How are you feeling after MC?

[freelancegirl]

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

Hello everyone

Sorry for the absence, I got caught up in all this sunshine nonsense (and DH worked from home, therefore depriving me of the mac) and have finally dragged myself into the shade. I missed you all and have enjoyed catching up.

Freelance I hope you are having a lovely and deserved break in Oxford, your Friday night sounds great. Glad we are doing the typical Brit thing of running to the beer garden at the first opportunity and getting squiffy and sunburnt. So sorry that you had a miserable day yesterday, you poor thing. I send big hugs and hope the miserable days get fewer and fewer. Thank you again for setting up this thread. You are to me what Baden Powell was to the scouts! . We're back in nun fiddling territory now, I think .

Mopey I am so excited about the prospect of getting my AF too. I like to think that since we're all in a similar place right now with our timings that it will be good when we all get them and can start trying again and can support each other through that. This wait is tiresome! Maybe we should do AF arrival sweepstakes!

Miss Welcome! We were actually on the same pregnancy thread and both going through our m/c worries at the same time. To update, I didn't have a PUL/ectopic afterall - they did a laparoscopy but couldn't locate it and then found it in the uterus but if wasn't growing properly. Am sorry that you are in the same boat but nice to see you again . Anyway, FX that we will be on another pregnancy thread soon and will get to stay for 40 weeks this time!

Ladies, am going to make a concerted effort to be more healthy next week. Am going to try to go back on a healthy diet, get back to the gym, cut back on wine . Any tips? Erm, how about 'put down your cake, you drunken lazy arse' .

Afternoon all - it seems like we all have our projects to sideline us in RL while we are in limbo - for some it is healthy eating, for some the gym, for me trying to get through my never ending list of 'to do' jobs - I found myself so preoccupied by ttc and then being pg and then the mc - my life has dissolved into chaos!! so you might ask why am I wasting time now on mn and not tackling some of them.......well just a short diversion before I go and tackle my dd's bedroom........chat later x

Mopey I have fallen so far behind with housework that our house looks like a squat. I cheerfully observe whilst also tapping away online xxx

So that room done - feeling rather smug about that and keeping my mind off other things - tackle the rest tomorrow - enjoy your saturday night x
PS - wondering if I am ov'ing at moment - could that be possible 2 weeks after mc......better be careful not sure I'm quite ready yet!

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet
Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF
harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycl
mopey Age 38, MC 24/3/11. TTC #4 WTTC after AF

Hi all and welcome MissI and I hope that is helping xx.

This thread is starting to move quickly, phew! Caught some time on the computer with DP at work late and DD is bed.

Agree with the sentiment that I've found out more about miscarriage; what to expect and the right questions to ask, on here, rather than any information the medics have imparted. My MW dismissed me the same strange way saying she hoped to see me again under happier circumstances, thing is, I dont know what else she could have said though[shrugs].

Immaculada the words of your Ob friend I found really encouraging- thanks for that. I even read them to DP who suspended his habitual cynicism about Mumsnet for once .

Babylanguage I also find myself having the odd thought that I might still be preg despite everything that has happened!! Ridiculous isnt it? Feels like a small part of my brain hasnt got the message yet and thinks its all a big hoax!

Enjoy your weekend everyone! You sound like you're having a lovely time freelance and the life I used to enjoy once, before DD came along and I became a lightweight! Make the most of it while you can 'cos I'm convinced you'll have your own little party-pooper soon enough!!

Welcome to all you new folks and Hi to the every one else. I too have had a busy few days. I face paint and what not at childrens parties, and it's been a busy few days. Can i just say Immaculada that I've found the words of your friend very comforting and inspirational, I'm still prepared to accept that my three miscarriages have been down to bad luck and my advancing years. My only teeny niggle is that I did have yet another blood transfusion after my youngest daughter, and I now have a worry that I've collected another antibody...is this possible? I already have anti c after an earlier transfusion? Other than that, onwards and upwards, and hope you're all enjoying this lovely weather as much as I am.

