Pregnant and bleeding

[Worried22]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and waiting in a walk in centre to see a GP. I have a thread in Pregnancy, but thought I might get more responses here.

I started bleeding a week ago, but today it's much heavier and red. I've got a splitting headache and my temps a bit high. The nurse said they can't do much, they don't scan here. I'm worried the GP is going to say the same and u just need to go home bleeding, not knowing what's going on.

Has anyone experience of this? Can I ask to have an internal, or a scan elsewhere, or go to the early pregnancy unti to be checked out? I don't know what to do, bit scared.

That's ok, everyone deals with it differently. I don't feel it's a test run as I feel it was my last chance of having another baby.

I miscarried twice early on then last time at 16 weeks. I ended up in a&e in the middle of the night. Nurse went to get some pads for the bed and I had a big contraction looked down and had passed it out. They kept me in 3 nights due to low blood pressure.

I had a big contraction too, didn't expect it to be like that. Wish a nurse had have been with me, I actually wish they'd taken me more seriously to begin with. I didn't see a doctor until after I'd passed it, then the nurses started checking on me. Was too late then.

I don't know what to do now. Just bleed it out? Is there anything I should look out for? I keep bursting into tears, then stopping and feeling nothing.

Sorry, maybe I should start posting on the miscarriage board.

I think your probably in shock not feeling nothing. I just bled like a very heavy period. Once that stopped periods went back to normal. What your feeling is normal

I can't stop crying now! I want to pretend it hasn't happened and it wasn't real. I don't know what to do with myself.

It didn't help that dd came home and didn't want to be here. Maybe I'm a rubbish mum anyway and thats why it happened. I bet all the nurses and doctors have just forgotten about what happened, when it was such a major thing for me. It's 'just one if those things' for other people.

I've asked for this to be moved to here. Hope that's ok.

Don't feel I'm coping too well.

You are coping hust fine, it is very early days. Keep posting if you feel able and someone will usually come back to you quite quickly.

I felt as you did when I had my last MC, that it was my last chance to have a baby, to the point where when I fell pregnant with DD1 I was convinced I would not have a live baby placed in my arms. Even to the point when the monitoring equipment failed and I 'knew' it was because she had dies. She is 19 and getting married next month.

As a student nurse, I know the nurse will have been professional, but they will be thinking of you tonight.

Hi worried I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. It sounds like you've had a very difficult day with not much support from the NHS. It's sad that there isn't better support for pregnancy loss. Thankfully there is Mumsnet, and you will find all the moral support and answers that you need here over the next few days and weeks.
Since you passed the baby/sac in hospital your bleeding should settle down, but it's likely it will continue for 1-2 weeks, and you need to use pads rather than tampons for that whole time. Take standard painkillers if you need them, the cramps can be unpleasant. You might pass more clots or pieces of tissue as well as blood.
You need some sort of follow up to make sure the MC is complete, so phone EPU tomorrow and see if they still want you to attend for a scan or if you are to take a HPT in 2 weeks. If it's not negative by that point then they will normally monitor you until it is.
It's normal to feel guilty and to look for someone (usually yourself) to blame, but this was not your fault. You didn't lose the baby because you are a rubbish mum, or because you weren't sure you wanted to continue the pregnancy, or because you did x/y/z. It's a shitty but very common way for a pregnancy to end and it happens to the best and most deserving people, with no rhyme or reason, other than that in most cases there was something genetically wrong that meant the pregnancy could not progress beyond a certain point.
You are probably going to experience a whole roller coaster of emotions as you come to terms with the loss, but you will be ok, you will come out the other side. Try to get some sleep, and look after yourself, you've been through a lot.

Oh honey, it hurts like hell doesn't it?
I remember feeling sadder than ever in my life.
It does pass though even though you don't believe it now.
Can you be around friends tomorrow? You need company.

Morning worried, how are you this morning? I hope you had some rest and are being kind and gentle to yourself, never believe this was your fault, it wasn't. I promise you that.
We are all here if you need anything today, we haven't forgotten.

