Missed miscarriage - advice needed please

[strawberry]

I have just found out from a scan that I have a missed miscarriage (ie. no bleeding but fetus not growing and no heart beat). The doctor recommends I have surgery (ERCP) rather than wait for nature to take its course. Does anyone have any advice/experience of this? Please help -I am gutted and don't know what to do. Thanks

Hope you're feeling better Lynne can I join in with the smiles
Feel better for that.
Fingers crossed that you are pg.
Edie sorry to hear you're down, although I can understand why. Must have a look at that chat board!

Lynne country life is not for all, I love it although my village isn't a quaint nice looking village, but other people would hate it. Tried town life but it's not for me.

Hope you're both ok, I've just had a real go at DS1 and am feeling like the worst mum on the planet, will have to apologise when he gets back from swimming!
Bye for now

Hi jossie, it was good hear you are well, although not so good you are the big bad mum this evening I hate when that happens!! You feel so so guilty!
I dont think i am pg (think thats wish for thinking) as dh was working oppisite shifts from me when i was ov, managed to get a bit of bd in between shifts though. Hope you and ds get things sorted.
Lynne xxx

Josie

Yes def have a look at the chat board-honestly, some of the things people talk about. It's funny though cos there are always plenty of arguments!

Oh dear what did you shout at ds for?! don't worry bet you are a fab mum

Lynne

Aww glad I helped cheer you up a bit!!

Hi girls, how are you both today?? Im feeling alot better today, not been crying and feeling back to my usual self.
Had to do some unexpected work today based in sainsburrys so im nackered!!! LOL (just not used to doing a full days work) then done some christmas shopping with ds, i had to relax in a nice bath as my feet and legs were so sore!! Hope you are both well.
Take care!
Lynne xxx

Christmas shopping?? Already??
(I have to admit I have bought a couple of presents when I've seen them though as well-a bit of an eye for a bargain!)
Feeling a bit of a better mum tonight ds was just playing up when he had a friend round last night I blame it on the schools and the teachers ! (I can get away with saying that )
Still keeping my fingers crossed for you Lynne.
I'm feeling shattered as well tonight-did some science work in a secondary school today, haven't ever worked in a secondary school before,I was a bit intimidated when I started, but got used to it quite quickly-same difficulties, they're just a bit taller.
Little tearful last night when talking to someone about the last m/c, also both boys are still talking about when I got carted away in the ambulance, don't really wantto talk about it, but feel I ought to if they want / need to-have left a message for my health visitor so I can talk about how to move them on from this.
Oh well it's a new day tomorrow-going to my allotment to try to fight through the weeds (I know its a strange hobby, but most of the people there are about my age)
J

Hey girls

Lynne I haven't heard from any of the mystery shopping people yet. How was the sainsbury's gig? Xmas shopping?! Ill do mine Xmas eve probably!

Josie I quite enjoy gardening too but we only have a small garden. It's nice though.

Really worrying as I don't feel like I have ov this month and im now on cd15.

Hi girls!
Josie i guess it must be quite difficult with the boys explaining about mc, that was my biggest fear, having to tell ds, as he was so excited about my pg, it worked out really good though as a few weeks before my mc he got sex education in school so that helped alot, i explained about the egg devoloping in to a fetus which he understood thanx to the s/e and i explained it had stopped growing whilst a fetus (not a baby)and when this happens its called a mc, i didnt go in to too much detail, as my friend went toally (well i thought she did) the wrong way about it saying baby had died and i felt with ds dad passing away using the word dead was a no no for me, he was upset, and asked why, this was heartbreaking as this was the question he asked when his dad passed away, with him now being alot older (12 going on 30) it did help as i explained it happens to over half of pg, and in a way its the bodies way of telling us the pg had something wrong somewhere and it sends signals for a mc to occur.

I love gardening too girls, got my big green house and a v big garden,infact i have 3 gardens, so that keeps me and dh busy. The 3 of us do have quite alot in common, dont we??

