Hand holding please

[wifey6]

Got back from our scan- should be 12+2 only to be told our baby had stop growing at 7 weeks. I had had browny/red bleeding the previous day & since this afternoon its got more frequent, clots, pains in legs & back. Sorry TMI- but I felt pressure & when I wiped there was what looked like a browny sac. Could that be the sac my baby was in? I'm still finding this so surreal & it's such a painful process.

I have to say talking about it on here and (hopefully) supporting other women through their miscarriages helps an awful lot in a strange way. You'd think that maybe you'd want to put it past you, forget and not keep going over it, but it really actually does help me.

How are you today x

I feel very numb today to be honest- very resentful- which is a horrid way to feel.
I'm wishing Thursday here so badly. I'm trying to be 'normal' but at the same time can't function. I only want to talk on here & to my mum, DH & best friend as I feel safe doing so. I have never suffered grief before- I was too young when my grandfather died- so I just don't know how to deal with it...what to do with all these feelings.
How are all you ladies doing today?

You do go through the "5 stages of grief" - totally. Just do whatever feels right regardless of other people's opinions on how they feel you should be acting. every reaction you have is entirely normal

Can I ask...what are the 5 steps?

Here you are wifey6, www.essortment.com/5-stages-grief-16816.html
I hope that link works.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You've had a cruel shock so you need to take time to asorb this. I don't think any of us really know how to work through the storm of feelings, but it does and will get better.

Some days I am sure I went through all of them hourly

I haven't really experienced grief before this either Wifey. It's really, really hard to keep going, but I am finding that posting on here really helps. I don't think I've reached acceptance yet, but I keep cycling through the other stages of grief, sometimes very quickly and other times I'm stuck in depression for a day or two at a time. I think I'm getting better though, 2 weeks on from the mc I didn't cry at all yesterday, and I managed a full day at work pretending to be normal.

Much appreciated Foof...

hey wifey. You ok? It is ok to be angry and resentful and stuff, just feel away.

I have medical managment starting tomorrow and finishing up on Friday... Am looking forward to not carrying a ghost any more and letting whoever this baby was, go, and moving onwards with it in my heart instead of my womb. Have a wedding on the other side of the country to go to a week sat and am going to GO and drink and chill (although we are getting a hotel room nearby so I can slink off if it gets too much!).

It will be ok. not now maybe, and the quicker you get that and are able to do some good wallowing the better, but not too far away. It's been three weeks since I found out and am, in the main, doing ok.

the thing I find most debilitating is the way random stuff will affect you when out and about, am just blindsided by stuff I never expected and this can affect me for ten minutes (when I hide in the loo and sort myself out) or, like today, for the whole day. this is actually pretty typical to my other bereavements...

hope you ok x

sovery....I hope it all goes as well as it can for you. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am getting very bad pains & finding it hard to deal with. The hospital said there are no spaces for ERPC tomorrow so if nothing happens between now & then, then the procedure will go ahead Thursday. Just now feeling very scared at the prospect of a natural miscarriage. The pain is making me feel like I'm being punished.

Wifey please try to remember that you have done nothing wrong so you are not being punished for anything, you are just going through a truly awful experience. A natural miscarriage might not be the big scary thing you are expecting if it happens before the ERPC. Mine was ok physically, and I know a lot of other people have said the same, it was definitely the emotions that were worst for me. Physically I didn't have any more pain than a really bad period, so you may find you are the same if it happens.

It's gone

Can believe it has happened this way

cant

Do you want to tell us what happened? Is anyone with you right now?
In your own time if you need to get it out we are listening lovey x

I've been in the bathroom on my own for an hour. The worst hour & it's still going on..although my angel has gone.

I was on my own too. It's not nice :(

Can you call somebody?

Are you "ok" as in not bleeding too heavily, feel faint or dizzy or anything? x

The bleeding is still bad- I daren't move. I just can't believe how much it was like labour- in the sense of the contractions & everything but I have nothing to show for it

It IS labour though if you think about it. Physically it's the same, just in a far shorter and faster and lesser scale. I would definitely say my cramps were more like proper contractions.

Have you got any painkillers to take? A hot water bottle really helped as you do get cramps after like you would after labour, afterpains ans the uterus goes back down to it's normal state.

I found when I laid down the bleeding slowed up so maybe get some old towels and go for a lie down, snuggl eup under the covers and have a bloody good sob? More comfortable than sitting on a cold loo on your own.

It's going to sound ridiculous as I don't even know you- but I wish you were here

Aww honey :( I wish I could help x I'm there with you in spirit, we all are believe me, it's so so horrid to go through we are all sending you lots of strength x

Aw wifey I'm so sorry. I hope you can maybe get some sleep somehow:(

FWIW I, personally, would much rather mc naturally at home but have to do it crouched over a bowl on a bed in a ward so a stranger can rifle through my 'products'. :( Whichever way you look at it, mc is just awful. And most definitely it is like labour, I tell everyone I am being 'induced' on Friday as basically that is what is going to happen.

Hoping you are ok x

You are all going to think I am crazy- & by saying this I do not wish to offend or upset- but I am going to bury my baby.
I didn't know what I would want to do hen the time came- but I felt so numb.