Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

hi chilled glad your GP at least seems sympathetic. I know what you mean about family not being very supportive. I have learnt that my family are no good for that sort of thing. My DM said "never mind" after the MMC. My heart was broken in pieces. I made a mental note never never never to say that when someone has just suffered that kind of loss. Any kind of loss. Sigh. I haven't even had the energy to be angry about it. I have just accepted that I don't rely emotionally on family in a crisis. Though to be fair, they are good in a practical sense, so that helps. Hope that you can find the support you need. Would you consider counselling? Sorry, can't remember if that's already been suggested.

Yep, would def be up for counselling g and mentioned it to GP last week. Am waiting to hear what the wait will be. Had. Good experience after DS. In the meantime crying, chocolate and wine seem to be propping me up!

And though my family are rubbish i have lots of lovely friends who are being amazing, so have RL support as long as I'm not too proud to admit I need it.

Xx

Ps dairy milk and 2 glasses of wine have done thie magic tonight-
Bedtime for me!

Sorry Tasmanian- I also meant to say thank you- I really related I your post. However after 2 glasses of wine, I'm a bit tipsy so not making lots I sense! I really related- my PiL are v practical and I have to remind myself not to go there for emotional support. Great at eg fitting baby prrloof latches to things. Less good at emotional support. Most of the time I can take the good and leave the bad but I guess that's tough this week.

Right, off to bed with some water and paracetamol! (I'm a lightweight!- ill be in pain tomorrow!)

The emotional rollercoaster continues. How is everyone else?

Hi
Did anyone have awful dreams after their ep? The other night I dreamt I was being raped (never been, thank god, but I just assume it was loss of control/gynae/fear coming out in my dreams). DH and DC are out so was napping on sofa and had horrid dream about not being able to see, and collapsing while out for walk w friend and both our DSs.

Hi apparentlychilled, I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties you've been having. My (second) EP was two months ago now and I've been having horrible or vivid dreams ever since. I normally scarcely dream at all. It is just another symptom of the emotional disturbance, I think, but it leaves you tired and unsettled and even more upset thank you were before, I find :(

I haven't been in here for a few weeks -I'm going through a horrible low slump (apparently quite common about six weeks after pregnancy loss) and the GP said I was showing signs of depression. Hopefully I should start counselling soon.

By the way, I'd love your advice on this point. I've been referred for IVF, to start at some point in the new year. Bearing in mind my tubes have failed twice, and the one I have left has additionally been operated on, would you carry on trying naturally in the mean time? The risk of a third ectopic must be pretty high, but I find it very hard to let go after so long trying.

Hi Northey
Sorry to hear you're having a rubbish time too. So far, the horrible dreams have all been just as I go to bed or have a nap, so I've managed to wake myself up, get a drink and try to distract myself etc. But they really stay with you, don't they? Yuck.

I've been mulling over your IVF concerns. So am I right in thinking that if you go for IVF they place the fertilised embryo(s) into your uterus? so no risk of EP? Could you ask your GP/specialist what would happen if you did TTC and got preg before your IVF appointment and (though I'm sure it's really really really unlikely) what would happen to your place in the queue if there was a problem- ie would you go all the way back to the beginning while they resolved any problems? If that's the case, maybe take a few months off- drink lots of wine, eat lots of pg unfriendly food and know that in a few months you'll be in good hands and hopefully will have some good news?

I'm off to GP again today. DH thinks PND is back (is it even PND if DS is 1?!), so might be going back on ADs. So angry at myself that I'm not all better (I know it's only 2 weeks, but it feels like I should be better by now).

xxxx

chilled, yes I had bad dreams as well, used to wake up sweating. Hope that it starts calming down for you soon. Glad you're seeing the GP today. Honestly 2 weeks isn't long at all, be kinder to yourself!

hi northey good to hear from you though sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Completely understandable considering. I'm very mistrustful of tubes that have failed, so if you can let go of trying, I would enjoy a lovely booze soaked Xmas with lots of cheese and other pg forbidden foods! I think your tube would need some time to recover anyway, so the longer you feel able to leave it the better. count got pg through an ectopic tube, but it was quite a few years later. IVF sounds great, in my rose tinted imagination, I see lovely nurses holding your hand and just sorting everything out. Hope that it all works first time.

how is everyone else? berries not heard from you for ages

Hi Northey and tasmanian, and thanks for the reassurance. GP was lovely today. She has repeated what you and everyone else have said- it's all very early days, and tht I am exactly where I should be, and that the bad dreams, anxiety, tiredness is all part of what's to be expected. She was also pretty sure that it's not depression (or at least that it's too early to say if it is), which was reassuring, but has arranged to see me again next week. I've had a lovely day- spent time w lovely friend who helped w DC and also had a big chat about stuff like this. Tired now but about to finish kids' bedtime, then have dinner etc. feeling a bit brighter, so thank you all. I at least now have faith that I'm not going utterly bonkers.

Xxx

Ps she also prescribed me Busiprone (for anxiety) on a short term basis to get me through the next few weeks instead of ADs, if I continue to feel so anxious. Feel v glad to have people taking care of me.

Chilled Really glad you've had a good day, they WILL become more frequent. I'm no expert but it doesn't sound like depression, it sounds more like a PTSD-type of problem (weird dreams are common with this), which is an anxiety problem (hence the busiprone). But most please don't be too impatient with yourself, IT IS STILL EARLY DAYS, if you push yourself now you'll just be storing up problems for the future (I speak from experience). Please, talk to people (DH, friends, GP, us), rest and give yourself time to recover.

Northey Speak to your GP/conultant; they're the experts, I have no idea if it'd be safe to TTC pre IVF with a potentially risky tube. Don't take any risks, talk to the experts.

