Missed miscarriage, feeling so sad.

[TinyPaws]

I had a missed miscarriages diagnosed today after two scans a week apart failed to show any heartbeat or growth.

I just feel so so sad, I can't stop crying. I feel like a fraud for grieving a little baby that never was, I'm scared of the physical processes to come, I'm afraid I'll never hold a child of my own, and I feel like I let my partner down. But mostly I'm just so so sad that I lost my baby.

I know millions of women go through this... how do you do it?

@TinyPaws @lilacandlavender on the medical management thing...I've done buckets of research since we found out bean wasn't growing on 17th March. I'm desperate to avoid surgery so when waiting for 4.5weeks didn't work I went down med mgmt route.

So basically there is wide variation on what is offered by which hospital and what they consider normal.

Nice guidance says 800mcg of misoprostol ideally vaginally but if no bleeding in 24 hours you should contact EPAU.

However some trusts will give you rpt doses of the drug after a few hours if no movement, and even give you more to take home. There's huge differences depending where you live.

My hospital said that the drugs could take up to two weeks to work-but I had a meltdown 24 hours later when there was nothing but mild period ache. Ended up badly affecting me mentally. My GP arranged a second half dose with the EPAU after 48 hours but again it did nothing.

So this week my fella got in touch with my nurse because of my mental state. She was great and spoke to Dr. They scanned me, and found my body has reabsorbed my bean, and that the sac was deflating/changing shape. Dr prescribed mifepristone (the one they use for abortions-it's progesterone blocker they used to give for miscarriage too before nice guidance changed-they are running a trial to see if it's more effective for MC with the two drugs) which I took weds.

Had misoprostol again today and fingers crossed it seems to be doing something -had bleeding and a couple of small clots.

So basically when it comes to med management each hospital does its own thing-but certainly nice and rcog say if no bleeding in 24 hours ask for advice.

@TheImprobableGirl Glad things went as well as they could for you, hope you’re recovering well. It must have been so hard to find out so far into the pregnancy.

@toasterstrudel and @BadBadBeans Glad you’re both starting to feel a bit better.

@Laney79 I was actually asked to participate in a clinical trial re: if administering mifepristone 2 days prior to the misoprostol improves the effectiveness of medical management. However as it’s a clinical trial they would not dispense the trial substance on a weekend, and I need to have the medical management on Monday as that’s when my partner has compassionate leave to be with me (the hospital won’t let me do medical management without another adult there). So, I declined. I’m glad things seem to be progressing for you, fingers crossed it works for both of us. I really want to avoid surgery too.

Got off my arse today and ran a 5k. 5 minutes and 23 minutes slower than my pre-pregnancy personal best time - ouch. Bad lower back cramps all day but still no bleeding. At least the nausea is almost gone now.

@TinyPaws gosh I think that is very impressive to run 5k at all under the circumstances! I didn't hit the gym once while it was all going on - only went back 2 days ago. Did make me feel better though. Your time will come down again. When I was pregnant with DS I found first trimester exercise the hardest. I remember feeling like my legs were just so heavy. Best of luck for your appointment tomorrow.

@Laney79 how are you doing?

@BadBadBeans thanks for asking. How are you doing now?

I'm ok. Pains on Friday were really bad. Enough to double me over and take my breath away. I was adamant I didn't want pain relief though, I needed to know it was doing something so I stuck with a wheat bag and gritted teeth.

Eased pain wise a bit yesterday-became more like a period ache, but more sore if that makes sense with the occasional killer pain.

Bleeding wise-it's weird. I'm bleeding which is good, but very little into my pad-really only need to change it once. When I go to the loo it's like a steady drip and I've had quite a few small clots/tissue, but nothing I've managed to spot looks like a sac (mine is only 1.5-2cm though and was collapsing at scan on weds).

Feeling a bit tired/washed out but ok. Relieved To be honest that something is finally happening. I just hope it is enough to sort it without any more intervention.

@TinyPaws fingers crossed all goes well for you tomorrow xx

Tinypaws you are incredible. Good luck for tomorrow.

@Laney79 So glad things seem to be moving on for you, hope you’re ththrough the worst.

Thanks for the good luck wishes for tomorrow, I’m feeling quite apprehensive.

Managed a visit to the twins today, I did have a little cry but enjoyed lots of cuddles with tiny little people (smaller than most newborns even though they’re 3 weeks old!). The hardest moment was when my partner held one of the babies for the first time and I wanted so much to give her a baby of our own. But there was something nice about feeding a baby and having her fall asleep on me.

