How are you feeling after MC?

[freelancegirl]

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

ah ha - was thinking this was some strange cycle lingo I was not aware of!!

Hello all

Freelance I was lurking to see when you would show up . Welcome home!

Am so pleased I have got past my birthday. I ignored FB (apart to pop on, see someone's scan pics and pop off), turned off my phone and started on the wine early. Had a massive cry and watched True Blood on DVD (was quite drunk so can't quite remember what happened). Anyway, today I just felt better and that felt lovely. Am so glad I have you ladies, you are helping so much.

TMI to follow.

Girls, am having a slight freak out. Actually read some of your old posts on a different thread whilst doing a search on this. Keep thinking morbidly about the pregnancy sac I passed and it has taken on mammoth proportions in my head but it is also upsetting me that I can't truly remember what size it was. Erm, had to fish it out of the toilet to check and immediately threw it back in because my DS came in. I truly feel a bit traumatised. Maybe I just needed to write it down and I'll feel better. Nobody in RL who hasn't had a miscarriage knows this happens. The one friend who has had a miscarriage said 'yeah, I thought that would happen but didn't want to scare you'. . I think I was more scared, alone in the toilet. I hate this shit about a 'heavy period'. If I had that every month I wouldn't be a happy girl.

I feel awful for my post to MsJL. I think I could have at least written an explanation, or NOT WRITTEN THAT AT ALL. I have a horrible feeling that this experience and hiding from the world (and clearly turning feral) has made me bizzarely tactless. I hope I didn't scare her away

Sorry for the me me me

Hugs to everyone, I trust the UK contingency have the expected level of sunburn/sunstroke ;)

Hi Really, What were you worried about, suggesting counselling? I have had counselling before and it's a perfectly valid thing. Everyone here knows we are all going through crap so don't worry at all. Everyone here is good with each other xx

I got a bit sad about my sac (!) the other night too. Here's WAY TMI as it is not the 'women's' variety but mine got flushed down the loo in a much more messy fashion being that I had been there for a while with constipation! There is no way I could have managed to fish it out without vomiting - see I said way TMI.... BUT the baby was gone. Upsetting as it is, at that stage the baby never really 'was'. And I too think about nice things I could have done with the remains but it's pointless worrying about things we cannot control as they are in the past.

In terms of being pre-warned, yes the pain and blood loss was a huge shock to some of us. Some people seem to have less pain than others but the info given to us is definitely misleading. I think I essentially went through two days of labour pains. That ain't a strong period....But like a lot of things with the medical profession we seem to find out about these things on our own on the net. Thank goodness the info is out there though, from sites such as these. I found that some of the docs/nurses I saw in my various trips to a&E and scanning appts did not really give a damn or impart much info. But there were the occasional ones who were memorably lovely.

I think we all have our own ways of coping and like with most grieving processes these change on a day to day basis. You seem to be beating yourself up at the moment and really, there is nothing that is your fault so please try not to. Be kind to yourself honey xx

PS My way of 'coping' seems to be veering between over optimistic and terribly miserable with a constant undercurrent of obsessive attempts to control the situation with obsessive research. But I am also obsessively worrying about whether this will happen again. Sigh.

Morning all! Nice to hear you are enjoying sunny days. I have woken to a very grey rainy day here but perversely I actually love this weather since it is not the norm here.

Really, FWIW I had to go back and re-read your previous posts a few times to try to work out what it was that you think you may have said to MsJL that might have been upsetting. If it was the suggestion of counselling, I did not see anything insensitive about this.

Freelance I just noticed some of the egg-white mucus (there is a probably an acronym for that) so it made me think perhaps I was ovulating. Who knows if I really was or not. I completely relate to your post about mentally working out when a baby might be born. On the one hand I guess it is good that I feel positive enough about future chances to be in planning mode, on the other hand I do feel like I might end up regretting not just getting straight on with it. At the end of the day though, in that moment when I had to think ?we could just go for it?, something in my ?I?m moving on quite well? head just wasn?t ready to go there yet. Although I am feeling OK about things, I do worry that my MC experience will be back to hit me in the form of a lot of stress and worry if I do get pregnant again, so I guess part of me wants to defer enduring that stress. Like you, my coping mechanism is definitely all about focussing on the positives in my life. But I do feel that it must be somehow ?easier? for me to do that since I already have 2 DCs ? plenty to feel grateful for but also plenty to be distracted by! My sister with no DCs but older than me is TTC at the moment, she has had a lot of difficulty learning to accept that she is not in control of the situation, being quite the planner that she is.

