Recurrent miscarriage testing and beyond.. Part 6.. Over here!

[orangebowl]

We have filled up the last thread so here is the next.. Deep breath and grit your teeth for the roller coaster of emotions that continues... Hope tea and butterfly and all find it!

Good luck baking, landsn and school!

Tea, this is a rough bit, and whether pg or expecting af you have more hormones surging at the moment so do take it easy on yourself. Can you speak to your oh about it and at least get a cuddle? Do keep posting here how you're doing, these final days before a decision, and with all your spotting, can be the most tense.

As for my silly early testing, statistically today I had a 50% chance of showing a positive but it was bfn. I do find these help keep me grounded. I'm still hopeful but much less manic in that hope!

morning everyone i have had scan and the heart beat is still there even though the baby is a bit small for dates it has grown since last week and they didnt seem too worried however there is still a big area of bleed at the side witch has changed shape and position it was the consultant that scanned me today so had a chat with her and she said i am to start taking the asprin straight away so next scan hopefully will be in 4 weeks if there are no problems in the mean time. She did say to try and not let it take over my life lol easier said than done. Hope all is well with everyone today xx

LandsN That is great news about your scan today. So pleased the little thing still has a heartbeat. I hope the aspirin can help clear up the bleed. It all sounds so stressful and impossible to just try not to think about it.

Bakingtins I just saw your post about being in the south west. I'm in Bristol and saw a consultant called Dr Catherine Coulson at St Michael's - I think the department specialises in reproductive problems. It was all I was offered by my doctor after 3 mcs, but the midwife who saw me the third time said the department was very good. I've found her very thorough and helpful - for example she insisted on doing an internal scan herself rather than just looking at the pictures she was given and then sent me for a pelvic MRI scan. I don't have anything to compare her to though. It might well be they're not as experienced in recurrent miscarriage as some of the private clinics. I'm going to stick with her treatment/advice for the next one, if I ever get there, because I do feel I trust her. And maybe look into a second opinion from private clinic if it goes wrong again...

Tea It is kind of nice to have something to take my mind off it. I just don't know if this month has been successful and don't have any feelings about it any more! I got an ovulation symbol mid cycle on my Persona monitor so we should have done it at the right time. I've sort of stopped noticing twinges of pain and stuff, or at least thinking they mean something, because they seem totally unreliable for me as indicators one way or the other. I feel quite chilled about it for some reason. I think because I conceived after 3 months the previous three times, it was like a challenge for me to do it quite quickly again. Now it's been 6 months, I've failed the challenge, it feels like family aren't eagerly watching me to see if I pass up a glass of wine any more (!). It's been so long it's like the pressure's off! Saying that, I might well be a nervous wreck again next month... When do you think you'll do a test this month? I'll probably wait until the weekend if no AF before then. It's due Saturday.

By the way Tea, I don't think it makes any difference if you already have dc. The pain and frustration is still the same and possibly worse because you can crave what you have had before and probably a lot of your friends are at that point where they're having second and third children so you might feel guilty you're not giving a sibling to your existing one. It is good to count your blessings definitely. Things could always be worse for us all and you're lucky to have one healthy child. But I don't think you should let yourself feel bad for feeling bad, if you know what I mean. x

Not sure what possessed me but just wasted a test and it was bfn. Also much more brown cm so thinking its the start of AF as if it had been implantation on Sunday it would show by now and also think there's too much brown for implantation. Am totally gutted, probably irrationally so and yes hormones don't help I'm sure. What I'm most upset about is that if I'm having brown spotting before AF it just means my pcos is bad and hormones are going mental. Maybe all from stress but that just makes me more stressed!!

I have tried to talk to DH about how I feel but he just doesn't get it. He thinks (probably correctly) that I expected to be pregnant too soon - I do think it'll happen as soon as we try as it has before. And he cannot understand why I'm bothered when other people are pregnant/have babies or why I put time pressures on myself (new one is that I must be past 12 weeks by DDs birthday in July). I just feel really irrational at the moment and completely over emotional. Hoping its the hormones and I get a grip soon. I don't know how people do this for years. It's been 14 months now and I'm losing the plot!!

