Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

just popping on to say hi to lorsa, so sorry you've had such an awful year. You've really been through it. I'm glad you have your DH waiting on you hand and foot! I can understand that TTC has been your focus and it's difficult to step back but really take some time to rest and get yourself back to normal.

I can only speak from my own experience, but I really needed the 6 months between EP and BFP for my body to recover, and most importantly for that last tube to recover. As my acupuncturist said, your body will fall pg when it's ready. Thankfully my last tube is obviously working properly now, but I have a very strong intuition it wasn't working ok before and it needed time to recover. I think if I'd got pg before the 6 months, it would've been another EP. You probably already know there's some evidence that suggests conceiving directly after an EP makes it more likely you'll have another one.

For me having a MMC and an EP within 3 months really knocked me for 6 and it's not until I started coming out of it, that I realised how bad I had been. You've had that and more. What I'm trying to say in a very long winded way is - take it very easy!!

fuzzy I hate work places where you can't have any privacy! I'm shocked you work in a hospital, they're supposed to be aware of confidentiality!!

I suppose it's good to keep it out in the open though - people don't talk about pg loss in general, it's all hush hush. I imagine that most people don't "get it" and are liable to say very offensive things. I met a paediatric cardiac nurse the other day and she said that most of her patients were babies diagnosed with heart problems ante-natally, so she didn't think of them as "real people". I was so shocked I didn't say anything, but I was thinking, don't ever go work in an EPAU!!! I know what she meant, she thinks it different if it's an older person who you can communicate with and who has had a life already. But I feel sorry for her patients and their parents if that's all the empathy she has

Hi tas. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I think you're right. When I've written down what's happened to me since Feb I'm quite shocked. I had two days off after both miscarriages and just ploughed right on with getting pregnant and now have come to an almighty halt. I definitely need a break from it. For my mental health as well as my physical health. Is a six month break what they recommend then? Think I just feel a bit numb and don't know what to do with myself without a plan!

Just lurking as I've had an ectopic in the past. Saw Northey's question about bleeding and methotrexate. I did not bleed after my injection. Had to wait for my HCG to fall right down and then I got a period I think about 3 weeks after the injection. It took a while for my HCG to fall, they nearly wanted to give me another shot but thankfully I avoided that.

Wishing everyone on this thread lots of luck in the future.

hi lorsa the EPT recommend 3 months break whatever treatment you had (but especially if you had metho). I think that's very sensible, I started TTC around then just out of desperation (I'm late 30's with a family history of early ish menopause). But it was 6 months before I felt myself again, and I didn't properly realise I hadn't been myself until I was back to normal. I think your plan should be to rest and do some nice things for yourself. I would really recommend a holiday. I also had some counselling, but I was already having some because of the MMC. I only had about 6 sessions but it got me through a pretty awful time.

Hi Lorsa I agree with everything Tas has just said. All I'll add is have a break, have some me-time, talk to friends/family/a counsellor and make sure you're physically and mentally strong enough before TTC again.

Btw, I found people who nosily asked "when's number 2 coming along?" would shut up pretty quick when my answer was "When I stop having miscarriages!"

Fuzzy I also work in a hospital and found out that my senior nursing colleagues had been telling each other and junior staff that I was PG again when I wanted to keep it quiet til 12 wks. I was not impressed!

tired yeah the other day one of my colleagues said to me 'oh so you were the third pregnancy'. They all tried to figure out who is pregnant.... and who did what... makes me sick

Now I can bring myself to think of TTC again, before I would not even want to think about it, so I guess I'm getting better.... I wish I could go on vacation right now as tas suggested, but it's impossible right now with my job.

fuzzy, that's terrible. How can people be so insensitive?

A holiday would be so good right now! Initially, I thought I really wanted to go back to work. Have been signed off for a week and due back on Monday. Am a teacher and am anxious about missing school (very silly of me, I know!) but now not sure it I'm emotionally up to it! May go to GP tomorrow to ask for more time off.

Just want to feel normal again and not obsess about trying to have another baby.

lorsa a week??!! Seriously think about taking more time. Working in a school is good for having no time to think about anything else, as you are just rushed off your feet from the moment you walk in. I know that feeling of just wanting life to be back to normal, but make sure you've at least started to process what's happened to you or it will all come out later (probably at an inconvenient time).

I think it's totally normal to be signed off for 2 weeks minimum. They just signed me off for 2 weeks at the hospital without me even asking and told me to ask my GP for more if I needed it. Talking to other ladies on other threads, 4 or 5 weeks off is also normal. Look after yourself, your bosses certainly won't be focusing on that, you're the only person that can.

fuzzy I'm at your colleagues.

