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Original poster

Ectopic pregnancy support thread

913 replies

tasmaniandevilchaser · 18/03/2012 18:15

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock Hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC Sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have Wine, Brew and Thanks

---------------------

Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

OP posts:
Countmyblessings · 25/07/2012 23:24

My dearest Ivory - words are not enough to let you know how very sorry I am that you have gone through this! It's so very early still and your still full of hormones and the shock of it all has not hit you! There are stages of grief and your on stage1. I don't know if you have read through this thread from the beginning and maybe in time you will do so, we here have all gone through the sadness of ectopic and some like me twice!
Get loads of support from whoever you can, maybe write down your feelings because a few weeks from now you'll look back and think wow look how far I've come!!!! Take 1 day at a time and embrace the feelings that hit you! Every pregnancy is different and the harsh reality is this experience will remain with you forever but you will recover!
There is success after sadness and you one day will have and hold your baby!!!!

Original poster
tasmaniandevilchaser · 26/07/2012 08:32

hi ivory, so sorry you find yourself here. It's such a horrible experience, but you will start to feel better. I remember those awful times so well, like count says just take each day as it comes and don't beat yourself up for feeling awful, you are grieving, that is the best way to describe it and it's a process that has to be worked through.

I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life, I have friends I have told the initial story to, but the process just goes on and I don't want to bore them rigid. Very few of them have had any pg losses, so though they are kind, it's not really something they can relate to. I occasionally say I've had a "bad day" but I come on here and the EPT to off load.

I remember a time when I couldn't have even considered TTC again, but here I am giving it a go.

I'm still looking for a counsellor but I am feeling more normal now so it doesn't feel as urgent. Though I'm in the 2ww and freaking out a bit that my one remaining tube is twinging, which means there another EP in there. I know there's nothing I can do about it, though if you could move a pg with wishing and the power of thought alone, then if there's a bean in there, it would be in the right place by now!

puffpants I remember looking like a ghost so well! We went to visit my in-laws about 6 weeks after the EP and I was physically ok again, but obviously still didn't look that great, my in-laws let me have a lie-in, and looked after DD, which they have never done before or since! I hope you are still being looked after, it's really great your DH is at home with you, mine has a wanker boss and there was no way he could have taken time off work, in fact he had loads and loads of overtime Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
tasmaniandevilchaser · 26/07/2012 08:39

oh and ivory I so know what you mean about wishing it had been a mc, all the while they were investigating the EP, I was praying for a mc, never thought that I could possibly feel like that after the MMC, as it was such a horrific experience.

puffpants I also know what you mean about looking at everyone going about their normal happy business, while you feel like you've been hit by a bus. It does get better, it has taken me about 3 to 4 months to feel more like myself. The bad days are getting less and less now. At first there were more bad days than good, then slowly more good than bad.

OP posts:
iloveberries · 26/07/2012 08:45

Hi puffpants and ivory

How are you both doing?
ivory so sorry you had to find yourself here - small consolation but everything you're saying is totally normal and i remember feeling exactly the same. It is so tough that your heart is breaking but life just carries on as normal.

ivory - your story about going for the scan made me cry too. I remember vividly seeing my 'blank' scan and just pray one day i will see my little baby growing and hear it beating heart. I know deep down I will. I can feel it, I just have to be patient!

I also understand what you say about wishing you'd just had a miscarriage - people don't understand the worry that comes with reduced fertility do they?
And of course the increased risk of another EP. In reality I don't think the numbers are too helpful - there was only a 1% chance that any of us wouldhave had an EP and it happened so we just have to trust that our bodies will do what they are supposed to. Be inspired by the stories of joby, count, ninja and tired who have all gone on fairly quickly to have pregnancies in the right place!!

puffpants my DS is the same age as yours so I understand the longing to give him a sibling - plus the horribleness (yes, i know it's not a word!) of seeing everyone else with a DC the same age have a baby or bump. It physically hurts whenever I see this.

I think the only advice I would give is just be kind to yourself. Be selfish. Do what you want to do, see who you want to see and don't think about the rest. Come here whenever you want to talk and there are lots of us here who know how you feel and what you're going through. Don't expect people in RL to get it, some will but some won't. Have strength in the successes of the ladies on here and know it will happen for you soon.

xxx

iloveberries · 26/07/2012 08:47

On another note tas - when is your AF due? Hard not to worry I do understand that but you'll be so aware of it you're feeling everything! FX for a baby in the right place for you xx

Original poster
tasmaniandevilchaser · 26/07/2012 16:32

thanks berries, AF is due last day of the month, or 1st August. Are you due soon as well? Fx for the both of us!

For some reason I'm a bit more hopeful this month, think maybe it's because I could feel loads of ovulation pain/twinges on the right side where I have a tube.

I feel faintly ridiculous being hopeful, being more realistic I should expect yet another month of disappointment at best and another EP in worse case scenario.

We're off on hols tomorrow so I could do without any drama. So I'll be off the radar for a couple of weeks - hopefully just having a nice peaceful holiday, not negotiating my way round an EPAU far from home!

OP posts:
iloveberries · 26/07/2012 22:34

Where are you off to tas ? Have a great time! Hopefully you'll come back with a tan and a bfp!! Xx

Ninjacat · 27/07/2012 17:11

I'm lurking.

Just wanted to say I'm really sorry Puff and Ivory that you have found yourselves here.