So sorry for you all. I went through my first miscarriage 3 days ago and I feel absolutely broken.. I was 11weeks gone but the day I started to bleed a little I was given an emergency scan which we found out our baby's heart had stopped beating a few weeks before. I can't get my head around it, its all just so hard at the moment firstly knowing I was walking around for at least 2weeks stroking my tummy thinking my healthy baby is growing nicely but in fact it was just the sac.. secondly the whole experience of going through it was so traumatic the amount of blood and pain which kept me in hospital over night to be monitored and the following day when I was home my body was able to pass the main of it. I just can't stop thinking about it, it has totally broken my heart. we had so many things planned and then suddenly it's all disappeared. My emotions are everywhere from sad to angry to crying so much I can't catch a breath.. I understand I am grieving and it's normal but I just can't believe how hard it has hit me it all just seems un real at the moment. Sorry for rambling on really felt I had to release this and I felt this was the best place for me. Love to you all xx

Sorry you're having such an awful time @Tan321, it's really horrible isn't it. I think releasing it and sharing how you feel is really helpful. Having a miscarriage has almost been like being admitted into a secret sisterhood, so many have told me their own stories since this happened.

The medical management isn't going quite to plan, I threw up all the medications and ended up being admitted for pain management. I thought I had a decent pain threshold but I've never known anything like this. I have started bleeding so hopefully it's working.

Take all the pain relief... Let's hope it works quickly and you don't have to be in for long. Thinking of you.

Aw @Laney79 that sounds horrid. How are you doing now?

@TinyPaws what a hideous drawn-out experience for you. I hope the medical management has worked now and you're on the road to the physical recovery at least. You're so right about the secret society, I've had very similar experiences. After sharing my story on Facebook I had lots of friends contact me wanting to talk about theirs.

@Tan321 I'm so sorry it's happened to you too. I do think a mmc is so painful because, like you say, there's that period of time where you think it's all fine and it isn't. Mine hadn't grown past 7 weeks despite me thinking I was at 12 weeks (had sickness and everything) and I found that very hard. I cried quite a lot last week and then on Saturday I was very sad. I'm making a conscious effort now to try and move on emotionally and have had a good two days now. But it still hurts at times and I can imagine yours will too.

I had surgical management last Weds. Operation went well and I've stopped bleeding, but still getting positive pregnancy tests. Hope they'll stop soon. Feeling ready to start moving on from this now, it's been quite an emotional fortnight. Hope everyone else is ok, thinking of you all.

@TinyPaws sorry to hear it's not going to plan. I hear you on the pain. I managed to cope on Friday and Saturday with the cramps and pain with no drugs but Sunday morning it was like I was hit by a train. It was agony, I was writhing on the bed in pain, could barely stand, heavy bleeding and lots of clots-my mom said it was like labour. I hope the pain meds work for you and it's over soon.

@Tan321 you're not alone. I too went around for four weeks thinking my bean was growing happily in my belly, only to find out it wasn't the case. My bean stopped growing at 5 weeks, found out at a private scan at 9 weeks, and I think I've finally miscarried (with medical management assistance -worked second time round with mifepristone as well as misoprostol) yesterday. I should've been 15 weeks.
It's the dreams and possibilities I'm finding hard to let go of, and the feeling I should be xxx weeks by now and doing/feeling y. I've bought a ring and a necklace to remember my bean. It was my first pregnancy, I'm 38. It's been so painful, emotionally and physically. Never experienced anything like this in my life, and never want to again.

My bean taught me a few things though. That I adore my man, and he loves me more than I ever knew. That we do really want a baby. That it is possible to feel pure unadulterated joy. That even in my darkest days I have a huge blanket of people who love me and will hold me up no matter what.

Just remember-We are moms. It's just our little ones are in our hearts, rather than our arms.

@toasterstrudle thanks for asking-got a huge amount worse on Sunday morning about 11am. Pain ramped up and I was in agony. Lots of blood and clots, never experienced pain like it. Went on for several hours and I felt like I needed to push if that doesn't sound daft? It was something I hope I never go through again.
I'm sore/tender today and had more cramps in the night and this morning but miles better than yesterday.

I'm really pleased to hear you are coming out the other side-it's been over 6 weeks for me now, feels like a lifetime but I'm hoping what happened yesterday was it and I'll be able to move on. Negative test is my big goal which sounds awful. But as soon as I get that I want to try again. Really pleased to hear you are doing ok after surgery. Fingers crossed we both get negative tests ASAP X

@TinyPaws how are you doing today? X

@TinyPaws I'm so sorry that it has been such a rough run for you. Are you still in the hospital? How are things going?

@Laney79 I really hope you are over the worst of it now. I was really lucky in that my cramps never got worse than intense period pain - sounds like lots of people experience much more pain than that, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. Lovely idea to have jewellery as a memorial. And how lovely also that you have drawn such deep, positive truths from such a horrid experience.