Could I ask something? I have not actually been to see a doctor about my MC ? I was only 5 weeks and from Dr Google / Dr MN I gathered that a MC that early does not usually require any medical intervention. I did speak on the telephone to a doctor at the EPU and he basically just said since my bleeding was tapering off, it sounded from what I?d described to him like I?d had a complete MC (lovely term that) and said to do a pregnancy test in a few weeks, and just see the GP then if the test was still positive at that stage. Is this pretty consistent with the approach to MC where you ladies are?

Isn?t it strange ? when I read of someone saying ?MC two weeks ago at 5 weeks? I am mentally calculating ?oh she was going through that at the same stage as me but just 2 days earlier? ... Somehow it is helpful to be in touch with others who have been there. I guess that is why we are here.

Making myself a second cup of tea ? go on, admit it, who is onto their second glass of wine?

Hi mopey, not sure what #8232 means but I think freelance may have added a smiley face or something similar as this has happened before. Maybe freelance can shed some light?

Also has anyone noticed that our ages start from 33 through to 40 - the only age missing is 37 - anyone here to fill it?

I fell off the wagon again tonight, went to a new bar opening in town with free booze - bad girl! Oh well one more day to the weekend.

Hope everyone's doing ok - or as ok as we can be Xx

Whoops ignore my first paragraph I was reading page 7 which had mopey's question on - I didn't see page 8! Using my phone with too much vino doesn't make for a clever creamcracker!

Morning BabyLL! It took me a sec to work out why you were saying morning then. Got it now. I know I keep going on about it but my brain is terrible at the moment. Today it took me a good 5 seconds to remember how I had got to a job this morning. 5 seconds of really thinking hard about how I had got somewhere felt a long time! OK I had got a cab there at 5am so it was early and I was tired, but still...

So good morning australia! Thought I would write this as you might be bored whilst we are all asleep/all lying awake and feeling sorry for ourselves at 5am.

Oh yes cream, the weird numbers thing is when I write a smiley on my Mac in Word and then copy and paste to MN. Hopefully I am eliminating it. Well done on having a nice night out with free drinks :) I will be 37 at the end of July if that helps.

Funny though, I was noticing all our ages. Is the age group on MN around 30s anyway as we are all witty, intelligent, well educated and well informed young (ahem) ladies (another ahem) who want to write eloquently about our experiences and bond with likeminded people...? Or is there really some connection with this problem becoming more prevalent towards 35 and over?

BabyLL, I think the egg white mucus is known as cm, cervical mucus. But not sure whether that applies to all 'discharge' or just the ovulating eggy type.

I can relate to your sister being a planner and finding it hard to not be as in control as she would like when ttc. I feel that was one of the reasons I have put off being interested (not in a weird way!) in children until now as I was worried about doing things I wouldn't be good at - I think I have said this before. Worried about not being able to have them etc etc. Worried about exactly what has actually happened!

Re not seeing a doctor. From my vast experience of mc research (done over at least, oooh, 18 days since I started mine) I think it sounds like it is complete. But for peace of mind myself i might want to go along and have a scan to check it has all gone. I think that is pretty consistent with some approaches here as I have heard of people not going for a scan or check up.

And yes it is so compelling to see other people's mc dates and realise you were going through the same thing at the same time. I was going through a mc about 5 days ahead of Diamonds and magic and maybe one or two others on other threads and I felt like a grand old dame of miscarriage being 5 days ahead as I could advise what I went through (Gosh has it only been 18 days??? Feels like a lifetime in a way - doesn't it to you Diamonds - when we were responding to your thread and I had literally been through the same thing the weekend before?). And, vice versa, it has been wonderful having people be able to do the same for me.

On that subject I had an awful physically reaction to my friends 'live' scan photos on facebook when she revealed she was pg with her fourth, due the same week mine would have done. I only got to see a limp little thing on camera after 2 days of contractions. That really freaked me out last night as I thought I was coping better than I was.

Ahhh, another long post but I thought I would get this off before I go to bed so you have something to read throughout your daytime. Night! Have a good day Down Under xx

thanks for your lovely message freelance. Truth is I have been a long-time lurker but very infrequent poster on MN - partly because my time zone means I find it hard to keep up with the conversations in real time. How nice of you to send me a nice long message to read during my day! It seems a bit pathetic to join a thread when anything I might say has already been said by someone else several pages earlier but that doesn't really apply for this kind of thread.

Sorry to hear of your reaction to your friend's facebook post. I am sure we will all have moments like that in the weeks / months ahead. Did your friend know about your MC? If not, a bit awkward I suppose to say "Oh congrats, actually I hadn't told you this but I was supposed to be having one too."

