Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

Thanks ninja and taz x

Ninja, congratulations on your pregnancy - hope everything goes well for you :)

I understand that its extremely unlikely that the gp would have diagnosed an ep at the initial consultation, I think it was more her attitude (she's very offhand and quite unpleasant on the whole tbh) but with the mid cycle bleeding, I just assumed that she might have considered it a bit sooner than when my friend was halfway out the door. I know that whenever I've been for unusual spotting, bleeding/discharge I've always been told that pregnancy is always a possibility so test test test!

The ep was confirmed by ultrasound within hours of her arriving at a and e, she couldn't understand why she was left until the tuesday with a potentially very serious diagnosis.

I will encourage her to write to the gp and perhaps contact pals when she's up to it.

Thanks again for the info and advice :)

Also, I saw someone mention upthread that you can still fall pregnant with no tubes - is that true?

Taz, I'm sorry if I was insensitive mentioning that her family is complete - I hope I didn't cause any upset

Hi everybody - for some reason this thread dropped off my list so i missed all the recent messages.

Ninja congratulations on your pregnancy!! so pleased to hear it is in the right place :) Wishing you a non eventful 8 months from here on in :)

tas - how are you?

joby - are you still around? hope the pregnancy is progressing well?

Well, 1st month of TTC with one tube was unsuccessful. I shouldn't have been surprised really but it was still gutting when AF arrived. I am now gearing up to ov on cycle 2. I am trying not to put too much focus on TTC like i did last time but it is hard. I have been having some counselling and she has taught me that actually a bit of self preservation is ok so i have been spending very little time withthose people who don't make me feel good. It's been weird to put myself first but i quite like it!

The EP still hits me all the time. When DS cuddles his dolly, when i see friends with 2 kids playing, when i see women at the same stage of pregnancy i would have been. it's like taking a bullet every time. I think i will always carry it with me.

How is everyone else doing?
xx

mum I wasn't upset at all! I don't think it's insensitive to mention it. I imagine it would change how much I was affected by it, if it was me, as one of the main things on my mind is having another baby, but everyone's different. I remember someone came on at the beginning of the thread and said it didn't bother them that much. While another person (on the EPT website) said they were a bit freaked out by all the info on the emotional side of it, as they didn't feel it applied to them. Personally, that info summed it up perfectly for me.

berries lovely to hear from you again! I had wondered if you were ok. Self preservation sounds very very sensible. I have such limited energy available at the moment, I am cutting out anything that I don't feel like doing. Including housework!

I am slowly feeling more myself, I have periods of time where I don't think about babies or ectopic pregnancies. Then like you berries it hits me. DD said yesterday "when I'm older I can have a little sister, like Julia at nursery". I would love to get back to counselling, I think deep down I'm just hoping that I'll get pg soon and then I won't need it. Cloud and cuckoo land springs to mind.

I'm torn between the positive thinking, "just believe in it, you will get pg" way of thinking and the realistic - it might not happen. At the moment I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Im typing this with DD's toes up my nose, so Ill come back when they are removed, to ponder some more!

hi all, have I killed this thread again?!

Had a lovely weekend enjoying some sunshine and getting some Vit D, hope everyone else had a relaxing time.

ninja how are you? and joby are you lurking ever? Was thinking of you and hoping all is ok.

berries, count, tired, beaver and lvj how are you all?

Hiya Tas and everyone else, how are you?

I've been taking some time out recently to try and move on from stuff. Had a sickness meeting at work due to having lots of time off in the last year, that went very well they were all very supportive and have recommended I get counselling (first sesh on Wed).

Will see how that goes...

Hope everyone else is ok?

Hello! How is everybody? Tired - are you actually back at work now? I am back on Wednesday.......
Glad you're feeling a bit better Tasmanian.
I am ok. Trying to just get on with it. A very dear friend's sister dropped dead out of the blue last Sunday. Life's short.

Apols for my rather brusque and depressing post last night! AF arrived this morning - what joy. Seems like a cruel joke now I am tubeless. No more charting, no more ovulation pee sticks, just a reminder each month that my body is working regardless.....
I'm sorry, this post is hardly cheerful either! Oh well, happy monday everyone!

oh beaver - that truly does suck. there is nothing to say to make you feel better i know. Thinking of you though. You are right that life is short. We just have to find what we can which will make us happy don't we?

tas - you haven't killed the thread! I have been attempting not to get too obsessed with TTC this time round so haven't been on MN (or google!) too much lately!

tired - time out is good and your work sound very supportive. Mine weren't but i have quit my job now! Hurray!

We are in cycle 2 post EP and currently gearing up to OV. It's amazing how much hormones affect how you're feeling isn't it. The week 2 and 3 of my cycle i generally feel fine but week 1 and 4 i am a wreck.