Life is a bit shit sometimes. A big hug to both of you (and anyone else on here who just needs one)

PuffPants · 28/07/2012 17:05

Can I ask, those who had salpingectomy, how long did it take for your periods to return? I am bleeding right now (6 days post surgery) but I know that's not a period...

Countmyblessings · 28/07/2012 18:40

Puff pants - had surgery 30th April had bleeding 5 days after which is what I called " shedding"Lasted 4 days, had 1st AF in June
Got BFP in July!

iloveberries · 28/07/2012 19:41

Hi puffpants - it took me about 7 weeks to get my first period after op.
They were 32 days pre ep and are now 30days.
How are you doing?

Becky2007 · 29/07/2012 19:36

Just wanted to say thank you to all who responded to my message, I am two months on from my EP. I live life a lot more positive and it has made me appreciate my two children more and take in every moment I have with them. I still have times when I have reminders of the baby I lost and my scars are often my reminders. We now feel its time to try again and hopefully my one remaining tube will still work although the one I have left has had previous surgery on. I just wanted to say what a wonderful website this is and for any woman who is reading these stories and feels doubtful about writing your story it is great source of talking about your events and probably like me friends and family find it difficult to talk about but I do think we all need to talk about it and it makes you realise you are not alone. I will keep you updated of any success that I may have in the future but if not I have a wonderful partner and two great children.

Becky2007 · 29/07/2012 19:38

Hi Puffpants

I got my first period after op (May 2012) 8 weeks later but was only on for a day. Now I am back on a regular cycle.

tiredandiwanttogotobed · 29/07/2012 22:56

Good luck Becky xx

PuffPants · 01/08/2012 15:53

Did anyone else's belly button stitches not heal well? My surgery was 10 days ago, I had my stitches taken out at the GPs on Monday but nurse said it hadn't closed well and put sticky plaster stitches over it. I'm going tomorrow to have those off but it's a bit stingy down there and I'm worried I'm not healing well Sad

On the upside, I feel great in my stomach, no pain internally at all Smile

iloveberries · 01/08/2012 16:00

hi puffpants - all my scars are round the bikini area so can't help you sorry :(

how are you doing?

my cycle has gone out of whack this month for some reason which is a bit annoying!

still hoping i can be the next one tubed wonder to get a BFP in the right place!!

tiredandiwanttogotobed · 01/08/2012 21:56

Puff My belly button healed ok, I did have problems with one of my wounds, the disolvable sutures didn't and one got a bit infected. The Dr wouldn't take the sutures out but gave me antibiotics. I took these and removed my own sutures. If your wound is red and angry looking, perhaps you may need some antibiotics?

Glad you're pain free, how are you feeling emotionally? x

Berries I have my fingers crossed for you! x

iloveberries · 01/08/2012 22:00

Thanks tired, not sure I'm even ovving now though :(. Something's up with my cycle.....

How are you?

tiredandiwanttogotobed · 02/08/2012 21:37

Berries p'raps your body's just revving up for next months BFP?

I'm ok (feeling sick most of the day and hugely bloated but NOT complaining). I'm still cautious about being happy, I've got another scan on Monday so fingers crossed.

How's everyone else?

PuffPants · 06/08/2012 15:44

Oh god, I think I have been very stupid.

Had sex last night, unprotected, two weeks after my operation. Got completely carried away Blush We'd been ttcing so long we just didn't think about it. Well, I sort of did but not for long iykwim Blush

How bad is this? We were planning to wait 6 months! Got scan tomorrow - feel I should fess up! BlushBlushBlush

iloveberries · 06/08/2012 21:42

Puffpants - don't stress... A couple of people on this thread had sex soon after and got bfps in the right place! I regret heeding the advice and waiting - I've never seen so much ewcm in the month after my ep but no I was sensible as always and I wish I'd just gone for it. Don't worry at all. It'll either be nothing or it could be the best bonk of your life!!

Original poster
tasmaniandevilchaser · 12/08/2012 19:36

hi all, hope you are all doing ok. Any exciting news?

We had a good hols, completely knackered now though. No news here, starting to think I can't be bothered with it all. My remaining tube is probably as knackered as I am! I think we will carry on trying but without holding out much hope. But I will push for a referral to a fertility clinic to get the tube checked out. If it is blocked then there's no point in trying. I could be totally wasting my energy. The only sensible thing about keeping an eye on my cycle is that if I do get another EP, then at least I'll know sooner rather than later. Anyway, all sounds a bit gloomy but I'm not feeling particularly gloomy about it, just realistic.

OP posts:
iloveberries · 12/08/2012 20:19

hey tas - i am still here! no news but feeling very much like you! I just cannot be arsed with TTC anymore. Of course we still will but I am just trying to focus on the rest of my life and all the other great things in it and if another baby comes along then WONDERFUL! but if not then i will remain grateful for all i have.

I think I will go and see the doctor this month if nothing happens as I think my cycle has gone odd - Ovved on day 19 this month if the CBFM is to be believed.

Of course it is hard when ds is seeming a little lonely. But i am trying my best for him!! xx

Original poster
tasmaniandevilchaser · 12/08/2012 21:13

hi berries, nice to hear from you! Know what you mean about DC seeming to feel lonely. DD said to me this morning, "can I have a brother or a sister?" It felt like a punch in the chest Sad, I said I'd do my best then I asked her if she'd seen a baby sister on TV and she said "yes it's a rabbit on the Tweenies" Grin.

OP posts:
iloveberries · 12/08/2012 21:22

Oh tas - I feel for you. My ds hasn't asked but I know he misses having other kids to play with. How old is dd? - remind me