13wk scan, no heartbeat, MMC, I need help.

[JjandtheBean]

I had my scan today and they've explained its a mmc.

I now have 3 options, wait, take some tablets or surgery.

I can't bear to wait, I have a 4 and 3yo who need me to be in the christmas spirit and I can't deal with uncertainty.

I can't bear the tought of the pills and all the pain.

I'm considering the surgery but extremely scared! Can someone talk to me.

I know I sound awful and horrible and selfish but I've had a really fucking horrendous 2yrs and would just like this over and done with quickly so I can move on, but obviously don't want to take a big risk as I'd like another child someday, and I have dcs to consider.

I'm in agony, mentally and just want to vanish into thin air and stop hurting.

I'm not much of a drinker I have what dp calls a 'sneeze' of alcohol in a pint of juice.

And plus if I drink ill end up an emotional wreck.

Think ill stay with my old friends ben and jerrys for comfort.

Absolutely petrified about tomorrow!

Hi, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I also had a mmc on Nov 22nd, just a few weeks ago. I should have been 11w but the baby only measured 8w. The minute I found out, I wanted it out. I went straight from the doctor's office to the hospital. The ob did a scan to confirm, put some medication on cervix (to help my cervix open) and admitted me. 4 hours later, they started a pitocin drip and 15 min after that took me to OR for the procedure. I had a D&E, which is now more common that D&C. They open your cervix and suction out the material rather than scrape as with the D&C. It takes less than 20 minutes and there is very little pain involved. I did start having contractions after the pitocin but they gave me morphine right away to take the pain away. I spent the night in hospital, only because the procedure wasn't done until 10pm but normally you'd go in the morning and be discharged by the afternoon. You can resume normal activity right away, the doc even told me I could go for a run if I felt up to it. I didn't have any heavy bleeding after, just very light spotting for about 16 days and it was off and on. I am now waiting for either a period or (hopefully) a positive pregnancy test. I also have a dd who is 21 months which is why I wanted it over with asap. I hope the best for you. My ob said that you are more fertile within the first 3 months after a miscarriage so try to stay optimistic ((Hugs))

Hi, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I also had a mmc on Nov 22nd, just a few weeks ago. I should have been 11w but the baby only measured 8w. The minute I found out, I wanted it out. I went straight from the doctor's office to the hospital. The ob did a scan to confirm, put some medication on cervix (to help my cervix open) and admitted me. 4 hours later, they started a pitocin drip and 15 min after that took me to OR for the procedure. I had a D&E, which is now more common that D&C. They open your cervix and suction out the material rather than scrape as with the D&C. It takes less than 20 minutes and there is very little pain involved. I did start having contractions after the pitocin but they gave me morphine right away to take the pain away. I spent the night in hospital, only because the procedure wasn't done until 10pm but normally you'd go in the morning and be discharged by the afternoon. You can resume normal activity right away, the doc even told me I could go for a run if I felt up to it. I didn't have any heavy bleeding after, just very light spotting for about 16 days and it was off and on. I am now waiting for either a period or (hopefully) a positive pregnancy test. I also have a dd who is 21 months which is why I wanted it over with asap. I hope the best for you. My ob said that you are more fertile within the first 3 months after a miscarriage so try to stay optimistic ((Hugs))

Thank you for your message sookie, its very reasuring, so sorry you too have dealt with this :(

Well, d day has arrived, I have an awful sore throat, dp is in the shower, I'm still I bed, where I'd quite like to stay!

You will be feeling much better by Christmas, I promise. After 2 weeks I really started to perk up, and now that 3 weeks have gone by I am almost feeling myself again.

I really wish the best for you. Load up on smut mags for your hospital stay and try to rest while you are there.

The future is bright, and your baby will come when she's ready

I'm in hospital now, feel sick with fear, thank god for mumsnet!

Good luck. You will be fine, I promise. I know it's scary and you want to be just about anywhere else right now. But (in amongst the sadness) you will feel so relieved when it's over.

You've had loads of great support on this thread so keep using it. Keep talking if it helps. xx

Thinking of you today.

I'm out, dp typing for me, just wanted to check in. Low oxygen so sleepy

Dear Jj - have been thinking of you. Hope you're OK x

Hi juggling,

All in all, I'm ok, just so exhausted feel a bit like I've been beaten up and bruised. Had to go to mums this morning as dps got a reveiw of his pain killers for his knees/hips and his more than likely got tonsilitis aswell. He's doing so much for me and I feel so guilty as he's poorly. I keep saying sorry and he tells me not too.

