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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Hand holding please

178 replies

wifey6 · 21/04/2012 18:55

Got back from our scan- should be 12+2 only to be told our baby had stop growing at 7 weeks. I had had browny/red bleeding the previous day & since this afternoon its got more frequent, clots, pains in legs & back. Sorry TMI- but I felt pressure & when I wiped there was what looked like a browny sac. Could that be the sac my baby was in? I'm still finding this so surreal & it's such a painful process.

OP posts:
Goofymum · 30/04/2012 13:17

Have PM'd you, Wifey.

Original poster
wifey6 · 02/05/2012 22:21

8 days on, 11 since diagnosis...the feelings of sadness & being completely numb are overwhelming. It sometimes feels its happened to someone else- yet I am feeling their physical & emotional pain. DH couldn't be more distant & is acting as though nothing ever happened & I don't want to see too many people as I am still a bit of a wreck at times & feel I will upset them. Just feeling so alone- so have come to MN for yet another bout of security. Sad

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maples · 02/05/2012 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wifey6 · 02/05/2012 22:29

maples.....thank you. I just feel as though I shouldn't be feeling so sad, empty, angry, resentful (the list is endless) as DH is getting on with everything & a few friends are questioning why I'm not up to seeing them- making it sound as though I should just bounce back. Sad Sad

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Original poster
wifey6 · 02/05/2012 22:30

I just can't help this overwhelming sadness, loss & anger Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad

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Goofymum · 02/05/2012 22:51

Oh, we are all here for you and I wish I could give you a hug. DH has been through a different process than you and he may deal with things differently anyway. Friends should not question you. I am feeling as though I will have to bounce back but that will be a pretence, I will still grieve in private. In time things will start to feel better, they will. You have to hold on to that. For now you are still in the full throes of grief and counselling may help you to deal with that. Wish I could take my own advice!!

Original poster
wifey6 · 02/05/2012 22:57

Goofymum.....thank you. A hug is something I need very much right now. It's hard to believe 2 weeks ok my life was perfect....looking forward to our baby. Now my world feels shattered.
I'm trying to get some normality back- for my DS sake if nothing else & I'm hoping the more I carry on as normal- & like yourself- grieve in private- the pain will may be become easier to live with. Sad

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MrsHelsBels74 · 03/05/2012 10:12

Big hugs to Wifey & anyone else going through this horrible time. There's no timescale for when you should be feeling better, you will heal in your own time. Don't rush it & look after yourself.

Original poster
wifey6 · 03/05/2012 10:40

Today I can't even bring myself to say my feelings out loud...too awful, shouldn't even be having such thoughts. It feels as though I have slipped in to a horrible dark hole Sad

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maples · 03/05/2012 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maples · 03/05/2012 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goofymum · 03/05/2012 11:18

Maples I think that is a lovely idea.

Original poster
wifey6 · 03/05/2012 11:20

Thank you maples....that truly is a lovely idea. Thank you Sad

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Original poster
wifey6 · 06/05/2012 15:23

i just want to thank all of you who have been the most amazing support during this awful time. The messages, kind words & advice truly meant & still mean so much to me. Thank you all x

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MrsHelsBels74 · 06/05/2012 15:59

How are you feeling Wifey?

Original poster
wifey6 · 06/05/2012 16:42

MrsHels.....I am feeling a bit stronger than I was a few days ago. Thank you. I have been in touch with a counsellor & a lovely friend of mine who had a similar experience & it's given me a bit of strength. But it still can seem very surreal & I often- out of the blew get an overwhelming sense of loss & I just cry. Sad I'm still very up & down but am really trying.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 06/05/2012 16:50

It takes time Wifey, don't push yourself too hard. If you feel the need to cry do it, don't bottle it up. There's no instructions on how to get over something like this, but it will get better & you will come to terms with it, it will take as long as it takes.

Mrsmuppethead · 06/05/2012 16:55

It's horrible isn't it. Everyone deals with things in different ways, my DH was very supportive but seemed to move on faster than me, though, now, 7 years on, he does on occasion mention him (I decided it was a boy!) and squeeze my hand . For us, we only really got going once we had conceived again and that all went swimmingly! However, some people prefer to wait , some to never try again..there isn't a right or wrong, but like everything, it will get better and you will feel better...just be nice to yourself and DH in the meantime, it's an awful lot to cope with. Brew

Original poster
wifey6 · 06/05/2012 17:22

Thank you both....I do often feel guilty if I'm doing normal things...as though if I don't keep remembering...its as though my baby's little existence didn't happen. The last 2 weeks seem to of wiped away the excitement I had for the last 3 months in an instance. Sad

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Original poster
wifey6 · 06/05/2012 20:47

Have just been told that my sister is about 8+ weeks pregnant Sad
We haven't spoken to a few months...
I can't believe it...
Why didn't it work out for me?? Sad Sad

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MrsHelsBels74 · 06/05/2012 21:07

Oh it's horrible when that happens. Just after my m/c one of my work colleagues said she was pregnant & to make it worse she said it wasn't planned & her husband didn't want it. I felt life was so unfair.
Sadly we'll never know why these things happen. Sad

Original poster
wifey6 · 06/05/2012 21:09

How did you cope seeing her? I actually can't bear the thought that her baby will be here when my baby won't...I'm an awful person for saying that aren't I....I just wish it was me with my baby's life to look forward to.

OP posts:
MrsHelsBels74 · 06/05/2012 21:15

I don't really want to put this as I don't want to seem like I'm rubbing it in, but luckily for me I found out I was pregnant again very soon afterwards so it wasn't an issue for long.

I'm sure she'll understand that you need a little distance from her assuming she knows what happened. It is very difficult & I really do feel for you

MrsHelsBels74 · 06/05/2012 21:15

And you're not an awful person at all, it's only natural to think 'why her & not me'.

Moln · 06/05/2012 21:29

It's totally shit isn't it. I can't put it in better words. But it's just shit. It's shit that no one else can understand the pain you feel when you find you are going to met your baby.

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, how utterly heart renching that timing is for you

Maples I don't think anything that brings comfort can be silly, lighting a candle and thinking of your baby is beautiful. On the day I came home from hospital after I lost my baby at 10 weeks I step outside for a few moments, just to get my mind together and for a moment alone. I saw the one and only shooting star I have ever seen in my life. It might seem silly to a lot of people but it brought me a lot of comfort. Even the thought of it does still.

So wifey, light a candel, plant a tree, release a ballon. Mark your babies time with you in a way that bring a bit of comfort to you

take care of yourself

M xxx