Well girls i've been feeling a bit sicky today, dont know if its just a bug as dh is bed bound with the flu,i love him dearly but last night was a nightmare!!! What is it with guys when they are ill??? He got sent home from work during the night and all night (and i mean all night) said "oh, oh, oh, oh im dieing,oh oh,your not doing anything to help me LOL I felt like like just gagging him Ihate when im woken from a good sleep and this oh, oh went on all night until i overdosed him with nightnurse LOL
Hes been sleepin all day, so i better just go upstairs and check on him

Eddie, hope you are ok, about the ov, i really dont have a clue about all this ttc so cant help any in that dept, sorry!
Lynnexxx

Edie, forgot to say, gapbuster usually email you a password, once they have done they email you with any work in your area, with the others they usually either email you or call you with work avaialable in your area.
The Sainsburrys work went well, i was working on behalf of Tchibo, they are quite good to work for, i usually just work for them every Tuesday.
Hope things are going well at your end.
Lynne xxx

Lynne

I stupidly realised that I had sent them all the wrong e mail address so I put it right today and a few of them replied. I had to do a test job today for one of them, it involved ringing a bank and asking a question about investing some money. I then wrote a report. It was fun but took a while as I was eager to get lots into the report and make it really detailed. Got to go into a mobile phone shop for another one! I don't know much about the ttc stuff either but think I am ov today. Hope so anyway.

Ooh-feeling sick. Fingers crossed? xx xx

Yes I reckon the three of us have lots in common. xx

Hiya
We do seem to have a lot in common (apart from my lack of tidiness!!
The work sounds good Edie.
Lynne I know what you mean about men and illness, although what now annoys me even more is when DH tries to brave and not moan, so I guess he can't win either way-I know I'm not a good nurse.
So far with the boys when they've asked questions I've just said that Mummy had a poorly tummy and it bled (They saw the blood on me and the pavement when I passed out!). DS1 has started to say where did it come out from etc-they didn't know i was pg and I don't think they could handle it at their ages (3 & 6). So I have tried to answer straightforwardly, but spare any details.
Edie-my body seems to tell me I'm ov about a couple of days before, but I'm not always convinced it's accurate, also isn't there one cycle in 13 where you don't ov (don't want to depress you, I'm not sure if it is the case). Fingers crossed that you are.
Lynne, when can you test? I'm keeping everything crossed.
Work tomorrow-moan, moan

Just got back from the hospital after an ERPC. I found out out at first trimester screening on Tuesday afternoon that the foetus had died last week at 12 weeks 3 days. It was not a total surprise as I'd bled several times during the pregnancy, and the scan on Tuesday was my third since mid September. The only surprise was that the baby made it through those bleeds.

I found all the gynae ward staff very sympathetic, and the whole thing was dealt with very sensitively. I opted for ERPC depsite the slight risk of complications because I am rhesus negative and have needed anti-d when I stopped bleeding.

As it is half-term next week, and we were going to be away, I did not fancy spending our holiday trying to pass a 6cm foetus in the middle of Italy, loads more bleeding on top of the episodes so far, with no guarantee that I wouldn't need an ERPC anyway to get out anything left behind.

So far (12 hours later), I have had no problems- the anaesthetic was wonderful (best hour's sleep for a long time!), I am hardly bleeding at all, and I already feel 100% better than I did last week. My friend predicted that I'd feel better very quickly once the hormone-soaked uterine lining was all out, and indeed I do.

It may not be everyone's choice, but I just couldn't see the point in leaving the dead foetus in there and potentially developing an infection or feeling ill any longer than I had to, nor even suffering labour pains to get it out when I could just have a snooze and let it be done for me.

Good luck to anybody out there who has to make this choice.

