Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

hi all, I'm still lurking. Hope you're not too hungover berries!

lorsa hope your due date isn't too horrible. I expect being at work will be good , you'll be too busy to think about it for most of the day. I know it can be really hard though, hope that you have something nice planned to remember your baby by.

CD 25 is cycle day 25 (CD 1 being when AF arrives). Hope that the next cycle brings better luck berries

I can't remember when I last came on and updated, but I've had 3 scans now and all seems to be fine. The last one was a 10 wk reassurance scan (the MMC baby died around 10 wks). We saw a bouncing bean, it was truly truly lovely. Got the 12 wk scan in almost 2 wks and then if that's ok, we will start to tell people I think. It is very weird I really don't want people to know. I've been lying left right and centre, inventing stomach bugs that have lingered and busy work schedules that leave me exhausted. My boss at work is not daft and has obviously guessed but is too thoughtful to press me, which I'm very grateful for!

Anyway, I don't want to go on about me as I know it's hard sometimes, but I really hope that it gives you some hope for the future. I went through some very dark times and never thought I'd be this lucky. Wishing you all lots of luck.

berries didn't see your post from 7th Oct, sorry, I wasn't ignoring you. Hope the due date is behind you now and it's a bit easier. Is there anything you can do wrt fertility treatment, like IUI, where they wash the sperm I think. I seem to remember your DH being on a drug you thought affected motility, sorry if I've got that wrong. Do you feel like going down that route? With all the HSG/lap and dye testing? Or are you just fed up with all the prodding and poking that comes with pg loss? I found it hard to know when to "do something" and when to "just relax" (though that phrase sets my teeth on edge, if only it was that easy!!!)

Hello. I'm still lurking here, all's well and am currently at 18.5 wks. It doesn't seem fair to contribute at the moment-I know how crap it is when you're absolutely desperate to become PG, and all around you see and hear from those who are.

Lorsa what you are saying is very true, I found I had to start to make plans for the future to stop myself going insane. Berries hope you're feeling better this morning? Tas glad the scans are ok and good luck for the 12 wk scan.

tas and tired - you are both lovely thoughtful and considerate ladies but by god I am delighted to hear of your wonderful news. I can totally understand your hesitance to post but thank you do much for seeing my post and replying. tas _ I know after everything you were wondering if you could give your little one a sibling and I can't wait to hear of the reaction when you feel it's safe to share the news.

tired again - thanks for coming bck and sharing how you're getting on - again its SO lovely to hear so I appreciate your sensitivity but I am so happy for you and thank you for posting. I guess your 20 week scan must be coming up... How are you feeling about it all?

lorsa I know what you mean about not being pregnant by due date. It's so hard. How are you feeling after everything? Silly question I guess.

Well my news - ep was in march so although we've been to see doc they'll do nothing till march 2013. We could scrape an pay for private but I don't see the point right now as this is only cycle 5 post ep so I'd rather see if anything can happen naturally. DH has been very unwell -(hosp etc) and bless him he was so pushy trying to get answers from consultants about the effect of the drugs they recommended. The long and short is they say the drugs may well affect sperm but there's no evidence. We made a choice together for him to take them - there was no choice to be honest as he's been so unwell and they make him better. He will come off them in 6 months and then it'll be over a year since ep so if we're still not preggrs we will get help. In the mean time theres not much I can do. I feel MUCH more relaxed about it. In my heart I think it's going to be a LONG wait for ds2 ( I don't care about gender but think I'm a boy-breeder!!) so I've kinda chilled out about it. I'm enjoying DS a lot more as just focusing on him, plus I have a lot going on with work.

Many of my friends are falling pregnant and I feel more happy than jealous! I have given up alcohol starvation and am just getting on wih life. Trying not to think about ttc too much but hard when it's been my focus for over a year. Anyway - thanks for replying ladies.... Just needed to reach out to someone... Still have nobody in RL to talk to so thanks for being there for me.

CD 25 is indeed cycle day 25.... I have 30 day cycle. Things just going how they always do. Gggrrrrr.

Regarding baby due date... I'm not one for planting a tree or anything. Honestly - I don't want to see the tree growing every day when my baby's not. I think of him every day so whilst that type of remembrance is lovely - its not for me. I do often look at the stars and think of him though. (don't know why but I'm sure it was a 'he').

Went out with friends tonight - they've just started ttc - told me they just want a girl... Through gritted teeth I smiled but it's hard not to rant!!

