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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Hand holding please

178 replies

wifey6 · 21/04/2012 18:55

Got back from our scan- should be 12+2 only to be told our baby had stop growing at 7 weeks. I had had browny/red bleeding the previous day & since this afternoon its got more frequent, clots, pains in legs & back. Sorry TMI- but I felt pressure & when I wiped there was what looked like a browny sac. Could that be the sac my baby was in? I'm still finding this so surreal & it's such a painful process.

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maples · 24/04/2012 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoofFighter · 24/04/2012 14:54

Wifey that's absolutely fine to do that :) I know others have done so and put a bush or a tree there so it's something growing being nourished by your lovely baby :) It's a lovely idea.

I half wish I had been brave enough to put my hand down the loo and scoop ours up so we could have done that too but too late for regrets now Sad

Is someone coming to be with you?

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 14:55

My DH said he can't handle to do it- so I will have to. But I feel I need to acknowledge this for what it is to me- my baby. I feel so numb & not sure what to do.

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soveryfedup · 24/04/2012 14:59

noooooooooooooo that's not crazy! Is lovely and very very normal. Many of us have things to remember our LO by, and have buried them or the sac, gosh no, not crazy.

quick hug ;0)

x

FoofFighter · 24/04/2012 15:06

My OH couldn't handle it either. He didn't come home when I asked him and missed it all.

I know it hurts as it's his baby too and you may feel that if you have to go through with it and deal with the blood and sorting out what to do with the baby after then why shouldn't he, but hard as it is, it has to be his own decision, doesn't mean he hurts any less.

So is there anyone else who would be able to support you in burying your little one? Parents? Sibling? Best friend?

Numb is normal. In fact pretty much all emotions you'll feel are normal.

MrsHelsBels74 · 24/04/2012 15:15

Wifey it's not crazy at all...I felt dreadful that I flushed the sac down the loo...it seemed so wrong, even though I've found it helps me not to think of it as a 'baby' (but this is my way & I'm not trying to imply this is how everyone should view it...again we all deal with things differently) x

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 15:37

DH went out & I have laid our baby to rest under our rose bush. I feel so numb & as though this is happening to someone else.

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FoofFighter · 24/04/2012 15:40

A lovely place for your little one to rest x now, go and have a lie down and put your feet up, don't under estimate how weak you can feel after so try and get your head down for a bit x

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 15:44

It doesn't feel real- why hang it hit me like a truck? Sad it's as though all the pain has happened to someone else Sad

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Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 15:58

hasnt

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FoofFighter · 24/04/2012 16:03

There's no rhyme or reason.

About an hour after mine I was sat watching You've Been Framed and laughing. My moods change very very frequently though and I also felt a bit of relief, that it was over, that I hadn't had to go to hospital, that even though it hurt like buggery it still wasn't as bad blood wise as I had feared.

18 days on now and have only properly cried once for almost a week now although have welled up at inopportune times, like just now I had to go and inform some official bods I had lost our baby, like last week in Asda when I saw cheese and tomato pizzas (my one and only craving), like today, reading your posts and taking me back Sad

Don't expect too much of yourself and just take your emotions as they come, remember your hormones will be all over the place for a week or two as well and sadly some symptoms can continue before fading which is a kick in the face.

x

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 16:10

I'm so sorry I have upset you foof...you have been amazing through this- especially today- you all have.

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FoofFighter · 24/04/2012 16:14

:) no not upset just made me think about the people who were supporting me as my thread was like this, an actual this is happening now kind rather than it already has happened. Got a bit emotional thinking of those people scattered all across the country (world maybe?) who took the time to support me x

going to have to nick off and get tea sorted and that but i'll check back in later wifey xx try to rest and eat a little something if you can to keep your physical strength up even if it's just a cuppa and a couple of biccies ok

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 16:15

Thank you so very much

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funchum8am · 24/04/2012 18:46

I'm sorry this happened to you on your own wifey - you sound like you're going through this with great dignity and letting your emotions run their natural course which is really important. We're all still here if you need to talk.

Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 18:55

Thank you funchum. I feel like a robot who is going through the motions. Not sure what tomorrow will bring but I guess the waiting game is over & my baby is now an angel. I think the waiting was hard as I never knew when or what to expect. I vowed when I left the hospital yesterday that my baby would decide when was the right time to leave me- as it had held on this long- & it did. Sad

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Original poster
wifey6 · 24/04/2012 19:01

I had a horrible feeling about 6 weeks pregnant that something wasn't 'right' but just put it down to the fact my symptoms we're stronger than they had been with my DS. Went to EPAC & saw baby's heartbeat at 6.5 weeks. So those concerns went. Why didn't I get that feeling again? I always thought I'd know if something was wrong. Sad

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jodidi · 24/04/2012 20:37

I'm so sorry for you wifey. I don't think it's crazy at all to want to bury your baby, I wish I had thought of it but I didn't. We did plant a rose bush though.
I think it's natural that your concerns went after you saw the heartbeat. We can't know that something's wrong unless something happens, I had no clue that things were wrong until I started bleeding.

funchum8am · 24/04/2012 21:04

I had no idea with either of mine that anything was wrong until the bleeding (though mine were both earlier than yours). Your body sometimes just doesn't tell you these things. It's a very cruel twist of nature that MMC is so common, but you can and will move on one day, in your own good time. When and if you become ready, there are some threads on here about those who have been exactly where you are now and who have gone on to have successful outcomes in the end. Once you have got to the point where you're ready to try again, they can be extremely helpful in keeping you positive...well, they were for me at least. But there is no rush, you need to go through the stages of grief first. Take it one half-hour at a time.

FoofFighter · 25/04/2012 11:22

Hello wifey, how are you getting on x

Original poster
wifey6 · 25/04/2012 11:25

Hi foof....still just feeling very numb & still in physical pain. Just going through the motions really. How are you doing?

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booboomonster · 25/04/2012 14:58

wifey, just wanted to say so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you x x

Original poster
wifey6 · 25/04/2012 15:04

Thank you booboomonster.
Today has been like a rollercoaster...Sad

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FoofFighter · 25/04/2012 21:27

Expect that for a week or two at least, very up and down wifey x

Original poster
wifey6 · 25/04/2012 21:36

I feel I have gone in to auto pilot one minute & then can't move the next Sad

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