I have just been trying to keep busy really and focus on other stuff rather than TTC/EP/babies. I start counselling tomorrow so hoping that might help me as at the moment i am just not really addressing it which i think is ok as it makes me feel better but it also means I am cutting out friends who are with new babies... not that i am not happy for them. Just that it's easier for me not to see them for a while.

beaver - Is IVF possible with no tubes? I think it is? Is that a road you would consider going down?

Solidarity hugs to all you women who've been through this. It's shit shit shit isn't it!

Hi iLove yes ivf is an option but at 5 grand or so and a 10 percent success rate at my age it's just not an option. I'm not eligible for free ivf as I have a child already.

You are doing the right thing trying not to obsess too much. I've been there and it takes over your very being. Hope the counselling is useful

Yeah, I understand beaver. I would be in the same boat as you.

I obsessed for a year about TTC and to be honest it made me fucking miserable and I felt like such a failure every month when Af arrived. I am trying to get into the space of "if it happens it happens" and i am not quite there but definitely doing better and not pinning all my happiness on whether another baby comes along. I just feel so so grateful to have DS and DH and to be in good health.

Thinking of you today beaver

ILove I know it's awful isn't it. I used to be a mess of tears and rage each month I got my AF. I also used to say to myself 'maybe this isn't AF, maybe it's an implantation bleed' even though I knew it wasn't. I had come a long way to accepting the status quo up until getting my second EP. After the first EP it took me about 18 months to start coming to terms with it. That also included dealing with two m/c. Weirdly I am dealing with this second EP much better than the first one even though the outcome now is far more bleak as far as future pgs go. I think I had accepted just having one child which is why I am maybe not doing too badly. I don't know though, I may fall apart upon returning to work on wed!

Nice I had my EP last Dec (6wks off), then a MC in March (1 wk off) then another MC in Apr, so I've been back at work a while. I had a sickness meeting 'cos of the amount of sickness in the last year. Yes, Berries, work are being supportive :) which certainly helps.

I think the being obsessive thing is why I'm having time out. It was beginning to rule my life; I also would be in tears with every AF.

The counsellor I breifly spoke to to arrange the appointment said that I've had a lot of loss to deal with in the last year. I suppose I've never really thought of it as that. I think I've always tried to be strong, but that maybe why it was ruling my life 'cos I've not dealt with it.

Hope all goes well at work Nice

hi all,
tired glad your work were sympathetic, it makes a real difference, doesn't it? Though I'm surprised they "count" pg related sickness, thought they weren't allowed to.

When do you all find time to see counsellors? I haven't been able to sort out babysitters or evening appts, so just plodding on, sometimes ok, sometimes crazy. I find that seeing some friends that have 2 children really hard, even though my friends are lovely, I just get low. Other friends (who talk less about their babies and more about their toddlers or just life in general maybe) I'm better with.

nice so sorry about your friend's sister, life is short, reminds me that I have to try and enjoy my life and all its good bits. Hope that your return to work is good tomorrow. I find that work is a welcome distraction from all the rubbish in my head, as I'm so busy and tired at work, I just don't think about babies. Though a few weeks ago I ended up doing the minutes at a meeting where the mat leave/new pregnancies/new babies were being announced, I was just sinking lower and lower over the keyboard trying not to blub . I can laugh about it now.....

berries know what you mean about the hormones, I'm a wreck sometimes. I'm trying to eat more oily fish, I think it helps. Maybe. Glad you're stepping away from google and feeling better about TTC. It can get too much, it has for me sometimes. Funnily enough charting my temperatures and cervical fluid makes me a bit more relaxed about it all, as I know exactly where I am and I can tell a few days before AF arrives, so I'm let down gently iyswim. But not for everyone, that's for sure.

I'm absolutely knackered, luckily it's the end of term soon and I can change pace dramatically and have some slightly later starts in the morning. We're also going away for a couple of weeks, it was great to do that after the EP at Easter, really really looking forward to it. Hope you all have some nice plans for some treats and rest coming up.

Tas. tried to arrange and appointment with a counsellor this morning, obviously can't see them when DS is with me and not sure when I'll get time for an evening appt. That leaves a phone chat, the only time I'm on my own in the house is after my night shift on a Wed morning. This isn't the best time 'cos I'm massively tired-I've usually been awake for 24 hrs at this stage! So have warned them I'll be rather tearful when they call! Oh well, I've got tissues!

hi tired - hadn't thought of a phone chat, interesting, I'll look into it. If you're really tired, then you'll be able to let it all out and not have the energy to put a "brave face" on it. Hope it all goes well.

nice how was your first day back? Hope it's going well.

