to date haven't shown this so can only assume my PCOS hasn't been symptomatic recently. I'm just concerned it's raring it's ugly head and I'll find it hard to fall pregnant again. If the egg doesn't pop properly it becomes a cyst.

See how you get on. Your cycle may be better this month. It's so difficult to predict. I'm hoping it's a shorter cycle.

I didn't do a hpt after the very faint positive I got two days before the bleed. I guess because the pregnancy didn't have time to implant properly the hcg was out of my system very quickly. Xx

I don’t think I’m feeling too hormonal but I’ve been consumed with a stupid virus for 3 weeks now and that’s clouding everything as I feel like crap all the time! I did have a day last week where I felt sad and cried a lot after being triggered by some pregnancy reminders. There may be something weird though as I fainted yesterday which I haven’t done for years but used to be a common occurrence in my teens/early 20s and is hormone-related. I’m not temping and haven’t done an OPK yet (probably should this week), I think I should ovulate around this weekend although I seem to have never ending spotting post-AF. I think it’s gone then it comes back to surprise me!

I got a negative test a few days after my positives so didn’t feel the need to test again after that. Only DH knows about it but we haven’t really talked about it.

I'm so sorry you're ill @bananamonkey That really can't have helped. Also the fainting must have been scary. The only time I fainted was during a period so know hormones can cause that.

I really hope the spotting stops in time for your weekend with DH. Hopefully O will come as planned.

I'm starting to get a bit disheartened by temping. Wondering whether it'd be better just to have regular bd and see what happens. Xx

@bananamonkey so sorry you are feeling ill due to the hormones, it is the worst! Interesting that you have had spotting for so long - I didn't have any before or after AF, which lasted about 3-4 days. Hope your O comes on time and you can get back to ttc!

@Catconfusion don't be disheartened, I'm sure the temps will behave soon. It's always so hard to be patient and wait to see a trend, particularly when days go by and you don't see a clear one. Regular bding is the way some people approach it - the every other day method - but I guess that really depends on your lifestyle. For me, bding every other day sounds way too challenging with my work schedule and probably more of a regiment than just tracking the fertile window. I'm a bit astonished that couples can make that work, but then I have been with DH for over ten years now. I think the most important thing is to try to relax about the process, which is way easier said than done. I find the only thing that works is to look for distractions, wherever you may find them! I like your idea of long walks on the beach. I'm planning a romantic getaway in another week or so and hoping to use that time to reconnect with DH and with myself. It's been so long since I thought about romance! Oddly baby making is not romantic haha. Thinking of you and hoping for a clear temp rise soon xxx.

Hi all, AF is here!!! Never been happy to see her before but I feel so relived and in a way a sense of closure that's this part of the journey is over. A bit painful so far but nothing compared to the MC. How was everyone else's first AFs? Not sure if it's any different after a D&C vs natural MC?

@bananamonkey sorry you've been ill, it's not as if you don't have enough to cope with. I had tonsillitis a few weeks ago and being ill after everything else just felt like a kick in the teeth. Hope you feel better soon x

@3204ECL congratulations! That must be a big relief. Do you mind me asking how long it took in the end? Do you have any thoughts on when you might start trying again? xx

That’s great @3204ECL! Mine was pretty standard but I only ever get twinges and medium/light bleeding anyway. Bleeding post-op was pretty light too after the first day.

Thanks for the well wishes, it’s just getting annoying now, I felt so great a few weeks after the op now I feel really unhealthy! Luckily DH was there for the fainting as I was in the middle of getting DD ready for nursery when I banged my arm and passed out on the floor Had to throw up and have a lie down before I could start work. Then spent half the afternoon at the walk-in clinic with DD, not a great start to the week, bring on the weekend!

@AnnaMC214 I'm almost 5 weeks now since I passed the last of the MMC and I got my BFN about 10 days ago. If this is a "normal" ish AF we'll try again this cycle. At the moment the O predictions on fertility friend are very different to those on the old app I used to use just to track my AF. Will see how the next couple of days go and as my AF is usually only about 3/4 days. Hoping my cycle will be a similar length to before the pregnancy which was around 25 days. Have you had a negative HPT yet? X

@3204ECL - yey AF is here! Wonderful news. My af after Erpc was all systems as usual. I was told to expect the worst, sochad planned my arsenal of sanitary products, but it didn't deliver on what I had been told to expect (not that I'm complaining). Not had the one after natural MC, so my arsenal may come to some use yet 😏xx

@bananamonkey poor you, sounds awfulreally hope you feel better soon x

@Amanda81 fingers crossed it's not too bad for either of us! I normally have quite light and short AFs so hoping it won't be too bad 🤞🏼