total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

Oh Superglue, I'm so sorry. I was really hoping that things would work out for you.

My scan showed that the baby is continuing to grow and the heartbeat is still there, but the growth is not progressing at the rate it should be. My pregnancy is classed as high risk and I have a 50% chance of miscarrying. (A 50% chance of things working out is far better than I expected though!)
They wanted me to go back in 2 weeks for another scan but have agreed to see me in a week instead.

Sorry your scan was inconclusive West. The waiting game is awful isn't it!

Sorry, just read my post back and I didn't mean to come across insensitive. I would have loved to be pregnant but I just think it wasn't to be. It was a relief to find the consultant agreeing with me when I said that it is really really unlikely that any growth will be seen on the scan in two weeks. All the other professionals were umming and ahhing, which I personally found harder to deal with.

Oh wow, Chubby, that's tough, but 50% chance of a baby in your last ever try is still a good chance of getting your baby. I do so hope it works out for you.

I am now sitting down with that glass of wine and Made in Chelsea, my not-so-guilty-pleasure.

wonkylegs that is dreadful. Could you change GP? I would def complain once you have the headspace for it.

chubbymummy I am holding out for you being the one to have our little thread miracle. 50% chance is not bad, I would take that! I will have everything crossed for you. Please keep us posted.

fromwestoteast so glad ectopic is now ruled out. I think you have a really good attitude, and I know what having a good attitude costs - it can be such an effort. I hope the next week does not drag too badly and perhaps, just perhaps there might be a glimmer of hope at the end.

gingermam and sizethree and everyone else - hope you are all doing ok tonight

I'm very pleased with 50%
It's so hard not to get my hopes up too much now though. I'm scared to let myself get excited because it'll make it so much worse if it all comes crashing down again.

Enjoy that glass of wine Superglue, you deserve it after all you've been through.

hope your glass of wine is going down a treat.

chubby - i hope things progress well for you a 50% chance sounds good to me. take it easy and give it a helping hand as much as u can.

west - your story is practically the same as mine bar the twins bit. i was 9 weeks at first scan and 11 weeks at second. its a long time to think youre pregnant. glad they were straight with you, one of the difficulties i had was 2 sonographers in room one with a big grin on her face making it sound 50 / 50 then another one who gave us no hope at all. i do hope you get a good outcome so will keep fingers crossed. my mantra through the horrible 2 week wait was its not over till its over. hope that doesnt offend or upset anyone. i need stupid stuff to keep me going. feel emotionally terrible today.

Oh Gingerbreadmam, sorry you've had a rough emotional day. There will be ups and downs, we just have to ride them out.
I read on the internet somewhere that they cannot officially diagnose a blighted ovum until the sac measures a minimum of 18mm. This is why we end up with these waits. Mine are only 10mm now, so they've given me two weeks to grow them up to a size where they can officially say there is nothing inside.
It makes sense because sometimes there is a late developing baby there, but I think that must be extremely rare. For the most part I think the majority of women in this situation are forced to wait for the sake of that tiny percentage who will end up with an emerging baby. And if you think of it like that it's ok. I can wait for the sake of protocols if it means that another woman avoids an accidental d&c of a viable pregnancy. Because that really would be the worst case scenario.
So if you look at it like that your waiting and my waiting means that we somehow contributed to the life of someone else's little one, somewhere out there. That's kind of nice then isn't it.

i didnt know that. my sack was actually large 4cm i think but baby onlu 3.4mm at first scan then 3.9mm at second. she said no change altho sounds like there was a tiny one but nothing worthwhile obv. .5 of a mm probs isnt even visible to nakef eye.

you will feel better though knowing that there is definitely nothing there especially if you are having the op. i wasnt offered anything, guidelines changed at my hosp and they prefer people to mc naturally. thought id jus come home after rescan and it happen once i knew for deffo but still waiting.

on a plus note feel brighter this morning. thank you for your support.

That's ok Gingerbreadmam. Last year I had MMC. There was a tiny baby but it had stopped growing about 7 weeks. After the scan I started to bleed a little but it just went on like that for four weeks until I decided to go in for medical management.
On the plus side I can say that my body has never given up on a pregnancy easily. Even if the pregnancy is not really there. With my twins I was induced at 38 weeks and even then my body didn't want to let them out. So, I think you should take it as a sign that your body is good and strong and you'll be well set for carrying a baby to term next time.

Afternoon all, hope you are all ok today?

