Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Missed miscarriage - advice needed please

345 replies

strawberry · 27/05/2004 18:24

I have just found out from a scan that I have a missed miscarriage (ie. no bleeding but fetus not growing and no heart beat). The doctor recommends I have surgery (ERCP) rather than wait for nature to take its course. Does anyone have any advice/experience of this? Please help -I am gutted and don't know what to do. Thanks

OP posts:
candygirl · 06/09/2006 21:49

hi lynneglynne, i totaly understand your way too,but see my family give me a few days to get over it then its buisness as usual,so i need to get things done asap,its been 2 wks today i had the scan to be told "no go" and was told d&c wasnt neccessary as nature had already started to take its course.but find it harder this way as each time you go to the toilet you are reminded of what you are going through.
i cant believe its been 2 wks ,everyone has forgotten already and its not mentioned ,not even asked how im doing ! i returned to work yesterday and no one there nos so its been really hard especially as i work with 2 1/2 yrs old with baby bro/sis(i had last week already booked off as holiday ,so everyone is saying "did you have a nice week off ")as no one new i was pregnant it seems like its not anything they will wanna no .sorry babbling on arent i ,but like you say we are all different and think in different ways i just seem to go into my hard faced mode as i no crying will get me no where,it can be very lonely. you take care !

lynneclynne · 06/09/2006 22:38

candygirl, my thoughts are with you, as it was 2 weeks today i was also told there was no heartbeat, my family are quite similar, well its more they do not know what to say to me so things go on as if nothing happened, luckily i am a very strong, independant and positive person,i keep telling myself there are people going through worse things than myself, like my neighbour who has just lost her baby at 35 weeks, the cord wrapped round its little head and it died,life can be so so cruel...yet we all must get on with it,for me i knew i had to get through this for my 12 year son and also my husband, my thoughts are with you at this such sad and difficult time, knowone knows what we are going through unless they have or going through it themselfs.
Take care candygirl
Lynnexxx

edie123 · 08/09/2006 12:28

It's so helpful to hear from other people that know what Im going through. I was told on 4/9 during our first scan that my baby had died at five weeks which was five weeks ago. Now waiting for d&c and another scan which will be horrible. Had some cramps but no bleeding. Can't wait to try again but paranoid that the same thing will happen.

pinkranger · 08/09/2006 12:54

Lyn , you sound really positive , I hopethat you are o.k , did the book help, iwould like to read it but worried that it will just dragg it all up xx
Ed- Its really tough what you are gonig through now , my scan was a 10 weeks, baby had died at 6, but it doe sget easier , We are def going to try again and i know that i will worry and worry but i that what i want , everyone it different , Wishing you all the best

edie123 · 08/09/2006 13:26

Hi Pinkranger

Thanks for your message. It's great to hear from others that have similar experiences. I guess it's just not helping the cause to get worried although it's hard not to! They do say that getting pregnant is a huge hurdle in the first place, I never thought I would even get that far!!

pinkranger · 08/09/2006 14:42

and im sure you will do again. I have just brought the book theses ladies have been talking about as i feel ready to learn all about it, will help me to accept it more, i will let you know what if it helps me xx

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 19:19

Edie, my thoughts are with you at this sad time, i think we are all thinking the same...we all cant wait to try again but theres that horrible feeling there at the same time, i would like to try again too, but i am not looking forward to it, does anyone know what i mean? Im so looking forward to trying again but just dredding it at the same time...i feel i should wait till next year but also worried as the biological clocks ticking away as im 32 at the end of the year and thats a bit of a worry for me too.Eddie, take care
and let me know how u are getting on.
Lynne

edie123 · 08/09/2006 19:25

Lynne

Thanks for your message. Yes I know what you mean, I am kind of dreading it as it wasn't a great time for me, Im afraid Im very impatient and couldn't wait just to get pregnant. You are not very old at all, nowadays there are more people conceiving in their thirties and also forties so try not to let that worry you. The important thing is that you want it bad enough, and if you do, then you will get it in the end. Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 19:31

Oh thanks Edie,its really good having all u lovely girls here to talk with and know u all understand what im going hrough, i wish you all the very best with the future, i'll keep u informed of our decision, we talk about every night, but just cant come to a final decision.Good luck with the future!
Lynne xxxxxx

