Pregnant and bleeding

[Worried22]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and waiting in a walk in centre to see a GP. I have a thread in Pregnancy, but thought I might get more responses here.

I started bleeding a week ago, but today it's much heavier and red. I've got a splitting headache and my temps a bit high. The nurse said they can't do much, they don't scan here. I'm worried the GP is going to say the same and u just need to go home bleeding, not knowing what's going on.

Has anyone experience of this? Can I ask to have an internal, or a scan elsewhere, or go to the early pregnancy unti to be checked out? I don't know what to do, bit scared.

Why do I feel sad that I've stopped bleeding? So stupid! I suppose it feels quite final, it's over .

Yes I do get hormonal headaches, so most probably that.

I have had the song 'somewhere over the rainbow' going over and over in my head for the past two days, it's starting to drive me crazy, I keep imaging the baby in a place where there are rainbows. I want my baby so much.

So sorry for you worried it's just awful, what you are describing sounds normal, you don't have to justify how you feel, and the massive change in hormones makes things even more difficult.

I felt like you, I was like a zombie too but! It does get easier, but you never forget I still have a few tears for my lost baby back in 2006.

Be kind to yourself you sound like you are trying to get help but I worry for you, you say you are going back on your AD's so you do need more help, maybe a friendly GP if your MH team are not helping.

I hope you get the help you need just go with what feels right for you now.

Also second the miscarriage website, really useful and supportive and Helps you sort and accept your feelings.

I feel no one understands. I think they think, oh she's had a miscarriage, just a heavy bleed. And I bet they're all thinking it's for the best anyway, as I'm not mentally well enough to have another and I wouldn't have coped.

I don't think they realise I'm grieving, but al

Sorry, phone!

I feel I'm grieving alone as no one else is feeling what I'm feeling. My friends might care, but they didn't carry the baby and plan a future with this child.

I'm feeling so numb, I hate it.

So sorry for you.

When I had my miscarriage last year, I suffered horrendous headaches afterwards. It turned out my iron levels had plummeted due to the blood loss and that was why. See if they can take some blood.

I feel for you. The whole thing is horrific. Xxx

Worried I don't think anyone understands it until it happens to them. I went into a complete meltdown the first time it happened and no one understood or knew what to say or do. Plant some flowers or a tree so you feel like you are doing something and have something me where to sit and think to clear your head

Something to do and somewhere to go I mean

I need to get some of these thoughts out:

Even though I told others I hadn't made a decision and the termination was booked, I knew I wasn't going through with it. I wanted my baby from the minute I found out.

I'd already thought of names, and how the nursery would be, and imagined how proud dd would have been.

I went to sleep every night with my hand on my stomach, I could feel the bump starting to grow. I miss that.

I was happy and proud, and I feel so ashamed that I kept this to myself.

I wish I could say sorry to my baby that I couldn't carry it safely until it was grown.

I had the same last 4 thoughts as u.
U r not alone.
Hugs.
How is your dd?

Yes that's the hard part as well, all your hopes and plans you made are not going to happen. It is just such a shock and no one can understand what you are going through unless they have been there. I remember friends having MC and I remember having sympathy but thinking oh well they can try again, they will be ok its not the end of the world. When it happens to you though it is the end of the world, the end of all your hopes and plans you had made and your that person with friends thinking it's ok you can try again.

Yes that's the hard part as well, all your hopes and plans you made are not going to happen. It is just such a shock and no one can understand what you are going through unless they have been there. I remember friends having MC and I remember having sympathy but thinking oh well they can try again, they will be ok its not the end of the world. When it happens to you though it is the end of the world, the end of all your hopes and plans you had made and your that person with friends thinking it's ok you can try again.

I saw a counseller who told me to either write the baby a letter, or pretend the baby is there with you and say the things you want to say out loud

it didn't suit me, but you might find it helpful?

I've had bloods done and my pregnancy hormones have gone down, which I should know is good as it means it's not ectopic. But it's made me feel sad as it means the pregnancy is gone. It's stupid as of course it's gone, but I didn't want to hear it.

I can't cope with this grief. It's so, so hard.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling so desperate. I've rang the mh team and texted Samaritans. I'm starting to feel I can't do this anymore. I can't accept I might not have anymore children. I love dd, but don't want to be upset around her. It's not fair on her, it's not fair I've deprived her of a brother or sister, it's not fair this has happened to so many women.

