Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

hi all,

berries hope you're not feeling dizzy anymore, I totally understand that any repeat of the EP symptoms sends you into a spin. Logically it's unlikely to present 7 dpo, test as soon as you can though, even if just to put your mind at rest. That's what I did 1st cycle TTC, POAS before, during and after AF! At £5 for 2 tests in Boots, it's a very small price to pay for a bit of sanity! Hope your visit to your friend's house went ok. I have those days where I just can't stop crying, hoping tomorrow will be better.

Sorry so many of you are joining me in melt down city, hope you're feeling better now. My moods go up and down like a yoyo.

It really resonated with me hearing you talk about baby clothes. My heart breaks a little bit every time I think of the baby clothes in the attic and how they're unlikely to be used again. Well, used by me anyway, which is what I want! Also berries DS playing with a dolly. My heart breaks a bit more when I see DD being so gentle and sweet with friends' babies.

nice that meal sounds awful, people just don't realise. Anniversaries are particularly hard for all of us. People who have gone through similar understand, those who haven't often don't.

lvj hi, thanks for sharing your story. I totally empathise with what you say about long term recovery. You think you're ok and then suddenly the rug is whipped out from underneath you.

did I kill the thread?!

Hope the lack of news means everyone is out enjoying themselves and feeling happy.

AF arrived, I feel ok, like this month will be a better one.

No you didn't kill it Tasmanian! All been a bit quiet this week hasn't it! I've been concentrating on trying to feel better. Saw my GP this week who is sending me for counselling - first session on Tuesday. Don't really know how i feel about it as no one can change what has happened but you never know, it may help. I have to remind myself too that I don't have a terminal illness, I have lovely family and friends and my beautiful, beautiful daughter. How are you doing? I am dreading my AF. It seems totally pointless. I am also dreading ovulating as that is now like a sick joke. Sorry I started this thread trying to be positive!

Hi there, nice, glad you're still around!

I've had some counselling (after my MMC, actually had the ectopic just after I started the sessions). I found it was really helpful, like a regular time each week to release the pressure that built up. One thing my counsellor did say often was you're allowed to feel shit and grieve for what you've lost. Yes, try and be positive and grateful for what you've go, at least you don't have cancer etc, but you're allowed to grieve, you've had a shit experience. You don't have to minimize it all the time.

I discussed the burning desire to have another DC in counselling and she helped me examine that desire and somehow just looking at it objectively helped to calm it down. That desire hasn't disappeared, but if we don't have another DC, I think I will be able to cope with it. Whereas before counselling, I think I would've gone over the edge if someone had told me I couldn't have another one.

I can understand you dreading AF and ovulating. Your body just carries on regardless doesn't it. My surgeon said something that helped me, something along the lines of your body is just doing what it is programmed to do. Somehow it helped me to look at it objectively, less personally. Though I still have moments of "why me?! how could my body have betrayed me like this?!"

Anyway, have a good weekend, hope you have something nice planned or at least some rest.

Words of wisdom Tasmanian, thank you. Plus no AF can mean early menopause which is what 2 friends have gone through. Don't want that despite being infertile as it can lead to all sorts of problems.
You're right too I am allowed to grieve. I had come a long way to accepting having no more children after the first EP and subsequent mc but there is a little voice in your head every month saying 'you never know....' and now that little voice will no longer be there....
Anyway
Have a lovely weekend with maybe 5 minutes of sun if we are lucky!

Nice - I remember that little voice too - and I still get it sometimes which makes me laugh (on a good day). If I was to get pregnant now it would probably make the local news! I also remember when my body got 'back to normal' it felt like it was taking the mickey out of me, but that has subsided somewhat, and I also am just pleased that things are healthy. I like your surgeon's comment too Tasmanian.

I'm feeling better strangly after having been to see my friend's new born last week. I think the thought of it all is sometimes worse than the reality and I actually held the little baby and didn't feel too terrible. However, two other friends are due in the next couple of weeks so things might get bad again. All I keep thinking is hold tight, let this time pass, and hopefully I will be able to accept things as they are (which is pretty good really). Let me know how you counselling session goes Nice as, despite one initial appointment, I haven't really been down that avenue yet.
Hoping that weekend is going as well as possible for everyone

LVJ one of the drs following surgery told me that despite having no tubes there is a one in 200 chance of pregnancy! It would be abdominal and so highly dangerous and unviable but it can happen. Yikes.
Interesting what you said about seeing babies. I found friends' pregnancies far worse than once they had had their babies. Once the babies were born it was much easier. I don't know why.
I am glad you are feeling a little better. I will let you know how the counselling goes.