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 19:33

Pinkranger i hope reading the book helps you understand a bit more about mc, as it did with myself.Hope all is well
Lynnexxx

edie123 · 08/09/2006 19:34

Lynne

Did you miscarry once or more? The most I heard of was a woman who miscarried 12 times! This is to give us all hope that it can be done in the end! She had a simple infection that was cleared in 2 weeks with meds and now has a baby. IT CAN BE DONE. But yes, it's good that you are giving it lots of thought, it is your body and life. Talk anytime xxxxxxx

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 19:52

Yes Edie mc once, on 24.08 at 7 weeks, i have a 12 year old son,but my husband passed away very suddenly and now with new husband,which is why theres such a big age gap. I know what u mean with theres hope for us all, a friend of a friend had 13 mc and went on to have 3 healthy boys! Is it one mc you have had yourself??
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 08/09/2006 20:30

Yes Lynne it is one mc I have had so hopefully still lots of hope! Just waiting for d and c as it was actually a missed miscarriage I had.

Sorry to hear about yr husband. Hope you are happy now

xxx

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 20:56

Yeh, that was the same with myself Edie, a missed mc, i let nature take its course though, hope everything goes well with d&c, when do u go in for that?
All the best
Lynnexxx

edie123 · 08/09/2006 21:09

Lynne

Im going for scan again on Monday but then just gotta wait to go in. Nothing seems to be happening of its own accord and now I just want it out, that may sounds awful but I feel like it's not healthy.

lynneclynne · 08/09/2006 21:39

Edie, i do understand how u feel,i was told on 24th there was no heartbeat and told what my 3 options were, i opted for nature taking its course as i felt even although there was no heartbeat it was still my baby and it would come out when it was ready to come out, it did cross my mind, is this healthy or doing any damage to me, but once i had talked it all over with my doc she reassured me with everything and i wouldnt have it had it any other way, nature took its course on mon of this week and i feel really proud and pleased with myself, know this might sound a bit stupid but thats the way i wanted it and im so glad thats the way i got it,it would kill me to think the doc would be taken it away from me thats why i couldnt handle d&c, but i do understand girls that opt for that as my 2 friends did, we must go for what is right for us! Not what anyone else thinks or wants, i found my friends kept saying i should go for d&c to get it over and done with, but i didnt want it over with as this way gave me time to grieve,i kept telling myself its mind over matter and thats what kept me going,even the docs were sayin would u not rather get it over with as its been goin on for some weeks now but had to tell them too, its my baby and it will come out when its ready! I know this must sound so silly but thats what kept me goin.I also done alot of research on nature taking its course and i was more than happy to let it. No matter what option u go for, u will know yourself what is right for you!Please dont think letting nature take its course is not healthy for you as it one of the healthiest options for our bodies as long as no infection sets in, if u are worried ask ur doc for antibiotics this covers u just incase, i got antibiotics last wee, they have been known to speed up the process, which must have happened in my case, along with drinkin loads of boiled water, tea, bottled water and fresh orange juice, sorry for going on and on.
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 08/09/2006 22:55

Lynne

Thanks for your advice. I totally agree that people need to make their mind up and it's no good being told by doc or friends what you should be doing. At the end of the day it's the best of a bad bunch really as who wants any of the three options! I guess it's brave just having to pick any. Yes doc said it would be ok to wait and see I guess it's just that I have been getting a lot of headaches and it's that which is making me feel ill but I guess it might not be related. It's funny how I keep thinking I am getting over it but still keep crying at strange times but I suppose this is also still down to hormones. Thanks for your kind words, speak soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx

candygirl · 08/09/2006 23:42

hi lynne ,hows you today ? reading your threads you sound so strong ,thats the way i am having to be but inside jst cant believe the way things have turnt out.when your young and planning your life you never allow for hick cups like these do you.we are also questioning when or if to try again .i am 34 so do i say 8 is enough and always wonder maybe 9 would be lucky or do we quit and say we have our beautful 14 daughter and are still very lucky.WOT TO DO ! i just dont feel complete and really want to give my dh a bro/sis.
it was awful about your neighbours baby,its those kinda stories that make you realise things arent so bad . take care!

