Please or to access all these features

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 25 - tests, treatment and trying again

999 replies

Marchgirl · 07/06/2015 19:08

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread here

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
sebsmummy1 · 17/06/2015 10:00

I must just state how much I am loving the Cyclogest pessaries. I decided to put them in the ehem back door because I was scared of irritating my cervix and causing spotting . Anyhow I always have the most terrible constipation when pregnant and these have sorted this issue rather beautifully lol. How lovely it is to poo regularly and easily Grin.

As you were Blush

CheesyMash · 17/06/2015 10:06

may I felt I wanted everyone to know about our mcs to break the taboo and for extra support. However, in some cases in led to disappointment as some people I expected to offer support were quite useless and it made me very angry at the time, I'm still bitter about it. This time we're hoping to keep everything secret until after the 12 wk scan, but of course if it goes wrong again I would be open to telling everyone, but probably know better than to expect support from everyone. xxx

CheesyMash · 17/06/2015 10:06

Sebs GrinGrin

Minnie74 · 17/06/2015 10:09

may I've pretty much always told people when I've mc'd. The first time I had a week off so work knew. I told less people the second time though as I was on holiday. For mc3 (largely because we'd seen a heartbeat and got so far on) I just thought sod it and I put a picture of my scan photo with a rose next to it on Facebook and Instagram! I wrote a bit to go with it about how we loved our baby already and that lots of babies never get to have their pic on places like that and maybe they should. I got so many lovely replies and so much support and sharing of experiences that I was glad I did. Even men were sharing things which I was really surprised by but found pretty heartwarming. I agree about breaking the taboo about MC. I'd just got fed up of being ashamed of it! Do what you feel is right for you though and tell what and who you want to share with. Huge hugs for this really really hard time. Keep talking on here. We all get it xx

inamaymaybewrong · 17/06/2015 10:19

Ha ha seb! Yes, delightful, isn't it?!

Sunandrainbow · 17/06/2015 10:24

cat GrinGrinGrin enjoy every minute of it. Lovely name too! x

OneStep2015 · 17/06/2015 10:25

Sebs, lol.

May, I blurt it out to everyone. I don't care what their reaction is, however sometimes I sit back and feel some kind of guilt feeling for putting my bad news upon other people, especially as so many people are so often going through issues themselves.
I just feel after 3 mcs it helps me to feel I don't have to hide anything, that its there, out in the open, for people to interpret in their own way and just let them get on with it.
Its tough, but I feel so strongly, MC needs to be spoken about and awareness raised.
Everytime you do to the docs they are soooo quick to spout out the mc stats, but yet I knew hardly anything about mc when I had my first mc two years ago. It makes me so angry at times!!!

Brummiegirl15 · 17/06/2015 10:28

Yay Cat so thrilled for you and Mr Cat. Welcome to the world Louis. You get to go on our thread baby hall of fame!!!

Sebs I'm all about the back door - so much easier, no mess, no irritation

May I've been very open about all of mine. I refused to be made to feel ashamed about losing babies and I want to be able to grieve. I didn't openly state on fb as my DP is more private than me but I've told people and been really open.

Some get uncomfortable and I just think "fuck off" others (usually the ones you don't expect) have been amazing.

I've also been comforted by other people's stories and experiences

But the taboo of mc is the reason I'm so angry with women who give miscarrying women a hard time

Marchgirl · 17/06/2015 10:29

I've always been very open about mine inamay, which I think makes dh very uncomfortable. he's very private and doesn't want anyone to know, but we work in the same place, which makes it hard. He's never said anything to me about not wanting me to tell anyone, so he's obviously just sucking it up, which I'm grateful for as I know how he'll be feeling, but I just didn't want to hide it.

My first one I emailed my nct friends because we were all fairly close at that point. I got such a mixed bag of reactions that I never did it again. Two were supportive as they had had mc, which was great. Two were supportive even though they hadn't. One told me it just wasn't meant to be and it'd be fine next time (!) and two didn't even reply.

I choose who I tell more carefully now, but on the whole, I'm open about it. I decided if people ask me then I'm not going to lie, but there are fewer people I tell when it's unsolicited. It's so hard for people that you don't see much though. Some of my friends I feel like the only thing I ever say to them is that I've had another mc.

I really think we ought to try and be as open as we can about mc to try and break the taboo. Yes, people you tell might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but they shouldn't, and it's never going to change without a bit of that. But sometimes that's easier said than done, so you just do what you feel is right for the situation. Xx

OP posts:
OneStep2015 · 17/06/2015 10:42

March, me too, some friends have had babies over the last year and a bit, and every time they send me a 'hi how are you, catchup email' I'm replying with bad news. It just makes me want to run away and hide until I have some good news to talk about.