Hi all well I'm still here!! Just been enjoying the weekend!
Happy for those who was able to get counselling my Gp
Said it was a long wait and so I never got offered any!!!!!
Which I think is out of order,last year after my MMC I spoke to a Berevement midwife but it wasn't about me in away just
Something that I felt I should try!!! I guess depending on your own personal choices it may help! I suppose no matter how many of us have been through this our feeling and dealing & healing are a going to be different no text book on how to deal, how to grief and how to handle pregnant women! Big hand holding to us all!!!
I was on website a few days ago looking for fathers day card and saw some for new baby's and a place to upload scan picture it made me sad that I never done that in the past and may never get to do it again!!!!

Ladies will you hold my hand please.
I posted after my EP at the end of March.
I'm pg again. Had a scan and nothing seen but as I was only 4.3 max that's not so surprising.
Bloods went from 72 to 210 in 48hrs so that's a good start but I have been told they can not rule out another EP and I'm to go for another scan on Tuesday.
(I'm due to go on a belated honeymoon on Weds )
Any way Tuesday feels a long way away and I'm having a bit of shoulder tip pain - possibly scar tissue playing up? or psychosomatic?

Sorry this is such a me me me post. I do lurk but don't get much time to write.

Ninja grab hold, we'll all hold your hand,

Congrats on being PG :) The fact that your hcg has increased in good, you're only very early I don't know if you'd get pain that early even if it was an EP?

There's nothing much else we can say to reassure you, only that we're with you and sending kind thoughts x

Let us know how you get on...

Huge congrats to you Ninja!!!! We are here holding your hand! I
Will pray that all will be well and you have a sticky bean in the correct and safe location!!!!!!
It's such a worry and the wait can't help! I guess you just want to fast forwards the day to weeks to month so all will be well!
Clearly the fear is understandable due to the ep in march!!!!
Hold on tight all our hands!!!!

Thank you Tired and Count just knowing there are people out there who understand really helps.

Feel ok this morning. Have taken to asking myself "am I ok at this very moment?" when the anxiety gets too much.

oh ninja congrats! I'm here holding your hand as well. I think it'd be too early for symptoms, and your HCG looks good. They're obviously keeping a close eye on you, I'd just concentrate on relaxing. "Am I ok at this very moment?" - I like it, I'm going to use that when I get all "what if...".

I know the waiting is a nightmare though. Fingers and toes crossed for Tuesday's scan.

Tas You were there to hold my hand after the EP as well. Thank you.

I have to say I have two lovely children who I adore my son who is now 16 years old and my daughter who is 6 years old. I have been with a new partner for the last two years and we started trying for a baby together six months ago.......I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in May 2012 and didn't even know I was pregnant as had a period two weeks before but was admitted to A&E with severe stomach pains, after days of blood tests and to and from the hospital over a five day period and having the excitement and upset of being told I was pregnant and possibly suffering a miscarriage I eventually was admitted to hospital and was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy and had an operation where my baby was removed plus my left fallopian tube. I have always had difficulty conceiving children but never lost a baby, found the whole experience traumatic for example went to have scans where couples were being given their first scan picture which I found difficult to handle, i left hospital the day after and I have had to deal with not only the physical repair but mental repair and wanted to know if anyone had been through the same, i realise this happens every day and not being selfish but for people to tell me I should be grateful I have two healthy children!! I know I am lucky to have my two children but I also mourn for the baby I lost and I look at my three scars on my stomach and wonder which one the baby was taken from!! Any advice or words would be grateful to receive from any woman who has been through the same and how to deal with the loss when people don't want to talk about it..........

Hi Becky what a distressing time you have had.
I suffered an ectopic in March. I also have two children (15 and 2.5)
I don't really think of my EP as a baby as the pregnancy was never viable and to continue with it would have robbed my two children of their mother. But I do completely understand that it is different for everyone and that the feelings of loss are very real for you and many others, and really that is all that counts.

I think it is difficult for the people who love us to talk about what has happened as they had their own trauma to deal with. I know for my DH the lack of control and the thought that he might lose me were very distressing.

Remember that what you are feeling is what you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to feel. There are just your feelings and you need to acknowledge them and have them acknowledged.