I'm really glad my friend's thoughts were helpful to you, bff and
magic and others. I found them really helpful too, which is why I thought I'd share them with you.
I'm even more pleased they helped suspend your DP's MN cynicism, magic

Welcome MissI - sorry to hear you've been through it twice recently. But good to have you in the gang.

I hope you've all been having a good weekend. It's fairly hot and very sunny here and I understand it's been good weather in the UK too. Good weather is always helpful to one's mood, no?!

We've just come back from a first birthday party with assorted babies and the birthday boy's mum is expecting DC2. I got pg two months after her and seeing as we overlapped pregnancies last time, it was lovely to have her as a bump companion second time round too. Ah well.
I'm chuffed to bits for her, though.

Greetings all. Hope you have had an ok weekend and got some sunshine (all that vit d!)

I feel like I do actually have a season ticket at the EPU MissI :) Am back there on Tues! Hopefully that will be my last visit for such reasons. It's not much fun hanging out there admittedly.

Really and Mopey, glad someone else is living in a squat. In true squat style I got totally pissed again on Friday and Saturday (but with lovely wine and food instead of White Lightening and chips) but feel that I definitely need a few days on the wagon now to make up for it. It was a lovely weekend and I think I deserved it. Good job I don't have any DCs though as I am sure social services would be round, if they could find them in the piles of unwashed clothes, empty wine bottles, discarded nun habits and ripped up copies of Mein Kampf (newbies -it's a two page ago thread joke...).

Mopey I think I might have ov'd last week. And I really have no experience of watching my ov symptoms. The cm seemed different though, white and more of it. But then I think I have also had a bit of pink stuff so really I have no idea.

Magic and Baby that thought that I really am still pg goes through my head too! Stupid I know.

I too (IC) have spent the weekend around pg bumps. My friend who I stayed with last night is 30 weeks and did not know I had been pg. I wondered how I would get on but apart from a couple of hormonal gut wrenches when I saw some of her baby clothes stash, once I had made the decision to tell her it was actually really nice to be able to chat to someone about having been pg. Although this might be a bit odd it was good to talk about symptoms, feelings etc. Having not told many people when I was pg and not wanting to think too much about it until that 12 week scan I hadn't had that experience. And she was really good about not being freaked out by me. So overall it was a really good experience.

Hello again Bigflip. How cool that you do face painting!

My two obsessive worries of the day are:

1. Maybe using a laptop on your lap causes gynae problems?! I haven't yet googled this yet and that's probably not a bad thing

and 2) although this is more specific to me, I wondering whether I should ttc as soon as I get my af as planned OR I should wait until specialist referrals come through as if I do get pg without the antibodies being addressed apparently I have 50% more chance of everyone else of having a mc.

Anyone else got any weird obsessive worries? Bigflip I guess your blood transfusion one fits in there too.

It certainly does freelance I must admit it's becoming a bit of a worry, and feel I need ot address it before trying again, however my appointment with the Consultant isn't until 14th July which seems a hell of a long way off, so not sure what to do to be honest....tricksy one isn't it. Glad to hear you've had a good weekend though, we've spent loads of time out there in the big wide world soaking up some desperately craved for rays. The one and only friend of mine who knows what's been going on, basically because she's my big drinking buddy, so it's hard to keep it from her when i suddenly go on the wagon...and I (long sentance) have been looking into little breaks away. Did you know you could get three nights in Lanzarote flights included for £75.......bloody marvelous!!!!!

Hi all!

I'm really trying to keep up with all the posts but the weekend of sunshine has kept me glued to my garden.

freelance I googled using a laptop when I was pg & I couldn't find anything of concern either before or during, the only thing I found was related to a man's fertility because of the heat the generate.

In response to the worries question - I do now worry in case I'm pg again! Sure I'm not (although that's what I said last) and although I've not consciously been trying I have taken a few risks thinking what will be will be. However after I dreamt I was pg again last night I woke realising I'm not quite ready. I've also let my hair down a bit the last few weeks so that also wouldn't be a good start. I have felt a little like my period is on its way today though so here's hoping. I know it sounds like a silly worry & I do know the consequence of my actions, but I've only now realised I need a little more time!