Glad to hear you're at your Mum's Jj

Don't feel guilty about anyone looking after you a bit just now - they want to, and you need some love and care

Maybe you and dp can help each other through ?

Dp has a severe throat infection, he has lots of meds now so hopefully he's on the mend, he said he's ok getting on with stuff he just can't swallow so he's hungry and thirsty. I've been making him coffee as he can manage that, and I can sit at the breakfast bar to do it, standing isn't something I can manage. I'm so exhausted and dizzy its a real shock, I expected to just feel a bit tired, but its like my whole bodys bruised.

Feeling sad today, and a bit on edge.

Finally told my friend, she's had some hard time concieving and recently diagnosed with severe pcos and I was too chicken to say we were expecting but she texted and asked how we were and I told her everything, feel like a shit friend for hiding it from her for 3mnths but she's been lovely as she always is and has said if when she has time off work she'll have the kids for me.

Me and dd are curled up watching disney dvds eating shortbread, one day at a time a slowly I can be me again.Xx

I'm sorry you feel so rough - but glad to hear you're curled up on sofa with dd. - I'm quite into shortbread with a ATM too - seems Christmassy and is on special offer at the Co-op !

Your friend sounds like she's coming through for you just now - you shouldn't feel bad for not telling her about pregnancy - you were only trying to be sensitive of her feelings.

God Jj you can be hard on yourself sometimes !
Take it easy my friend

Damn, we don't have a co-op round here, our tesco express has for 80p a pack atm which is pretty good, usually I make my own but I'm not entirely sure I know where my kitchen is anymore.

Thanks to a lovely MNer the dcs have new dvds and I have some lovely toiletries, I think in the circumstances I can be naughty and have them early huh? Burts bees lipbalm is a miracle worker I tell you :)

I think I could stretch to 80p - though I'd rather have one of your homemade ones Jj

Dd ate my last bit of shortbread, I was kinda impressed with her wicked fast reflexes --but briefly contemplated rehoming her--

I adore my children but I'm counting down to bedtime I just need quiet.

Sounds like you're coping - what a star you are. Dcs off to bed as early as humanly possible and then take it VERY easy.

Forgot to keep on top of pain killers and feel like I've done ten rounds with mike tyson, going to set alarms on my phone from now on.

Ds will be in bed for 6, he is in a foul mood, full time school occasionally has that effect on a 4yo. Dd otoh is a sleep avoider.

It can be hard to remember what a lot of good pain-killers are doing until you stop taking them/ forget one.
Alarm sounds like a good plan.
Sleep well, Jj x

You are doing really well. If you decide to rehome DD, I can offer her a good home but I'll hide the shortbread, you can kept DS until he's a bit more settled in at school - then we can renegotiate!! Big hugs x

Ds, if we ignore the occasional --tasmanian devil routines-- tempers is blooming brilliant, he can read, my wee prem 4yo can read and he's writing to and enjoying it, to say I'm proud is an understatement. Dp is gobsmacked, he's severely dyslexic so seeing ds just do it amazes him.

I've just slept for 3hrs after having some pills, was woken by macdonalds and chocolate, dp can read my mind.

Had a long talk with my mum she's devastated for me and has been lovely and supportive and I just spoke, all the irrational and rational things in my head and it felt good,

I've sold a couple of toys dd has decided she is scared of and won't allow in the house so I'm getting her and ds a little something each extra for christmas but might give it to them early, they're both being so affectionate and gentle with me, and tbh atm I'm just so grateful for them.

Anyway I'll stop waffling on and go curl up with dp.

chipping ill bear that offer in mind, she's bound to do something horrendous tomorrow --like saying she needs a wee then singing whilst doing it on the floor next to the toilet-- lol. 3yr olds are actually a bit insane.

hi Jj, glad to hear the surgery went ok and you have been at your Mum's for a good chat. It's a shame your DP is poorly, you could do with someone looking after you now, but you'll get through it. Hope the painkillers are doing their job.

I'm feeling back to myself now, after nearly a month, hope that gives you some hope. But I'm still having to fix an unnatural smile on my face when someone says their friend/colleague etc is pregnant, even if I don't know them!! Fingers crossed that will be us giving that news one day in the not too distant future!

Glad your feeling a bit more normal tas there's times when I wonder if I ever will!
I've had to remove sil from facebook, shed have been due just after me and I'm sick of her 'oh my lifes sooo PERFECT" status' with no regard to her brothers or my pain. I think ill be doing the fake smile until I'm pregnant again.

A big fingers crossed that is us soon.

I'm feeling particulaly low today, struggling to pick myself up.