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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Pregnant and bleeding

205 replies

Worried22 · 17/05/2014 18:40

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and waiting in a walk in centre to see a GP. I have a thread in Pregnancy, but thought I might get more responses here.

I started bleeding a week ago, but today it's much heavier and red. I've got a splitting headache and my temps a bit high. The nurse said they can't do much, they don't scan here. I'm worried the GP is going to say the same and u just need to go home bleeding, not knowing what's going on.

Has anyone experience of this? Can I ask to have an internal, or a scan elsewhere, or go to the early pregnancy unti to be checked out? I don't know what to do, bit scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 05:23

I've had about 3 hours sleep, I feel shaky and horrible. I don't how how I'm going to get through today. I'm shocked by some friends responses, but others have been lovely. I can hardly type this out, it's going to be a hard day.

OP posts:
bakingtins · 21/05/2014 07:10

When something awful happens you find out who your real friends are. Is there someone who can look after you DD for a bit so you can have a sleep later?

havenever · 21/05/2014 07:16

worried your posts remind you of how i felt when i miscarried. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I grieved for a long time. And was depressed for longer.

its 9 years ago now. I just wanted to let you know that i still think about the baby i lost and it is sad. But it really really gets easier over time. It doesn't feel like it now, but you will make peace with it x

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 07:26

If I had a partner I think it would make things a bit easier to know I can try again soon. That would give me some hope. But I don't know when that will happen, if ever.

I keep telling myself I've got dd, but it doesn't take the pain away. People are saying all the cliches 'things happen for a reason', 'maybe it's for the best'. I agree with them but inside I'm screaming 'it's not, that's not true!' One friend didn't even text me, I thought she hadn't got mine, but a friend had told her too so she definetly knew.

I'm scared of not sleeping, I feel so much worse today. I'll try to sleep later, but I just end up crying.

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bumbleymummy · 21/05/2014 08:22

Of course you're grieving for a real baby. Do try to meet up with someone today for some support. It really does help to just let it all out with someone else. xo

havenever · 21/05/2014 08:34

Yes, i think its hard, if you don't have an opportunity to try again straight away. But with hindsight, i wish i had waited a while and processed the grief before getting pregnant. I ended up with PND with my subsequent child.

i do think some people don't think of it as loosing an actual baby/child. And i know people who have miscarried themselves and even not felt like it was a baby...just cells. But most of the people i know who have miscarried, have felt like their babies died. Spend time with people who understand and avoid those that don't, for a while

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 09:26

I just spoke to the midwife, I don't know why, just wanted that final bye, and to say thanks. I wish I hadn't now, feel so, so sad. She said to call her if I need to but tbh I don't know her that well so I wouldn't expect her to deal with it.

It's a nice day, I should get outside for a bit. Might see a friend later. But I don't actually want to do any of it, I don't want to go out and see babies going for walks with their mummies. I want to close the curtains and cry.

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bakingtins · 21/05/2014 11:29

A bit of sunshine and company will probably help, worried but shutting yourself away and crying also allowed. You deal with it the best way you can.
Your MW will have had a lot of experience in supporting women who have suffered pregnancy losses, I'm sure it's not her favourite bit of the job but she would not have offered to be a listening ear if she didn't mean it. I've had 4MC and my MW has been very supportive in subsequent pregnancies, as well as being one of the few people with any actual compassion at the time. It probably helps that she had losses herself. Help comes from unlikely sources sometimes, avail yourself of anyone who is prepared to be sympathetic.

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 12:16

I've got pain on my left side, especially when I wee. I don't know if it's everything going back to normal? Everything's making me nervous, I'm not bleeding much now.

OP posts:
Rachie1986 · 21/05/2014 12:31

Thinking of you worried, so sorry and wish I could do something to help xx

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 14:48

I'm not sure I can get over this. I can't cope with the pain of not being pregnant anymore. I am ok with I'm with people, putting on a front, as soon as I'm alone I sob until I feel sick and want to hold my baby.

