Missed miscarriage, feeling so sad.

[TinyPaws]

I had a missed miscarriages diagnosed today after two scans a week apart failed to show any heartbeat or growth.

I just feel so so sad, I can't stop crying. I feel like a fraud for grieving a little baby that never was, I'm scared of the physical processes to come, I'm afraid I'll never hold a child of my own, and I feel like I let my partner down. But mostly I'm just so so sad that I lost my baby.

I know millions of women go through this... how do you do it?

Time that's all.
it happened to me at my 12 week scan. I was really shocked at how upset I was.
I felt sad for weeks then gradually less and less.
Sorry I can't be more help but it is normal to grieve.
Can you talk to anyone?

Sorry to hear of your experience @ledkr. I have talked to people but I still feel awful.

You grieve, grieve for everything you had built and pictured in your mind. Give yourself time, do what you need to, and be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss

Thank you @NoNoCharlieRascal I've calmed down now had a bit of a meltdown last night when I was alone. Grief is like waves.

It is and it's perfectly fine to feel it too.
I cried and cried.
It will hit you on and off.
Don't rush back to work either.

I've no intention of going back until the pregnancy has passed. I've been in work this past week and it was horrible.

I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing last week. Went into 12 week scan excited and expecting to see a healthy baby, and was told baby had died weeks ago

Feel what you want to feel. I just felt numb for a couple of days, and then relieved once I'd had my ERPC and the medical side was over. The sadness and loss didn't hit me until a couple of days after. Now, over a week on, I have good days and bad days. I've taken the week off uni but may take longer. Don't rush back, even if you physically feel well.

I'm so sorry

It's just so sad because by now you have really got excited and started making little plans etc. Then all that is cruelly taken away.
I had about 4 weeks off because I work in social care so needed to get my game face on!

I work in a hospital and a few of my more perceptive colleagues were starting to twig that something is wrong. I haven't made any clinical errors but my productivity has been rubbish the past week and getting through a day at work is just emotionally exhausting.

Baby died about two weeks ago according to the scans but the EPU told me I might wait up to 6 weeks for the pregnancy to pass naturally (I think I might opt for medical or surgical management if it takes this long though).

So sorry you're going through this. I had a few so experienced surgical, medical and natural miscarriages. Personally I found the medical easiest as I could be in my own home and didn't have the stresses of surgery. There's no right answer though. I found the grief came and went in waves, to be honest it was probably only when I brought a live baby home that I felt I could heal. Now I can look back on that time of my life as getting me where I am now, but at the time it was horrendous. Be kind to yourself

So sorry for your loss.

It takes time. Be really kind to yourself.

I found the Miscarriage Association's website helpful - they have a forum.

I also went to a 'Saying Goodbye' service at a local cathedral with my DH. I think hospitals sometimes offer a less religious version of these through their chaplaincy services. Really did help me say goodbye.

@tinypaws Exactly the same thing happened to me yesterday too. It was my first pregnancy and I had surgical management this morning. I have taken comfort from the fact that my midwife told me that this was destined to happen at the moment of conception. There is absolutely nothing which could have been done. It is hard and sad but with time it'll get easier and we can have fun trying again. Happy to chat privately if you need. Thinking of you. Xx

Im so sorry.
I’m a week on from my mmc and subsequent surgery. Surgery was fine apart from having to be in hospital and all that.
My physical symptoms have gone. I bled for a few days and my pg symptoms have gone and i was over 12 weeks. I now like keeping busy to keep my mind occupied. For me being sat at home thinking about the loss and trauma of it all made it worse.
I have two children already. Out of a group of 10 close friends, more than half of us have had MC’s. It’s horrible but unfortunately very common. All of my friends have had kids after their MC’s also.
I know its hard now but time will help you heal.
Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to get better. Xx

I'm so so sorry. It is a horribly traumatic experience that so many people just don't understand. I lost my beautiful little 9 weeker which was also a MMC.
I'm sorry to say this is still heavily with me nearly 2.5 years later due to my partner not wanting to ever try again. Its destroyed me, totally torn my life apart.
I wish i had something positive to tell you, just take everyday as it comes and allow yourself ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. You have lost your baby, no matter what anyone tells you. Your feeling are 100% valid. I did join babyloss groups but then everyone was talking about trying again and I didn't have that option so I started to hate everyone, so I've taken myself away from those groups.

Should you decide to join a support group, there are lots on FB. I can recommend a few - be warned about the talk of trying again though in case that isn't an option for you.

All I can say is rest as much as you can. Get sleeping pills from your GP, it was the only way I could get any sleep through the constant crying. Lean on compassionate people, and do whatever it is you need to do to look after yourself. You come first, everything else comes second. Sending you lots of love xx

I'm eight days on from my ERPC. I was never in much pain (at it's worst it was like moderately bad period cramps, maybe a 5 out of 10). The bleeding stopped yesterday and hasn't made a reappearance (yet). I bled quite heavily for the first 24 hours, moderately for three/four days, and lightly (like a light period) for the last two days. Honestly, the bleeding and pain hasn't been much different from a regular period for me. Perhaps a little bit heavier, but aside from that not much different. I don't know if that's the case for every woman.

