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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Missed miscarriage - advice needed please

345 replies

strawberry · 27/05/2004 18:24

I have just found out from a scan that I have a missed miscarriage (ie. no bleeding but fetus not growing and no heart beat). The doctor recommends I have surgery (ERCP) rather than wait for nature to take its course. Does anyone have any advice/experience of this? Please help -I am gutted and don't know what to do. Thanks

OP posts:
lynneclynne · 23/10/2006 21:40

Gillian, i am so sorry to hear your news xxx
This also happened to me at 8 weeks, its such a horrible thing for us all to have to go through, you are right to say it wasnt meant to be this time, thats what i kept telling myself,i found it was easier for me to find out at 8 weeks as my friend found out at 6months and this was so so traumatic for all. We are all here if you need someone to chat with, the girls on here have helped me in a big,big way (i dont know what i would have done without Edie and Jossie) Have you called the hosp to let them know about the heavy bleeding?? I know they told me to let them know if any heavy bleeding started.
Gillian, i hope you are ok, we are all here if you need to chat. Im thinking of you, we all know what you are going through.
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 23/10/2006 22:14

Lynne

Sounds like the same symptoms as me. I have had a terrible headache tonight. Also had the back pain which was what made me think it was a UTI.

Don't know when AF due because of mc. How would you know?

Glad you are getting stuff done in the home. We have a loft convertion too. It was done by the previous owners. Its nice xx

edie123 · 23/10/2006 22:15

Just read my thread back and it sounds really robotic!! Sorry!!

lynneclynne · 23/10/2006 22:22

I dont know whats happening with me...like i said had all these symptoms since 3rd up until today??? After mc my af arrived 3 weeks later and then exactly on time this morning (even down to the exact hour)so i know af is back to normal, just dont know about the pains, putting on weight and the sore heads. I'll let you know what doc says on frid. Hope work is going well, is this your weekend on?? Im having to work the next couple on sats,i have some promotional work on (god that will kill me, ive not worked weekends for over 12 years)
Yeh, we're looking forward to getting the loft done, all year we were getting alot of work done in the garden so thats all finished now(thank god) and we'll start the loft in the new year hopefully.
Well edie, hope your well.Speak to you later
Lynne xxx

lynneclynne · 23/10/2006 22:24

LOL @ Edie...wot u like?? LOL

lynneclynne · 23/10/2006 22:29

Edie, just thinking....what was the date of your mc if you dont mind me asking?? You may be pg!!

edie123 · 24/10/2006 08:13

Really don't think I am pg, think the heartburn is just normal. Going to resist all temptation and wait for AF to come. ERPC was 18th September.

Good luck at the GP's!! xx

edie123 · 24/10/2006 09:05

Just did test which showed a faint line. But could this be from previos pg?

Lucybee · 24/10/2006 09:32

Edie, don't want to build up your hopes but I think a faint line could be an indication of something positive.I'm sure I tested very early one time, probably cos I wanted to go out and drink lots and I think the line was faint. Fingers crossed!!

Lucybee · 24/10/2006 09:42

Gillian really sorry that you find yourself in the same situation, we are all thinking about you, and understand your disappointment. I agree with Lynne you should call your hospital, doctor or midwife to let them know you are bleeding, just in case things don't settle down. I know this sounds morose but they may want to collect some of the tissue around conception as this can indicate what went wrong. As many of us have found often there is no reason, simply the cells did not divide as they should. A doctor said to me that he would be more worried for me if I couldn't get pregnant, than the fact I miscarried. There is a lot they can do to help sustain pregnancies even if your body is being awkward. So do take heart in that, it helped me. Take it easy and try to stay positive through this difficult time.

edie123 · 24/10/2006 09:51

Thats what I thought but not going to get hopes up as I don't really feel pg-apart from the heartburn and putting weight on. Guess thats enough at this stage. Oh I don't know...just don't want to get excited.

Lucybee · 24/10/2006 10:05

I know Edie, test again in a couple of days. I found First Response pregnancy tests great they are really sensitive and can show up about four days prior to your period being due. Hope this helps, Lx

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 15:07

Edie, that sounds as if you are, that happened with my last pg, a v faint line, when i tested the a couple of days later it was positive Oh im so excited for you Keep us informed!!! everythings crossed xxxx

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 15:09

Edie, i doubt v much if its from prev pg. God im so, so excited

gillian1973 · 24/10/2006 19:59

Dear all, its all over. Within an hour of my last post it all started to happen naturally at home. The pain got increasingly worse though and by midnight DH had to call an ambulance because I was writhing in pain. They gave me gas and air (so over rated ? no effect) and then morphine which did the trick. Got to the Gynecology and they did a full check up ? I have never met gentler, nicer people in my life ? stayed the night and was scanned this morning. It had all come away except a small piece of ?product? 2x6cm which they have waited all day to see if it shifted (didn?t). I have been sent home to see if it happens naturally and I am due to be scanned again on Monday to give me the all clear or intervene if appropriate.

This one was not meant to be, I know that. It is very, very sad that it is also our first pregnancy and it has really knocked my confidence. I?ll continue to pray that next time it is better news. Thank you for all your words of comfort, they have meant a lot to me.

