total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

DH has always been a bit rubbish with the emotional support too. It isn't that he doesn't care, it's just that he bottles things up. I think it's a very different experience for men as well because they aren't physically going through it. They are sort of detached from it really. It's a very lonely experience I have found.

Superglue, you are bound to have your ups and downs. After my previous miscarriages I had days where I felt fine and was just relieved it was all over. Other days I'd feel incredibly low and some days would be a complete mix of the two, with my mood changing without a minutes notice.

Sorry you need a seat in the boat Sasha but hop aboard.

I slept better last night and woke up feeling really positive this morning. Then I sorted some laundry - and that was enough to start the bleeding again (quite a bit heavier than it's been up until now). Since then I've had constant cramping and each time I go to the loo there's more bleeding there. Needless to say my positivity has gone out the window.

Chubbymummy that is sooo stressful. How's it going today?

I'm still bleeding this morning. I'm terrified of even moving incase it makes it worse. I know that realistically if I'm going to miscarry then there's nothing I can do to stop it but I'm just so desperate for everything to be okay. I'm trying to stay calm because I know that stress is going to make it worse not better but how the hell am I supposed to relax when my mind is working overtime?!

Ugh. How desperate for you, awful. But you are right, nothing you do will really influence the outcome. If you can physically rest as much as possible and concentrate on the fact that it's not your fault that's probably the best you can do.
Thinking of you.

Chubby - rest, take it easy & try zone out
It's terrible when you can't switch your mind off but try zoning it out a bit crappy Christmas films are doing it for me at the moment.
I'm still just waiting, it feels unreal as nobody seems to have given my body the message that there is a problem, I'm not even spotting anymore. It feels like a punch in the stomach everytime I look down and see my emerging bump, knowing that inside all is not ok. I'm so tired both physically & emotionally, another 10days feels like it's a lifetime.

Oh chubbymummy you poor poor thing. It is hell feeling like it is sort of happening, but not knowing if and when it will escalate and yet your mind is clinging on to the last shreds of hope. It is a form of hell there is no doubt about that. For me personally, by the time it got to the stage where I knew without doubt that there as no going back, well it felt like a strange sort of relief in a way. I hope you are at home and as comfy as you can be & that you have your dh or someone else nearby in case you need them? I will be thinking of you today.

wonkylegs you too are in a terrible situation but it will end one way or another. 10 days stretching out in front of you is dreadful, I know. I found crap tv and trashy magazines a small distraction and dh spent a small fortune on Heat and Now over the past 3 weeks! It is desperately sad that you have a small bump etc. Life is very very cruel at times and hard to fathom.

Hope everyone else, fromwesttoeast, sizethree and gingerbreadmam are surviving ok?

I slept better last night and feel a bit more human now. My parents are coming to visit tomorrow and they will stay 1 night and leave Friday. It will be nice to see them and dd will be thrilled. She has absolutely no clue that there has been anything strange happening and if nothing else I am very thankful for that even though it has been a massive, oscar-worthy performance at times to keep it seeming normal for her.

I will take the next couple of days off and go back to work on Monday. I am sort of dreading it but know it has to be faced and the thoughts are (hopefully) worse than the reality.

Physically the symptoms are easing now, the bleeding is moderate (tmi still some small clots but the nurse did say this could the lining of the uterus which was thick to support the pregnancy) and my tummy / lower abdomen is still a bit achey, similar to quite bad period pain from time to time. I am guessing it is sort of bruising due to the contractions etc? Anyway it seems to be getting better today as it was a lot more uncomfortable yesterday.

I will check in again later to see how you are all doing

Nothing new to report here. For the last two days I've had achey period cramps all morning, but then they tail off after lunch time. There is still constant bleeding, maybe getting gradually heavier. It's hard to tell.
I am expecting this to drag on. I noticed on my notes that the sacs had each grown by 1mm between last Friday and Monday, this is why my hormones are plateaued, some cells are still growing, while others are trying to expel the miscarriage. Confusion. The hormones need to drop properly, I believe, for the miscarriage to kick off. So I'm still waiting.
I'm starting to get tired now, probably all the cramps and blood loss.
I understand why you wanted to keep it all from your DD Superglue, after all the heartache you've been through. My situation is not as emotionally charged so I've been open with my kids about what's happening. Obviously I don't go into all the tmi details I discuss on here, but general stuff. I didn't want them worrying about why I was going to appts etc.
Best wishes everyone.