Hi there, I have posted this to ask you lovely ladies your wise advice and thoughts on what I am going through at the moment.

In January I had an ectopic on the right that was treated with metho.
In may a miscarriage very early.
In June a lap and dye which showed both tubes initially didn't let the dye flow but eventually did.
In September a ruptured ectopic in the right tube.

I am absolutely devastated and exhausted from all this but as I am sure most women do, I am looking forward to the future. I have decided that for the rest of 2012, I am going to rest, get back into a healthy eating and exercise routine. But I am thinking about what to do next.

1. I am absolutely petrified of having another ectopic on the left and losing the left tube also. Leaving my only option for conception IVF.
2. I am thinking about trying IVF (I am prepared to do this privately) before trying naturally, I know you may think this is strange but I thought if I could conceive using IVF for the first child. Then in a few years time I may be strong and brave enough to try naturally for a second child.

What are your thoughts on this? I have not discussed any of my thoughts with my consultant or had a consultation at a clinic yet. I have discussed with my husband and family who are all agreeing that they will support me in whatever decision.

I know time is a healer and in a couple of months I may feel different but at the moment I am so upset and frightened that I think I need to think so carefully about the next steps

Thanks for any input or advice

Katty

Hi ladies,

tas so pleased the baby is in the right place and all looking well :)

tired glad things are going well for your pregnancy too.

No good news here I'm afraid, another af rocked up to disturb my holiday. I am not letting it ruin the holiday though. So gutted of course. I know I am lucky to have ds and it's only 4 cycles of trying since ep (lost count of the total cycles of ttc #2 - somewher around 15 i think) but it is so hard every month when it doesn't happen. On the plus side I have been sampling lots of local wine....

katty - wow, you have really been through it and I extend lots of sympathies to you. What a crappy time you're having. Glad you found us as we all know how it feels to experience an ectopic. I do understand your point about paying privately. I went to have a chat with my doc about this type of thing and his response was that a women's body will almost always do things naturally given time - that's what we're made to do after so his suggestion was for me to just keep trying. I feel the same as you about fear of it happening again but I've decided to give it till Christmas at least. Ivf is expensive and there's no guarantee it will work. Or even if it does work there is always the possibility of miscarriage. From what I understand ivf is pretty hard going on the body too so it's not the easy option by any means. You'll have to wait 3 months anyway after your ectopic so maybe see how you feel in a couple of months and then decide?

How long have you been trying in total? You may be able to get some other assistance from nhs as it sounds from your post that it's your first you're trying for.

Welcome to all the other new ladies and sorry you found yourselves here.

katty that's awful what you went through! I am so sorry! I understand how you feel about it all. I am also petrified of having another ectopic, and it so happened that before I had the EP I had an appointment to go to fertility clinic ( I was sent there by my GP since we'd been TTC for 7 months at that point and I was getting a little anxious). When I found out I was pregnant I never cancelled the appt and when EP happened I was happy I did not. I went to it and listened to all my options as well as started the process of having all the tests done, both of us actually.

There is quite a bit of testing to do, but in the end I'm supposed to find out my fertility level and whether DH is ok too. Based on that we'll have to make a decision whether to keep trying naturally or getting some help from them. I'm not sure how much testing you had done (you wrote about the tube patency), but maybe before doing IVF you should get all the testing done, because IVF is so expensive and it doesn't always work from the first try.....

Good luck at whatever you decide to do!

tas yeah I know, my work sucks that way... you wouldn't believe how many ppl are afraid to even look at me now, I feel like saying, it's ok, I don't have plague, you can talk to me....

Hi katty. Sorry to hear about what you've been through. I had an ectopic last week so have no advice but just wanted to say sorry.

Berries sorry you got your AF.

tas, I know a week is stupid. The doctor at the hospital wanted to sign me off for two but I insisted on one! Went to me GP and have got 3 more days. She did offer longer but I have easy days on Thu and Fri and so hope to ease myself back in. Am anxious as I only met my classes in the first week so need to get to know them.

General question. I am taking the advice on waiting at least three months. When I was at GP she asked if I was going on pill and I cried! After obsessing about TTC I can't get my head around actively trying to not get pregnant. I don't want the pill as I want my body to get back to normal and have an understanding of my cycle. Cannot really think about contraception but suppose I need to. I am not sure what my question is. Do people just use condoms then (sorry if too personal!) and did people feel odd about trying NOT to get pregnant?

