Missed miscarriage, feeling so sad.

[TinyPaws]

I had a missed miscarriages diagnosed today after two scans a week apart failed to show any heartbeat or growth.

I just feel so so sad, I can't stop crying. I feel like a fraud for grieving a little baby that never was, I'm scared of the physical processes to come, I'm afraid I'll never hold a child of my own, and I feel like I let my partner down. But mostly I'm just so so sad that I lost my baby.

I know millions of women go through this... how do you do it?

Thanks @Laney79 it's just the first one you mentioned. I am worried it won't work but want to try that over surgery as I've already had a c section and a few gynae ops so am a little worried about scarring. I've just been reading your other thread. So sorry again for the loss of your little bean. I'm a nurse so have so much respect for you going through all the management and scans with your anxiety around medical treatment. That must have been so difficult for you

Thanks @NoCupcakesOrCocktails - I won't lie, it's been the hardest thing I've had to deal with physically and emotionally. I just hope that I'm now coming out the other side.
As I understand it if you are already bleeding then the misoprostol has a better success rate. I wasn't -my bleeding appears to have been due to a clot which I passed before my scan that confirmed the missed miscarriage. I had no bleeding at all and the misoprostol alone didn't work. The mifepristone is a progesterone blocker, and I think that helped my body realise the pregnancy wasn't viable, but it sounds like yours is already clocking it.

Does your trust offer repeat doses if there's no movement? Some trust offer 2 or 3 more half doses orally every few hours to help get it moving.

If it does fail you could ask if they'd try the mifepristone misoprostol combination like I had. It's effectively what they give for medical abortion and appears to have a better success rate.

Good luck. It's an awful thing to go through but you are not alone xxx

@Laney79 Yes I think I will call EPAU in a day or two. I really want to be scanned again to check if it’s all gone and to see what state my lining etc is all in as I’m considering another cycle of treatment quite soon.

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails So sorry to hear about the anxious time you’ve been having - I guess you probably feel robbed of the ability to enjoy any of your pregnancy. I’ll tell you a bit about my experience of medical management but please don’t freak out as my experience is not typical and what happened to me will probably not happen to you! I just had an unusually bad reaction to misoprostol.

I went in for medical management at 9+5 weeks although baby stopped developing at about 6+0 weeks. I was supposed to have the miscarriage at home and was told I needed an adult with me for 24 hours. I had misoprostol only administered vaginally at approx 1040am on Monday. My medications weren’t ready so I was sent down to the cafe for some breakfast while waiting for them to be ready. By the time I picked the medications up at 1115 ish I was already experiencing strong cramping so I took some codeine and some cyclizine straight away. The cramping got more and more intense and I started to get nauseous. We had barely left the hospital grounds in the car when I had to get my partner to pull over at a bus stop so I could vomit out the entire contents of my stomach (including presumably the pain relief and anti sickness drug’s I’d just taken). I was in a lot of pain so we went back to the hospital. They gave me a bed to lie down on and I had a massive cry. I couldn’t have any more pain relief as I hadn’t spotted the pills in the vomit although I’m sure I brought them up. After a few more minutes the pain eased off and they explained it would come in waves, like contractions. I tried to go home again. Again I started to get more and more intense pain on the way home. By the time we got home at approximately 1215 I was howling in pain and I threw up several times as soon as I got in the front door. I then started to have awful diarrhoea and spend the next hour and a half on the toilet in absolute agony. It was the worst pain I’ve ever had in my life. I cleaned myself up and noticed a bit of blood when I wiped. I called my partner to take me to hospital as the pain was unbearable then lay on the floor in a ball. I was quite spaced out and didn’t really know what was going on at this point. When we got to the hospital I staggered out the car and some porters put me in a chair and took me back to the ward. I was screaming in pain most of the way and clutching a mop bucket as I was extremely nauseous - it was not dignified or pretty. I curled up in a ball on the bed as soon as I got to the ward. They tried to give me pain relief orally but I couldn’t keep anything down so after a while 2 different nurses tried to cannulate me, however by this time I was so dehydrated from all the vomiting and diarrhoea that my veins had collapsed and they couldn’t get the cannula in. Thoughout this time I was lying on the bed in a ball with my eyes closed, moaning. After a while the nurses came back and gave me an anti-sickness injection into the bum. I got a bit spaced out and lay on the bed for another hour or so, still in intense pain. The sickness eased off a bit and I managed to take some pain pills and drink some water. I was admitted for observations at about 4.30pm. The pills kicked in and the pain became manageable, more like bad period cramps. I managed to eat half a cheese sandwich at about 6pm and also started to bleed lightly. At about 8.15pm I got up to use the toilet and while on the toilet a stream of blood started to flow out including something large ish - probably a few centimetres across - plopped out. This process was actually almost painless. I think this was the sac and embryo but we’re not sure as there was too much blood in the toilet to see much and we didn’t want to go poking around in there. I called the nurse who realised nobody had told me I was supposed to use bedpans. The bleeding tapered off after that to more like a very heavy period and I didn’t pass any more clots. I went home yesterday with pain relief and anti sickness and since then have had what feels like bad period cramps and bleeding but nothing I can’t cope with. I’ve been to the cinema today! So for me the times when I’ve been passing blood and pregnancy tissue has not been that painful, the bad bit was my reaction to the pills. I found the whole experience quite embarrassing as normally I’m quite stoical about pain and I don’t like to make a scene or be dramatic. The good thing about pain is once it’s over it’s over.

