Recurrent miscarriage testing and beyond.. Part 6.. Over here!

[orangebowl]

We have filled up the last thread so here is the next.. Deep breath and grit your teeth for the roller coaster of emotions that continues... Hope tea and butterfly and all find it!

Twenty there's still a (33%!) chance you could be pregnant but I know as you do that there's no point in getting hopes up. These past 2 cycles I've totally convinced myself I'm pregnant so now realise that pmt and pregnancy just feel the same!! FWIW my bfp don't seem to show up until after AF is due.

Guppie sorry AF is here. If its any consolation my AF also been strange. Conveniently its gone mad just as I decided I wanted to ttc. Grrrr. Join me in a big glass of tonight??

Guppie this has been a bad month, sorry to hear af found you, and sorry she's playing games. Hope it settles soon.

Is there anyone else waiting out the 2ww with me? Sorry if I've lost track of you.

Tea, I know what you mean. I haven't been able to convince myself I've been pregnant though. I've known each time that I was pregnant, so in the absence of that I pretty much feel I'm heading towards af. The only thing is I understand from what others have said that each pregnancy is unique and that it's very possible to be pregnant and unaware, so there is a part of me that holds on to that as a possibility and hopes in the absence of hard evidence or my knowing! I'm getting my pms spots (several this month as if I'm being punished for something), and I'm fighting off a migrain today which can be an af thing for me, and I'm moody - although it's so hard to tell the difference between pms moody and sad/mc moody.

Whoops, sorry went on for a bit. I'm going to look for something to do!

School was just wondering who suggested fortnightly scans it has only been 3 days and I am starting to feel a little like 4 weeks is too long think I might contact epac next week and see if I can get another one in between just to put my mind at rest again!! Just not sure if they will do it??
Did anyone see the lady on 16 kids and counting who had 8 m/c and now is pg with her 12th child? Just shows it is possible xxx

Urgh, AF definitely here now. What a load of crap, and I heard I didn't get one of the jobs I went for today. Had a big old self indulgent moan earlier about how I'm a failure at getting job and getting pregnant! Joining you on the wine tonight Tea :-) Fingers crossed for you Twenty. It's so difficult to spot symptoms. I think I remember not feeling like I was getting AF the times I was pregnant but some people say they get the same pains, so who knows really.

Oh Guppie rubbish AF. I know how you feel and promise you'll feel better tomorrow. The first day is always the worst hormone wise. And I'm sure you would have hated the job you didn't get. I always think if you don't get it then you probably wouldn't have liked working there anyway! Are you definitely leaving your current job? I went for an interview a couple of months ago & it was awful & I didn't get it. Although I now think that ttc, mc and a new job would all be too much stress in one go. Although I do feel everything is on hold waiting for this baby when I would quite like a new job!!

Twenty I have had really strong pms symptoms this month too. Bad skin, crying at the drop of a hat and AF is very heavy now. Not sure what that means.

Lands I missed that programme but does give some hope. Although I don't have time for 8mc and 12 children!!! Worth keeping going...

Hey everyone sorry I haven't been around this week! Just had a quick read through the posts.

Great news for school and for you too lands!

Boo to all the af's arriving :( hope you aren't feeling too down about it but it is disappointing when the bitch arrives!

I'm having a bit of mid cycle spotting (don't really know where I am in cycle really) it started after ddt but is very light my body is probably just settling after mc. I've got a whole new stress now....wedding planning! 4 1/2 months to organise it and I'm having a total panic no registrar will be available to marry us I need Monday to hurry up so I can ring them! That would be just our luck!

Hope you all have a nice weekend xx

Grr, (rant alert) just spent the afternoon with a friend who was hiding her pregnancy (small but definite bump) from me, she kept pulling her sweater around her, having non-alcoholic drinks, checking the ingredients of food, etc. We're a small group who meet a couple of times a year and it seemed to me that everyone else knew somehow, so she must have emailed around in advance or something. And as I began to realise that everyone else already knew, because they were taking opportunities to speak to her on a one to one basis, and even though I know they were all just meaning to be thoughtful and kind of my own situation, it just made me angry and sad. Of course I might have struggled in some way however I found out but this way I just felt like I was clearly the odd one out. I thought of saying something to her privately, thanking her for her thoughtfulness and wishing her well and then getting it out in the open but I just didn't have the energy. I think it got to me because I have tried hard to portray the stronger side of me just so people wouldn't be so careful around me, It makes me feel like excatly the woman I don't want to be, that saddo who can't have a child. Words fail to express how I feel right now. Sorry guys, needed to vent.

(((20))) I guess in their own way they are trying to respect your feelings. You are probably gong to feel crappy about it however it was handled.

Thanks Baking, I think I'm also on edge hormonally. I'm getting af style cramps now so am expecting it soon. Just ate a bunch of biscuits and sat in front of the tv and all that's left of my earlier gripe is a headache. I've also been tearful everyday for about a week now so am probably also a little worn out. I think I'll plan on just staying in tomorrow and looking after myself a bit.