@toasterstrudle the EPU told me to wait until 2 weeks after the bleeding stopped and then do a pregnancy test, so I'm guessing you may have a bit of a wait post-surgery before you get a negative. I stopped bleeding at the weekend and was sorely tempted to take a test today, but I'm going to hold out for the full fortnight as I just don't want the heartache of seeing a positive line that I know isn't real.

@Tan321 hope that you are coping okay. x

I’m doing better thanks I just got home. Pain is under control, I’m still bleeding but I’ve only passed one big lump yesterday, I kind of hope that was it but not sure. Psychologically I feel much better now it’s started, like things might start to get back to normal.

Is it weird that I really want to try again ASAP?

@TinyPaws not at all. I'm totally the same. I'm desperate to get a completely negative test so we can try and conceive again. Everything in me is saying I need to be a mom.

Hope things are over for you soon. My bleeding has virtually stopped now. Nurse has warned me I may get some sudden gushes but otherwise to test in a week.

Xx

@TinyPaws yes I want to start again really soon too. I am hoping this cycle is a short one, as I want to wait for a period before starting again. Like, I'm hoping my body maybe counts the start of my cycle from near the start of the miscarriage rather than nearer the end! Let's see. x

I wanted to start trying again right away. I was desperate to be pregnant again by the time my due date came round, and luckily I was. Good luck ladies xxx

@Hobbitch Glad you were able to concieve again so quickly, I really want to be pregnant again by the time my previous due date rolls by, I think that’ll be a difficult day. I have to wait for next period to TTC as I’m having fertility treatment.

I’m a bit worried that the medical management may not have fully worked as I have not passed much. I’ll give it a few more days then call EPU if not much else has happened.

@TinyPaws I had my second lot of med mgmt fri morn...thought I'd got off lightly on Friday and Saturday -it was painful but not unbearable and I passed some clots and blood, then on Sunday it really ramped up and I lost lots of blood and clots in a short space of time. I couldn't keep track of how much not wether is passed the sac so it may be that your body is still reacting to the drugs.

My EPAU nurse seems to think most of mine has passed. She did warn me to poss expect some further gushes though. She also said some women don't pass a huge amount as the body just absorbs the rest or it only gets rid of the pregnancy and the lining ends up as part of your next period.

See how you go. Fingers crossed it goes as well as it can xx

Thanks @Laney79, hope you’re doing well. x

I have passed more blood but no clots to speak of, paranoid it hasn’t worked. Really don’t want to have to wait 3 weeks to take a pregnancy test, I’m inpatient! I feel better emotionally now it’s started at least, carrying a non viable embryo really took a toll on me.

Hi I hope it's ok to post on here. I've been reading all your posts but haven't really felt up to posting as have been in such limbo. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses 

I was due in November but have had issues from getting my BFP so I have been very anxious throughout the pregnancy. I started bleeding from hours of getting a positive. I had IVF so was put straight on to bed rest and had my HCG checked for the first week. At first it doubled and then fell so I was told I was having an early miscarriage. I was already booked in for a scan at the EPU and was told to go ahead with that. So at 6 weeks I had a scan, they were very surprised to find a gestational sac and yolk sac as that didn't fit with my blood results. I was asked to go a few weeks later and at this point there was the fetal pole with a heartbeat. I then had another 2 scans which showed a heartbeat and the fetal pole was growing but not as much as it should so I was still very anxious. Then on Friday there was no heartbeat 😢 I stopped all my ivf medication and have been bleeding. I actually thought I might have passed the baby but I had a review today and baby is still there and my cervix is closed. So I've decided to have medical management and am going in on Friday. I thought I was actually doing a little bit better but have been really upset today. It's been a long 6 weeks and the uncertainty has been agonising.
@TinyPaws do you mind me asking if how you have found the medical management overall? I will need to stay in for at least 6 hours at my unit as that's their policy

Sorry for such a long message but it's good to write it all down

@TinyPaws can you call your EPAU? If you aren't sure you've passed enough surely they'd scan you to check? 3 weeks is a long time. My nurse did say some women don't pass a lot during the miscarriage, sometimes just the sac. The rest comes away during the next period. I'd ring-three weeks worrying isn't going to help you physically or emotionally.

@NoCupcakesOrCocktails so sorry to hear you've had such a rough time and after IVF too. I've had two lots of med mgmt, with two different drugs. are you just having misoprostol? Or mifepristone 48 hours earlier as well? The combination appears to have been successful for me, the miso alone didn't work. It's not been easy, and at times it's been very painful, but for me it was the right choice. Good luck xxx