Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

---------------------

Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

Wow another bfp post ep! Congrats! This is very good news ladies congrats tired. I hope the scan goes well my love.

Can I be next please? I'd have been on the October thread and am finding it very painful at the moment. I know I'm impatient but everyone around me is getting pregnant in RL. Plus you guys conceived so quickly after your EPs that I feel stupid for waiting the advised two cycles.

slightly self obsessed today

Ok - just been thinking about my post over breakfast and cruelly want to apologise for being self obsessed. It's like everyone around me is getting pregnant so easily but of course tired I know you've been through a lot of heartache so it will not be the joyous bfp you experienced with your first ever bfp. Are you having bloods taken or anything to confirm the hcg is doing what it should?

I do slightly kick myself for waiting the 2 cycles a getting on with it quickly seemed to work for ninja and count but hey I can't change the past.

Have a good day all.

Hi tas - how are you?

P.s 'cruelly' in my message should read 'really'
Stupid iPhone!

tired congrats! that's great news, keep us posted. I think it's normal to get niggles and twinges.

berries I don't think you're self obsessed and even if you were, you're allowed to be!! There's no-one really to talk to in RL, here is such a good outlet and we understand. I waited 2 and half months to TTC and it was the right thing for me, I needed to heal after the op, especially physically. I was worried that the other tube needed to heal and get an egg through it. I totally understand how you just want to be pg, I'm not the most patient person, but I'm just trying to get myself in a good place.

I went for counselling again yesterday, it was good to get it all out but I'm not convinced the counsellor was the best person for me. She doesn't have much experience in pg loss and I think that although it's not my only issue, I will be confronting infertility/TTC stress/pg stress/mc stress/ep stress a lot in the coming months and I need someone that will help me along that particular journey.

berries hang on in there!

Thanks tas - i am feeling a bit "why is it happening to everyone else and not me?" at the moment?

2 close RL friends conceived their 2nd/3rd DCs on month one of trying and one has been particularly insensitive about it which has been hard.

Anyway - it is reassuring to see all the one tubed wonders getting knocked up!! It gives me hope and I sooooooo want to be next!!

I understand what you mean about counselling tas. You have to find the right person. At my last job I had counselling and the counsellor was amazing (had been through IVF and lost 2 babies herself) so she got it completely. Now I am not eligible as I don't work there and am not depressed enough to get it on the NHS

Could you maybe ask if there's anyone who specialises in pregnancy loss?

Sorry forgot to say congrats Tired! I had niggly pains on one side too but apparently it was from ovulation. Hope scans/bloods and all go well on Monday. I know how long that wait feels.

ILove you very sensibly took the advice you were given. Please don't feel you did something wrong.

It feels really selfish but I can't feel excited about this pg. We still haven't told any one. Things just seem much more fragile this time.

Ps which is why Im hanging out here rather than on a anti natal thread. I hope no one minds.

course we don't mind ninja - I will be excatly the same when i get my bfp (get me and my positive thinking!)

iit does seem more fragile after a loss doesn't it. You will be able to feel that excitement after the 12 week scan i hope? xx

Ilove - your feelings are yours and only you know! Your not being self obsessed at all!!! I would be just like you or worse if I was in your position if you remember ilove I had to leave a thread because it was so hard to see others getting their BFP!
If I could rewind I would of waited and I know that still wouldn't
Of put my mind at ease and remove my fears!
Tas - I understand the reasons why you felt that the councillor wasn't much help and I would def find a someone who deals with childloss
As its a unique one and not everyone knows how to deal with it!
Ninja- I won't be leaving this thread as it has brought such comfort and we share a bond of knowing how it is to have a ectopic and a tube removal!
Ps - not going anywhere without ilove!!!!!!!!

ninja definitely stay here, it gives me hope that I'll get a BFP! Obviously you too count!!

Yes berries I'll hunt around to find someone who's got more experience in pg loss. I think that I need it just to get me through the next few months, although I am definitely moving forward. I think if I have another EP /MC or am pg or can't have another DC (pretty much all possible scenarios!!) then I'll need some support or my head will explode!

Is there a private therapist that specialises in that kind of thing near you? Some of them do sliding scale fees, it's quite expensive.

berries you are not being selfish, we've all been self-obsessed at some point during our recoveries. I't's normal and is a way of focussing on your own feelings.

tas I'm worried now! My counselling appointment is Wed morning, my counsellor is a bloke so I doubt he'll have much experience in EP or PG loss either!!

If it's any consulation to everyone, it's not been a quick journey for me; my EP was last Dec (would have been due sunday-mixed feelings at the moment), the MC were at the beginning of March then end of April. Hence why I'd more or less given up...