Is there ever a right time to ttc I ask myself!

Anyway I hope everyone is doing ok & we all got to see a little sunshine from our own parts of the world x

Hello all - feeling a bit bleary eyed since I am only just onto my first cuppa for the morning.

Am glad I am not the only one having occasional but wishful thinking thoughts of "what if it was not really a MC" ... for instance, since the MC I have been completely hopeless at taking my multi-vitamins and extra-high dose folic acid tablets (which i take because DH's first cousin has spina bifida) And so now I am feeling guilty for stopping taking them, in a terrible case of the "what if"'s.

Freelance noticed your earlier post when you said something along the lines of I am sure you can all tell me that having your own children must be wonderful. Of course it is and you needn't think that you won't still love your life, even if you have never much fancied the idea of kids before. As you say, you can't deny that urge. Anyway, am desperately trying to avoid coming across as "oh yes it is truly wonderful and magical" but likewise didn't want you to think those of us with DC's are avoiding your comment in case you were actually looking for some reassurance!!

Really I too am trying to get myself on a health kick - I was doing fabulously for the 2 weeks when I knew I was pregnant but have had a shocker since then (eg avoiding my vitamins and drinking too much) so the strategy DH and I employed last week rather than going cold turkey on the wine was to limit myself to 1 glass of red. Never seem to be able to stop at one glass of white, so we'll see how this plan goes. So far so good (the weekend doesn't count, this is strictly a policy for weekdays). I was also getting up and going for jog/walk in the mornings last week but now my knee is sore so I'll have to stick to walking I think. This morning's effort to start my healthier week was to have peppermint tea instead of normal tea. Does this count??

Sounds like you are enjoying some glorious weather at the moment over there, so I won't feel bad to tell you that we had a gorgeous sunny weekend too. We got out and did some gardening jobs too, including planting a new tree in our garden - just a little momento for the pregnancy that was all too brief.

Went to an engagement party on Sat night for DH's work colleague. It was nice - spent the evening chatting to some people a few years younger who are all in the "just got engaged" phase, and so given they are talking of honeymoons and the like, I only had to field one question of "so would you like to have any more children?". I managed my brave face and said "oh yes we'd definitely like to so we'll just see what happens I guess" and then wondered if my poker face was completely failing me as I floundered to change the topic. I probably should have just done my favourite scene from "Four Weddings and a Funeral" by downing my drink in one go, and saying "oooh, do excuse me I seem to need another drink!"

And on that note I have to drink up my cuppa and get organised to get out of the house for our swimming lessons. Will try to catch up more later, big wave to everyone and welcome to MissI - sorry for your losses and hope that this next cycle is the one for you.

Morning!

Peppermint tea, most impressive bll! I used to drink a bucket of ordinary tea in the mornings until my gut protested so now I stick to various shades of camomile (usually with anise or mint).

cc I guess the right time to ttc is when you feel up to it again...! But sometimes I guess you just have to make the leap even if you don't feel quite ready (if time is against you).
I know my "travel hopefully" friend had a lot of second thoughts about ttc after her awful pregnancy loss and in the end she had to be brave and travel hopefully (hence her advice). And luckily, it worked out fine.

bff The Spanish love flying out to the Canary Islands for a bit of winter sun. They've got their own, now so I guess there won't be as many of them out there. Lanzarote has a fun volcano tour, if you like that sort of thing! Or you could just hang out on the beach...

It sounds like you had a fun weekend, freelance!
On the subject of the "magic" etc. of having children... Like everything, there are pros and cons, of course. And some people take to parenthood much more easily than others. One thing I would say is it's an emotional roller coaster. The downs can be very down sometimes but the ups are very up.
The danger with having a DC after numerous failed attempts is the guilt of feeling bad about having a baby to look after (and most people get a bit down about it at some point in those first months) when you tried so hard to have one. Accepting the difficult times as well as the good is essential for your sanity, IMO.
But it's an extraordinary experience, for sure and one you can definitely enjoy, especially if you've got good RL support (particularly from your DP/DH etc.)