hope everyone is feeling ok looks like something going on for you all. i dont know what to say however if things are happening then at least we will all be out the other side soon.

i second the crappy christmas films, were my lifesaver in the wait between scans.

to all those with a little but of hope still, keep on hoping. someone deserves some good news and i sincerely hope it is you!

i have had very light blood over the last two days but only on occasion. convinced myself it would happen yesterday or today but nothing.

i am seriously thinking about booking up for 2 nights in edinburgh tomorro and friday. can anyone with any mc experience tell me if im mad or not? its a 3 1/2 hour drive from home and will be doing lots of walking and probably a spot of drinking whilst there. if mc happens will i be ok?

god gingerbreadmam I am certainly no expert on mc and was scared out of my wits facing into my own. We had originally booked flights to London (not in UK) for very early the saturday morning on the weekend we got the 1st bad news scan. In the heat of the moment and confusion I had it in my head that we were still going. We were bringing dd with us and all three of us in one hotel room etc. The hospital gave me a report to bring in case there was a mc emergency whilst away. That sobered my thinking up and when I woke up on the Friday I knew there was no way I wanted to face that trip. I really wasn't up to it emotionally. We cancelled and lost the cost of the flights (cheap ones). Dh managed to rebook for a couple of weeks time so have that to look forward to. As it happens it took nearly 3 more weeks for the mc to happen so we could have gone apart from the emotional upset.

As for the actual mc, i know everyone is totally different but once it started to actually happen for me I felt very wobbly emotionally and also felt nauseous and had quite a bit of pain which was increasing all the time. All I wanted to do was lie on the sofa / bed and have a hot water bottle to it in the early stages. When it was actually in the throes of it all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball in bed and be very near the bathroom as there were frequent trips there. I don't think I would have coped with being in a hotel room worrying about messing up white sheets etc.

For what it is worth I did not spill / leak single drop of blood anywhere it should not have been but I had no way of knowing that.

Only you can tell how you feel about heading off. I think I might be inclined to stay put till it was over and then have the trip to look forward to?

Best of luck either way x

Superglue, I'm glad you seem to be over the worst of it (physically at least). Don't rush back to work unless you feel ready. It can help to get some normality back but don't underestimate the emotional turmoil you're going through. Will work be supportive, if it gets too much will they send you home or expect you to just get on with it? Remember, your energy levels will be low for a while too.

Sizethree if you're still reading this thread I hope all went as well as it could for you today.

For everybody waiting, I hope time passes quickly and uneventfully.

Ginger, have you made a decision about your nights away? I can't advise about a natural miscarriage because with each of my losses my body clung on to the pregnancy and my hormones continued to rise. This is the first pregnancy where I've experienced bleeding (other than a tiny bit of spotting). I had an ERPC (or D&C) the first two times and then with the third loss I had medical management.

DS knows that I'm pregnant. We hid it at first but because I've been going to hospital appointments and I'm at home rather than at work he's very aware that something is going on. He knows about my previous miscarriages and we've explained it all in very simple terms (The cells are still very small and we have to wait and see if they'll grow into a baby or not. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We hope that they will but at the moment we expect that they probably won't.) He's been really good bless him. This morning he loaded the dishwasher and washing machine for me and offered to make me some toast when he came in from school. I've been very careful not to let him see me upset and have tried to sound as casual as possible about the whole thing. I really surprise myself and DH with my acting ability sometimes. I'm in the wrong job, I should have been in film (cast as the clumsy, fat friend in a rom-com most likely!)

oh gosh! weve booked it. i was in two minds but everyone keeps saying cant put your life on hold incase it happens amd i thought true so bit the bullet.

maybe a bad idea. i didnt even think about white hotel sheets although i am planning on taking my own dark towel incase i should need it.

people have such different experiences. my mam had one when she was younger and said be fine just like heavy period which im used to anyway, my friend spent an hour on the loo whilst she passed it then was relatively ok afterwards and the nurse told me once its passed the pain will literally stop. i naively thought if i get pain dash back to hotel get it over with in round about an hour see how feel before doing anything else. oh dear.

i dont know what i will be like when its physically happened but as ive had an idea for 3 weeks now i feel like ill be relieved more than anything. if i do feel crap emotionally i know edinburgh is the one place that may well keep me together. im an emotional wreck at home at the moment thinking what if.

forgot to add...hope your rescheduled trip goes well! as you say something to look forward to and hope it is acting as a bit of a distraction for you.

felt bit under pressure with the trip as my dp works term time and cant have any other time off so it was really either now or never as we like to stay 2 nights because it is a bit of a journey.