Ninja and count if this all works out, I'll be hanging out here too!

oooo tired! Tentative congratulations! I remember the terror of the first few weeks after my bfp. It does get easier, although i'm now 19 weeks and still over analysing every twinge! Have just started feeling movements, so am now fretting about that!!

berries You took the advice you were given by healthcare professionals and they gave you that advice for a reason. I was told we could start after one cycle, but think that maybe because i had started to miscarry rather than ruptured, iykwim.... And don't apologise for being self-obsessed! That's the whole point of this thread!

Where i live, there is a woman's centre who you can self refer to for counselling. Does anyone else have one of those? The rates were cheap and how much you paid was dependent in how much you earn. I know there was a bit of a waiting list but that might be something worth looking into if anyone feels like they need it?

Anyeay, hope you are all ok. Am popping in and out of here to keep up to date with you all! Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and life is looking up for you all x

hi tired hope you're doing well and that your due date today was ok. I'd just try the counsellor out, you don't have to continue if he doesn't suit you.

joby nice to hear from you, time flies, 19 wks!

Made the most of the sunshine today, feel like I've got lots of vit D. I told a friend about the mmc and the ep today without crying or even much emotion, it's all a step forward.

Tas glad you're chilling out and stepping forward.

Joby 19 weeks? That's gone quick!

berries how are you today? Coping I hope?

I'm going to say, very quietly, "yippee," do a very small smile and a small leap in the air. The scan showed a baby in the right place, with a heartbeat. The pain in my side is due to a corpus luteum and there's a tiny area of haemorrhage, but this shouldn't be a problem, I may just get some spotting.

I'll relax in 33 weeks.

Wonderful news Tired- so how far are you? It's such a nervous time, apart from feeling tired and MS that seems to want to last all day all is well not long now for my scan, and the days are going quick it must be the sunshine expected!!!!!
Joby - yeh your 19 weeks that great news!
Ninja - how you doing?
Ilove - hope your good and enjoying the sun!

Hi, can I join this thread still? I have just had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Can't tell from reading if you have all moved on to new pregnancies - if so, don't want to bring people down!

Puff pants- may I firstly say how very sorry I am that you have had to endure the horrors of ectopic! Hope your getting loads of support in RL and you still have a place here to share your feelings!
I had my 2 nd ectopic/tube removal in April but recently fell pregnant again but feel totally supported here so am staying but not going to rub it in anyone else's face!
This thread has helped and is still helping me through each day!

Hi puffpants and sorry you're here but glad you found us. Some of the ladies here are pregnant again which is fab! Im in month three of TTc post ep and sooo wanting a bfp in the right place that my heart actually aches. Missing the thoughts of my baby who was due in October too :(

But we have to move on and that which doesn't kill us (despite trying) makes us stronger!

Talk to us whenever you need puff pants.... Get it all put here. The amazingly brave women on this thread get it and have been through it too.

Thinking of you-the days and weeks after the surgery were some of the toughest of my life. X x.

Ps. Im doing a little yippee and a beaming smile for you tired. well done baby tired on finding your way to the right place!! X x

hiya puffpants sorry to hear you've been through the hell that is EP as well. I'm not pg either, so please don't think you have to be pg to be here!

We do seem to have a lot of luck with BFPs here lately, so hopefully some of that luck will rub off on me, you and berries

tired brilliant news, well done your little bean for making it to the right place!

Hi, bit shocked tbh. Was 6 wks, tube ruptured, had emergency surgery on Sunday to remove it. It had turned into a blood clot the size of a fist. Terrible abdominal pain Sat night then bleeding plus shoulder tip pain which I knew was a bad sign.

Sinking in a bit more now, the reality that is. In hospital I just felt happy not to be in pain anymore. So unreal there too I guess.

So many questions... One thing nobody warned me about was bleeding. Is this normal? I only had a little in hospital but today it's really kicked in, is it a period? Or lochia, like after childbirth? It's quite heavy, not painful though.

DH is off work to look after me, and our DS who is 2.5. Bit sore but moving much better. Headaches today, might be the weather though - so hot, kind of glad to be forced to stay indoors.

Bit of a head spin isn't it? Had a mc about a year ago which I have to confess didn't really affect me at all. This feels different.

hi puffpants, yes I think it takes a while for it all to sink in and the shock to surface. Taking lots of time to rest up sounds like a good idea.

