Recurrent miscarriage testing and beyond.. Part 6.. Over here!

[orangebowl]

We have filled up the last thread so here is the next.. Deep breath and grit your teeth for the roller coaster of emotions that continues... Hope tea and butterfly and all find it!

"cant beleive its actually feeling real now- after 2 years and 4 miscarriages... my gorgeous DS may actually be getting a baby brother!" - lovely!

Tea, I forgot to say I sometimes do a 2ww board as sometimes it doesn't feel right on these boards to write about those crazy thoughts, but it isn't the same. I did just have a look though and there is a ttc board for people who've mc'd. That might be an idea? I've bookmarked it myself to have a read later.

Brilliant school that's fantastic news also a excuse to see little on in 10 days again xxxx

Yey School amazing news! So pleased for you!! And two boys will be so lovely!

Twenty I have seen the trying after mc threads but somehow feel that three mc is different to one. Although seeing as no cause has been found maybe its not. The reason I thought about the long term ttc thread was because I feel like I've been at it for so long now! Could do with a pcos thread or secondary infertility thread (as feel bad moaning when I do have a DD). Or maybe just a nut job thread would do....!!

Tea, I reckon it'll be easier to chill once the sun eventually comes out again. I don't know about you but I'm feeling so sluggish and always get a bit blue in the winter. It's so difficult. I feel shitty this evening because other half has gone home and is hanging out with his little nephews and pregnant sister. He loves his nephews so much and it breaks my heart that I can't give him that. At the same time I feel like a right cow I begrudge him that happiness and sometimes can barely engage with the poor kids because I resent them in some way. In a way I feel like if I just knew one way or the other if we'll be successful I could work on my feelings and move on. Instead I'm in limbo. I think keeping busy is the only thing we can do. I've started listening to audiobooks on my drive to work to stop me thinking or my thoughts often just torment me.

School, so glad the little one is doing so well still. And agree it'll be nice in a way to have another scan so soon and it doesn't sound like anything to worry about.

Pleased to hear about good scans for school and LandsN

I'm on the "posifrickingtivity" TTC after MC thread on the conception board and they are fab. Several ladies have had more than one .

My AF arrived today, just in time to ensure there is no chance of getting day 2-3 bloods done due to the sodding bank holiday weekend, which I have to work anyway. Curses.

Tea, I hope my complaining about not having any children doesn't make you uncomfortable. I've left it too late. I'm old and I only decided at the very end of my potential reproductive history that I want a child. I wasn't career focussed, or trying to sort out my life first, it just didn't come upon me until a couple of years ago. So I don't begrudge other people's children, and I can't have wanted them sooner myself. This is my place. Your pain isn't less because you have a child. But where ever you can get support is important. I tend to get lost in big threads so they make me more neurotic! Hm, yes, a nut job thread! You could start one called that - I bet it would be over subscribed!

Guppie sounds like you had a tough day yesterday. How are you feeling today? It's tough being with others. I've got a weekend of it and am on tenter hooks. Audio books sound like a great idea. Listening to anything good? And you might be right about the weather, I imagine it will help when it warms up.

How annoying Bakingtins, I know this is a stretch but can EPU or A&E take them?

As for me, I took a opk test when I woke at 5 this morning - I wouldn't usually but as I'm cd 12 thought I'd better not waste the fmu, it was negative. I went back to sleep and had loads of sex dreams (one of my ov signs - I swear, I have so many that it sets my teeth on edge and I become super sensitive, anyone else?). Anyway, my point was that I went to test again at 10 am and it was positive. Amazing stuff. Unfortunately it was too late and OH is out all day and we haven't tcc for a bit so there's nothing to catch the egg. I just hope that later won't be too late. I always have the earliest/shortest time scales in mind, I know it might not even happen today, or not at all, but it stresses me out. Damn that this isn't all more predictable, like af's for blood tests Guppie!

Guppie I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Sometimes it really does feel like everyone else has these perfect lives doesn't it. I'm sure you're DH doesn't see it as you do. If he's anything like mine he won't get sad seeing other children (& pregnant people) as men seem to just take it all in their stride and not dwell so much on what other people are doing. I often tell DH how many pregnant people and babies there were at events we end up at (usually horrific children's parties) and he never seems to notice!!