I did not sleep as well as I had imagined / hoped and had some very stressful dreams and kept waking suddenly for no reason. Dh reackons its due to the stress of the past 3 weeks. I dunno. Felt very tired and flat this morning, not sad as in crying but just flat. Then my mother rand and dh answered it and I could tell by his answers that she was expressing 'surprise' that I was in bed at 11am etc so he fobbed her off saying I'd ring later when I was up. He was telling me that she was saying to him that I'd be better getting up and moving rather than lying in bed and that she had a miscarriage way back yada yada yada. WHY do people do this? Impose THEIR story onto yours right when you are in the middle of it? So far my sister had done it numerous times - she had a miscarriage 2 years ago and she texted me regularly over the past 3 weeks (she lives 2 hrs away) asking me how things were going. I gave very general answers such as 'I'm ok, tired waiting now for the next scan' etc and she would come back with 'oh when I was waiting it was hell,I was crying for 24hrs, couldn't stop etc etc' Its like a sort of 'up-rock' competitiveness on the tragedy scale and I don't even know if they are awre they are doing it but it is V upsetting.

DH even had his mother tell him this morning about some neighbour of hers who very sadly had a still birth about 10 years ago. In other words there is always someone who had it worse GRRR. I am grumpy with them all today.

fromwesttoeast when we had the first scan at 9weks the sac was empty but measuring 3.44m and we were sent home to wait 12 days before the second scan and I was convinced it was a blighted ovum but when we went back 12 days later there was the tiny 6wk embryo clearly visible so not a blighted ovum but a slow growing embryo.

From when we had that first scan at 9wks 1 day it took my body until 11 wks 5 days to let go and miscarry and for a long time I didn't think I was going to naturally. The waiting is very hard gingerbreadmam when you are waiting for something that you would rather not have happen in the first place.

That should have said I had a sac of 3.44cm I did not have a 3m embryonic sac!

I think people just don't know what they should say or not say in these situations.
On Friday in the hospital a man passed by me while I was waiting and said something I didn't quite catch, he was that sort of cheery middle aged chap. Yesterday as I was leaving from the scan I saw him again and he asked in a cheery way "how's the little one?" I said I'm having a miscarriage and the poor man visibly recoiled and started mumbling apologies. Then he hurried off. I said it's fine, don't worry, but he couldn't handle it.
Yes, a blighted ovum is not always a blighted ovum. That's why they are not willing to commit and have written "? Early twin pregnancy on my notes". But I've also had the same thoughts that you expressed Superglue, if the embryos are so slow growing that the sacs are still less than a third of the size that yours was, what's wrong with them???
Besides I've had cramping and some clots today. So it seems to all be pointing one way.
Hope I haven't imposed too much of my story on this thread
It's been good to be able to talk. But I hope I haven't offended.
Hope the comments will tone down as the days go by.

Oh god fromwesttoeast please don't think you or anyone else could possibly be imposing on the thread. Without you, much as I wish none of us had to be here in the first place, this past 19 days would have been quite simply unbearable as I literally had no-one else who had been thought anything similar. Miscarriages yes, but not the endless waiting and uncertainty. I am so glad to have had the chance to chat with you all and really hope you continue to post as I still feel a need to post here too.

I know, the guilt and worry of wondering and worrying what you might be facing IF the baby/ies make it is unreal. I felt so, so awful and conflicted for wanting to protect that tiny embryo - every fibre of my being desperately wanted it to be my much longed for baby and and the same time to KNOW that no heartbeat / miscarriage was the best option given the situation - it was a headwreck and I still feel sad and guilty over those thoughts.

I think you are normal to think like that. And I know that all this waiting is so bloody hard.

I feel very strange emotionally today. I just feel nothing. I wonder is it shock after all that has happened?

I was thinking yesterday as I bumped into my poor colleague in the maternity hospital that EPU's should have seperate car parks and entrances for those who want to use them under sad / bad circumstances. Our maternity is a state of the art new-build less than 6yrs old and this could have been incorporated into the design with a bit of forethought and understanding. On both occassions of our bad news scans I was very upset coming out and had to share the lift to the ground floor with families being discharged with their newborns and I honestly thought my heart would break. We had one grand-dad carrying the carseat with the baby and I guess he was too wrapped up in his own excitement to notice my red blotchy tear filled face and he started telling us all about his little grand-son. Awful as you don't want to rain on anyones parade.

A separate stairs would for those who wish to use it would be so helpful. Rant over ! I think my hormones are ALL OVER the place......

at this stage i feel like im going to end up wirh medical management too altho i do hope not to.

hope you are all feeling ok and like everyone else on the thread this has been a fantastic place for me for support.

had a bad few days with my dp and apologised for him today. feel a bit sorry for him as he really doesnt have a clue the torture im going through so probs cant understand or make allowances for how ive been with him. thank u

also stupid question, i have read a lot about gettng cramps when you actually mc where abouts do you feel them? is it your stomache or lower down than that?

tmi im afraid but had a bit of brown/red gooey stringy stuff when wiped then so dont know if its on its way.

gingerbreadmam I too was very grumpy and unreasonable with dh on more than one ocassion, he was trying to say the right thing and do the right thing but there were times when even that grated me. I think they do not know how to make it better and it can be very hard watching and also dealing with their own grief. I am sure he knows how much you love him and need him right now.