I didn't bleed much after mine, but it seems like mine was smaller, with less bleeding. I wondered at the time if they had squished some of the blood out while I was under, as I didn't bleed much afterwards. I was 6 wks as well, but it was only just starting to rupture when they operated, so a bit earlier along than you. If you're at all worried go get it checked out, don't leave it til the weekend when everything is closed.

Hope you recover soon, though if it takes a while, that's ok too! It took me a few months to start feeling myself again. I found the physical side healed reasonably quickly, but the emotional/mental side took a lot longer.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend and I were trying without trying for a baby for a few months and eventually I fell pregnant in June this year, I found out when I was 5 weeks pregnant. It came as a bit of a shock to both of us as the pregnancy came slightly earlier than we'd planned. Although we were having unprotected sex, we had planned to wait until we moved in together before we got pregnant. I would be 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant today if everything was going well. This would have been our first (hopefully of many) child. Monday of this week around tea time I started getting severe abdominal cramps followed by bleeding through the night. I phoned the NHS/24 for advice and they made an appointment to get a scan done at the hospital yesterday morning. Both my boyfriend and I were trying to convince ourselves that it was just pain and bleeding due to a possible cervix irritation from sex, however, we were so wrong. I went in for my scan yesterday morning and the ultrasound scanner found no sign of a pregnancy on the external scan so we tried an internal scan. With a bit of poking about inside my uterus I saw my baby for the first time. A little black dot appeared on the screen and my heart skipped a beat looking at my precious growing child. After the scan the ultrasound scanning lady explained that the embryo was growing between my uterus and ovary, meaning I was most likely having an ectopic pregnancy. My heart sank and I burst into tears. I was absolutely heartbroken. I was spoken to by a nurse and a doctor and I wanted to get the injection but my hCG level was 2071 and I was told it was too high and would likely not work in time so I had no choice but to have the operation and had my right Fallopian tube removed along with the ectopic. I was discharged from hospital this afternoon after my op yesterday afternoon. I feel like I have no-one to talk to as I don't know anyone in real life who has had this happen to them. I am only 21 and know there is still plenty of time to conceive again in the future but I am terrified of it happening again. I was told both my ovaries and remaining tube are healthy and normal but I have reduced my fertility by 30% and the chances of me having a second ectopic are 1 in 10. I feel guilty and angry at the same time as my maternal instinct was telling me to protect the embryo but my common sense was telling me that my health and welfare comes first as I can always try again for a baby in future. I am still trying to come to terms with the loss of my unborn child whilst trying to put on a brave face. Part of me still feels pregnant but a bigger part just feels empty. I feel lonely and sad and just wish I had had a miscarriage.

for your best wishes ladies x I wish there was a like button!

Oh Puff and Ivory I'm so sorry for you both. Reading your posts, I know exactly how you feel (as I'm sure all us regulars here do). Ivory you story has bought tears to my eyes.

Physically you'll both feel better in a couple of weeks. You will get the equivilent of a heavy period after, I presume you both had laparotomies? If so the "bloating" pain will go in 3-4 days, quicker if you can try to keep active.

Mentally, it can take a lot longer. Personally, it took me about 6 months.

I had my first counselling session today, and had to explain everything I went through, my feelings etc and I still ended up crying. The counsellor asked me what my support network was, this is what made me cry the most. I explained my DH isn't really the "talking-in-touch-with-his-emotions-type"; his attitude is "well there's nothing you can do about it so get over it." I don't really have any close female friends to talk to; 2 are committed child-free types, another has been TTC for years with no luck so didn't want to keep going on about it and making her feel bad, another has just gone through a divorce so has enough on her plate. Which leaves work friends, but I can't really have a good blub at work. My mum's lovely but lives 200 miles away and I don't want her to worry.

Ivory you've been through the shock of a sudden PG, then the loss of a EP. Remember you have a 90% chance of not having another EP, and a 70% fertility . Make time to grieve, if you have no one to talk to try for some counselling (mine's through work) and talk to your partner; he's probably grieving to (although they do tend to deal with it differently to us ladies!).

Puff hope you're getting lots of TLC from DH?

Hi Tired, thank you for your encouraging words, I actually had laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery and the physical recovery is going ok. I do feel exhausted and weak though - and I look like a ghost.

I had my surgery on Sunday, Ivory, so am just a day ahead of you. I would have been 6+6 today.

I'm glad to hear the bleeding is normal - cant understand why the nurses/gynae didn't tell me this would happen.

DH has been lovely, although in my teary moments he keeps asking me why I'm crying which makes me want to throttle him - men seem to need a logical explanation for everything! I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I feel as though the world has suddenly changed, but nobody on the streets seems to realise it but me.