Anyway - little bit pissed now ( clearly I've abandoned not drinking) but honestly I am quite seriously touched that you took the time to reply to me, ESP tas and tired as I do understand how you feel awkward . Thanks though ladies...... Inspriring one tubed wonders xxx

Ps I waited eight wks after op for af zx

Berries Glad your hubby's ok, you're sounding much more positive now which is also good. I had a 6 cycle wait til this PG but that included 2 MC. I've just been back to a post of mine on page 7, from Sun 10 Jun. This was my LMP, and it arrived early; yes I'd had a shitty day before this post but I was beginning to be more positive. Have you managed to get any counselling? It really helped me get to a better place.

Yes, my 20 wk scan is soon, it's on the 25th of this month. It will be reassuring but if I'm honest, I won't fully relax until baby is out and in my arms, I have two friends that have lost PG at 20 and 26 wks but I keep telling myself to relax, that I'll be ok and keep trying to ignore the worries, 'cos that's all I can do.

Here's to all us one-tubed-wonders! or

Big wave to ilove - you sound much better although your still not pregnant just don't put any pressure on yourself as sometimes it really does take that long I waited 4 years for my ds!!!! Thinking worrying that something was wrong with me!
Tired - whoop in nearly reaching the 20 weeks stage!
I'm nearly there also, I also don't think I will breath until this baby is born!
It's been a testing road lots of bumps along the way, I am not complaining as I'm so grateful for being pregnant again!
Onetubewonder I like the sound of that!!!!

Hi all,
I've just discovered this thread. I started one of my own yesterday:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1589401-Ectopic-pregnancy-hold-my-hand?pg=1

Basically I got my (unplanned) bfp last Friday night, but had open surgery on Monday for ectopic which was about to rupture. One tube is gone but the other one looks ok. V tired, swollen (I look about 4 months pg. the irony!), sad, sore, relieved, confused. I have 2 DC and though I know I'm v lucky, it doesn't lessen the loss of this one.

Hi,

Sorry for the brief post last night- I was feeling tired and vulnerable, and just wanted to throw my hat into the ring.

I got my (unplanned) bfp last friday night. Lots of pain all day Saturday (which I dismissed as implantation pain), then spotting and pain on Sunday. When I called midwife on Monday to make booking in appointment, she sent me to hospital for scan. Within 3 hours of arriving, I was in surgery. Rt tube removed through open surgery.

Though (intellectually) I'm relieved I'm ok, I'm so sad that this little surprise baby isn't to be. My tummy is so swollen and sore. And I'm exhausted as soon as I do anything other than loll on the sofa, drinking tea- a trip to dr and to DD's pre- school to fill them in (she's nearly4- I figure they're likely to hear about "mummy's poorly tummy" anyhow, so they may as well know the score), and I was utterly wiped out.

How long till I'm not so tired? And till the swelling goes down? I'm so impressed by all you brave ladies TTC- I'm dying to, but to sore and scared to think of it, but it's great to hear that it really does get better w time.

Thanks

Hi Chilled
Welcome and sorry you've had to join us. I think it was two or three weeks before I felt less tired, but I had keyhole rather than open surgery. You are less than a week post op, be kind to yourself, take the chance to rest.

As you've probably gathered from the thread, emotionally it takes longer to heal and feel strong again. Personally it took me 6 months plus counselling, although I was pregnant at the time I had counselling so maybe that also helped? I also had to acknowledge that I needed help before I began to feel better.

We're here to hold your hand

Hi chilled - so sorry you found yourself here. The swelling and tiredness is pretty rough isn't it. It took me a good few days of resting to feel any energy at all and then a week for the physical pain to go. My ep was in march and we started ttc again in June. Nothing yet (another af just arrived) and I am finding it very hard. We've been ttc 15 months now and I'm just over it. There are some ladies here who got pg again easily with one tube so if you did decide to try again it's likely you'd fall without too much trouble.

I suppose it must have been a roller coaster to have a surprise (but by the sounds of it. Good surprise) bfp, only to go through the pain and trauma of an ep. My heart goes out to you. Take time to rest and just be aware it will be a roller coaster emotionally for a while. How is your dh doing?

Thinking of you.

tired thanks for your kind comments... Its just so frustrating and because it's close to my due date and theres no baby or pregnancy I just feel so strongly that someone is missing from my family :(

Ps. I'm not allowed counselling tired as I'm not suicidal (to quote the nhs)... Could pay for it but I am actually a lot better than before and the only other thing that will make me feel better is a bfp!

Glad all going well at your end x

Hi berries and tired, and thanks for the support.

