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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

990 replies

Justonemoretime · 01/01/2015 09:02

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
Floweroct · 06/01/2015 19:27

Great news cat!

bakingtins · 06/01/2015 19:30

cat fantastic news that all is looking good. A bit annoying about the NT measurement, but you can have the quadruple blood test instead if you want to, ask your MW.

ourday the stat that squiz posted is a 70% success rate in the group of women who have had 3 MC in a row and no cause is found. Since background MC rate is 15% anyway/ 85% success if you are glass half full, that isn't a massively increased risk. For those where a cause is found but there is appropriate treatment they seem to quote similar figures. The caveat I'd put on it is some of those 'no cause' are because they are not testing the right things. When she had seen my NK levels prof Q said pretty much no chance without treatment, 60% with. For once I was on the right side of the stats Smile

ourdaywillcome1983 · 06/01/2015 19:49

Thank you for the clarification baking I am definitely a glass half full girl when looking at it like that!
Happy that you were on the right side too Smile will definitely see prof quenby if I don't get my happy ending this time

TinyTear · 06/01/2015 19:50

Great news cat!!

AndCounting · 06/01/2015 20:20

march and brummie sorry it's been more rubbish times for you. Hoping you are feeling a little better (heaps better in fact).

cat I am totally punching the air with glee for you.

Today I have mostly been eating bananas with nutella. And reading Hornblower. I love books set on a boat.

cloudjumper · 06/01/2015 20:26

Fab news, cat! Hope you can relax for a while now x

girliesaints · 06/01/2015 20:36

I seriously can't keep up with how quickly this thread is moving now I'm back at work!

Agree with the comments about insensitive mothers. I had to virtually ban my mother from coming round for a week after each MC as she would just give me a pity/sad look, which frankly I don't need x

Purplefrogshoes · 06/01/2015 21:11

Yay cat I was too late for nt measurement too but it was my fault as I booked so late.

to everyone

Monten · 06/01/2015 21:21

Me too girlie!

Absolutely brilliant news cat. How lovely to see your little wriggler!!

Completely agree about mums. My mum sounds like yours tanny she's pragmatic and practical. She's completely lovely but she can't seem to say the right thing to me about miscarriage! Just tonight I got "oh well dear, at least you and mr monten are healthy, you really should count your blessings" Confused errm, im very grateful for being healthy but can't I have a baby too? She also said she knows loads of people who've never had kids and what happy and fulfilling lives they've had. Again, I know what she means but it's not really helping!

She did get very upset once and said in her heart I was still her little girl and she just wanted to take the pain away Sad. I think they find it very hard.

Thinking of you tanny - I hope you're doing okay about your dad. I lost my dad too, different circumstances, but I can empathise a little how you feel. Life altering is how I would describe it. The universe tilts. I hope the funeral provides you with some comfort, it did to me.

Good luck for your appointment with the consultant on Thursday cloud

I do remember that woman brummie. I still don't understand why someone needs to organise a lunch to 'announce' their pregnancy. I hope you're doing okay. I'm thinking of you.

longestlurkerever · 06/01/2015 22:24

Great news cat! Really pleased. Will you have a blood test or not bother now?

Little baby lurker has started wriggling again like you all said. Thank you for keeping me sane. Next hurdle -20 week anxiety for a week today.

Mums eh? I saw mine yesterday and told her my theory about hormones and implantation and she is convinced that the missing ingredient this time was me taking things easier. Yes mum (nod and smile).

March sorry, I should have said earlier, rubbish about the bfn. Hugs. My cycle has always been 42 days and I hate it so much. I am impatience personified at the best of times.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 06/01/2015 22:49

Brilliant news, Cat! So pleased for you. Sorry I've not caught up properly yet. Been doing the 'bucket list' challenge of doing stand up comedy this evening. Always wanted to do that. It went pretty well, too.

OP posts:
cloudjumper · 06/01/2015 23:25

My mum is pretty much useless when it comes to the topic of my mcs - which is strange because she had one herself between having me and my brother. But to be fair, that is a long time ago now Grin She feels sorry and helpless, but can't express it well (something that runs in our family...), which isn't helped by the fact that she has no clue whatsoever about the general facts of mc (which admittedly have moved on considerably since she had us!). After my 3rd, she suggested that I maybe should just relax, stop temping, charting, monitoring my cycles etc - I honestly think that she put mc in the same category as infertility (you know, that well-meant, but useless advice of 'just relax, and you'll get pg'). Ehm, mum, I can fall pg, it's the staying pg that's the issue here. Ah well. I'm probably expecting too much, seeing that I know a lot more about mc now than I ever thought possible!

bootles · 06/01/2015 23:27

cat fantastic news! So so pleased for you.

tanny I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can do. Sorry I meant to say before. Thinking of you.

march sorry about the bfn. You will get a line again, but I understand your frustration.

bootles · 06/01/2015 23:38

Longest, glad to hear little lurker is back to wriggling. Wow 20 weeks next week?!