@Laney79 the leaflets they've given me don't say anything about repeated doses so not sure if they would do that. I'll add that to the list of stuff to ask on Friday

@TinyPaws that sounds horrific what an awful reaction to the drugs. It's reassuring to hear the pain when passing the pregnancy stuff was manageable though. Every time I've had a GA I've had terrible nausea and have had to have the anti sickness injection in my bum so have lots of sympathy for you. Btw on my leaflet it says if there is any doubt after the management that you will be given a scan 7-10 days later. 3 weeks does seem an awful long time to wait.

All of this is proper shit, as if losing a baby isn't hard enough without having to go through this as well. I have had another miscarriage a few years ago but it happened spontaneously at 6 weeks and the worst was over in a few hours so was much easier to deal with physically at least

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails every trust appears to run different protocols. Basic NICE guidance says a single dose of 800mcg misoprostol vaginally, but as I say other trusts offer more, some give it you orally or under the tongue, some want you to say in hospital others let you go home. (I'm a journo by trade so I ended up reading everything I could-my nature is research and knowledge =power for me!)

My trust never offered any pain meds-I was just told paracetamol and ibuprofen. To be honest I coped without them both for the first two days, even though at times the pain took my breath away (partner said I sounded like I I'd got Tourette's at times though -my language was pretty fruity) but on Sunday I had to take them, the pain was horrible. As tiny paws said the actually passing of the blood/clots doesn't hurt, in fact it's a relief as that is what eases the pain in your belly. My nurse said the pain is a combination of the uterus contracting, and then the tissue builds up and gets stuck in the cervix-once it passes the pain eases. So that makes sense.

Oh and one more thing to have on hand-a hot water bottle or wheat bag-I'm still using mine now on and off and I'm nearly a week on.

As @TinyPaws says I'm not sure our experiences are typical. It seems to vary widely between women. My bean was only 5 weeks when he stopped growing but I was almost 15 weeks by the time I had the last med mgmt. I really hope it goes as painlessly as it can for you. Do et us know? Xxx

Thanks @Laney79 I picked up a wheat bag today and have already used it none stop! I've just packed my bag and am trying to relax now. I really appreciate all the advice from you and @TinyPaws, I'll let you know how I get on.

@TinyPaws did you speak to the EPU about a scan?

I've got a wheat bag on my tummy as we speak! I've not called EPU yet, giving it another day or two to see what happens as I've had more intense cramps today although still only passing blood, not clots.

Good luck for tomorrow @NoCupcakesOrCocktails, hope it's effective and not painful. Please do let us know how you get on. x

P.S. sorry about the earlier wall of text with rubbish grammar. As you can probably tell I did a word vomit onto the page and couldn't bring myself to re-read it at the time. Oops.

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails how are you doing? X

It didn't go great, I feel quite upset about it all. We were kept waiting for 3 hours before they managed to get a bed sorted for us. My anxiety was through the roof at that point. Then had the medication but apart from feeling sick and getting cramps nothing happened. The nurse looking after me was pregnant which i found difficult to deal with and she seemed very unsympathetic, I felt uncomfortable being there. I was allowed to come home late last night. As soon as I got home I started passing a lot of blood and a few clots over a couple of hours and then all of a sudden it stopped. I'm not confident that's it. I've had a similar amount of bleeding last week so am thinking it's not happened. I've got a scan booked for Friday to check. I'll feel exhausted and drained this morning. I'm wishing I'd opted for surgical now. My DH is away for work next week and it can't be cancelled. I wanted it all over by then so I would be ok at home on my own. I've got a 2 year old DS and no family near by to help

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails oh that sounds awful! I don't blame you for being upset.