I felt like I'd completely recovered physically after three days, which made me feel guilty about taking the week off uni, but of course emotionally I'm still very up and down and nowhere near healed.

As far as pregnancy symptoms go, I haven't had any since two days after my operation. No nausea, breasts are no longer tender and have gone back to their pre-pregnancy size, and my skin has cleared up. I haven't taken a pregnancy test to see if it's still positive yet, but am planning on doing so tomorrow. I had a missed miscarriage (baby stopped developing at six weeks but I didn't find out until 12 weeks), so perhaps my HCG levels were already falling before I found out about my mc. I don't know. It's all very stressful and confusing!

Thank you for sharing all your stories. I'm having cramps and lower back pain but no bleeding yet. My symptoms started to lessen almost a week ago, now my nausea is almost gone and my boobs are shrinking so hopefully things will happen naturally soon.

I was told by EPU to expect heavy bleeding, I'm not sure why. The gestational sac continued to grow after the baby stopped and is now quite large, so maybe that's why they expect it to be bad? I even have a little pregnancy tummy that I only acquired after the pregnancy failed, I don't fit into most of my trousers/shorts at present.

Re: trying again. I'm in a same sex relationship and we conceived via fertility treatment, so we are lucky that we can try again. But it will be expensive. We are not entitled to any funded treatment. The intention to try again was a major factor in opting for expectant management as I'm finding carrying a dead embryo quite upsetting but want to avoid even a very small risk of damaging my future fertility.

The lower back pains are becoming quite intense, is this normal?

@TinyPaws I am so sorry that you've been feeling so awful. The fact that you need fertility treatment to conceive must be adding a lot of extra pressure to the situation too. I'm afraid I have no idea about the back pains - I didn't get that, but then I didn't get much pain at all, so I think I was lucky. Did the EPU give you any helpline numbers that you can ring for advice? If you are worried about anything and nowhere else is open, then I would ring 111.

You were a couple of weeks behind me on due dates weren't you? So 'should' you be about 7/8 weeks now? (I would have been 10 weeks today, as my automatic BabyCentre email helpfully reminded me this morning - cue my rapid cancelling of all pregancy apps. You may want to make sure you do this too if you are finding it tough emotionally.)

I started miscarrying at 9 weeks, with a growth of 6 weeks. My bleeding was quite heavy. Not terrifying, but there was signficantly more of it than I had expected. I would strongly suggest buying some maternity pads to help get you through that stage.

Hope it goes okay x

Thanks @BadBadBeans, how are you getting on? x

I ‘should’ be 8+1, due date was 28th November. I uninstalled my pregnancy apps after the first scan suggested an issue as I knew my baby was not the size of . :(

I bought night time pads, are maternity ones significantly more absorbant?

Emotionally I’m much better today and physically I feel quite good (the pregnancy symptoms made me feel poorly and they’re fading now). It’s just my back that’s really sore! It keeps easing then I get another wave of achy crampy pain. I think I will sit it out a while longer, maybe ring tomorrow when EPU opens. I’ve had no bleeding at all yet. I just hope my body manages to pass the pregnancy by itself, as soon as possible - I’d rather get it over with.

Hey there
So sorry about your loss it's just awful
My phone is about to die
But wanted to share this thread with you

Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

I found it so helpful when i was going through my last MC

Thanks @zarala, and sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I’ll have a read now. I’m exhausted but trying to stay awake a while longer otherwise I’ll end up waking stupidly early then not being able to sleep. Although my back’s sore enough that I think I’m going to have trouble sleeping.

Oh sweetie, you poor thing. Have you and tense machine, hot water bottle or heat pack? It might help ease the pains a bit. If not ask your oh for a rub where the pain is, it can help take the edge off. Look after yourself x

I’ve got a wheat bag. Partner is away tonight - in the military - but should be with me again tomorrow.

Still no sign of any bleeding. I hope it happens at the weekend when somebody’s with me.

Managed to get some sleep, woke at 5am again but managed to get back to sleep for another hour or so. Cramps/back pain eased off overnight but started to intensify again as soon as I got up and started moving around. Still no bleeding.

Might give EPU a call but I don’t really see the point as although the cramping is extremely uncomfortable it’s manageable at home.

I’d love to get out and about but not really feeling up to it.

@TinyPaws glad you got some sleep. Don't put pressure on yourself to go out. I reckon it's all about Netflix and ibuprofen at this point in the game. If you are worried about the cramping at any point then I would give the EPU a call - I'm sure they wouldn't mind chatting it through. The leaflet I got given today said if you suffer severe pain or bleeding to ring them immediately. x