So sorry for the completely self indulgent posts today. Hopefully I'll snap out of it soon!

Lands that is fab news about the scan.

Hi everyone.

good news about your Scan Lands. 4 weeks seems like a long time for them to make you wait until the next one. I just about coped with my fortnightly ones- any chance you could get one sooner? although for me my miscarriages have always been missed so I have never had any signs which is why i am so scan crazy i think!

twenty you are still early for testing dont forget- i didnt get mine for this one until day period was due and previously i have had them 3 days before - our bodies our weird and never the same either.

tea so sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. its perfectly natural to get that horrible pang when other people have babies and anounce pregnancies. and boo about the BFN :( was it with FMU?
it probably is your hormones making you feel rubbish.. and there isnt tha
regarding the age gap- at first i was really obsessed with it but as time went on i realised that actually just getting a baby at all is all i wanted. if i had had my baby from the first miscarriage i would have had a gap of 2 years 3 months. as it id- with this one the gap will be 4 and a half years. which if you had asked me before i would have thoughthorrendous but now- well my DS is sooo excited, and asking so many questions and cant wait to be a big brother. From a practical perspective it will be so much easier now as well. So i get your thinking completely and there is still part of me that tinks how nice it would have been for them to be closer in age but actually now i just think he will help entertain baby and it is just different- not better or worse.

Hi Baking- thats a good idea getting going with seeing someone. I think it always feels better to feel like you are doing something.

good luck with the testing Gupppie

My scan is at 2pm so will update after that.

xx

School good luck with the scan. Hope it is all good. Keep us posted - I love hearing your good news. You are allowed to be pregnant in my warped world!!

No it wasn't fmu which is why I have no idea what possessed me!!!!! I think because I saw loads more spotting and just wanted to know. Think I'm going to try and wait until the weekend now.

Thank you so much for your kind words. You've actually made me feel much better. I know that having a child is what matters and not the age gap but I'm totally hung up about it and convinced that DD is going to school soon (well next sept!) and then I'll be all alone and miserable...I told you I'm being a nutter today! Need a kick up the bum. Or Prozac.

LandsN - good news!

Tea, I'm sorry you are finding the rollercoaster rough at the moment. I feel really unsure today whether I want to TTC again. Hoping the appointment might bring some clarity. In some ways it'd be easier not to try again, but I think I would regret it in the future if we hadn't exhausted the options before giving up.

All fine! 17 weeks today. She said after the 20 week scan- assuming that's ok, no need for any more scans. Wow.. Still getting that "I can't believe it" feeling after every scan.

School

Yey School so pleased for you! Soon you'll be able to start acting like a normal pregnant person

Thanks ladies! And tea- hahaha you just made me laugh a lot- dont worry, there is absolutely no danger of me acting like a normal pregnant person! And very sweet of you to say its ok for me to be pregnant- was getting worried that I might have to go find somewhere else to post soon but I don't want to- everyone else would just think I was bonkers! (Well- I mean they would be right but at least you're all bonkers too )

Baby was wriggling around and we even saw him open his mouth and swallow- amazing!

School you should definitely hang around! I'd miss you if you left us for those happy, excited ante-natal boards!

Baking I totally understand the feeling of wanting to give up and not have mc & ttc controlling your life. Only you know when that time will be but if in doubt I'd say keep going as you're more likely to regret giving up than regret keeping going. If that makes sense! Although we all need a crystal ball really don't we. If someone could say to me I'll never have another then at least I could move on & just enjoy DD & my life rather than putting everything on hold.

Twenty I've just ordered those cheapie tests!! Guppie it is just typical but AF has now arrived properly - why didn't I wait until tomorrow morning like I'd planned?! But thank you for what you wrote earlier about not feeling guilty for being sad. I constantly feel guilty about getting upset as if its like admitting DD isn't enough.

