Ladies, I'm getting myself in a tangle about what to do next. I'm increasingly frustrated with the approach of the establishment to miscarriage. One is "unlucky" two is "very unlucky" three is "extremely unlucky" and four is ...
I'm not hoping for much from RMC consultant appointment because it will be someone from the same team that I've already seen privately, and I've had all the tests they recommended and am still unexplained, at which point they moved to plan B which is to be relentlessly cheerful about your chances next time, and to quote stats about even after 3 miscarriages 60% will carry to term next time. Which is great, until you don't, and I've now lost confidence in them.
I read "Is your Body Baby Friendly?" after someone on here recommended it and it opens up a whole new can of worms about immunological causes of miscarriage. There seems to be a lot of controversy about whether these causes are significant, whether the treatments are safe, whether the successes attributed to treatment are actually due to the 60% having the babies they'd have had anyway. Going down this road means more travelling and more expenditure. I looked into going to Coventry to see Prof Quenby, who tests for NK cells, but that seemed to be the tip of the iceberg of possible problems. We're not covered on our health insurance for miscarriage, we don't have endless money to spend on this.
I haven't even had the discussion with DH whether we should just be calling it a day. This pregnancy (and the last one) was supposed to be our last ditch attempt to have a 3rd child. I'm a very stubborn person, I don't want to be beaten by this, and I don't want to look back in 10 yrs and be wondering "what if?" but I can also see all the stress and upset is adversely affecting my family and taking up a lot of my emotional energy. Perhaps I should let it lie and be grateful for the children I have.
At the moment I'm planning to take a few months off TTC and see what the consultant says. Fingers firmly crossed we get something back from the cytogenetics, because I think knowing if I'm killing healthy embryos or if we are producing embryos with chromosome problems is key to what to do next. I know from the tests I have good ovarian reserve, but that's not to say there are good eggs in there, perhaps they are all scrambled and I don't think there is any way to tell other than keep trying. I'm vaguely planning to go see Prof Quenby after that - have to wait until 7-10 days post ov in a normal cycle so that will be at least 7-8 weeks away, then another month for results of uterine biopsy.
I think I need a focus for the summer, then hopefully in September we can gather our thoughts and some new information and decide whether to have "one last try" before I'm 40.
Sorry for the essay. Any comments?