Hello everyone

Is it okay for me to pop in to chat from time to time - you seem like a very supportive bunch.

I am 33, have two boys aged 4 and 6 - I had normal, healthy pregnancies with them.
I became pregnant in July last year, only to lose out little boy at 20 weeks gestation (although he had passed away at about 17 weeks). No known cause - he was perfect and all my tests came back clear.

I then went on to have a miscarriage at 7/8 weeks in Febuary.

My GP and consultant agree that the losses are not linked - although there are disorders that could cause a late and an early miscarriage.

After a lot of discussion we are TTC again - I've had one AF since my last miscarriage and think I have just ovulated.
We are not temping/doing OPK's - I never have and have always managed to fall pregnant within two cycles, so just letting nature take its course really.

I know I am very lucky to have my beautiful boys, but have always felt like there is someone missing in our family (especially now, knowing I would have had three boys by now if things had beem different).

I have found things especially hard since my second loss - have been quite low and rundown, went back to GP, who did more blood tests (including thyroid) and all came back normal.

I am very scared of losing another baby - but at least I know we will get some testing for recurrent miscarriage if we do, and my theory is : you have to be in it, to win it.

So thats my history in brief - hope everyone has had a lovely sunny weekend.

Hello iloveblue - so sorry to hear about your losses. Ah, finding out about a mmc at 20 weeks sounds especially heart-wrenching.

Of course you can drop in for a chat any time you like, and welcome. Good luck ttc

Good morning everyone!

Freelance I am so glad you had a lovely weekend in Oxford and are now ready to start a few days on the wagon. I am joining you and had my first wine free night since the m/c. I am actually relieved as I was starting to worry I was a bit too dependent on the wine support. Am going to be as good as gold this week and have started the day by having a cup of Mu tea, which tastes of mulled wine without the wine (hmm, can see I will be harking back to the good old wine days alot today )

To add what BLL and Immaculada said on the subject of pregnancy and children. It is awful when your first pregnancy ends so abruptly and so sadly and when your life sounds pretty great already you must of course feel hesitant about going down that path again. Deciding to embark on parenthood is tricky enough without the added strain of worry about a successful pregnancy.

As Immaculada said, travel hopefully. This is going to be my mantra for evermore, thank for so much for that.

Have to go, will finish later, there is a mutiny going on in my house!

Hello to everyone else!

Iloveblue I am sorry for xposts. Am sorry to hear for your losses and welcome to the thread. I admire your brave approach and wish you lots of luck - please drop by whenever you can!

Thanks for the lovely welcome IC and Reallyuseful

I've just read the thread back a bit - your friends advice made me cry IC

I am indeed travelling hopefully - thats going to be my mantra from now on.

Morning all and welcome to iloveblue very sad to hear you've had such a rotten bloody time of it, however very glad to hear that you seem to be turning a corner
Funnily enough Immaculada I used to live in Lanzarote, which I must admit was part of the appeal as I haven't been back for about 13 years!!!!! I'm curious to see how much it's changed, there are some fascinating sights I agree, however I'm guessing knowing the person I'm travelling with, we won't stray further than arms length of the bar .

Hey Immac you aught to change your name on here to travelling hopefully

although that deviates somewhat from our Nazi Nun them

theme.....i meant theme

Just adding myself to the stats

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet
Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF
harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycl
mopey Age 38, MC 24/3/11. TTC #4 WTTC after AF
iloveblue Age 33 most rect mc 19/02/11 TTC#3 cycle 1

Yay! I love it when we have a new lister! Well, I don't love the reasons you are here of course but as you have the reason to be here already it's great that you can be here and join in. The more the merrier, if merrier is not quite the right word right now I mean the more people we have to go over things with and support each other when times are hard the better. Ah, am rambling already.

Blue Am so sorry about your awful losses. I imagine both are so hard but it must be particularly shocking to have lost at 20 weeks pg. Never again will I take pregnancy for granted in other people or myself. I understand you are terrified of trying again but you are right 'we have to be in it to win it'! Scary as it is. I too am terrified. I think you are right too in thinking as there was no confirmed reason and you already have 2 dcs that hopefully it was just terrible, terrible luck and you will be fine next time.