Don't have too much to report. I remembered that I had to call my ob-gyn to cancel my appointment for the first appointment and ultra-sound . His receptionist said "OK no worries, see you soon." I mean, I wasn't expecting a big heart to heart with the woman, but it was just a bit of a stark reminder that something so intensely personal to us going through it is, to the medical profession, just part and parcel of the whole fertility / conception caper and not something particularly worth saying "oh sorry to hear that, thanks for letting us know. Did you want the doctor to call you back so you can ask any questions" etc. I'm not being precious though, and it didn't upset me. The receptionist in question is actually a really nice person, she is probably just being professional because that is the safest way to approach things in her job - she would come across all sorts of people and their emotions every day. Would be a mine-field trying to be an agony aunt for everyone!

Yes, bll, our sonographer completed our sad visit with "I hope I will see you back here again soon...."
They see it so often, I guess..!

Yes, freelancegirl (what a lovely thread mum - if that's not a tactless way of putting it - you are!!), I believe you will have to ovulate in order to get your first AF as periods are for clearing out your womb after preparing it for a pg that didn't happen because the egg wasn't fertilized.

I thought some of you might be interested in what my (very matter of fact) obstetrician friend had to say to me in FB messages about her own mmc experience and subsequent pg:
It was a relief to know my body picked up on the fact something wasn't right and stopped it early. It means I am more relaxed now, as all is likely to be fine, or else my body would have hopefully stopped it again. I'd rather have several miscarriages than a disabled child. My brother was severely disabled before he died and though we loved him, I would rather have no children than a child that will remain a vegetable all its life.
I didn't shed a single tear after my miscarriage, though I was very upset when I bled again earlier in this pregnancy. I wonder whether that was because this time my pregnancy hormones were soaring, making me more emotional.

...and on the subject of waiting before ttc:

Don't wait!! There is no point. I didn't wait either! You will either fall pregnant straight away again or get a period, either will show you it's all working. I conceived more than 2 months after my ERPC. Still hadn't had a period by then - in fact my last period is still in summer 2010.
Just refrain from I/C until the bleeding has completely stopped, then do what ever you feel happy about doing.

At your age waiting actually reduces your chance of having another child. At a younger age it makes no difference. Waiting has no benefit for anyone.

I thought some of you might find that interesting or even helpful in some respects...

The best advice in terms of emotionally approaching a pregnancy was from one of my best friends who lost a baby under terribly traumatic circumstances (I won't go into details, don't want to add more upset to what people here are already feeling...)
She got pg again a year or so later and the result was her lovely, healthy DD (she already had a DS).
When I chatted to her about how she felt during her third pg, given the harrowing way the 2nd one had ended, she said to me:
"We all travel hopefully, don't we? That's the only thing we can do, really. Travel hopefully."

It's a mantra I kept close during my last pg and one I will continue to try and live by. I find it very comforting.

Welcome mopey!

Well, DH and I have unleashed the beast, so time will tell.
I must admit, after feeling generally okay the last couple of weeks, I had a weepy moment last night after - ahem - relations with DH. Funny how it ambushes you at unexpected moments.
I seem to be surrounded by pg friends and I'm fine about that. But feeling relaxed and satisfied post I/C.... I guess it's an emotional moment....

Morning all - InmaculadaConcepcion I think that is a great mantra 'travel' very reassuring to hear your friend saying about trying again straight away.
I was lucky enough that it happened first month last time so a part of me does work out the timings and think IF it did happen so easily again it might be a Christmas baby which would not be ideal so I think I will hold off until AF.
BLL that is great news you think you might have ewm - are you going to try this month?
Onwards and upwards and another beautiful sunny day!!

nah we're going to wait until after AF. Meantime I have been drinking wine, eating blue cheese, fresh seafood and runny poached eggs. And then my silly mind plays games of "geez, what if it was just a lot of bleeding but not an actual MC".

Don't worry, I'm not kidding myself. Just letting my mind wander at times.

I hope I am not coming across as too flippant. In all seriousness, how is everyone doing today? I hope the day has some positive moments for you all.

oh, and immaculada thank you for sharing your friend's comments. They don't negate the sad feelings of what might have been, but they certainly are the reality and a helpful way (for me, at least) to look at it.

That's what I figured, bll

And those who want to wait should certainly do so - it's only if you feel emotionally ready to get back on the horse that threw you etc...!