Thank you pickle. I slept ok as was exhausted. I woke up and had forgotten for a second, then it all came back. There are so many reminders everywhere. Letters about appts, all the bits from the bounty pack, adverts with babies on the tv.

I can't face going out, I just want to be pregnant again and planning for a baby. I can't buy anything now, all my future plans have changed and it all feels pointless. I feel like I don't even deserve to have dd now, everything feels false. What's the point?

I'd bought some maternity clothes as wasn't fitting into old clothes too well. I need to take them back this week. I feel like a fake, and stupid for buying them, when the baby was probably already dead inside me.

Worried please be kind to yourself. You should have done nothing differently. One day at a time. You are physically and emotionally in shock. There is support available at your EPU. Please don't deal with this alone x

All your feelings are normal. I remember feeling angry and bleak and like a fraud too (I had a MMC, so my foetus had been dead for about four weeks before I realised). Take the clothes back. Shred, recycle or bin the paperwork. Put away the things that are staring you in the face and reminding you of your loss. And then give yourself the space to grieve. Make an effort with your DD too. She probably feels confused and maybe upset by your misery. Caring for my the DS I already had helped me immensely in the early days. He gave me a reason to get up and put on a brave face - and that was a positive thing.

I just checked my emails and I got one from Babycentre telling about the baby's development at 12 weeks. A friend just rang and I felt stupid for crying on the phone to her.

I'm going to walk to the chemist to pick up my ad's, need to start taking them again, wish I could take the whole lot and sleep until the pain is gone.

Good. Taking your ADs again is a positive step, but please only take as many as you should. The pain WILL get better. This is only day two

Is it bad I'm just sitting around crying today? I feel I should be carrying on as normal, but I know I'll start crying if I'm out. I'm also worried I'll start bleeding more and leaking. I have had friends offer to come round, but tbh I don't want to see others upset, or feel I've got to put on a brave face. I just want to be alone and cry, but it feels wrong.

Worried, it's ok to be sad. You are entitled to feel whatever you are feeling, but please try to be caring to yourself, I mean stop blaming yourself - you did nothing wrong. Also you need to remember the good times with your DD. You do deserve to be a mum, that is not why this happened. This is just a freak of biology, a horrible, tragic, sad occurrence.
Finally, your friends will probably want to help, please let at least one come and see you, even if you sit and cry with them, they will want to help.
Here if you need us.

Of course it's not bad. If you feel the need to stay home and cry, then that's what you should do. I know I did. I didn't have much choice about the staying at home part, to be honest, as the physical process took much longer for me and I had nearly two weeks of extremely heavy bleeding before I passed the baby, but even without that I would still have cried. I still do, some days. Be gentle on yourself in the days to come and don't feel that you have to do anything. Keep talking here if it helps - there are so many of us holding your hand and thinking of you.

It's a bereavement like any other, you need time to grieve, it's a horrible shock and your body is also suffering as well as your mind.
It probably would help to talk to a friend, people expect you to be devastated.
Is there a helpline? Did you google it?
I bet there is.

I had weeks off work too. Most women do.

Miscarriage Association helpline 01924 200799 Monday to Friday, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m

It's fine to need to hide yourself away or surround yourself with friends, whichever feels right. Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been through a horrible experience and you need to grieve, nobody will expect you to put a brave face on it. A good friend will sit and cry with you, but if you need to be on your own that's ok too. Try the helpline or keep posting, sometimes it is easier to be real with a stranger you don't have to face again later.

Is this your first miscarriage. I know it's not the same for everyone but I have had 3 the last being at 16 weeks in similar circumstances to you and I saw what I passed, the second at 12w and the first at 7w. The first one which physically was the easiest one was the one which caused me the most distress and I was so upset and shocked

I remember work sending me flowers and I just sat all day looking at then crying then lost it, ripped the flowers out and smashed the vase off the wall. There's no wrong or right. Your grieving and in shock at what's happened, something you were not expecting.