Hi duchesse, i hope you are well, my thoughts are with you at this sad time. We all unfortunetly had to make this decision which is no doubt the worse thing ever!!The ladies on here have been most helpfull, given their thoughts,feelings and advice,we are always here if anyone needs a chat (as you can see this thread started in may)We've been here a while!!
I hope you enjoy your break, take care!! We will still be here when you return if you need someone to chat with.
Lynne

Hi ladies, how are you??
I've no work on today so having a lazy day Dh is still in bed sleeping (poor soul) hes been in bed since early yesterday morn when he got sent home from work, he thinks its a mild concusion, after the bang to his head,the rest of his body is fine just v.v sore head constantly.
Josie, av due mon or tues (im feeling a bit scared now) Know that sounds stupid, but im scared incase i am pg!!!
Edie hope the m/s work is sorted out.
Josie, have you applied to any, or are you just leaving it for now?
Well girls, no doubt i'll catch up with you both later.
Lynne xxx

It's getting closer Lynne...Will you test Mon/Tues if it doesn't come? I know what you mean, mixed emotions and all that.

Still don't appear to have ov. Well miserable.

How are you Josie?

Welcome Duchesse

Do you ladies think there's any good reason for waiting a few months before ttc again? It's just that at 38, I feel that time is not really on my side- I would have been 39 had this one made it. I'm inclined to ttc again as soon as possible. What has been your experience of this?

Done lots of research in this area and I would go for it straight away. There is no physical reason why you ahould wait. I have ttc again straight after the bleeding stopped. Fingers crossed.

Thanks for your answer. I feel it would be best not wait. Do you think it is true that you're more fertile after a pregnancy?

And I seem to be very lucky and not bleeding (ERPC last night 6pm)- just some light pink discharge, which makes a nice change from 7 weeks of bleeding of various kinds. Hoping it stays this way...

Yes Duchesse, you are more fertile after pg,i dont much about the bleeding as i let nature take its course,i hope you are well.
Lynne xxx

Duchesse, forgot to say,i did wait for one period after mc before ttc, only because the doc asked me to and stessed it would make their job much easier if they could work dates out from my period...i do understand their point of view as i went in at 8 weeks, only to be told i was not as far on as this (but it was a planned pg so iknew i was) mc must have took place at an earlier week, so it helps them with dates, size of fetus etc,etc and also confirms your body is back to normal once you have a period, however i was told no harm would be caused if i fell pg before my first period, i do understand your worry with your age so i too would go for it.

I bled a bit after mine but it was not too bad. As LC says yes you are more fertile-this is due to all the hormones. You will see stuff that says 'wait a few cycles' but when you look into it there doesn't seem to be much to support it. My dr warned that the body may be in a bit of shock after mc so we must not assume that we will become pg straight away.

Hi Duchesse
Yes you are more fertile after a m/c, we were trying for a year for the baby I m/c in April, I then had one period and conceived followng this-unfortunately I m/c this one as well, but we saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks, so it is likely that there has been a problem with me rather than the baby. Everyone fels different about TTC again, for me after the first m/c it was a way of healing the hurt, but this time (as the earlier messages tell) I am waiting for test results, still desperate to conceive, but also want to wait.
Good luck

Lynne I can understand why you are scared at the thought of being pg again, while you're not you don't have the worry that is inevitable with pg after m/c. I can't believe it that I will be away from the internet at the time when you can test, so will be a week late catching up on the news (we go away on Monday).
I haven't applied to the companies as at the moment I've got a lot of work that I'm juggling, but will do so when it settles down a little.
Hope DH is alright

Edie
you could be ov, maybe your body is just behaving differently after the m/c.Fingers crossed.
Desperately want to TTC, only 2 weeks to the next lot of blood tests, 3 weeks to consultant's appt, af will be due 2 weeks after that (yes I have been a sad case and ounted that far ahead). But something is telling me to wait to try a month later (don't know what, maybe I'm a witch!!)-in which case I'll be trying to have a very merry Christmas this year (TMI I know)!
Hoping for you

Edie
forgot to say, I couldn't ind your rant on the chat board, where was it?

Jossie, i forgot you will be away nxt week
when r u back? If av hasnt arrived i will test on wed I am really scared!! Me and dh spoke about it all last night so he did reasure me with alot of things,silly things (and i mean silly) things like what if we have a baby and it comes between me and dh,what if i cant handle being a mum to a baby after 12 years, i know its all silly, dont know what i was thinking i just felt so emotional with everything in my life but feel better today I hope you enjoy ur break (its well deserved)
Take care
Lynne xxx