Off on holiday for two weeks on saturday :)

Camping

Do you think I might get wet?!

Stay happy everyone, see you in just over a fortnight

well i have just been told after my initial counselling consultation that i don't 'qualify' for anymore counselling as my depression is not severe enough and i am not suicidal or at risk or putting anyone else at risk. Great. So i can't talk to my friends cause they've all been shit and now i can't talk to a professional. feeling a bit sorry for myself now.... It just feels like it is all trapped inside me and i can't let it out.

I feel i have failed as a mother as i can't give my DS a sibling
I feel i have failed as a wife as i can't gve DH another baby
I feel i have failed as a daughter as i can't give Dparents another grandchild.

I know I may still have another baby but all people say when i tell them about the EP is "don't worry, you'll have another one" and it's like, um, hello, what about the baby that i lost. and also we don't KNOW that i'll have another one". Its almost as if people feel i am being dramatic by saying i am scared i won't have another baby.

berries - I'm actually speechless about your counselling, or the lack of it. Are they really such an emergency, urgent service?! Was that through your GP? There must be other options, though I know it's hard to sort something out when you're feeling "knocked back" all the time. I've tried to call places and getting an ansaphone message means that I just don't bother calling again. I just haven't had the energy.

You can let it out though, even if you can't get to a counsellor for a few days. Write it down in a diary, come on here or the EPT website, talk to your DH. There's the helpline for the EPT as well, though it's only open 10-4pm weekdays. Sorry you know all this, I know, can't help myself trying to "make it better", I know I can't make it better though

I know that feeling of failure, but it's not real. It's just a way to beat ourselves up about something we couldn't control. What is real is your lovely family - DS and DH.

Hope you can find something nice to do this weekend, to treat yourself. I had a massage after the MMC, it really helped me let go of some of the stress. She was a holistic type massage person, not just a beautician. Though nothing against beauticians, but we had a mini counselling session beforehand, which I think was part of the letting go process.

Take care of yourself x

tired have a lovely camping trip, hope you've taken some wet weather gear! It'll be loads of fun running about in the rain!

I'm so glad I've started reading this as I've finally found others in my situation. I started TTC in 2008 and since then I've had 2 early miscarriages followed by an etopic which cost me my left tube. I then had a 2nd ectopic which was treated by methoxorate and then in March 2012 a 3rd which cost me my right tube. The cruel thing about the last one is that there was a perfectly forming baby with a heartbeat - it made it so much harder as the last time I'd seen a heartbeat on a scan was when I was expecting my now 14 year old DD. My DH has no children so all this has been hard on him too but we're now trying to be positive and save for IVF. I'm seeing a recurrent miscarriage clinic for tests to check we're not wasting our money. I'm trying to be positive and I have good days and bad days but I'm not really sure I've come to terms with everything in the last few years as I've also lost my Mum and nephew in this time so large chunks of my world seem to have fallen apart.

Sorry for the depressing post but I hope someone on here will read this and understand.

And just to give some of you hope I've met many women who successfully had a baby after losing one tube.

In total shock - so I will whisper it- sbp!!!! Small but positive! Cheapy & clearblue telling me!!!!!
Will keep checking in but don't want to shove in face!

count that's great news!!! congrats , keep coming back to give us some hope

and hi amo, sorry that you find yourself here, you've really been through it in the last few years. But you are very welcome to join us, we do understand. It's good to let out how you feel, depressing or not, it is what it is.

I also have good days and bad days - yesterday was a very very bad day. AF started and I thought I was ok with it and then had a massive wobble, sobbing uncontrollably. I feel better today, but it's not good to remember how bad I was yesterday. I am looking more seriously into restarting counselling.

Amo - so sorry you found yourself here. You have had a rough rough ride. I hope you have a good family here to help you and support you. Feel free to put out whatever you're feeling and use us!!

Oh tas - fucking AF is so shit isn't it.... thank you for being so sweet and offering up your online ear for me!! It's funny, some days (like today) i don't even want to think about it and on other days i really want to talk.....

But today - it's about count - well done you and Hurrah for ONE TUBED WONDERS. Just goes to show that sometimes not trying is the best way to try!

Off to watch the tennis now :)

hello!

yep am still lurking!

Really happy to hear the bfp news! Will be keeping fingers crossed for you all.

Sorry to see there are nrw faces on the thread, but glad you have all found your way here, if that make sense.

Pregnancy is still going well. Am now 17 weeks!

Hope all you ttc'ers are being kind to yourselves, and that each day is getting easier xx

Thank you Tas & ilove - I'm so scared as its so soon after ectopic in April! Have to get bloods will post when I know what's happening I do pray this will be a happy ending to also bring hope to you all!
( ilove - I'm sooooooo scared)