Hand holding please

[wifey6]

Got back from our scan- should be 12+2 only to be told our baby had stop growing at 7 weeks. I had had browny/red bleeding the previous day & since this afternoon its got more frequent, clots, pains in legs & back. Sorry TMI- but I felt pressure & when I wiped there was what looked like a browny sac. Could that be the sac my baby was in? I'm still finding this so surreal & it's such a painful process.

You do get through it, it's amazing where you find the strength from. I can't add much else but didn't want you to feel alone x

You do because you have no option to sadly. As I say am just a newbie myself of two weeks but already I feel that things are... better? maybe not the right word, easier perhaps? or maybe am just getting used to it. Whatever, it won't last forever although you will never ever forget

Come back and update us again later? sending you hugs and love for today x

I just can't bare to know the baby is definitely gone

It's awful knowing that the baby is gone, but you do need to know. My mc was only 2 weeks ago but like Foof says it is getting easier (slightly less devastated every day). I am able to function even if I'm not quite myself, I'm even back at work although I'm not sure if thats a good thing or not.

It is painful looking at the screen and seeing a thin empty womb after only a week ago seeing a baby in there (albeit it was dead by then ) and of course being in the very same room, with the same bitch HCP doing the scan.

I'd advise thinking about not looking at the screen. If I am in this situation again I won't look.

Wifey, had had a similar experience to you. Is thought I was 11wks what they could find was 5/6wks (sorry I'm not really sure of correct words to use) they said maybe I got my dates wrong and booked me another scan for 10days later. I was distraught at having to wait so long for an out come and knew I couldnt be so wrong with dates. I started miscarrying 4days later, relieved that I didn't have to wait 10days though to be honest. But god it was awful, I ended up in hosp as losing a lot of blood. The clots were getting stuck and was causing more bleeding they had to use forceps to remove them and the next day I had a d&c just to be sure. (sorry if that was a bit much info). Been kind of feeling in a daze like none of its real. Luckily, I suppose got af 4wks exactly after so my body recovered fast. But the desperation I feel to be pregnant again so awful I just feel soo stressed!

wifey everyones here to try and help you through x

Have just got back after 5 hours at hospital. The baby is still there
The worst moment. The 'sac' was possibly placenta tissue or the sac breaking away. I'm booked in for a ERPC Thursday if nothing happens in the mean time. Just feel so incredibly empty & in limbo. I have gained strength from all your kind messages. I am so so sorry you ladies are going through or have gone through the same...it really is heartbreaking.

Big squishy hugs coming your way x it's totally shit isn't it

I am just so scared of how bad things will get if nature 'takes its course' before Thursday. Just don't know what to expect really.

If you are at all worried about the amount of bleeding or pain you can absolutely go to A&E Wifey, don't sit at home fretting ok? Get some maternity/old style value pads, strong painkillers, hot water bottle, blanket and comfy clothes ready. Have a look on the Practicalities of a miscarriage thread in this forum, got lots of useful info there. Sadly.

I know this is going to sound awful and I don't mean to upset you or anyone reading this but think now about if you'd want to see the sac/baby or not. Some do, some don't, some want to hold it or keep it to plant in the garden.

I was very scared of that part of it and didn't want to see anything but I did by mistake and again I am sorry this is horrible to read but make sure you have someone with you when it all kicks off as I was alone and had to deal with flushing my little baby sac down the toilet and it totally broke my heart

Thankfully my mum has been amazing, as has my DH even though he is heartbroken too. I have thought about wanting to see/know when sac/baby passes & I think I do...more so for closure? Just not sure. Every pain I panic this is it...it's going to happen. I would prefer the ERPC as i've requested a priest there afterwards- just to bless the life my baby should of had.

I wish id known exactly wot to expect. I don't cope well with blood and there was a lot of it. Every time I stood up I soaked through a pad. Started feeling faint with it so went to hospital. I didn't have much pain even though they were removing fist sizes clots. Had a dc just to make sure all was gone and after that stopped bleeding quickly.

Wifey6, You WILL be ok, no matter if it's "nature" or medical help, this will shape you but you will be ok. What kind of tree are you planting? It's such a lovely thing to do.

It's a beautiful white flowered tree when in bloom-not sure of the name-my DH chose it. I feel I need to 'hold on' somehow- as daft as that must sound. Can I please ask what helped all you ladies to 'accept' what had happened? If too personal- apologises.

I'm not sure I have yet it kinda feels like it was all happened to some else like it wasnt real. But I just try and focus on the future. I'm getting married next year so that is a good distraction for me as I find to hard to stop torturing myself over it.

So sorry for your loss Wifey.

We found out the same way you did & I will never forget the look on the midwife's face when she had to tell us, or my dh's when she did.
It is truly heartbreaking and whilst you never forget, it does truly get easier.
I had ERPC too so if you want to ask any questions please do.
Will be praying for you and your family.

Hi wifey I'm glad you are able to find some solace on here with others who understand. You may or may not find you get a lot of pain and bleeding - it seems everyone has very different experiences. My MC happened naturally so the blood etc was a shock but the worst pain was like a more extreme version of period pain and in fact not that bad; I ended up not taking the painkillers the hospital gave me in the end. However as others have said it can be worse than my experience, just don't assume it will necessarily be painful. The emotional pain is far far worse than the physical side and you are already on that journey. The tree is a lovely idea and will mean your baby has left a mark on this world that will last. When you start talking to people in RL just remember that they don't really understand and the comments that are unhelpful are only so accidentally (e.g. "it just wasn't meant to be" or "at least you can have another go"). Everyone around you will wish they could make you better and will try to do so, but sometimes the words that come out just aren't the right ones. Look after yourself and your DH and make sure you eat, as others have said. Thinking of you xx

You are all being so amazingly supportive.. & as silly as it may sounds- I feel I have you all here with me. For those of you who have suffered a recent loss to be here offering support is incredibly brave & for those who have also experienced losses, I am grateful you are entrusting us with your experience. RL friends don't understand unless they themselves have experienced it- which is only one of my friends. Who is being really helpful.

What you have planned with the priest and the planting sounds very comforting Wifey :)

You are right, even though I obviously sympathised with women who had suffered a mc before I never understood the utter grief you have, the total devastation. It is a bereavement and I would challenge anyone who says it is not as valid a loss as any other. You lose your plans, your hopes and dreams along with the little person inside.

oops hadn't finished

Acceptance.

Umm.

You have to so you do. I think?