Missed miscarriage - advice needed please

[strawberry]

I have just found out from a scan that I have a missed miscarriage (ie. no bleeding but fetus not growing and no heart beat). The doctor recommends I have surgery (ERCP) rather than wait for nature to take its course. Does anyone have any advice/experience of this? Please help -I am gutted and don't know what to do. Thanks

Thanks for all your messages of support. I saw GP today and have been booked in at the hospital for Tuesday morning. So a few days to see if anything happens. Also DH is back by then and I need him to be there. Encouraged that so many peolpe have got pg again so quickly - there does seem to be increased fertility after a mc. Fingers crossed for you Nina. Now I have had time to think about what the specialist said, I understand that the baby stopped developing 5 weeks ago so no point waiting any longer. Had a bad night but busy with DS today - I guess the hormones will have a big effect next week.

thinking of you today. hope all goes smoothly with the procedure.

I have read all the messages here, and although I am currently going through my 4th miscarriage - I am waiting for nature to take it's course rather than go for the D&C or ERPC.
I found out on Monday that the heartbeat had stopped (I was 8 weeks) and therefore I was about to miscarry AGAIN. I had the option of going in for surgery or waiting for nature to take it's course. 4 days after the scan I had bad cramps and then that evening - in the space of 4 hours - I passed at least 12 clots. It wasn't really painful and the cramps eased. However, it is now 48 hours since this and I have practically no bleeding now.
I have heard the bleeding can go on for weeks - on and off - and would appreciate advice as I am not sure whether this sounds normal.
Luckily I had a successful pregnancy after my first two miscarriages and now have a gorgeous boy nearly 4.
Thanks in advance to anyone offering advice re. my situation...

Big hugs Deb5 - that's a lot of bad luck. Keep coming back for support!

Dear Strawberry,

So sad to hear of your miscarriage. I've been through this. Had a scan a few years ago & there was no heart beat. Had to wait five days for ercp. Had to call doc to findout time for appointment but started to bleed, went to hospital & the had op the next day. The erpc was ok - I just felt so sad. I don't want to worry you on the fertility front - but for me it took awhile to get preg which was a difficult time. I kept seeing & hearing about how others had got preg quickly after a m/c - but didn't happen for me - it took nine months to get preg again. I hope this isn't the case for you. I found the book Miscarriage by christine moulder really helpful. Also don't get stressed about the things people say. My friends often said completely the wrong thing but they all meant well. It can be difficult for them to know what to say - tell them how you feel & also when you don't want to talk about it. Thoughts are with you xxx

Sorry to hear your news debs5 - take good care xxx

deb, I am sorry that you find yourself in such a sad situation again. You are right to be thankful for your son but that doesn't make your loss any less sad. I have never been left to allow 'nature to take its course' (3mc--only one ERPC) so I am not sure that my advice will apply. I am still bleeding 3 weeks following a 'medical termination' of a 16 week twin pregnancy so I assume that it must take time for your body to return to a pre-pregnant state. Were you even offered an ERPC? (I would never opt for an ERPC following my experience in November but I seem to be in the minority.) I really hope that your outcome is positive and that you do not bleed heavily for weeks. Take care of yourself.

Deb5 - so sorry to hear about your mc. I think the only thing you can do is have a scan to check that the process is complete. Thinking of you at this time.

Sorry to hear your bad news. I hope you get some valued support on these threads as many of us have.

Just wanted to say about the bleeding that you questioned. I had a missed miscarriage last year and I did have some bleeding probs. It turned out it was an infection, which was easily cleared with antibiotics. The bleeding in total lasted about 6 weeks and I had a ERPC after 3 weeks. The second miscarriage was much quicker and the bleeding stopped after about 3 weeks. I asked for 2 or 3 scans at the time to confirm that things were clearing and there were still small pieces of tissue/lining that were awkward coming out, but they did and all turned out ok. Pls look after yourself. xxxx

My first was a missed m/c at 22 weeks (baby had died two weeks before) and I just wanted them to take everything away cos I was so upset at carrying a dead baby. They said I was too far on and had to go through labour. I could wait for labour to start naturally or come in and be induced. I opted for induction and it was just like a normal first birth (my first successful birth was much quicker). Unfortunately I had to have a d & c a few days later because of retained products.