Gill xx

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 20:30

Gill, im thinking of you, i myself choose to let nature take its course, so i know how much pain you went through, mines happened during the night and i just walked about the house for hours on end. I hope everything goes ok on monday for you. I wish you all the v best for the future.
Each day does get better, although we all still have our ups and downs.
Lynne xxx

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 20:33

Gill, forgot to say, i too lost all my confidence, before i was a v confident person but the mc does knock you for six, however i have started to build it all back up, time is a great healer.
Lynne

edie123 · 24/10/2006 22:15

LynneClynne

Do you really think it could be a BFP? Im sceptical.

gillian1973 · 24/10/2006 22:21

I am really dreading the ups and downs. Not many people knew about the pregnancy but I have not seen yet the ones who did and now know about the m/c. I don't know how I'll react as soon as they give me a hug and say 'I'm sorry'.

The thing I am really dreading are some key dates which I cannot avoid.

January - I finish writing my dissertation at Christmas. My free Friday every week was going to be a baby Friday and I was going to knit, decorate and sew. What am I going to do now?

May 28 - my due date was my mother in laws 60th bday. There is a big party being planned and one we cannot get out of and go away and not dwell. Also DH's step sister is due at the end of Oct so she will be there with a lovely 7 mth old.

July 10 - my graduation. I was so proud that there were going to be three of us in our graduation pictures as a proper family.

Work - Someone at work was excatly 6 weeks ahead of me in pregnancy and I was charting mine via hers and knowing what to expect next. I cannot face going back and seeing her, even though she is a lovely woman and I love her to bits.

It does your head in!

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 22:44

Gillian, i know how you feel, a friend of ours is pg and all she does is moan about her pg, about being sick, heartburn et,etc and theres been times when i just want to tell her to shut the f* up!!As time goes on these feelings do change (honest) i didnt think they would but they do! One of the worst times is facing people (i had one the other day come up to me and say "oh how are you, i hear you are pg) I nearly died!! I just wanted to cry!! That was the first person i told face to face. The rest i had to text, couldnt handle telling anyone, dh was v good that way. (Thank god)Maybe on your fridays you could do something that will occupy your mind excercise, gardening, work around the house, for me i went jogging, that way i knew it was keeping me healthy and fit for next pg.I also did alot of work around the house and garden, i set out a plan what i was going to be doing as i knew if i sat about the house i'd go mad!You will find that (most) people are quite understanding about ur mc, although they wont understand how u really feel unless they have gone through it themselfs, you do loose alot of confidence, have alot of hurt,anger and hatrid towards people its all part of the process we have to go through to help us grieve our loss. I hope you feeling a bit better.
Thinking of you
Lynne xxx

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 22:53

Edie, im starting think you are pg After mc was complete i had af 3 weeks later, im not too sure what the time scale is with yourself though as i let nature take its course. Ive got everything crossed for you Keep me informed, i keep checking in, just incase you have more good news for us Hows work been this week? Im back in tomorrow again, still based in sainsburrys which is good, its just 5mins away from me, today i couldnt believe the pain i was in with af..oh my god, i was doubled up, had to go home early,i guess its due to being on the pill the 13 years and now im not the pains setting in (big time)
Right im away to iron my uniform so im thinking of u xxx
Lynne

gillian1973 · 24/10/2006 22:57

I have coped with bereavement before as I lost both my gran and my mum within 3 mths of each other just before our wedding (9 yrs ago). Even though it was something we did not make a big fuss of at home, I hated people going on about mothers day for years and eventually it wore away.

I thought i got over it but when my cousin had her baby a couple of years ago I actually hated her for being able to have her mum at the labour. I know the feelings go away but I am a little bit out of practice and know they can return with a vengence!

lynneclynne · 24/10/2006 23:48

Gillian, i know what you mean, i lost dh 8 years ago,this was a v.v sad time for me as it was my first love and had ds to him, i also hated seeing people with their dh/p i was very jealous and hurt when it came to couples night outs or even family parties etc, it is only normal we feel this way after loosing someone so close to us. Take care!
Lynne xxx

Lucybee · 25/10/2006 10:21

Hi Gill, really sorry that you have had such a rough time since you last wrote. I hope you start to feel better soon. The due dates are really difficult and something you never really forget, but hopefully by the time it comes round you will be pregnant again which will make it easier. Other people being pregnant around you is heartbreaking, and truly it takes all your strength to try and put a 'nice' face on. My bridesmaid and I got pregnant at the same time, following our first miscarriage I advised her that if they wanted kids they should not hang about as it doesn't always go smoothly. After her scan she texted me to say she was having twins, a week later I miscarried again. It made the next few months impossible and I dreaded her phonecalls, she was on a high about baby shopping etc, and didn't empathise much at all. I had to keep telling myself that it was a really special time for her and that it wasn't her fault the way things went for me, but it was really hard. We had worked in the same place, and when everyone heard about her twins and started going on about it, I had to rush out the staffroom, as I thought I was going to burst into tears. Now everything is okay, but I know she has no idea how much it affected me. You must miss your Mum just now as well,she would have known how to comfort you.
Lynne, I am really sorry you lost your dh, you have been through it haven't you? Thinking of you both, Lx

edie123 · 25/10/2006 16:41

Lynne

Did another test this morning which again was BFP although still quite faint. Showed up after about 3 minutes. I still don't feel pg dont think-but op was 5 weeks ago and the actual mc was 3 months ago!!!! Still very confused, it's annoying xx