lynneclynne · 09/09/2006 17:12

Hi Candygirl, im fine thanks, hows u? I think what we have been through we have no choice but to be strong, well thats in my case, as i know i have to be especially for my 12 year old son. Over the last two weeks we have heard nothing but bad news regarding babies,our neighbour whos baby died 1 week before it was due, our friend who just told us she has mc and is too far on, so must still carry it until the end and give birth, this news is just so so heartbreaking that i feel i must be strong and get on with it.I know what u mean with do u try again or live with the thought, would it have happened with the 9th???Life can be so damn cruel that it just frustrates me,we have spoke over the last week, sayin if we do we might go through all this hurt and pain again, if we dont we might live to regret it, probably the same things yourself and your husband are sayin to yourselfs.I think we will try again, but maybe wait and month or so, no matter what your decision, i wish u all the luck in the world!! xxx
Take care
Lynne xxx

lynneclynne · 09/09/2006 17:41

Eddie, i keep thinking that too, then all last night i cried and cried for hours, but today i feel fine, i hope ur headaches go away soon, take care!
Lynne xxx

candygirl · 09/09/2006 18:07

hi lynne ,sorry to hear you were feeling so bad yesterday,but glad your feeling better today.its like being on a roller coaster isnt it ,one moment your up and smiling then the next your so down its much to hard to even open your mouth and talk let alone do anything else.im on one of those days today ! i must be driving dh mad he keeps talking to me and i just mumble back poor thing hopefully i'll snap out of it soon .the news about your friend is so awful,my god wot must she be going through ! and to have to continue and deliver normally is just un imaginable ,we are so lucky really arent we ? well when you do decide to try again i wish you and your family all the luck in the world ,you deserve it . take care !

Jossie · 10/09/2006 20:41

Hello again
Lynne Clynne, I hope you're feeling better. Even though I've still not totally "let go" of my feelings, 4 weeks on after m/c 2 I'm feeling a lot better. D/H has started to admit how helpless he felt about it all when it was happening, so I'm relieved about that as he was bottling it all up and it was like walking on eggshells around him.
I'm glad the book helped it certainly made my thoughts clearer and in a way knowing that the two m/c might not have been "one (or two) of those things" has helped as I've now got the hope that there might be a problem (strange I know to want a problem!) and that maybe they can fix it.
A friend told me today that a friend of hers had exactly the same experience as me-2 healthy boys then two m/c she then went on to have another son. So there is hope.
By the way 32 isn't old-I had my DS2 at 33 and had an easy pregnancy. Serves me right for taking it for granted though, as now 36 and had two m/c!
Pink Ranger and Edie-Hope you are ok, It's an awful time, I know I'll never fully be over it, but I'm starting to be a little positive now, although I'm still scared of social situations as I've felt a need to cut myself off from most people (even MIL) since it happenned.
Best Wishes
J

lynneclynne · 10/09/2006 21:27

Oh, hi Josie, good to hear from u again, i'm glad u are feeling better these days, along with ur husband, i know what u mean about our dh, mines was the same, but now that we've spoke about each others feelings, dh did say he didnt know what to do or say, but everythings fine and going well,im feeling better today, was feeling very down fri and sat but alot better now. Same with myself dont feel up to going out with other people just yet as a couple of dh friends wifes are pregnant and i just cant handle being with them just yet.
The book was a great help, thanx for that!
Well hope all is going well, same with yourselfs candygirl,pinkranger and eddie.
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 11/09/2006 08:43

LynneClynne

One of my best friends is preg and the one other has a newborn. I saw the pregnant one a couple of days after I found out I had mc and it was very hard. This is going to sound awful but I just think, how come they get to be so lucky? Going for my second scan in a bit so am bound to see lots of pregnant excited people and im dreading it. Good luck with seeing your friends xx

lynneclynne · 11/09/2006 10:40

Eddie, i know what u mean, whilst at the hospital the last 2 weeks for my scans to make sure no infection had set in whilst i awaited for nature to take its course with the mc, there was pregnant woman everywhere and i was just so gutted, the first time i went i broke down crying after that i couldnt go into the waiting area as it broke my heart, i waited out in the corridor, but after i told the doc about my feelings she moved me to another waiting room and that helped me alot, i hope everything went ok at the hospital today, let me know how u got on!
Lynne