Hi Butterfly!! Glad to hear you're distracted from fertility by wedding planning! Much more exciting and controllable. Hope you get it all sorted on Monday. I've also had random spotting before AF this month and not sure what it means.

Twenty I know how you feel at being disappointed and hurt by friends but I agree with Baking that there's probably no good way to handle it. I have one friend who is very direct and I think expects me to just get on with things. She invited me (& all our group) to a get together to celebrate the 3 new arrivals. I just couldn't face it as I should have my own new arrival too and I declined. I was a bit shocked that she was so insensitive. But I guess if she'd not invited me I'd have been even more upset. I think however people deal with it, big gatherings with babies and/or pregnant people are just really hard.

Hope everyone else is ok & having good weekends.

Hi Tea - I do feel a bit better today despite this crappy weather. I'm sure a bit of sunshine would do us all a bit of good in helping to get rid of the stress! I'm not definitely leaving my current job but I've been doing it for almost 3 years and there's nothing for me to move onto there, plus I work an hour out of town, so do lots of driving everyday that I hate. So my plan a year and a half ago was to get pregnant and find a new job during my maternity leave. Best laid plans and all that! Part of me feels like I don't need the stress of interviews and a new job, plus the embarrassment of potentially telling a new employer quite quickly I'm pregnant, or - pessimistically - have to have time off to deal with another mc. But part of me thinks I can't put my life on hold for this as it's already taken over so much of my time and emotional energy and I just need to try to enjoy life and get on with things. It's just another reason why mcs are so difficult to deal with I think.

Twenty, I hope you're feeling better after a shitty day yesterday. I have to say, it sounds like your friends dealt with it badly and I'm not surprised you felt crap about it. I've had two close friends who've known about my mcs tell me they're pregnant and they both did it much better. One told me and then basically changed the subject pretty quick so it wasn't all about babies from that point onwards. Another was just basically very open and also when she was talking about her morning sickness she asked me if I'd had that with my pregnancies, which was nice because she was acknowledging I have been pregnant rather than treating me like some oddball who is insanely jealous at the whiff of someone else's healthy pregnancy. Which obviously I am temporarily but I can eventually share in their happiness..!

Hi tea it definately is good to have a distraction but the stress levels are still very high ha!! Got a registrar but the only time they have is 3.30 so now worrying that's too late, I wonder if there will ever be a time when I don't worry! How are you doing? :)

Hope all you other lovely ladies are ok x

Guppie I have similar dilemmas with my job and I think the fact that (in my head) I'm supposed to be on maternity leave now means I have less patience with it all and really fancy a change. Although I do think whatever I did I'd still worry/be sad about the mc and not getting pregnant.

Butterfly I got married at 3 or 3.30 (can't remember!) and it was fine! Was nice as the evening party was a proper party and I think the guests liked not having to hang around ages at a really long reception.

I'm doing ok although after feeling quite positive yesterday felt a bit grumpy today as another friend is pregnant!!! Why are all my friends so bloody fertile?!?! Need new friends...! Although my one non-pregnant friend is coming out with me at the weekend for a night out which should be really nice. So its not all bad!

AF here. I'm thankful I took all those pg tests as when it started this morning I was very prepared. This is the tidiest af I've had in ages in that cd1 is quite obvious, grateful for small things. And thanks for everyone's support. I know my friends were trying to be respectful - and they succeeded, they are nice people - I just did not want to be the one deserving of that sympathy, not for that reason, tired of being that girl. I'm going out tonight for a meal and am going to have two super sized glasses of wine, will come home and have a bath and go straight to bed, OH is out tonight! Tea I also don't think I could imagine celebrating 3 new arrivals . I like that your other friend spoke with you about your experience of being pregnant - that's quite a taboo subject and I feel it makes others awkward when I raise it myself, but we have been and we do have stuff to say about it.

Guppie, sorry about that job. I respect that you're trying. I've chosen not to make any changes now but hate my work environment and am coasting until mal leave or I turn 44 (which is when I figure this nightmare will end!). I would say though that you and your family come first and if you get a new job and get pg straight away then... I will start submitting job applications! It happens all the time. It would soon be the last thing on your mind!

Butterfly I think 3:30 is perfect too, at least for your guests. No real hanging around time, they can travel up on the day or work in the morning if need be. Is it a diffiticult time slot for you two though?

Hi ladies hope your all ok today butterfly my cousin got married at 3 and it was perfect as it was not too early that people left early and by the time the meal came everyone was hungry so there was no waste, everything quiet my end not much to report xx

Hi everyone.

*Butterfly I agree with the others that's a good time to get married - far too much hanging around at wedding receptions! It'll lead nicely into an evening meal.

I'm seeing GP today to beg ask them to run some of the tests the consultant has recommended. Wish me luck!

Good luck Baking hope you get a nice sympathetic GP.

Twenty sorry AF arrived. But glad you sound ok and it was a good cycle!