Anyway feeling a bit brighter now ironically as at least the arrival of AF means I probably did ovulate 14 days ago when I got a smiley and maybe my uterus isn't as unfussy as I thought?! Although still not sure 3 days of brown spotting is great but am glossing over that for now as have had 2 glasses of wine - in fact maybe that's why I feel happier!!

Have an extra glass of wine for me tea!

What I'd give for a crystal ball! We'd had exactly that discussion on the TTC after Mc thread, about if we could skip forward a year or two and only see ourselves older and sadder we'd throw in the towel now, but the possibility of there being a new baby meant we couldn't give up. Not sure how I feel now since after the longed for BFP I am just older and sadder.

Boo to AF Tea - I feel like mine is on its way too. But also looking on the positive side - think I must have ovulated on days 14/15 and it looks like it's going to be about a 28 day cycle. We'll get there soon enough and we'll be even more delighted than if it had just happened immediately. That's what I'm trying to tell myself anyway! Maybe it's better that this time it won't be the same as the others, since the others didn't work out. Thinking about putting other half on some super healthy zinc power sperm diet for this month in case too many pizzas and pints are hindering his swimmers! When he works a lot he doesn't tend to watch what he's eating as much as I do.

Congrats School - so pleased everything is still going as it should. Please don't leave this thread! It's nice to have people on here from start to finish, not just through the sadness and testing and trying to conceive parts, but also through the actual healthy, hard-fought pregnancies! Your posts give me hope because I feel like such a freak that my pregnancies have kept going wrong, but a tiny part of me can still envisage myself getting there one day and having the scan which is fine and getting the baby bump. Reading about it happening to you, after having gone through the same, is really nice.

Morning all. We've been to see a consultant today, she was quite encouraging about our chances and has suggested a barrage of tests. She seemed to think the GP should do some of them which would reduce the costs as our insurance doesn't cover anything pregnancy related. I'm seeing the GP on Tuesday so will see how we get on. Tests now are blood count, iron, TSH for thyroid, karyotyping of both of us. Day 2-3 FSH/LH during first period.
The plan is to see her 6 weeks post MC, midcycle to have a scan of ovaries/uterus, she wasn't expecting to need any more invasive tests for physical problems since I've had successful pregnancies. Then more tests for APL and antiMullerian hormone.
She said we didn't have to wait to TTC if we feel up to it, if we did get pregnant before the tests were completed then she'd scan me at 6 weeks and consider some empirical treatment with high dose folic acid, aspirin and progesterone.

What has anyone else decided about TTC whilst waiting for tests? I think we're not clear we actually can face trying again unless we have a reasonable chance of a successful outcome. Obv if we got a BFP and a successful pregnancy we'd be delighted so it seems silly to use contraception, but at the same time the point of the investigations is to help us decide if trying again is a reasonable option or if we are setting ourselves up for more heartbreak. She didn't seem to consider the emotional impact, just the practicalities, though she did reassure us if we do get pregnant she'll be there to hold our hands.

That's good news LandsN, I understand you're being cautious though. I'd be desperate to know what was causing that bleed too.

Guppie what was the treatment/advice you were given that you trusted?

Tea I also put high expectations on myself. It's hard not to with each month being a seemingly new opportunity. I'm sorry AF got you in the end but glad you know for sure now. I hope you enjoy the cheapies tests! Did you get the pks too? I can't remember if you use them.

Thanks School for trying to ground me re the testing. It seems to be something that actually helps me though. The BFN's keep me from hope in the absence of a pg. And yeah for your good scan! I think we all need to know it's possible so thanks for sharing these details!

Bakingtins with you totally on the crystal ball. I still can't believe we (us/scientists) don't know more about our bodies. I was so excited, practically manic, about starting ttc 15 months ago. I'm such a changed person now from the experience of it. We had the same tests as you. We didn't wait to start tcc, well waited one cycle to make sure I was all back to normal, and it didn't matter as I didn't get pg. If they don't think it's an issue then I don't see why we should. I think they must al be pretty inured to the emotional impact on us having to see it all day long. One nurse even told me when I was last in about what a hard morning it had been on the ward, I think they just must have to cope with so much distress.