DD will not be bothered as long as she has her DM. Hope you are getting some help IRL worried

Oh worried I really really feel for you. I really do.
You can do this, you really can. Think about your DD, think about the things she says that make you laugh, think about the memories you have of her growing up. Think about just how important you are to her. Think about when she's grown up and you could possibly become a grandmother. Think about it because it's so important.
I'm gonna tell you something because I hope it might help you to gain a bit of perspective (and I'm not being patronising when I say that!)
I lost my brother when I was 15 years old. He was 6yrs older than me, he suffered with a lot of MH problems and he died thru drugs which he took to try and make his problems go away. I was an 'only child' from the age of 11 as he lived away from then, he was so much older than me that we weren't on the same page. (Although I known that if he was alive today we would be as we'd both now be adults) Let's skip a good few (18years!) to today. I am best friends with my mum, we do as much as we can when we can together, she is my first confident, she is there for absolutely everything that has happened or happens in my life. I was there for her when she lost her son, am still there when she has her bad days, as she is there for me too when I mourn my brother. She's been there for me for both MCs I have had. This is what you have to focus on. That DD of yours. I am so very blessed to have 2 DDs and they are literally the only ones that have unknowingly got me through the past few weeks. I treasure the now with them and I look forward to the future when I can have that best friend relationship with them. (Would rather skip the teenage years tho!)
I hope you can understand the point I am trying to make to you, I think what I am trying to say is try to not to dwell on the child you could've had, make the most of the one you have got. I had an epiphany today, my youngest's teacher told me that she hadn't been herself this term and I felt I had to explain what had been going on. Even though I had done my best to not let her know what was happening, I think she had picked up on emotions but she didn't know why I was feeling the way I was.
I hope you don't take anything I've said the wrong way, I just hope you can see the perspective I have come from. I grew up in a world troubled with mental health problems and I came out with my mum as my best friend. This is what I want you to strive for. Please get the help you need and I hope that people listen to you. Am happy to talk to you via pm if you need it. Sending you big hugs x

I've taken dd out today but feel completely wiped out now, exhausted and a bit lightheaded. The thought of making tea and doing bath/bed feels overwhelming. I'm not bleeding much anymore so surely I shouldn't feel like this?

You'll have lost quite a bit of blood, and that plus hormones plus the shock and distress will all add up. I felt dreadful after mine, and had a long miserable run of viruses and general lurgies for weeks afterwards. Something like this really dos knock you for six, so go very very easy on yourself for the time being

It's been a week now. A week ago I was sat in the walk in centre slightly bleeding. Now it's gone. I don't want it to get back to normal. I don't want to move on and forget. I feel bad I'm not crying all the time, I just feel empty.

Keep waiting for someone to tell me it was all a dream, a nightmare, it didn't happen and I will have this baby.

As I've been typing this I've suddenly got shouting pains down each side, low down. Is this where ovaries are? Feels really painful internally. Wish I knew what was going on in there.

Hi.
I don't know what to say, I just want to let you know that you are not alone.

It's ok, I don't expect people to know what to say. I just find it helps to write down my thoughts here, and the support has helped so much.

I keep going from feeling desperate to be pregnant again impossible right now to never wanting to again. I don't know what I want.

I don't know if this is normal, or I'm imagining it, or what? The last few days I've had pain when weeing, then feeling weak and lightheaded, earlier I had a sharp pain in my shoulder, now I've got pain in the lower right abdomen.

Obviously I've been reading stuff on the internet and panicking, so I'm probably fine. It doesn't help that I've been going for blood tests as hormone levels are dropping slowly, last lot were 120 from 460 though.

I'm just worrying over nothing, aren't I?

Could be an infection, I'd get it checked if I were you.
I once had a terrible one (not mc related)
How old is your other child?
I took great comfort from the kids I had when I mc, its easy to focus on what you've lost but forget what you have.
It is a natural thing to feel the urge to get pregnant, I felt the sane but it took a couple of years even though I was in a position to do so.
Have you spoken to the mc association yet?
Can you have a nice day out with your dc today, it really helps

I just had to do a pregnancy test to let the EPU know the results. It was negative as expected, but I broke down just seeing the one line.