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 21/05/2014 15:05

Please phone your midwife or GP, they can arrange counseling.

bumbleymummy · 21/05/2014 16:40

I agree with WaitMonkey. Don't try to get through this alone. Counselling really helped me - even years afterwards. I didn't realise that I had been holding on to so much pain and grief.

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 16:45

Dd is playing in her room with a friend, and I'm downstairs crying. I feel something's gone, a piece of me, yet I feel selfish as I know women go through so much worse, numerous times.

I will ask about counselling.

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Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 19:26

Started passing clots again, with cramps. I thought I'd passed that stage. I keep thinking it's going to be ok, none of this is real. I don't know why I'm thinking that, I know it's happening, but I won't let myself believe it.

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havenever · 21/05/2014 19:39

I think your brain protects you by doing that

Original poster
Worried22 · 21/05/2014 21:00

I seem to cry in the mornings and evenings, and I really break down. I can't remember what I've eaten today, the days are all merging. I'm managing to cope with dd, I don't know how, just auto pilot I guess.

I've emailed miscarriage association, not sure how they'll help, but I'm desperate.

OP posts:
Justeat · 21/05/2014 21:16

Oh my angel, you're describing how I felt and behaved.
Please keep posting and speak with the miscarriage association, they're wonderful.
I felt very empty afterwards, like there was a piece of me missing.
You WILL get thru this, it takes time.
My memory was crap afterwards.

Original poster
Worried22 · 22/05/2014 03:42

I can't sleep as I've got a bad headache. I wish there was something to numb this pain. I know I've got to be strong to carry on, but I'm not feeling strong at all.

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Justeat · 22/05/2014 06:36

I want to cuddle you and tell u that u will get thru this.
I cry for my little Clare-Mala, lost at 9 weeks. MMC.
DS now 7 months.

Ledkr · 22/05/2014 07:15

worried make this the day that you seek some proper support.

Whoever you need to see just contact them today whoever that maybe.

Because you have depression already this certainly could set off an episode of feeling extremely unwell so act today, you may need your ads increased or changed.

Show you are feeling is horrible and I was totally shocked at how dreadful it made me feel too, I was really sad and couldn't stop crying and HATED pregnant women.

I think you feel worse because you are not in a position to try again but try not to focus on that for a bit and concentrate on getting through this.

I was 40 when I met my lovely second husband and nearly 44 when I had our dd who is now 3 so it's entirely possible that one day you will be able to have another baby.

Did you manage some sleep?

Who will you call today?

Original poster
Worried22 · 22/05/2014 08:25

I got some sleep but woke up with a headache still. I feel like a zombie. I don't know what clothes to put on each morning, I'd started to show quite early and my jeans don't fit, I'd bought some maternity leggings, I can't even look at them. There's a parcel at the post office waiting for me to collect, I know it's maternity clothes. I'm just fat now, not pregnant.

My mh team already know, so I could ring them. But I don't know what they can do. When I called the midwife yesterday, I think I was expecting her to say everything's ok, and there's still a baby.

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oohdaddypig · 22/05/2014 15:38

Oh worried I'm sorry you are struggling. Why not contact the EPU for some help - I think they can advise about counsellors. It's a horrible thing and I'm thinking of you x

Original poster
Worried22 · 22/05/2014 16:26

I've felt quite unwell today so contacted EPU anyway and they want to see me in the morning.

The mh team are rubbish, my support workers away but back next week. The rest don't want to know.

Feel completely flat today, which is probably normal. I feel so sad and I want to cry, but I can't. All I can think of is my head hurts.

OP posts:
bakingtins · 22/05/2014 16:37

Glad EPU are going to see you again. They should have someone you can talk to, make sure you tell them how bad you are feeling. There are often support groups locally or they can refer you for counselling.
Do you normaly get hormonal headaches? Your progesterone and HCG will be crashing which can make you feel pretty bad, but get yourself checked out if it is getting worse. Don't suffer alone, ask for help IRL and keep asking until you find the people who are willing to help you.