Tas, berries how's things?

tired- thanks that's reassuring to hear (though sorry to hear you learnt the hard way). And it means a lot to know that you and all the other lovely ladies are listening. Was in 2 minds about taking pills but DH (who is away all week) says they'll do me no good in the box. Maybe I'll try them.

hi all,
chilled glad you had a better day, like tired says, the good days do get more frequent, though at the beginning, it seems like you'll never get to that stage, it does get better, just in its own time.

tired I'm ok, got a horrible cough/upper airway grottiness. It feels like I've been ill for about 3 mths. Had the 12 wk scan and all was fine, so I am happier now. Just starting to tell people, though it's a bit weird.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Hi everyone!

tas, great news on scan.

chilled, glad you had better day yesterday. Hope today has also been good.

Northey, sorry about your crap time. I can't advise, but understand the desire to carry on TTC. i am the same. I have an appt with recurrant miscarriage unit in December, which was made when they were telling me my ep was a normal miscarriage. I know I should go to that not pregnant and that I should wait two cycles anyway but, my God, it's hard. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Am in total gloom and need to get a GRIP! Am wallowing in my misery which is never good! On the plus side, it's pay day tomorrow so at least I can buy myself something nice!

tas- so glad your scan went well! And I hope you feel better soon. lorsa sorry to hear you're having a crap time.

I'm utterly pooped today, despite having a nap this morning and help w kids. I find it frusttrsting being so tired (though if one more person today suggests I'm tired because I've "slept too much today". No, I'm recovering from surgery. Aaaagh). Emotionally I do feel better than last weekend (and last week), but I'm trying to be patient with the tiredness. I think I'm going to head to bed early. Fingers crossed for no nightmares tonight!

Night all xxxx

chilled, I slept an insane amount when recovering from surgery. I really surprised myself. You need it though, so go for it.

lors, sorry you've had a gloom-plunge. It is just grim when those occur. I'm never sure whether to fight against them or give in to them a normal part of responding emotionally to something shit. Really I wish they would not happen at all though. Hope you feel better soon.

tas, congratulations on scan!

hi all, lorsa sorry you're having a rubbish time. Is it half term for you? I think you're allowed to wallow for a bit and say "yes it's been shit". And then buy yourself something very nice!

I just had some sad news, a friend had her 12 wk scan the day after me, but it was bad news. I'm so gutted for her, I just keep crying . I just know how heartbroken she is right now . We live quite far apart so she won't have to see me too much, but I just keep thinking we would've been due at the same time and she'll have to see my bump and then (if all goes well) hear about the baby being born. I just hope that she's pg again soon. I remember dreading bumping into someone that was due the same time as me

Oh tas- that's such sad news for your friend! Look after yourself too- I know that when I've been pg anything sad around babies and pregnancies affected me so much more than usual, and that was without having had pregnancy loss myself. Look after yourself and know that it's OK to be upset for her, for her baby (maybe for your own loss? sometimes these things bring up our own sorrow too).

and lorsa - can't wait to hear what retail therapy you indulge in! My recent discovery is Lindt chocolate with salted caramel- yum!

xx

thanks chilled, yes it has brought the MMC and that awful 12 wk scan all back up again. I thought it was "behind me" but I think that if I want to remember that baby, there will always be pain associated with it.

and yes yes to Lindt choc with salted caramel!

Hi all,
How are things for everyone? I'm feeling better than last week. My scar is still sore and itchy (but not red or weeping, so I suspect it's just healing). Still tired but moods seem more stable and less mental. GP has been great. Seeing her again on Tueday anyhow. I'm also off for a weekend w a friend tomorrow- only an hour's drive away and she's pg so it should be a nice chilled one.

How are things for everyone else?

Ok, not so muh better bedtime involved shouting and took eons. Soooo frustrating.

Hi all just popping in too say hi!
Sorry to hear the news of your friend that was me a few months ago, getting the bad news while my friend got the good! It doesn't feel good at all just offer the support you expect for yourself although her seeing you with a belly may be hard!
Well all is well with me and baby I'm 21 weeks now and we also found out what we are having extremely happy but not sharing as I can't shake the feeling that until I have this baby in my arms it can still go wrong!
The awful thing about having sad news is that you can never have the same experience before it all happened!

Also hope all the other one tubed wonders and pregnant after ectopics ladies are doing well?
Joby21 - how's are you my gosh can't remember the last post from you are you still waiting for baby or are you gushing over baby ?
Tired - how you dong also???
Tas - you just remain focused on things you can control, no stressing!

Hiya Count Glad you're well. I agree about never having that same excitement as before it happened. I'm well thanks, I'm also 21 wks and also know what I'm having. I've been telling people but it seems so strange having kept so quiet about the pregnancy for so long.

Hope everyone else is well

Hi folks, I am still here.... Just been trying not to dwell on the ectopic and part of that is not hanging out on these boards.... Due date has been and gone, no sniff of a bfp. The rest of my life is going well though so trying to just enjoy it. We are still ttc but not holding out much hope tbh. It's a yr in march so will be getting myself to docs on march 1st to try and get a referral so at least we can move forward instead of this mindless ttc every month. (been bout 16mths now in total). I think what with my one tube and dh's substandard sperm (due to the medication he's had to go on) we won't have much of a chance so try not to think about it and enjoy my little family of 3.

Gong through this also made me realise who my real friends were and gave me the strength to ditch the shit ones!

tas and tired hurrah that all is going well for you both - I'm so pleased for you :)

Sorry to the ladies who have just found themselves here. It's so so so shit and will always be part of your life but it does get easier - I promise.

Xxx