So here we go Really for a few days on the wagon, supposedly anyway. I am pleased that I feel I have dropped a bit of the 8lbs I had put on but I tried on my very small jeans today (they were a bit loose on my when I got married last year) and I can't imagine ever being able to get them on again! I worry that my hips have widened!! Don't get me wrong, I am now happy with my figure again and I know a lot of people think I look better this way - am a nice size 10 rather than an 8-10 at 5ft 5) but I want to get into those jeans as they have become a bench mark. That said, my previous smallest jeans, before I got heavily into the gym, are nice and roomy still so I guess it is all a case of perspective.

But yes, a few days of eating well and not drinking is in order me thinks. I reckon by Thurs I will crack in terms of the wine part :) Too much to do for the gym today and tomorrow so will try Weds and Thurs.

I am indeed having a lovely life Magic. I have a lot of freedom and do a lot of nice things. And that was one of the reasons baby and IC that I was questioning my quest for a child at all. But thank you both for your words on it. I think I was going through a dark moment. I feel silly now, in the light of what happened, how my first posts on MN when pregnant were all worried about those things that would happen after having a baby - worried about my figure, worried about lifestyle changes etc and now I realise that they are not the main worries. Of course I knew it was possible to have an mc and that's why I hadn't mentioned the pg to many people but I guess I was then travelling hopefully. Need to travel hopefully again.

I understand baby what you mean about being around people who are asking you about next baby etc. When people asked me if I wanted children I would often say something blase (sp? needs an accent me thinks) about not being sure or sometimes not being sure I could, just to shut them up. But then I have found myself asking people the same questions at such gatherings just to make conversation.

Talking about dreams, Cream, is anyone else still having really vivid ones like they did when pg? Mine are always vivid and always easy to remember. There are definitely a few other still-feeling-pg issues in my body too.

Ah well, scan tomorrow. Hope all 'products' have left the building.

You know, I just wish there was someone to ask questions of. I have some reasonably technical questions about thyroid antibodies that I just know my GP would blank over at. Thankfully we have MN/ the internet for arming ourselves with info. I know at times this can be misleading but at least you feel like you are learning something rather than being fobbed off. Hmmm. Mood today: pensive.

Oh and BigFlip yay to Lanzarote! I think we all could really do with a holiday too. I have to wait until early June but will get a week in the sun.

iloveblue I was sad to read your post. I also have 2 healthy children (DS 3 and DD 20 months) and had 2 normal healthy pregnancies, quick conceptions both time. The MC I have just had, at 5 weeks, was my first. It always kind of occurred to me that just because I had 2 healthy pregnancies the first time around does not make me immune to having to possibly go through some difficulty or heartache to conceive the third child that I just know is meant to be coming along some time. And that has helped me be quite accepting of the fact I have had an early MC this time. I do feel scared of the possibility of it happening again - your experience is truly heart-wrenching, as IC said, and I just wanted to say hi and welcome and I'm sorry for what you are going through. I hope we can be of some support.

IC - well said about the ups and downs of parenthood. I agree entirely with what you have said, 100%. On your comment about accepting the difficult times as well as the good, I choose to look at being a mum as like any other job I use to have (am a SAHM now) - there are times in any job when it is a difficult or just plain boring day. Which is what is behind my comment alluding to the fact that it is not ALL magical and wonderful (though there are those parts too).

I have a sister who had many fertility problems (ultimately unexplained) and she endured years and years of IVF to finally get the three boys she now has. She has also expressed a similar sentiment as you IC that people just expect her to be so damned happy and grateful all the time about being a mum because she went through so much to get there. But whatever it took for people to actually become a mum, the act of being a mum still very much has its ups and downs and is entirely separate from the process of TTC and pregnancy.

creamcracker are you any more enlightened on whether it is PG or AF for you? Hope your mixed emotions are not getting the better of you.

x-posted with you freelance