Leaving you for three hours whilst they found a bed is unacceptable-this was a pre planned treatment, if they had emergencies they should have sent you home until they were ready for you. I totally understand about the pregnant nurse, I would've been the same (babies don't upset me-pregnant women do) and especially as she was unsympathetic. I really feel for you. I'd consider feeding back once you are feeling better-really shouldn't happen like that.

Don't get too down about the possibility it didn't work. I had mild bleeding/pain for 48 hours then all of a sudden I got lots of pain and passed lots of blood and clots. That was last Sunday and although bleeding has been light since I've still passed several clots. The pregnancy test I did on Tuesday was only faintly positive. My nurse was pretty convinced I'd had the main bulk of the miscarriage when I described it. So it may be that it has worked for you, but is taking time. How far along were you? And how old was your little one when they stopped growing? I was 15 weeks last Sunday but bean was only measuring 5 when he stopped growing so was tiny.

Sending you virtual hugs xx

So sorry to read about your experiences. It sounds terrible for you all.

I remember my mmc from 9 years ago still as it was so painful as i had medical management too.

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails I’m sorry your experience wasn’t better, bit awkward having you looked after by a pregnant nurse. It may still have worked - I had one big lump come out on the first day but bleeding only apart from that from Monday to Thursday then yesterday I started to pass clots and today I’ve passed several little chunks of what I’m sure is placenta (thanks @Laney79 for warning me this might happen!)

I called EPU yesterday morning and they said they wouldn’t scan me again unless pregnancy test still positive after 3 weeks which seems a long time to wait but I’m becoming more optimistic that the procedure has worked for me as I now fit back into my pre pregnancy trousers.

@TinyPaws @NoCupcakesOrCocktails yep-I'm still bleeding and passing clots too-I had my medical management over a week ago (Friday last week) and today I've had more bleeding and clots than I've had for days today...it really does go in fits and starts, for me at least. Barely bled at all Tuesday and Thursday...

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails How are you doing? Fingers crossed for your scan.

@Laney79 How are you? Are you still bleeding? Mine's been going in fits and starts too - loads this morning (nearly had a leak) but hardly any the rest of the day.

I'm 8 days post medical management and still bleeding quite a lot. Had more chunks of tissue yesterday but just blood today. Apparently I can get counselling from bereavement services if required, although the EPAU nurse thinks my emotional reaction is normal. I've also discovered what appears to be a nerve injury due to a cannulation attempt. Really looking forward to getting a negative pregnancy test (never thought I'd say that!).

@TinyPaws oh I'm so sorry to read about what an awful experience you had. How are you feeling now? My bleeding lasted 17 days. I've just had nine days without bleeding and now my period's started. I guess this is all part of my cycles getting messed up post-mc.

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails I'm also really sorry to read about your experience. I hope you're doing okay. x

@BadBadBeans 17 days! Although I've been bleeding 9 days now so I suppose 17 days isn't inconceivable. That's quick to get your period back - almost too quick! I'm worried mine will take ages to return. Did you take pregnancy tests and if so how long did it take them to go negative?

@TinyPaws I know! Seems like a crazy long time. But the last three or four days were only a little bit of light brown bleeding. I have been taking iron supplements (spatone) as I felt exhausted from it! Yes it does seem quick; I was almost wondering whether it might be part of the miscarriage but I don't think it is (although it is a little more on the clotty side than is normal for me). I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet as I was told to wait until two weeks after the bleeding stopped - which is next weekend! But now that my period has started I am tempted to take one with FMU tomorrow just to see. It's nearly four weeks since I started miscarrying so I would like to think that it would be negative by now!!!!

@TinyPaws yep, still bleeding. 12 days now. My nurse said that it could go on for another week or two!!! She did say though if it was still happening when I see my GP a week on Thursday to talk about meds to help reset my body-apparently there's something they can give you to help.

@BadBadBeans 17 days? And only 9 days before AF? I really feel for you. I hope mine stops soon. Had a negative test for the first time today. Sad but relieved too.

I just want to feel normal again. And I want to get back to TTC. If there's one thing we've learnt it's that we really do want a baby. Time to get my head around opks!