Berries_ I can't believe they'd only give you counselling if you were suicidal!- that seems so callous!

I slept really badly last night but am less sore today and was thinking I might try to do a few things while DD is at pre school. But reading your lovely posts has me welling up and I feel really vulnerable, so I guess it's two stesp fwd, one back, and sometimes one fwd two back. Maybe time to rest and see how I feel after.

DH has gone into work today for 1st time all week (but is coming home early to help w bath time etc). I've tried to talk to him, but he's pretty quiet at best of times. He says it's all obviously been a shock, but the main thing to focus on now is the fact that I'm ok and that one day (hopefully) we'll have DC3. He's very stoic by nature so i do worry that it's going to come out sideways somehow, and I know the important thing is that I'm ok and that our DC are ok, but for me it's still a very sad loss.

How did both your DHs deal with it?

hi chilled sorry you find yourself here, I know it's really rough in the early days, especially if you had open surgery. I think it's normal to feel very sore for a few weeks after open surgery. It took me a week at least after keyhole surgery to feel physically better, but the emotional side is, like you said, a bit of a rollercoaster. I like the phrase "come out sideways", haven't heard that before, but it's a good one!

My DH is quite a sensitive soul, so we talk about it, but he had loads and loads of work stress at the time, so he talked about that a lot . I got it all out by having some counselling (well I was in the middle of a counselling block because of the MMC when the EP happened), she was a specialist women's health counsellor based at the hospital. I also came on here and the EPT.

It's my due date for the EP today, not sure how I feel. I think because I never thought the BFP would make it (I had bleeding and A. Very. Bad. Feeling from before I even POAS) I never engaged with the thought I was having a baby. Being pg now helps as well I think. Compared to the due date for the MMC, which was like having my heart ripped out and torn up all over again, I don't think this one can be as bad.

oh tasmanian- my heart goes out to you, hearing about your MMC due date. I hope today goes ok. I kind of know what you mean about things not feeling right. On the one hand I kind of felt pg, as I had pain which I thought was implantation, but I didn't otherwise feel pg (no tender or full boobs, no sickness). And I'm not really sure what my due date would have been, as I hadn't yet had a proper period since DS (who was 1 last week). So I think (for me) it's a good thing that I won't know the exact date I would have been due.

I'm trying to take it easy and be nice to myself. I got up and sorted out DC, but by 9am I was wiped out, so slept like the dead for an hour or so. I struggle to accept that sleep should be one of my biggest priorities, but a friend pointed out that at the moment when it's so recent since the op, I'll have lots of offers of help w DC, so I should make the most of that before everyone thinks that I "should" be OK.

I had lots of counselling after DS cos of PND, so I spoke to GP about it yesterday, and whether I might need some this time, and I'm being (for me) unusually open about it with friends and people around me. So hopefully that will help.

I do worry about DH, as he doesn't like to brood on things (as he thinks of it. I think it's just processing feelings), but I worry that he's just stuffing down the feelings. I guess all I can do is keep asking him how he is and talking about it all.

I'm so annoyed w DH."coming home early" apparently means leaving the office at 5.25 (and it'll take an hour for him to get back), and he's going away w work ALL WEEK next week. I've felt so much better today but am still v sore and tired. He could st least have come home early today if he's away from Sunday night. We have help w DC so m not too worried about next week, by and large, though I know it'll be hard. And I may ask a neighbour for a bit of help top, but I'm still hacked off w him. Given that he took 3 days npaid leave this week, and has generally been great, AIBU?

Ok IABU.

chilled I think YANBU, but possibly a bit oversensitive (understandably so, though). Blokes deal with this sort of thing differently to us ladies. My DH was of the opinion that I should just forget about it, concentrate on DS and think myself lucky I was still alive. Blokes generally are very balck and white in their emotions. My DH was right but just very tactless and insensitive in how he put it. Us ladies need time to talk about this sort of thing, to go over things and get them straight in our minds. Blokes just forget about it and go for a pint! Perhaps your DH feels he needs to get back to his normal work routine in order to put the trauma of you being so ill to the back of his mind? Make use of all those people who've offered help, just try and keep the lines of communication open with DH, don't punish him (I think I shut my DH out to punish him, 'cos he's not a talker, but I needed him to listen).