I'm already feeling stressed and woken up with a headache and its only CD6!! Turning into a loon and I know worrying only makes it all a million times worse. I seem to be more stressed about getting pregnant now than staying pregnant. It just all seems like such a long drawn out process and had a minor panic that its already nearly April and in my head I was going to be pregnant again in January. How do I stay calm??!

I am slyly posting from work... I have just overheard ANOTHER pregnancy announcement from one of my work colleagues! It feels like most of my work colleagues or their partners are pregnant right now. And the thing that hurts most is how easy they all seem to find it. Lots of conversations about how they planned to have a 2 year gap between kids, planned to have a summer baby etc etc. I feel like such a total freak at this exact moment :-(

Aw GuppieK. That's so annoying, how other people seem to be able to plan for their families and just have them. I come across threads sometimes on which someone says "we're going to start ttc in x month as we want a holiday first but baby to arrive in x". How fortunate they are and they don't have a clue. You are not a freak. You are braver than they will ever (hopefully) have to be.

Bakingtins how did your GP appt go?

Tea, oh dear I don't have a clue, I just get all worked up too! Can you get out for some excercise, a walk or something and do something to take your mind off things??? Here's a to make up for my crap suggestions! I am also shocked at the passage of time. I've now had 4 af's since last mc and had def thought I would be pg again by now. I just looked and if I got pg this cycle the kid would be due around christmas, over TWO years after starting ttc, that blows my mind and also might not happen.

I'm having a very cramping day here. I'm meeting a friend after work for drinks but am exhausted so think it will be an early night.

Not been yet - just about to set off. Have it all planned out in my head and will probably just get in there and cry...
Guppie I used to think it was that easy. When I was a student I babysat for a family who had kids that were 10,8,6,4 and everything ran like clockwork in their house - I used to think I'd be like that....Now heading for a 4yr gap if we ever manage to have another child.
Tea no idea - it is so hard not to let it take over your life.

Hello ladies so much to catch up on since I last came on, I've been having a sneaky read at work in my phone. Fortunately we're not open plan so can get away with it!
I'm now on cd37 sine the MC the past two time my AF has come back around 31-35 days but there is no sign I don't have any of the usual sore boobs etc. I know it sounds daft as most of the time I'm desperately hoping she doesn't show up but we have our 1st hospital appointment just after Easter and they won't start testing until you've had the first period after MC.
Can anyone shed any light on their exp.? I've heard some things about herbal remedies you can take to settle the hormones down and bring AF on. Just want to get on with getting back in to a regular cycle and get these tests started so we can start ttc again. I'm ever so slightly impatient in case you haven't noticed .

Well, I think that's the most positive GP appointment I've ever had. I didn't need to cry, she was bending over backwards to be helpful. They are going to arrange all the tests that have been suggested that are available on the NHS and has suggested I ask the consultant about waiting times, she is happy to refer me as an NHS patient if they are not too long. Going back tomorrow for the first (of many) blood letting sessions. Finally some positive progress.

Guppie its funny (well not really but...) that you're having these issues at work as I work from home so have convinced myself if I worked in an office I'd see a bigger range of people who wouldn't be popping babies out left right & centre like all the people I see - who are mainly 'baby friends' made through DD so have mostly had their 2nds already. I've been looking back nostalgically at my working days in London where there were loads of single people & many women who had chosen to have none/one child. I also feel totally surrounded by fertile people who I agree manage to plan their lives and families perfectly. So i guess what I'm saying is you are not alone! I also feel like a freak although DH got annoyed when I said that but its just how I feel!!

Twenty enjoy the drinks. Sounds nice!

Baking that's fab news about the doctor! So nice when you feel like someone's on your side for a change. What tests are they doing for you?

Coffee hi! I have the same issues as always have long cycles and sometimes ridiculously long cycles. I think acupuncture really helps. I went for a session when I was desperate for AF to arrive and it came the next day!!

I've decided to try reflexology to try & relax and destress. Still having acupuncture but thought it would be nice to do something with no needles. Spending a fortune on all this but need to try and stop myself going totally insane. Saw a close friend with a new baby today & found it very tough.

Ahhh bloods this morning and it is really sore it does not normally bruise or hurt after but I am in agony and bled for ages does anyone else get that after bloods really hope it's a one off I can hardly bend my arm :( xx

Thanks for nice responses to my whinge yesterday. I probably overreacted. Part of me wishes my work colleagues knew but then it's probably good for me to have to deal with it. To be fair, they're pretty good at not asking when I'm going to get round to it and stuff. I hate it when people ask that as though everyone gets the choice about when they do it! Tea, that's interesting - I guess it depends where you work. I used to work with lots of young folk who would have been horrified at the thought of having kids (!) but now I seem to be in a place where at least 80% of the people are late 20s to early 40s and babies are popping up everywhere!

LandsN, what were the bloods for? Is everything okay? I think if they mess it up at all it can really hurt. I had quite a bit of blood taken for my tests last year and the first nurse that did it made my vein swell up and I had a big bruise and pain for a while. The next time I was expecting it to be awful again and it was absolutely fine, even though she took even more blood that time around.