Twenty you don't make me feel uncomfortable at all sorry if that's how it sounded. I know that secondary infertility is extremely painful but I also know how lucky I am to have DD and I wouldn't want to sound ungrateful. I haven't dared join a conception thread yet. Agree about the huge ones, they get a bit confusing. And I just don't know how I'll feel about a bfp yet. Might just lurk a bit. That's mad about the opk. How are we supposed to keep track if things change so suddenly?! I'm using the clearblue so only doing once a day with fmu. Would probably go mad if I tested all day!! Even if you dtd tomorrow that might be ok? Totally know what you mean about wasting an egg. I'm like a woman possessed!!

Baking that's so annoying about AF!!! Typical. They might take your bloods at epu. Can they store them til tues to test or do they need to be done soon after they're taken? I will check out that thread you mentioned, thank you.

No news here really. I'm feeling much happier and calmer than I was last week and the one before. I think its from the acupuncture and reflexology. Need to write down my happy thoughts so I can read them when I'm in the depths of depression as I'm sure I will be when AF turns up or I end up on a stupidly long cycle again. I think I'm CD16 but still no positive opk and reckon will be next week (fingers crossed). Hoping for a glass of wine tonight but DD refusing to go to sleep!! Decided to ditch the no drinking diet as sure that makes me more miserable!

I got one of our vet nurses to take blood from me this morning - gave them all a good laugh when I promised not to bite her, so I'm hoping the health centre won't be too appalled when I rock up with my tubes of blood....I have to go and have more (not time sensitive) done for karyotyping as last time Gp hadn't ordered the right tubes.
Tea nice to hear you are having happy thoughts. Hope that positivity lasts.
Twenty hope you took advantage of the +ve OPK, so to speak!
guppie it must be tough dealing with family children when you are struggling with feelings about MC/TTC. Hope your OH can be sympathetic to how you are feeling.

Thought some of you might appreciate this blog about a couple's struggle with infertility - not really about miscarriage, but I certainly identified with a lot of the ways they described their 7 yr journey to have a child
www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/

Hi Twenty, I am feeling a bit better today thanks. Also spent the day with kids yesterday and a pregnant friend but it was okay. I seem to be less tetchy about friend's kids and more so about my other half's nephews... think it's just seeing how good he is with them and how much he loves them that cuts me up. He likes my friend's kids but obv doesn't dote over them in the same way. Ha, I know what you mean about the sex dreams and ovulation. I get that sometimes - not every month. It's quite clever how your body / brain does that! And that's pretty amazing with your ov test too - they must be very sensitive. I didn't do any tests this month but pretty sure I've ovulated last couple of days as had all the signs and we've been more than making the best of it over the bank holiday weekend! If this doesn't work I swear there must be something wrong...Definitely recommend the audiobooks for focusing the mind on other things. Listened to Remains of the Day, which I'd never read and is amazing, and now listening to a sci-fi type thing called Wool, which is about 25 hours long so should keep me occupied for a while!!

Tea, glad you're feeling a bit more back to normal. I reckon a glass of wine or two is fine. It's difficult because part of me thinks I should be being super healthy, but doing that is like a constant reminder.

Baking, which tests are they doing for you? (apologies you've probably said before but my memory is bad and can't find a previous post mentioning it!). I wonder what they'll say to you turning up with your own blood :-) If it means saving yourself another few weeks wait though it's well worth it.

Baking, that's funny about taking your own blood samples in. Will you keep them in the fridge until then? I refused to let the mw take my blood last time as she was the same mw from the previous pg and was crap at taking blood. She said my refusal didn't hurt her feelings... but we should take responsibility for the weel being of our tests where we can. I'll be curious to hear if the hospital accepts them!

It was weird about the opks (they are the most sensitive ones, I found earlier on that when I tested only once a day I often missed it so I test 3 times a day as I near my peak). As the opk's began to fade my other ovary made a twinge yesterday so I tested again last night and I tested a strong positive again so we're still ttc, not sure what to count as dpo 1 that's the least of our worries, just thankful it occured over the bh weekend. Good luck to you Guppie as well! And I like your audio books idea. I don't commute but think it might be nice to have on when I'm home and mind is fallow!

I read someone's thread earlier about what to eat before getting pg and had to go our and get eggs so I could have runny ones! I might also have a glass of wine and get some pate. I've returned to being more hopeful, SO much prefer to 2ww to the af to ov wait!

I spent the afternoon with a new born. I have such a headache. I just sat there being super pleasant and interested and happy and holding back the few times I felt like crying. I wish I could somehow have prepared for this era of my life, I hope it passes quickly.