Hope things sort themselves out x

Thanks tired. I think you're right about being over sensitive , thanks for the reality check. I guess I still feel really vulnerable, even though I'm starting to feel a bit less sore. So the idea of him being away is pretty unappealing, but I know I'm not alone on that score, and I'm sure it'll be ok. And I think you've hit the nail on the head about getting back to normal- he even (jokily) asked if I was up for sex the other day! Said he knew I wasn't, but that he'd be krn if I was!- bless his unrealistic cotton socks! And mine isn't a talker either- sometimes I worry that he thinks I'm making a fuss about things cos I need to talk things out, rather than just plough on as he does.

Hi chilled. Sorry to see you here. I had keyhole surgery 5 weeks ago which was bad enough! It's just a very very crap place to be! I haven't really talked that much to my DH! He is a fixer not a talker! The most annoying thing is him asking what's wrong when I'm in a gloom! We talked lots after my second mc which affected him the most I think as it was a MMC. We'll prob start talking more when we are TTC again and I become obsessive!

tas, hope your due date went ok. It was mine for MC number 1 last Monday. It went ok. I think I will find due date for MMC harder but am hoping it might be lessened with Christmas!

Hi to everyone else. Phone won't let me scroll back now!

I would like to say to the pregnant ladies that I like hearing about it. It gives me hope, which I really do need!

Hi lorsa.

I like hearing about the pg ladies too- it gives me hope!

I'm in such a grump today. DH got up with DS (his turn - I got up yesterday) and I was woken up about 7, telling me I had to take DS as DD had done an accident. That's the 3rd in 3 days, and she's nearly 4! I guess this is her being upset about this week's events but it's pissing me off!

I also feel quite weird- DH and I were talking about his work yesterday. He's away a lot but is happy to do that to get promoted. Now he's saying he's not sure he'll get promoted next year which I feel annoyed about, for him and for us as a family. I guess this is really about feeling vulnerable post op, but I can't seem to shake myself out of bad mood. I'm even thinking of cracking open the chocolate and it's not even 9am!

And I want life to be back to normal- I want to be able to exercise and work, and drive without pain and not be exhausted all the time. And I know it's only 6 days since surgery but I'm fed up of all of this.

Anyone out there? I'm feeling utterly bonkers and i dont know if it's the emotional hangover from the last week or if pnd is raising its head again (came off ADs w a bang due to BFP and seemed to be ok). I now feel so unbearably anxious and just terrified about life.

chilled so sorry to hear it's all so rubbish at the mo. Hope it's a bit better today. I would get yourself down to the GP about the ADs. I think it's normal to feel bonkers, but if you're not feeling 100% supported then I think it's more complicated. I can understand that feeling you're making sacrifices so that DH can get a promotion and then to be told that it might not happen is a pain.

I remember feeling so horrendous emotionally in the aftermath of the EP. I was terrified something would happen to DD, and so aware that life can change in an instant from pootling along as normal to horrible, traumatic stress. It took a while for the anxiety to reduce. I don't think you can hurry recovery, it just goes at its own pace. I think you can set nice goals/treats for each day but if you're exhausted, your body is telling you to rest. I got every virus and bug going after the EP, I think because surgery takes its toll on your body, as does all the emotional stuff.

Your friend that said get all the help you can before everyone thinks you "should" be ok is very wise!

chilled, sorry you're feeling rubbish. I understand wanting life to get back to normal. I tried to force normality which probably wasn't the best idea. On the one hand, getting back to work was good for me but I did need to acknowledge what had happened and that actually I couldn't plow on regardless.

I have had a phone all asking me for a meeting following my complaint about failure to diagnose ep, despite scan showing it! Am curious as to what they will say!

Hope everyone is ok. Had my first period since EP which was good as I feel I am getting there. Finding the not TTC hard though!

thanks lorsa and tasmanian.

I went to GP yesterday (and had a good old cry there. Again. Sigh). Apparently the side effects of coming off ADs, ec preg and general anesthetic all overlap a lot. So the dizziness is probably the ADs, but the tiredness is probably surgery/ec preg. The emotional rollercoaster stuff is probably all 3. Am seeing her again on Monday to keep an eye on things, and to reconsider the AD issue.

I feel really unsupported in real life. DM is crap. One Dsis told me to be grateful for the children I have. DF can't really deal with feelings of any kind. DPIL think feelings per se are just not on (and that PND with 2 DC means I can't cope anyhow). Other Dsis is lovely (though a bit mental at times- when I was talking about high anxiety levels last night, she said she worries a lot, and esp about dying since she had DS- WTF?!!). I feel a strong urge to ring my DM and tell her to F off- she's utterly useless and self absorbed (it's a long story, but I've had 36 years of it all being great, as long as I put her first and listen to her BS).

I guess I'm feeling angry today.....!