I've had two m/c's this year. One was at 10.5 weeks, blighted ovum and before they finished explaining the options I insisted on a d & c. I really didn't want to have the awful labour type experience (with nothing at the end of it) again, even though I guessed it wouldn't be as painful at 10.5 weeks as it was at 22. They tried to convince me to wait but I was adamant and had the op the next day.

The last one I had no option but to wait for it to happen naturally because they couldn't be sure that it might not still turn out to be a viable pregnancy. It was really awful and took weeks and even after the third scan confirmed I had lost the baby, I still had to go back two weeks later to see if the final bits had gone and whether I needed a d & c. I didn't, which I was glad of because I really didn't want to go through that as well after going through what for me was a long process of natural misscarriage.

I would always opt for a d & c if I was told it was definitely not a viable pregnancy. It gets it over with quicker and you can get back to normal sooner and try again.

The bleeding in my case stopped within 10 days each time. I found my period was about five days later than my usual cycle length after the d & c (both after the 22 week d & c and after the 10.5 week one) but seems to have come slightly early if anything this time around. But then how do you know when to time from when you go through the process naturally? From when you first started spotting or from when everything was gone?

To be honest even after my experiences I'm not sure which is the best call. It feels as if a d & c clears everything and lets your body get back to normal, and ends the mental process quickly so you can move on. However, doctors seem to think going through the natural process actually helps you to recover more quickly physically, though its more hard mentally having to wait around etc. Guess the best thing is to go with your own gut feeling at the time.

When does the waiting end? I have been waiting two weeks now since my doctor told me that I will miscarry. I did not want to go for the operation because I had ectopic pregnancy last year and had to be operated. The whole thing was like a nightmare. I really want to miscarry and put this behind me. I will then try to cope with the loss. I am exhausted with waiting. Feel very tired all the time. Has anybody gone through the same things?

Cecillia, sorry to hear you are going through this. I waited two and a half weeks to actually miscarry after I was told. I was 13 weeks pregnant and it is really hard trying to carry on as normal. Thinking of you xxx

hi there yeah i have gone through the same thing as you i went on the wednesday and they told me i was going to miscarry it didnt happen and the following week i had to have d c to make it happen they said to avoid in fection, i will be thinking of you , i was feeling just like you so upset at loosing baby but just wanted it over so i could get on with things take care x

Thank you for your messages. I feel much better now. I still don't know what to do. I should probably go for the operation as it has been two weeks now and I can't bear waiting any longer. On the other hand just thinking about the operation theatre makes me feel sick. I had such a scarry experience before. I wish I didn't have to make such an awfull choice and things happened naturally.

I am at work now and should concentrate on what I am doing but it feels so much better to stay on the mumsnet and keep talking..Thank you once again for your kind words.

Strawberry I hope you are OK. I agree, I would choose op too. Gets it over with. Had this myself last year and waited 4 weeks from knowing score to actual mc. During this time I managed to convince myself it coudl all be a mistake etc etc, while at teh same time being tense about ms happenign at work or on train. It was quite a nasty experince but the waiting and imagining made it worse in my experience. Now you can start to rebuild. Sorry sorry sorry for your loss and sending you lots of love today

Cecilia,

I'm so sorry you are going through this (((hugs))).

I had a missed miscarriage in April, at 13 wks. The doctors gave me the choice of having a tablet to bring on the m/c or to have a D&C, or to wait and let it happen naturally. They did say that, as the baby had died at 8 wks and nothing had happened so far, it might be better to take some form of action to bring it on.

In the end, I decided to have a D&C because I couldn't face actually seeing what would come out of my body (sorry to be so graphic here). Although it wasn't a nice experience, it was over very quickly and I recovered fairly quickly physically.

Sending you hugs and sympathy, it's a horrible situation to be in. I remember that I felt in some strange kind of limbo waiting for the op and that was only for a few days, so you must feel like this is dragging on forever.

Take care.x

Just wanted to add that surgery might be a better option. Even when it happens naturally you may still need a d&c as sometimes some is retained (as in my case) and could cause excessive bleeding if not removed. Maybe it would be better to get it all over and done with. xx

Cecilia - sorry to hear you are going thru' this. As you know, I did have a D&C and the op itself was very straight-forward. It was the emotional side that was more difficult. I'm sorry you had a bad hospital experience with your ectopic pregnancy but a D&C is a more minor operation. I couldn't bear the waiting and the possibility of needing a D&C anyway.