I'll let you know what they say - hoping I can get an appointment tomorrow for them to draw blood for karyotyping now my GP has ordered the right tubes. Have got serum and plasma all spun, seperated and refridgerated so hope it'll be ok. It's for day 2-3 FSH/LH so if I'd waited until tomorrow would be too late and I'd have a whole month to wait. The vet nurse has also done a much better job than the pratice nurse and my arm is less bruised than last time. Maybe I should ask her to do them all!
twenty sorry you had a tough afternoon.
I feel a bit sad about tomorrow. It should have been my 12 week scan, or I should have been 38 weeks pregnant and looking forward to the arrival of my baby (or more likely fat and fed up). In the next month I have EDD of MC2 and anniversary of MC1. It's just getting to the stage where no time of year is without an anniniversary I'd rather not be remembering.

It's tough isn't it twenty. Seeing new borns and putting on that happy face is just so hard and exhausting. It will be you one day I'm sure. I saw a pregnant friend yesterday and had loads of conversations about babies which was hard. And found out another friend is 6 months pregnant who already has 2. Have a glass of wine? It's my new therapy as fed up with being healthy (I know its only been 3 months...& I wasn't even that healthy!!)

I am not feeling so bright and breezy today which I knew would happen. I can't wait until I'm through this rubbish time & out the other side & can look back at how crap it is. But at the moment I just feel consumed by it all. I'm panicking already because its DDs birthday in July so not only is she getting old but its the anniversary of my last mc and I'm still no closer to having a baby. Not sure why I'm so fixated on it already. I'm convinced that if we have a party everyone will be feeling sorry for me because I'm not pregnant and don't have a baby. I know rationally that noone can be that interested in someone else's life but at the moment I just don't want to have a party!! So selfish as I know its really not about me.

twenty I'm also super impressed with the double ovulation!! Does that mean you could get twins?! I've not ovulated yet and getting twitchy about it again as desperately want it to happen soon so I don't end up with another ridiculously long cycle & more nutter behaviour. Think maybe that's why the panic has set in.

Guppie how are you doing today? Do you feel any better?

How is everyone else?

Hi ladies hope u are all well I not been on much over the weekend been feeling like crap thought I was just lucky morning sickness gone but tonight have started bleeding again except this time it's red rather than the brown last week, I just got a bad feeling will phone epau in morning if I get that far as from experience with me bleeding starts then cramps and pain come quickly after I really hope I am wrong but can't help feeling I am not x

Oh no Lands you poor thing. I hope it's ok. You've had red blood before this pregnancy though haven't you and it was still ok? I've read loads of stories on here of women bleeding red blood but still having healthy pregnancies. Crossing everything for you and sending big hugs. I hope you get some sleep.

Hi tea yes I did but this seems different this started mixed with brown and before it stopped quite quickly but this is not stopping and I have got dull pains at the mo dp working nights at the mo so have not said anything yet don't want to worry him at work in case it's nothing I suppose only tomorrow will tell x

You poor thing especially coping on your own. I really hope everything is ok for you & you get reassurance from the epu. Keep us updated.

LandsN keeping everything crossed that it is ok. Sorry you are going through this, it is just the worst feeling especially when you have had previous losses. I had a sub chorionic haematoma with DS2 and bled on and off, sometimes heavily, from 8-14 weeks which was incredibly stressful but turned out ok. Hope you can be scanned today.

Thank you I have phoned epau they are going to call me back and try and get me in today I didn't sleep much spent most of night with hot sweats horrible I just feel like I got my hopes up too soon but on a positive not baking lets hope I am that lucky must have been awful for u though xx

Oh god lands - so sorry this is happening. Try and keep as calm as you can and get yourself in for a scan ASAP. I've always found its the waiting that's the worst (if there can be a worst bit). Thinking of you today. X

Thanks school they can't fit me in till Friday and if anything else happens to go to a & e I know this is it bleeding has gone back to brown again but sort of mixed with red but am loosing small clots only very small ATM I just know deep down this is it now though feel really sick though I am just laying on sofa watching telly with the dc's thank god for school holidays x

So sorry Lands. Don't give up hope just yet though although I know you will have resigned yourself to it. Do you have any cramps? You sound like you're being really strong.

Not really very dull I just feel so ill in myself and bleeding is getting slightly heavier just hope my gut instinct is wrong I am fighting back the tears as the kids don't know anything x

I did hope it was the bleed coming away but it has been on and off since last scan and surely there couldn't have been that much blood in there? Maybe I am wrong I just don't know suppose if nothing else happens Friday will tell x