He was supposed to be our rainbow

[KittyandTeal]

After loosing dd2 last year at 22weeks (T18 and a tfmr) I was told I probably couldn't have any more.

I made myself ok with it. It would just be 3 of us.

Then I found out I was pregnant. It has been anxious and stressful. All tests came back clear, found out he was a boy. I had a really good feeling that things would be ok.

Routine antenatal clinic today the doc said at the end of the appointment that he could give me a quick scan if I had time and it wouldn't make me too anxious.

Turns out our baby died, the day after our scan at fmc where everything looked great. No reason they can tell.

I actually don't think I know how to do all this again.

[Diggum]

Oh no. Oh kitty, I'm so so sorry you've lost your little Leo. There aren't the words. I wish I could give you a proper hug but a virtual one will have to do.

[ThisWasCrownjewel]

I'm so sorry for your losses Kitty 😔💐

[Diggum]

I don't know how you come back from this either. But I don't think it will break you, though you might even wish it would so the pain would stop. Our hearts might shatter but somehow we keep living. One breath at a time. That's all you have to do right now. Take it one breath at a time.

[Tollygunge]

I've suffered two late losses and then two early ones. You will survive it, you have to for your daughter. Just remember to grieve and treat yourself as kindly as you would another friend. Strangely I found all losses after the first easier to cope with but I do wish I'd taken more time out to heal. Thinking of you here now xx

[Pizdets]

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and your family. You've seen you around often as a very kind and supportive poster. Life can be shit sometimes

[Pacothepidgeon]

Oh kitty I'm so sorry your having to go through this. I've followed your posts and my heart is breaking for you just now. Much love and take care

[Blueskies80]

How awful, I am so sorry for you and your family. No words; only I'm sorry xxx

[lenibose]

Oh you poor thing. I have followed you silently as you had your TFMR at the same time I had a MMC. And I was so cheering you on with this pregnancy. My heart really sank when I saw your name. If I could hug you in person I would. I have no words. None at all. Life is so shit sometimes to those who deserve it the very least. Much much love from my family to yours.

[PeppasNanna]

I have no words...

Just want you to know your been thought of tonight. I lost my baby 3 years ago. It changed my life.

[DramaAlpaca]

Oh Kitty I'm so very, very sorry

[TitusAndromedon]

I'm so, so sorry for your losses. I have seen you post on many threads where you have provided support and advice, always with kindness, sensitivity, and enormous strength. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. I don't know you, but my thoughts are with you and your family. Wishing you strength.

[gunting]

Oh kitty I'm so sorry.

I've followed your threads recently, you helped me out last year under a different username.

[ICJump]

I just want to scoop you up and take away your sorrow. How utterly unfair that you have to endure this twice. I am sorry

[TwentyTinyToes]

I am so sorry. I've followed your story and been in awe of your strength and compassion towards others.

Little Leo

[SummerMonths]

I am so sorry to read this Kitty. I posted on your Harmony thread and my stomach flipped when I saw you were the OP on this thread. There are no adequate words but you will get through this, it's amazing what we women can survive. Take care of yourself. xx

[KittyandTeal]

Thank you all again.

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses 💐 It is a horrific place to be.

I've managed a small amount of sleep/dozing. This somehow seems like there are no positives to take. With dd2 I was grateful that they found the T18 and we had a chance to make a decision that was right for us, even though it was the worst decision I have ever had to make.

This time somehow feels empty. There was nothing wrong with him. No lethal diagnosis. I just don't understand why. I guess I never will.

I have to go in today to take the first tablet to start things off. I'm not ready but I'm terrified of thing happening naturally at home

[Trooperslane]

Oh fuck, Kitty.

I can't believe this is you posting.

Sending all my love and massive hugs. Life is very cruel x

[5madthings]

Oh kitty I keep coming back to this but there are just no words, I just desperately want it not to be real.

I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can with the tablet today, can your dh be with you? I hope you have lots of support in real and I hope it gives you a tiny bit of comfort somehow to know that there are many many mumsnetters thinking of you, I know I am not the only one just wishing we could make this pain go away/make this not be happening.

All my love to you xxxx

[KittyandTeal]

Yeah, I kind of can't believe it's me either!

The small comfort is that dh skipper has been in a similar situation and has told him to take as long as he needs so he's off for at least 10 days.

I know the staff at the hospital, they looked after me last time and through this pregnancy. My hospital has a strong link with sands and as a result the staff are highly trained in dealing with baby loss. Even simple things like the doc who scanned me yesterday is coming in today, on his day off, to give me the tablet so I don't need to meet another doc and it's a face I know.

I've woken up really angry today. I guess that's a small mercy too because I tried skipping that with with dd2 and it really held me back.

When I come out the other side of this I'm going to start doing something with sands or a similar charity. I need to pay back the support I have and will receive.

[barefootcook]

Kitty- I am so sorry to hear your news. You were full of so much kind advice when I posted about my friend losing her baby at about 15 weeks. It is terribly unfair.

[TeamEponine]

Oh, Kitty. I'm so, so unbelievably sorry.

It is good that your DH has some time so that you can be together at this awful, awful time.

Please keep posting on here if we can be of any help or support.

Leo is a beautiful name.

[5madthings]

I am so glad dh has time off and that the hospital are good, the gesture of the Dr coming in on his day off, well I can't think of how to express it but those human touches and compassion are so important.


And anger is normal and understandable and good I think, you have every right to be angry about the loss of Leo, it's not fair.


I can't believe you are already thinking of how you will pay back the support you are getting, seriously you give so much just on mnet, I see you on threads offering advice, comfort or showing solidarity, you do so much already. I am sure you will do amazing things for any charity you choose to support, for now look after yourself. I hope you, dh and family can hold each other and just breath, yesterday you said you thought this would break you, today you are already focusing on how you will help others in the future, you are one strong woman and I kbow you don't feel it right now but you are.

I just want to squeeze you tight xxx

[JassyRadlett]

Kitty, I'm so, so sorry. How horribly cruel and unfair and shitty.

Leo is a beautiful name.

[ThePopAndCry]

I am extremely sorry for your loss. Your support and kind words on here have helped many others, including me. I am thinking of you and Leo today.

[marmiteontoast76]

Hi Kitty. Just wanted to say I've been thinking about you all morning. So glad the hospital are being so kind and supportive, it really helps.