Speaking of mums, mine is staying over at the moment due to a childcare issue and I am starting a short course tomorrow. I only told her about MC's 3,4 and 5 last week. By e-mail. Thought it best if I will be seeing more of her and the last one was so recent. My e-mail was quite strict I think, and the poor woman doesn't know what to say. So she's not mentioning it. She did reply to my e-mail. I really don't want to talk about it so that's fine, but its a bit like the elephant in the room.

just, I am seriously impressed. You did stand up?! That's a thought that utterly petrifies me. Did you enjoy it?

tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 23:49

Sorry, I think I confused you, the funeral is next Wednesday, so still a whole week to go. And its in Torbay. New experiences all round.

Brummiegirl15 · 07/01/2015 01:01

Tanny I'm so sorry about your Dad.

And hmmm yes, Torbay.....

barkingtreefrog · 07/01/2015 07:10

Wow, I just don't have an hour available to read and catch up!
Just skimming through...

brummie you're a better woman than me, I've refused to go to a baby shower next month - too close to my 2nd edd, can't face it.

ourday I had the same 'at least you know you can get pg' after the first mc. Yes, but it took 18 months, it didn't happen naturally, and I lost it!
And getting used to it?! wtf?! How would you ever get used to your baby dying?
I unfollowed everyone on fb. I'm only on there for the groups, nothing else pops up on my newsfeed anymore Grin.
sun just Shock at the insensitivity of your 'friends'.

March I had similar comments from my mum. 'Remember [DH] will be hurting too'. Really?!

cat 14+5 wow!!! Grin Grin Grin Grin

Catlover2014 · 07/01/2015 08:21

Thanks all for your lovely poss, couldn't sleep a wink last night and doesn't seem real at all. I've had the downs blood tests and that will have to do now hehe. Anyone know when I can get a private scan to know the sex of the baby?

I'm sorry I'm behind on posts but to all of you who are TTC never give up. It's taken us 6 years to get here but we managed it in the end. There is always hope!!!

Just I'm intrigued by your stand up comedy. I've always wanted to do something like that but it takes a lot of courage I think. Is it liberating or scary or both?

XXX

longestlurkerever · 07/01/2015 08:29

I think gender scsns from about 15 weeks cat so any time you like really! So excited for you. You have sounded so desperate at times. I wanted this for you so badly!

Hmm, what happened to my last post?

Tanny, I like torbay. I hope it goes ok and you are bearing up.

Just - wow- get you! Does a new career beckon?

Dsis' s wedding dress just arrived as I rashly promised to store it. Getting vicariously excited. It's in september, by which time we might finally be a family of four like I have always wanted.

Bit ill today and was up half the night but am not working and have a nice lunch planned with a friend while dd is at nursery.

TinyTear · 07/01/2015 08:34

Cat, you could also shell out for the harmony test... they give you the gender as well... especially as you didn't get a proper NT scan

Belleende · 07/01/2015 08:46

Woo hoo cat it is official, you have a little kitten in there.

cloudjumper · 07/01/2015 09:00

Cat I was also going to suggest the Harmony test, if you do want the info for chromosomal stuff and gender!

bakingtins · 07/01/2015 10:47

just total respect for your courage in doing a stand up routine! What did you say? Go on, tell us a joke!

Having just said we hadn't told our children about the miscarriages, our eldest (8) started asking questions last night - about all sorts of things to do with sex and babies. He has a friend who had a stillborn sister who is talked about quite a lot so I don't know if that put the idea in his head or if he's picked up on something DH or I have said. What he actually asked was "was I the first baby in your tummy" to which I was able to quite truthfully say yes, as well as "why do babies die in their mum's tummy?" but I wonder if it's time to tell him. If it was one MC I think I wouldn't hesitate, but 4 is kind of heavy for anyone to deal with. My DH found out aged 30ish when I was pregnant for the first time that his mum had a stillbirth when he was 2, which he had no memory of, and he was furious with her for never telling him he'd had a brother. It needs to be said at some point but I don't know when or how. Any ideas?

TinyTear · 07/01/2015 10:59

eeek Baking, tough questions!! I will tell DD and newbie about mine, also because if there is some hereditary issue, I want them to know so they can get seen (or go to Coventry) if they need...

But as DD is not even 3 yet I hope to get some time to think about it...

When newbie is born I am planning to ask an artist friend who does some lovely pictures to personalise one (trees plus animals) and I was thinking of having two for me and DH - maybe owls - two for DD and newbs - maybe hedgehogs - and then add 5 butterflies to represent the MCs... and that may be a starting point to any questions...

twilightstruggle · 07/01/2015 11:08

Thread is moving too fast for me to keep up so apologies my hellos will be a little haphazard.

Respect for stand up just - I can't think of anything more socially terrifying!

Cat - absolutely fabulous news about the scan. Fingers crossed we're all with you soon.

After a reasonably relaxed few days I'm having a minor panic. The go has phoned post-smear to let me know that while the smear was fine I have candida infection "high up". I'm now googling thrush and miscarriage and generically fretting. Horribly. Have to see go tomorrow who sounded like he was fretting a bit as well which wasn't terribly containing! Sos

Waves at everyone - sorry to be me me me. It's more my ineptness with looking at previous messages on mumsnet app than being completely self absorbed I promise.