Plus, you've still got relatively more childbearing years in you, bll than some of us, so waiting a wee bit is fair enough. The clock's ticking rather loudly in my ears, though

Morning all (in northern hemisphere anyway!). I am indeed a great Thread Mum, thanks Inma (shortened form in Spain!) :)

BLL, hope you had a good day. Not sure if my friend knew of my mc, there's a possibility that another friend told her. She is a very mumsy person since popping out three in three years (was a total city girl before!) and actually makes jewellery for kids and people who want to remember deaths and mcs so I imagine she would have been quite sensitive to it. I do feel like emailing and saying what happened, but just to catch up and tell her where I am at. Now she's pg I don't want to freak her out though.

Inma I think that is very sound advice from you obs friend, particularly in her situation. For myself I am a bit worried that it wasn't something wrong with the baby but that I actually attacked it myself due to the antibodies. So that's my fear but I hope to address it with treatment. If there is no other reason for the mc detected though, I think that is a good positive way of thinking about it. Travelling hopefully indeed.

Interesting what the obs friend says about trying again. Ok, maybe I won't wait until first AF as it might be a long wait, maybe I will just go ahead like you and others. I might wait until the scan on Tues to see if there is anything left. A couple of days this week have felt a (TMI? Ah, there's no TMI with you girls now :) ) blog of discharge and think it has been slightly browny. Might be remains of mc. I should wear lighter knickers!

I have actually calculated that in RL my period (without pg) would have been due this week based on my average of 33 days. Last af was 26th Dec and mc started bleeding 19th March, might be irrelevant. But ignoring mc my af would have been due any day now. My tummy is swollen and I do feel a bit pre-menstrual but who can tell?! It's just a waiting game.

Mopey and BLL I keep having those feelings too - what if I try again and do get successfully pg and it's a christmas baby or a January one and a crap time to have a birthday? But then I remind myself I am really jumping the gun and whatever birthday a baby had would be perfect if it was a live and kicking baby.

Gosh, I don't really even know if I like the idea of being a parent! I have never really envied it from the outside, I like my own life too much. But the urge is there and having your own children (am sure some of you can tell me) must be wonderful.

In the meantime I best enjoy myself in terms of wine, cheeses etc etc before my scan on tues as it might reveal that I am ok to go ahead again and we can stop using the old fashioned withdrawal method and see how it goes :)

Hey, do you think IF I did get pg they might rush through my appts with specialists that are hopefully going through as we speak...? I say hopefully as the doc said last time the system wasn't working and the referral didn't get sent off until I mentioned it to her a week or so later at another appt. Annoying, considering the waiting lists are very long.

I am feeling good today - don't worry will shut up in a minute. Hope the ones feeling a bit low Diamonds, MsJL, Really* and the rest are feeling better.

Hope Harassed's docs appt went well? xx

just an attention to detail point about your nickname Inmaculada - sorry about that
Certainly the advice I've seen is that there is no reason to wait. And those tears after the - ahem - beast unleashing sound exactly like how I was when we didn't actually unleash it but ... erm ... just took it for a test run.

am terrible at innuendo.

Don't worry, bll, the nn gets misspelled a lot on here, but I don't mind! My PN thread and the feminist gang just call me IC. My DH posts sometimes -
his nn is MrIC (kind of amuses us as I never took his surname...)

Yes, freelance, my obs friend's advice was based on the assumption that most T1 mcs are because of chromosomal abnormalities. Of course, this isn't the only reason and if you are worried that the thyroid situation or anything else (eg hormone levels) is rendering you unable to carry a pregnancy successfully, then yes, it should definitely be checked out. There are loads of fixes for the various problems, too - once they have been identified.
Sometimes, I guess, (like for MsJL by the sounds of it...) it's just a run of really bad luck.

But you should do what you feel comfortable with. I'm ready to have another go (and time isn't on my side), but I don't think anyone should rush into ttc again if they are still finding it difficult to cope with the emotional fall-out of an mc.

PS Heh at "test run"....

Hey, am really confused as there seem to have been a huge chunk of messages appeared between where my last post was supposed to be and where it has ended up so apologies for not welcoming MrsJL and Baby. MrsJL I thought Freelance expressed her sympathies very well and I hope we can all offer you a shoulder to lean on over the coming weeks.

Pah to bad eggs lol. Mopey I have my wobbly moments but I feel much as you do which is that I've wasted time and need to get on with things. Feel frustrated though, that DP doesnt share my urgency.

We're turning into quite a merry band and I'm certain we'll see some good news popping up here and there very soon.