Sometimes it's easier to be at work and to keep busy but equally make sure you are taking the time you need to heal.

If you have any Q's about the D&C etc please ask and I will answer as honestly as I can. Thinking of you.

Thank you for your messages. I made an appointment to see my doctor again on monday and discuss d&c. My tummy feels really swollen and I get some cramps so maybe it will happen by then and I will not need a surgery. I just want it to be over. I think I said that before.

Cecillia, just wanted to see how you are doing?

Hope you are ok, thinking of you and sending you hugs.

I have just had my operation yesterday and I am resting today. I think I should have had ERCP straigh after I was told that my baby has died. Waiting around and keep going for scans was much more traumatising than being in hospital and being fussed over. Mumsnet really helped me to make a final decision to have the operation.
The nurses were very nice to me and were very understanding. My conversation with the anesthetic person was unreal though! He came to do a check before the operation, I told him that I was feeling a bit breathless in the last couple of weeks but breathlessness really started with the pregnancy. Than he asked me if that pregnancy was ok? I told him that I was having the operation to end that pregnancy. He said sorry. He then asked if I had any other operations before and I told him that I had an ectopic pregnancy and had an operation for it. Few minutes later, as a way of making conversation he asked if this was my first pregnancy and I told him 'no'. He then asked how I felt and I told him I was ok. Than he said: "It will probably hit you later!" He was a funny guy and I think he was just trying to be nice but got it all wrong.

I am glad that the pysical side of things is all over now. I have a lot of support to deal with the emotional side but I know from the previous lost pregnancy that I will have many nights crying and feeling sorry for myself.. But that's life I guess.

I have just had my operation yesterday and I am resting today. I think I should have had ERCP straigh after I was told that my baby has died. Waiting around and keep going for scans was much more traumatising than being in hospital and being fussed over. Mumsnet really helped me to make a final decision to have the operation.
The nurses were very nice to me and were very understanding. My conversation with the anesthetic person was unreal though! He came to do a check before the operation, I told him that I was feeling a bit breathless in the last couple of weeks but breathlessness really started with the pregnancy. Than he asked me if that pregnancy was ok? I told him that I was having the operation to end that pregnancy. He said sorry. He then asked if I had any other operations before and I told him that I had an ectopic pregnancy and had an operation for it. Few minutes later, as a way of making conversation he asked if this was my first pregnancy and I told him 'no'. He then asked how I felt and I told him I was ok. Than he said: "It will probably hit you later!" He was a funny guy and I think he was just trying to be nice but got it all wrong.

I am glad that the pysical side of things is all over now. I have a lot of support to deal with the emotional side but I know from the previous lost pregnancy that I will have many nights crying and feeling sorry for myself.. But that's life I guess.

((((((((hugs))))))) Cecillia, it's such a horrible thing to have to go through. Bloody anaesthetists are a nightmare aren't they? Mine was awful, he made a terrible day even worse - as I was lying on the trolley just about to have the anaesthetic he asked me if I knew what operation I was having (like I'd forget why I was there). So I told him I was having a D&C and he said, 'oh good, just checking you knew'.

I hope you manage to get lots of rest to get over the physical side of things, and that you have people who are there to give you a hug when you feel down. If you ever want to talk, I'll be popping back to see if you are around.

Thinking of you.x

I never thought I would be posting here, I miscarried on 12th August and it was like a rollercoaster of shock and heartache. I feel so much for anyone who has gone through this and admire women for their courage in this situation. I always thought that miscarriage happened quickly and it would all be over within a day or so. The waiting nearly destroyed me and I too wanted it all over as soon as the sonographer indicated that there was no heartbeats in the twin sacs. My dh and I went through a week of what seemed like screaming at the medical staff to listen to what we were feeling and they just kept saying "wait and see"!!! I thought the only way to end this was to have the d&c and in the end it was the surgeon who came just before the op that convinced me to not have the op. It was the right thing for me at the time but if it happened again I think I would probably feel the same need to get it all over with! It was over within 3 weeks and it is now time to get on with life and hopefully another pregnancy. I would really like to know of anyone else who is thinking of trying again and their feelings about this. Good luck to everyone.