OneStep2015 · 17/06/2015 10:44

Still waiting for blood test results, if I don't hear today I've been told to go straight back in tomorrow.

Can anyone tell me how I make a username 'bold' on here? x

sebsmummy1 · 17/06/2015 10:47

I am open about miscarriages dependant on the circumstances. For example I wouldn't share anything like that on Facebook simple because I'm not on it very much and it just feels too personal. I do mention it as an explanation for DS being an only child, so pre school know and a few Mums.

I don't trust myself to not get emotional about it and don't want to embarrass people who have just tried to make small talk with me. So I'm very careful about what I say, but people can easily throw me off and before I know it I've blurted something out I wish I hadn't.

Can I ask a question to those who are/were taking high dose folic acid during their pregnancy? Can I ask why and what the benefits are? I'm taking two Pregnacare vits a day just to make sure I'm getting enough of everything but I suddenly remembered that some people were taking 5g a day (I think) and wondered if I should be asking my consultant about it.

sebsmummy1 · 17/06/2015 10:48

Onestep you put the name between two .........

sebsmummy1 · 17/06/2015 10:49

Tsk. Between two asterixes name

OneStep2015 · 17/06/2015 10:53

Ah ok thank you Seb

bythesea82 · 17/06/2015 10:56

cat Grin GrinGrin
Many congratulations to all the Cat family.

We've been fairly open about mc, nothing on FB but most people are aware. I am ok to talk about it and therefore have taken the view it's something that should be in the open in case it helps others who are going though the same. I work from home on my own and I think this helped make my desicion, not sure how I would have felt discussing with colleges I saw every day.

barking still sending your whole family thoughts and best wishes.

Flowers to those struggling through hard and shitty times

mrsdiddlydoo · 17/06/2015 10:58

cat woop woop congratulations!! Welcome to the world Louis GrinStarCake

Minnie74 · 17/06/2015 11:02

sebs I'm taking high dose folic acid (I think it's 5 mg) from now till whenever I get pg until 12 weeks. My rmc doc said its to help prevent another brain abnormality. Prof q said it was a good idea too x

sebsmummy1 · 17/06/2015 11:11

Thanks Minnie I wonder whether it's already too late or maybe not. I could take more separate folic acid to try and make up a higher dose. I'm not seeing the consultant until next Thursday.

Floweroct · 17/06/2015 11:15

cat that's amazing news! Enjoy snuggles. You really are the inspiration I'm holding on to!

I've told most friends about mc but only close family. I too don't want to feel that I should be ashamed but it is difficult.

It's my third due date today, I'd been trying to forget about it but with ivf next week and with my temp going down today I do feel a bit emotional but just got to get on with the day

onestep hope you get results soon x

SashaKerr · 17/06/2015 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marchgirl · 17/06/2015 11:25

Big hugs for your edd today flower, and sorry it looks like you're out this month. I'm really glad you have a plan in place for the ivf next month and really hoping it works out for you xxx

OP posts:
tannyLoo · 17/06/2015 11:45

Cat lovely, what delightful news! Welcome to the world, Louis! After such a long journey to get here, it's so joyful to know he's in your arms xxx

March so sorry you're going through this. The lovely outfit for B arrived this morning and it made me cry. I wish the pred had brought better luck with it. Thinking of you xxx

I think I might have PND. Off to the GP on Monday to see if I can save my marriage. I was warned that I might be a higher risk of it because of RMC history and anxiety during pregnancy, but now it's here I feel a bit of a failure. Sorry. There's so much going on here that I feel bad about talking about it here, but I don't talk about it irl and this is the most supportive place I have.

CheesyMash · 17/06/2015 11:58

Thinking of you today flower Flowers
Hugs tanny. I hope your gp will help you either with drugs or counselling, whatever will help. (Do they treat pnd with progesterone?) You're absolutely not a failure! And don't feel bad for posting on here, please keep talking/ranting/offloading here as much as you can. You and DH have been through so much more than other couples, I'm sure you'll get through it though. xxx

Brummiegirl15 · 17/06/2015 12:02

Oh Tanny I've been really worried about you, I know you are finding it hard. You are categorically not a failure. You've done fantastically well in the face of a real struggle

But I think having a chat is a good idea, and we are always here for you. This is by far the most supportive place I've been too.

I agree with the bad news. Feel like for the last 12 months I've either been pregnant, miscarrying or recovering from a miscarriage. There just isn't the excitement and happiness from the news and that makes me feel really sad.

Saw my occupational health this morning - she's given me disabled car parking. Might as well stick a flashing sign above my head with an air horn going off saying "pregnant"

She also said "no messing about, you need to finish early with this one, don't want you putting yourself under any stress. Work is a means to an end"

Bless her. Can I get past my 9 and 12 wk scans yet?