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend x

Thankyou ladies for your input and kind words. I do think that we need to look at EVERY test possible to help support our decision. I feel so sorry for us all, but its great to have a forum like this to read each others stories and support each other through this.

lorsa I agree I would not want to go on the pill, keep things as natural as possible. After my first ectopic we only "did the business" during a totally safe time. As I knew my body soooooooo well from trying to get pregnant I also felt safe to know my body when I was not fertile! (It is never guaranteed though!!!!) Take it easy and look after yourself.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sun that we are having in South Wales!!

x

hi everyone,

lorsa we used condoms, I know it's weird after TTC so much, but I was terrified to even have sex at first let alone think about getting pg again, so it was ok.

hi again katty, I remember your thread about palpitations in early pg, I'm so so sorry it ended in another EP . Glad you found your way here.

I'd get an appt at a fertility clinic and get all the tests done. That will take a while and give you a chance to put your awful year behind you and focus on getting yourself back on an even keel. I can understand wanting to go straight to IVF, I was thinking about that myself, but I really think your top priority should be looking after yourself after a truly terrible year.

Hi to everyone else!

Just popping in.

Sorry to see so many new faces on this thread.
I can't hold all the info in my head to reply properly.

I was signed off for two weeks but went back after a week (but that was surgery not metho).

Think that any subsequent pg's loose some of the magic after an ep.

Hi everyone, I was only signed off for ten days or two weeks but I wanted to get back and get on with life so that worked for me, it's all personal though.

We used condoms which was weird.... But I wanted to avoid any increased risk of ep. I've decided to stop soooo actively ttc. Of course I still know roughly when I ov (if ewcm is an accurate measure!) but have stopped using cbfm this month. Ten months of bonking throughout high and peak days hasn't got me knocked up and I am sick to the back teeth of pissing in pots! Also thinking to relax my low alcohol rule as that doesn't seem to have helped. If I'm in it for the long haul I might as well enjoy it!!!

Hi fuzzy, Vicky, Katty and Lorsa I'm sorry for you loss, welcome to the group.
I feel for you ladies who like myself lost one of their tubes, I know I was devastated. I have only just gone back to work after nearly 6 weeks off, you need to give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically. Now I am back st work I am thankful for the normality.

I have a question if any of you would mind answering.

I had my ectopic 9th Aug, first A/F arrived 10th Sep and now on day 19 of cycle and I have started spotting brown blood. (sorry if TMI) Can anyone tell me what this is or if they have experienced it, looked online and all i'm getting is implantation bleeding but because I have only had 1 cycle since EP i'm not sure if that would affect AF or cause mid cycle bleeding.

No idea what it could be - sorry! Have you been ttc again? How long are your cycles normally? It may just be your body styling down after the ectopic...... Sorry not to be more help!

Just popping in to say hi to you all and to say how sorry I am to see more newbies here!!!
Getting through my last ectopic and all the issues of maybe stopping and giving thanks for the dc I have was hard and I couldn't of got through it without thus thread and the hand holding!
Currently 17 weeks. Just want to give you ladies hope that it can happen and will at the right time, I fell pregnant after 2 months of my tube removal and the shock of it all was dreadful would advice to wait 2 clear cycles or more before! As I thought my chances was slimmer then most I didn't know what my cycle was and so got pregnant pretty early!
Thinking of you all, take care big wave to ilove x

Thanks count. I needed that wave. Today is officially a shitty shitty day :(

Thanks count for the great news! Keeps my hopes up.... I finally got my AF a month after EP.... Going through all the fertility tests now before TTC again.

berries I hope your day got better!!!

Hi everyone!

count, congratulations! Great news!

rechelle, hope your cycles are back to normal.

Have been back at work for a week and a half. Was great to get back to some normality.

Am in a bit of a gloom that I need to get out of though! Am finding the waiting for 2 cycles tough as normally am back on it, so to speak! Am trying to focus on other things but am a right mardy cow!

Hope everyone else is doing ok! xxx

Hey lorsa well done for getting back to work. The waiting is hard in one way but also quite a relief for me as had been ttc quite obsessively for several months before. I'm really over ttc. Still ttc but not using any opks, Cbfm etc and and just shagging. I 'm less teary about it all, just fed up with it not being me with the good news, not me with the bump and not me thinking up baby names. Ds has started to ask why he hasn't got siblings and constantly tells me he loves babies. It's just rubbish.

I know I have to take hope from the good news from the other ladies have bought us but sometimes it just feels like its always someone else!

Bit of a self absorbed one from me, sorry. Due date of ep baby around now which sucks.....

How is everyone else? tas are you well?

Where is everyone??!

I am pissed on my sofa! Cd25 and it's going the same way as always :( :(

berries, it's my due date for first mc on Monday. As hard as it was, I never for a moment thought that I wouldn't be pregnant by now! I believe I will have another child but also have to consider the possibility that I might not, which is tough. Hope you are doing ok.

What does CD25 mean?

Did people have to wait long for first period after op? Am 30 days now and waiting.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Am rather hungover!