Afternoon all. Not sure what happened with your post confusion Magic but nice to 'see' you anyway.

Well although I woke up in a good mood, an argument with DH about me going to the gym instead of staying home and getting work done (he had to do the latter and admitted he was jealous made me feel tired and pissed off pretty quickly. I really want try to fit in the gym at the moment. It takes a bit of effort but it's the only thing that makes me feel like I can get strong and fit again as opposed to feeling a bit like a shadow of my former self sometimes.

I had another wobbly moment on the train earlier, felt very teary when I saw someone with a baby in the sling. It wasn't the whole baby, it was its tiny little shoes that made me cry! Weird. Especially as there I was earlier saying I wasn't even sure whether I fancied the idea of parenting. I suppose somewhere in our crazy hormone system there's something that doesn't necessarily connect that unexpected urge with the idea of bringing up bigger children!

IC I never too my DH's surname either. I only got married last year after 10 years together and the idea of changing who I had been for 35 years filled me with fear in the end! Even though I always imagined I would do it.

DH and I made up and we are both intending to finish work early, go out in the sunshine and have a nice glass of something. Am thinking pink and sparkly. Then off to Oxford for the weekend to see a couple who we haven't seen since she was pg and now she is 6 months! Oh well, I will drink with the boys... Drinking with the boys is not exactly a new situation for me :)

Hope everyone is feeling ok xx

Hello all - hope you have a had a lovely day in the sunshine and BLL a good nights sleep!
I have just seen a lovely friend of mine who is pg and just gone on to have her 12 week scan which all went well - I was so happy for her but couldnt help feeling rather sorry for myself at the same time as we had both been talking about getting pg at the same time. Where is the time going? Just itching to get AF now......not often you hear someone saying that.
Freelancegirl have a lovely weekend in Oxford - drink lots and be merry before your abstinence hopefully starts again soon x
Anyone got any good news with recent bfn's, af's or even bfps!!

Hello ladies, may I join you? I'm just pulling myself together after my 2nd mc last month at 6 weeks, I also mc in December at 10 weeks.
AF arrived today!! So here we go again....

Hello MissInvincable sorry to hear your news, I'm sure it will be 3rd time lucky for you, good news AF arrived - its difficult not to become completly preoccupied with it I find! However enjoying a glass of wine as I write this, there have to be some perks, but also looking forward to having a valid reason not to again. I'm still waiting for AF but only been 2 weeks since mc - feels like time has gone very slowly though!!

Hi mopey the wait for AF does seem like an eternity! It took 4 weeks the first time round, then I ovulated slightly early that cycle and tested positive again 8dpo. This time it has taken 5 weeks and TBH I am completely petrified of trying again. In those 5 weeks three of my friends have given birth to lovely healthy babies, two more have announced their pregnancies and I am, well, gutted. I think I may need to go in search of a glass of wine!

Hi MissI, Sorry for your circumstances but welcome to the thread. Great news you have started your AF, it's those milestones that help us move on that little bit if we can. Am assuming, that is, as I haven't got my damn AF yet. Two in a row must be awful - did they do any investigations or tests? I know they usually have the three rule but I have asked for a few from my gp - mainly thyroid antibodies, selenium, sticky blood and in retrospect I should have asked for Vit D too. Am taking both selenium and vit d now as I do have raised thyroid antibodies and this can apparently result in killer cells but I think from my research that those two supplements might also help people who don't have raised antibodies. Worth asking your gp for some tests though? I am sure you will be third time lucky and it's soooo good that your body seems to be getting back to normal.

Mopey gosh yes, time is going very very slowly. I drank like a fish last night. DH and I started off in the afternoon sun in a lovely beer garden and then went for dinner, having both a champagne cocktail on arrival and then also sharing a bottle of wine! There will be more of the same tongight I think. Oh well. might as well do while I can :)

I was miserable as hell most of yesterday so needed cheering up. Am so bloody up and down! Feel ok right now but who knows what moods will emerge later. Have a good day everyone, I will be sans-laptop for a day or so, which to me is rather scary as I am usually welded to the keyboard. But might have a cheeky catch up later on the iPhone.

Thanks for the welcome freelance
My GP has at the moment just put it down to bad luck. My first mc was a suspected ectopic as they did not manage to locate the pregnancy despite 3 scans, and the second has been classed as a 'normal' early mc with no obvious clues as to why it happened. I don't think they will bother to look into anything unless it happens again. I wasn't really wanting a season ticket to the EPU so I'm working on eating healthily and losing a bit of weight that I have put on recently and feeling much better for it. I hope you have a good day too :)