As for me, I am cd 23 (with cycles ranging from 24-31 days but averaging 26) and 10dpo. So I'll know soon. And yes of course I tested this morning and got a bfn. It was important to do so as, under a certain light, if I squinted enough, yesterday's could almost have shown a ghost of a line. I didn't post it because everyone always says a line is a line, but I'm pretty sure you should be able to see it under more than one lighting condition and with normal, open eyes! No amount of squinting or lighting gave the same impression today so that's eased the mild anxiety resulting from yesterday. I still feel neither pg nor premenstrual but my body does this now and then so I'm not reading into it.

Hi Twenty - the tests showed I had Factor V Leiden, which is a clotting problem. So when I get pregnant again the consultant said they'd prescribe heparin until 3 mths (I think she said) until the placenta forms and high dose folic acid. She said about not taking aspirin while ttc, although I'm not sure if she'll recommend it afterwards. Just wish I could get pregnant now so I can try it!

Baking, your consultant sounds good. Who did you see in the end? (sorry if you've said somewhere earlier. Mine said about hand holding (as well as regular scans) too. She even said there had been studies that had shown it was the thing that made the biggest difference. Not that any of these studies must be very conclusive since there's quite a bit of differing opinion...

I do feel a little more relaxed still cautious of the aches and pains of early pregnancy but everyday that passes is good!! Hope everyone is ok tonight xx

Hi everyone. How are you all doing today?

Baking your consultant sounds fab. I'm actually a bit jealous as I don't feel at all looked after by the consultant I have seen. I don't feel like we had a plan of action or that he would monitor me. Although if I badger him hopefully he will...if I actually get a bfp! Anyway I think that all sounds really promising. We did stop trying while waiting for the tests and the results. The thrombophilia apparently have to be done 6/8 weeks after mc anyway. Then we waited over 8 weeks for results. I also felt like I needed a break. However now that I'm still not pregnant I kind of wish we'd kept trying!! Really regret it actually but then I'm terrible for dwelling on things I can't change....

Guppie have you tested yet?! Has AF arrived?

Twenty any more test news?! I was using opks last cycle although couldn't get on with the cheap ones so bought clear blue smiley faces and now think I'm an adict. Spending a blooming fortune on trying to get pregnant - all these vitamins, acupuncture, tests, treats for when I'm not pregnant or recovering from mc....!!

At the moment I'm enjoying drinking loads of proper tea & wine and eating rubbish! DD has been poorly this week so I've been able to spend loads of time with her and I guess be there like I wouldn't be able to if I had another baby as well

I saw Uma Gordon who works at the Bristol Centre for Reproductive Medicine and at Spire hospital. She was recommended by a friend who is involved with the Miscarriage Association, and so far I'm impressed.
I think we'll not try but not prevent either. It hasn't happened quickly for us any previous times anyway.
She made me laugh when she asked us how much we drank. I said if we based it on the last 10 days she'd be referring us to AA, not the MA!
Tea give your DD an extra cuddle. If nothing else this has made me appreciate the children I do have.

Baking thank you for the recommendation. I'm in Yorkshire so Bristol is a bit too far really. I'd be interested to know whether there's anyone else I could see around here. I think my consultant (who is lovely) just thinks it will happen for me if I keep trying and to be fair he's always been very responsive. I just feel he follows my lead rather than the other way round. But I do think I'm very hard to please!!

Hi everyone. Silly bfn update from me. And the statistics are... (drumroll please) that 77% of pregnant women got their positive stick on this dpo. I'm just about to curl up on the sofa with tea and biscuits.

Tea, unfortunately I think AF is here as predicted. I say think because I wiped and had bright red blood this morning and now it's turned to brown spotting, which is a bit weird for me. I'm really loving how my cycles seem to be doing something new every month since my last mc! I'm sure it'll evolve into regular AF tonight. Or maybe it'll just torment me for a few days! .