If it's impossible for dp or a close friend to acknowledge what you are feeling then maybe some counseling would help. Or just cry, shout, rant etc on here and we will listen. x

hi becky sorry you've had such a terrible time. It's really hard when people don't know what to say to you or they try to say positive things. They are just trying to help but they are in effect minimizing your grief, which isn't always helpful. You need to feel your grief, not try and shut it away to please other people.

I have been for some counselling recently over 2 pregnancy losses and I try and say some positive things to my counsellor (at least I've got DD etc.) and she just says "you're allowed to grieve/feel sad, you've had a terrible time, you don't need to try and gloss over it or minimize it" or words to that effect. I've found that really useful to keep in mind - you're allowed to grieve and it's totally ok to feel terrible (and believe me I've felt pretty terrible over the last few months!). Keep in mind this awful, awful time won't last forever. I also come on here and to the Ectopic Pregnancy Website to talk to people who understand. Most of my friends have been very kind, they don't always know what to say, but to be honest, if someone just listens and says "I'm so sorry", really that's enough for me. I sometimes have to be very specific with DH "I just need you to listen, you don't have to try and say anything".

I'm generally an optimistic person, but this ectopic pregnancy has really knocked the stuffing out of me. It's taken me 3 months to feel myself again and I still have bad days sometimes. It takes time to feel better. Be very kind to yourself. And come back here and talk to us whenever you need. x

Scan done. Sac located. Not ectopic!!!
So happy. Still early days but hurdle one complete.

YES! ninja that's brilliant news! so pleased for you. Fx you have a very uneventful and relaxing pg. Good news gives me hope!

Whoooop Ninja - that's such great news!!
It must of been such a " hold your breath, praying that it's good news" while the scan was happening ( I know that feeling) and getting the all clear with not ectopic!!!! Whoop!
When will you get a follow up scan?????

Thanks Tas and Count.
Follow up scan in two weeks.
Get to go to Paris tomorrow now as have been deemed safe to travel!
Glad it's given you some hope Tas.
So horrid trying to get pg when you know it might be dangerous for you.

PS sorry my messages are a little stunted. 2.5 year old keeps me from typing

Evening all :)

I saw this thread on actives and thought I'd ask for a bit of advice for a friend if that's ok?

Firstly though, I'm sorry for all of your losses.

My friend had some abnormal bleeding last week and went to see her GP. The gp took swabs and as my friend was walking out the door gp said oh, do a pg test if you can and that was that.

Last sunday she woke in the early hours with one sided pain and shoulder tip pain so took herself off to a and e.

Ectopic was confirmed and she had an op on the tuesday to remove both tubes. They took the good tube instead of sterilizing her as her family is complete.

She had the coil which the hospital said had moved due to recent weight loss.

She's concerned on a few counts - the gp she saw wasn't very good, the hospital left her for 2 night before operating, and she's unsure how long she can expect to bleed for.

If you have any thoughts, it would be much appreciated :)

Hi Mumof1
Sorry to hear what your friend has been through.
It seems every ones experience is different depending on when ectopic is suspected.
I knew I was pg but started bleeding. It then took a further two weeks until surgery after being told several times I'd already miscarried.

I suppose GPs don't learn unless people point out where things were missed. I know mine went through my notes after because she was worried she had missed something significant (she hadn't - I'd been sent straight to epu but she was still quite worried).

I don't know why it took 2 days for surgery but maybe they were still trying to diagnose an ep. They leave 48hrs between blood tests so it may have been the second blood count that confirmed an ep and prompted them to operate?

As for the bleeding. I was "flushed out" when they operated so bled very little, I'm sure others here had different experiences of this again. She does need to get some medical advice if she is having to change her pad every hour or less though.

Hope that helps her a little.

hi mum sorry to hear about your friend. You are kind to be thinking of her. I'm not sure how long the bleeding would last, I think it would depend how far along her pregnancy was - I was 6 wks and I didn't bleed that much, slightly less than my normal period. But I imagine it's all different.

I can empathise with not feeling the medical care was up to scratch, but I understand that ectopic pregnancies can be hard to diagnose, especially in the early stages before the HCG levels are high enough to see something on a scan.

When she's recovered from her surgery, she could talk to PALS about her hospital experience, they deal with complaints. As for the GP, I think she would write to her practice manager. My GP didn't diagnose my EP when I went, but I was already under the EPAU at that point.

Hope your friend recovers well from her op, and has lots of time to rest and be looked after. It's a shocking experience, even though she's lucky her family is complete. I had (and still have) lots of ups and downs.