In all probability you'll be fine and nothing will happen while you're away. Just make sure you've got some good thick sanitary towels in your handbag (either night time super or ideally some maternity ones). Remember tampons have to be avoided during a miscarriage. If you're concerned then take a towel or a blanket to put under you in bed.
It sounds like a great way to distract yourself for a couple of days. Enjoy yourselves.

ive already stocked up on maternity pads which could double up as a comfy pillow by the looks of them and always night time super duper ones. also have codeine with ibuprofen should i need them and paracetamol. towel is already on the to pack list, nice dark purple one so should be fine. was even thinking of taking a bin bag for extra protection.

ive had no major signs of anything coming. bit of light pink blood yesterday and today but no cramps. argh its so crap feel like life been on hold for three weeks.

i have decided i am definitely returning to work monday regardless my mind needs occupying.

hope you ladies r ok i sound so wrapped up in myself!

btw chubby your ds sounds like a credit to you! glad is he taking it all im his stride and helping where he can. what an amazing being you have produced! bet youre very proud.

It sounds like you're very well organised Ginger.
If you're going back to work make sure you don't push yourself too hard. I understand why you want the distraction though, time stands still when you're sitting at home on your own all day.
Thank you for your kind comments about DS, he's a good kid. He's been desperate for a sibling since he was 3. I'd love to be able to fix it for him, he'd be a great big brother.

Ginger - hope your trip goes well, Edinburgh is lovely.
If your driving, I'd personally take another spare towel & leave it in the car. One to lie on & one to shower with if you need it. But that's mainly because hotel towels & linen are always so pristine white. Even with spotting I'd be scared to mark them.
Chubby - your son does sound like a credit to you. Ours doesn't know what's going on but knows something's up & keeps coming for cuddles to "stop mummy being sad". We will explain when it's all over in gentle simplistic terms but with all the waiting it's hard enough to explain to adults let alone a 6yo.

will chuck another towel in too better to be safe than sorry. thank you.

im sure your son will get a sibling at some point will keep my fingers crossed.

thank you for all your advice. best get ready ha! hope you are all ok

Go and make the most of your trip Gingerbreadmam. As long as you are well prepared you should be fine.
All the tiredness I had yesterday was probably due to the stinking cold I've come down with today.
Hope everyone is coping today.

thank you. i have arrived safely and it was the journey i was worried about most so can relax now. hotel is lovely and a nice warm spacious bathroom which is better than mine at home ha!

thank for all your guidance and support.

Have a lovely couple of days gingerbreadmam I hope it is as relaxing as it can be! I hope my previous post did not put you off or stress you - we all have to get through this in the best way we can and I think you are amazing to grab the chance to go off like that. I will keep everything crossed that you have a calm and uneventful 2 days there.

Hope everyone else is ok? MY parents have just arrived so I have just made the first round of tea...

I am really very sore today in my lower abdomen. I am even finding it hard to sit down on a hard kitchen chair as it seems to be putting a sore pressure on something inside. I don't know what is normal or not 3 days after a miscarriage so don't know if this is something that needs attention or just wait it out. I might give EPU a ring later and get some advice.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

super i would ring epu if you can. i have not been through this but the nurse did seem very sure that once had passed everything the pain would just stop. maybe she has mislead but i would get checked out to be on the safe side if you can face it? how are you feeling now?

no dont worry at all i needed honest opinions to make an informed decision. i did actually try to cancel last night but they were going to charge so i said lets just go. i arent having any major signs anything is going to happen had a pad on just incase and tmi but all ive had is a brown spot all day.

glad came so far has been a nice distraction, even had a few drinks (despite feeling slightly guilty about drinking whilst 'pregnant').

hope you r ok. let me know.

O am so glad you are having a nice day ginger, god knows you really deserve it!

I am ok, still sore so will ring epu in the morning and see what they say xx

good luck with epu i hope everything is well but it is best to be safe. may be just a case of a course of antibiotics or something but like i say best to be safe. you could do without the physical pain too youve been through enough. thanks xx

Superglue - hope you are ok & epu reassured you/ sorted you out
Ginger - hope you are enjoying Edinburgh & are comfortable in your lovely hotel