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails how are you doing lovely? X

I stupidly took a pregnancy test today - still a very clear positive and I didn't even use FMU. To be fair EPAU did tell me it should be negative after 2-3 weeks and I only had my medical management just over a week ago.

I feel like my heart has broken and the only thing than can really fix it would be to deliver a healthy baby. I just hope that's possible someday.

Big hugs @TinyPaws - it's awful. If it helps at all my tests went from pretty strong positive the day before medical management to negative today (I had mifepristone on 25th April, misoprostol on 27th) so less than two weeks.

If you are struggling emotionally could you put a bit of pressure on your EPAU to scan you again? Three weeks does seem a long time. Is your bleeding slowing at all? Xxx

I tried but EPAU were adamant they wouldn't scan before 3 weeks.

The bleeding does seem less today (first time I've recorded it as "moderate" rather than "heavy" in my app) and I haven't passed any more chunks of tissue/clots either today or yesterday. I had misoprostol on 30th so only a few days behind you - hopefully I'll get a negative test soon! I've bought some dirt cheap tests (3 for £1 savers) so can afford to test every few days - going to aim for no more than 2x weekly so if I test again before Friday give me a good slap!

Toying with the idea of contacting bereavement to try and arrange some counselling but think I'm gonna push on through a bit longer, if I'm still bursting into tears over stupid things once I'm back at work I'm going to have to give it a try I think.

@Laney79 Also I nearly said "congrats on your negative pregnancy test", which would have been a horrible thing to say! But hopefully it is a step towards your cycle returning so you can try again when you choose to.

I found out in Jan that I was 6 weeks pregnant. My sister and I are close so we were both excited when she announced her pregnancy 2 weeks later. Plans for a shared maternity were made and we couldn't be happier with due dates just days apart. Sadly I started bleeding soon after and after a week of scans and close observation had a natural miscarriage. The last few weeks have been awful with horrendous mood swings, aggressive behaviour and not stop crying. Eventually I went to the doctors who has helped with the behaviour and I've started counselling which I would recommend. I'm starting to feel better and am ok now with the 2 pregnant friends I've got, but I cannot bring myself to speak to my sister still. I saw a picture of her slightly swollen stomach on Facebook and went mental, accusing her (to my boyfriend) of having everything she wants and celebrating her pregnancy with friends. She has tried to ring me but I won't answer. Family know I'm struggling but I get the feeling they think I'm dragging it out and being selfish. I've messaged her as much as I can to say that I am trying to talk to her and I do want to be a part of her pregnancy, but I don't feel like I really mean it and I actually don't want to talk about the pregnancy. I can't handle anything to do with her but we have a family get together soon where I'm going to have to face her and in front of others. What am I going to do when it comes to a baby shower! I can't organise it and if her friends do they won't know what I've been through and will expect my usual bubbly personality. I do feel selfish not being ready yet to move on with her and I feel guilty for not supporting her when she has been struggling with sickness. I just keep everything crossed that her pregnancy will go ok and that we can be close again when this is all over. Anyone else in the same situation or have any advice? Thanks x

@TinyPaws I'm going for counselling-to be honest I think it's got to be worth a try. I've been hit really hard by this and although I feel like I could push on, I worry what will happen in the weeks and months to come if I do that. I've been in very dark places and need to try and make sure I don't go there again.

In terms of EPAU could the GP help? If it's effecting you mentally maybe they could request an earlier scan for you?

I've only used cheapies to test - just pound shop ones -seems wrong to spend a lot hoping for a negative...and on that I totally get the congrats thing. It feels so wrong to be relieved to see a negative test, but as you say it means we can now move on and start TTC again.

Time to swop preg tests for opks...I swear testing your own wee this often is just plain nuts.

@13FLOWERS so sorry to hear about your loss -it sounds like a very difficult situation. Have you been having counselling for long? I'd hope that would start to help you with how you are feeling about your sister. So very hard. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

Hi it happened to me 3 years ago and i cabt lie the pain of it is still there. I found out at my 12 week scan and it really devastated me. But even though i cant say you forger because you dont, you do find a way through it, you rememeber all the other good things in your life and remember how to smile again. I thought i would never smile again, i never wanted to get out of bed again and felt the world was so unfair. Bit by bit you do find yourself again. Just give yourself time to heal and come to terms with whats happened. Im sending all the love and good wishes for whats to come, you will be okay xxxx