As for the cramps, I had a dull but constant ache very low down just above pubic bone and at times it felt almost like into the tops of my legs. I had this on the Saturday before the bleeding got more pronounced on the sunday. I also had mucous with a tinge of blood and this was the first I noticed of it starting. I first saw this on the Wednesday but it was really really very little and stayed like this till saturday before it ramped up a gear,

It may be the start of things for you. I will keep everything crossed that it is as easy as it can be under the circumstances. Keep us posted.

Do you have a pain now? I found a hot water bottle very helpful x

Ps meant to say that at the worst for me the pain was like a sharp period pain very low down and it came and went but for the last 2 hours when it was at its worst it was fairly constant but it was managable I found just uncomfortable and it was still v low down for me

i jus keep getting sharp stabbing pains low down but not too bad and not too often, wondered if it was related or random. oh the mucus thing sounds a bit like today wonder if it will be a few days yet.

i sent him a very nice text apologising. hes not much of a talker spesh when comes to things like me so jus says everything will be alright and it looks as if it has not affected him at all. all ive heard him go on about is a thing hes doing for college. god knows its difficult i guess. thank you for making me feel not so bad though.

I think it can be hard for some men and he will be quietly worrying about you and also grieving in his own way. It is nice that you sent him the text. You will need each other in the coming days no matter which way it progresses xx

thanks super. i dont know hes a selfish kind of person. i duno if its my hormones but i am not seeing the best in him at min. i started telling him a story about how my mam had finally talked to me about the mmc yesterday and the first thing he said ws what did she say about me?! as if everything is always about him.

weve had some bad times tbh and feeling unsupported by him during this is just knocking my confidence massively.

sasha im so sorry youre in thos position, keep hope though. i did in that 2 week wait. baby measured 3.4mm no heartbeat and i should have been 9 weeks but thought i could have been 6 / 7 so werent convinced there was a problem. luckily throughout the 2 wks my symptoms eased up a lot and i think i realised. did get bad news at rescan but thats not always the case so try and kp positive. rest and take it easy and give it time to grow you just dont know at this point. thinking of you.

I think you are probably in shock Superglue. It will take some time for feelings to even out. Miscarriage is a physical shock, and then all the hormones crashing around.
Gingerbreadmam, I'd second what Superglue said about cramps. What I've experienced before was like strong period pains. I get those in my bum, thighs and low in the pelvis. I get the same pains in the same places in early labour too. And for me they come in waves, intensifying a bit, then dropping away. That's how early labour feels for me too.
I think when it does come you will just know. It will be a different feeling to what you've experienced before. But I have also found it manageable in the past. I find it helps to trust your instinct and listen to your body.
Sorry you are joining us on this thread Sasha (although I'm sure you are a nice lady and all,) but sounds like you have come to the right place in terms of women in a similar situation. Please keep posting.
My cramps and heavier bleeds have subsided again. Nothing new to report here. Still waiting.

Gingerbreadmam, don't really know what to say about your dp, but my dh gets very stressed if he sees me get upset about anything. I don't expect support from him as such, if anything I need to stay strong for the both of us. It's just the way he is. We've been married for nearly 20 years and I've found that if he doesn't know what to do about an emotional situation he prefers to ignore it. It's not that he doesn't care. I don't know if that makes any sense in your situation.

Hi fromwesttoeast thanks for that, I think you are right about being a bit in shock. It all seems to be over and done with so fast in the end. After all that waiting about for all those days I don't know what I expected. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am ever so glad to be out the other side of the physical miscarriage if it had to go that way, but it just seems like 'right that's it so, back to normal life' even though noone has actually (dared) to say that to me.

I had been thinking of going back to work at the end of the week but think I will take this week off. I do not feel anywhere near ready to face that. I feel utterly depleted of everything just now.

And I am craving junk - sweets, chocolate, salty things like ready salted crisps etc. I don't usually eat this much of this stuff, wonder if it is my body looking for a replacement of certain things? Strange.

Sorry that you are still waiting fromwesttoeast, it is so hard.

Welcome Sasha it is such a pity you need this little group, but since you do need us we are here whenever - it can be such a lonely time going through this and I found it a lifeline. I do really hope that you buck the trend and things work out for you in the end.

gingerbreadmam you sound weary, and no wonder. I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time at home. Stress like this can put relationships under the spotlight. I hope you are ok and that you have some real life friends to support you through this. We are here whenever you need us anyway xxx

sizethree, wonkylegs and chubbymummy and everyone else, hope you are all ok tonight?