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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

How are you feeling after MC?

807 replies

freelancegirl · 01/04/2011 10:24

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

OP posts:
freelancegirl · 06/04/2011 20:55

'Miscarriage support for Nun-Fiddlers and ex-Nazis' would be perfect!

I think the one thing to be positive about when it comes to ttc when you already have children is that you know your body can hopefully have them again. Obviously I guess the fear is that something will have changed since you have had the last one (as we are all full of fears after mc whether irrational or not). But am sure people saying that when you are upset after an mc and frustrated with ttc is probably very annoying. So sorry Blush

Must be very difficult to hide things from 14, 7 and 4 year olds! The oldest two in particular. Luckily I have no-one to put on a brave face for. Actually, that's wrong. When I phone my mum, dad and nan on a daily basis sometimes I find it hard to say - I feel shit right now. So I generally put on a happy face. DH gets the full-on miserable version when I am down.

My own rational/irrational worry is that my antibodies will kill off anything trying to grow in me! But then again plenty of women with high thyroid antibodies do have babies too, especially with the right treatment. We all have reasons to be optimistic.

And yes it might well be a numbers game. There are some high odds of everyone having an mc and we just have to assume that it is a natural thing to happen and just bad luck and that we will have better luck next time.

Hey, I can't wait for some of us to start having some positive changes on this thread. We are already getting them day by day, people stopping bleeding, scans coming up clear (ish), people starting to ttc again. Hopefully we will have some more developments soon. Even though I am now enjoying the freedom of not being pg, really I can't wait to start moving in some direction again - getting an af, starting ttc and hopefully getting an appointment so I can GET ME SOME DRUGS!! The right ones of course.

See I never stay down for long, nun fiddling or no nun fiddling...

OP posts:
creamcracker · 06/04/2011 21:02

Evening all!
Happy Birthday Really! I was also going to wait for one AF before officially ttc again but I?ve had a couple of slip ups and now I think what will be will be. I?ve never been good at planning things and tend to just leave things to fate!

Freelance I feel continuously bloated too, it?s like someone has blown up a balloon in my stomach. I hate having a podgy tummy for no reason! Also my ?urge? has subsided a bit as well ? I wasn?t overly ?trying? before this last pg as I?d always been led to believe I would have fertility problems so I think I?ve always kept any urges at bay to avoid disappointment. In some ways I think I?ve gone back to that again ? but I think I?m just trying to protect myself against any future disappointment, if that makes sense!

Dooscooby Welcome! I agree with the case that people are asking or wondering if you are going to ttc. I?m the last person people would have expected to have a baby and I was looking forward to telling everyone the news, but now close friends and family (& I?m sure others) know what?s happened they will all be expecting it again soon ? kind of takes away the joy I would have felt first time round ? if I?d made it past the 12 week scan.

Good news about the scan magic. Have you been on antibiotics? Could explain the unusual smell as they always leave me with a nice dose of thrush!

Diamonds hope you manage to get some deserved rest soon ? you sound like you are burning the candle at both ends!

Inmaculada - Madrid - how lovely!!

Bigflipflop a MC is a MC, previous DC or no previous DC! It?s tough either way!

Ok time to add myself to the stats ? looks like I may be the baby of the group - so far!:
magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 cycle 1
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet

freelancegirl · 06/04/2011 22:30

OOoh - a weird emotional fluttery moment from someone who thought they weren't bothered by other people's babies and scans etc (me):

One of my best friends from school just announced on facebook (am I going to become a fb avoider too??) that she is expecting her fourth child. The weird feeling was mainly as she announced this with a photo of the scan - due a week after I would have been!!! Quite heart-wrenching to see what a live one would have looked like when I, TMI alert, saw a dead one.

What I find amazing, and good on her for not having these fears, is that she is confident enough in the sureness of her pg to post a photo of the scan on fb. I can't imagine that when (if?) I ever get to that stage again I will ever be confident enough to do that. Gosh, some people have pregnancies without anything going wrong and assume everything is going to be ok. How nice that must be, just to enjoy it.

OP posts:
babylanguagelearner · 07/04/2011 00:28

Hi ladies. Saw this post start off a few days ago and have been wanting to join but have hardly sat down long enough to have time read through the previous posts. Better join now before you all get too far ahead of me! I always feel like once a thread has really got going it is too late to join in any meaningful way.

I miscarried at 5 weeks, nearly 2 weeks ago. (TMI alert) the bleeding stopped within a week, and I think I might have had signs of ovulation a day or so ago, but we are not TTC until after AF. We have to travel at Christmas time and so I didn't want to be due around then. Plus it is actually surprising me that I don't want to jump straight into TTC, I am happy to have a break for a while, a few drinks here and there Grin. The sign of a possible ovulation almost threw me off course from that plan, but since I haven't yet done a test to see a BFN so I didn't want to confuse the issue by jumping in and trying straight away. But I guess a good sign that an ovulation has maybe happened already.

To add myself to the stats:

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 cycle 1
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet
Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF

babylanguagelearner · 07/04/2011 00:42

posted that before I finished. Just wanted to finish by saying this looks like a lovely thread. I seem to have physically moved on from the MC and emotionally I feel good too, so it is weird to keep talking about my MC in RL because I (personally) feel it is too indulgent for me to be on the receiving end of sympathetic looks or comments. IFKWIM? This is a great place to still be able to talk to some lovely people about things as I move on to the next stage, whatever that may be.

I am in Australia so I will probably always be reading back over conversations and will try to keep up and pop in to say hello when I can!

MsJL · 07/04/2011 09:11

Hello.

I'm 37 MMC 21/3/11. 5 MMC's Jan 2009 - Oct 2010

Maybe don't add me to your list as I'll just depress the hell out of people.

I am feeling absolutely hideous, low, lonely. I woke up at 5am this morning and came into work early having only got home at 8.30pm last night as I couldn't sleep and was just laying there not knowing what to do with myself. I'm not sure that this is the right place for me to hang out actually due to my repeated misfortunes but freelancegirl sweetly suggested I might visit you all.

I wish you all the very best at the risk of being glib you are all highly unlikely to experience the same sadness again. I hope the Spring brings some positivity for you all in TTC. xx

creamcracker · 07/04/2011 09:12

Welcome baby language Pleased you are feeling well after your MC - I agree there comes a point when you feel you should stop talking about it in RL - or don't have many who know in RL - so this is a good place to share your thoughts and feelings!

Not sure if I've done my stats right - I put my MMC date as the day I had my 12 wk scan - but I didn't have it officially confirmed until 8th March and had ERPC on 14th March - don't know how others have dates theirs!

creamcracker · 07/04/2011 09:16

MsJL sorry you are feeling so awful. Please stay here though and share you thoughts and feelings be they sad or happy - we all have our ups and downs and are here for each other. Sorry to hear of your sad past x

InmaculadaConcepcion · 07/04/2011 09:22

Hi babylanguage - good to hear you're getting ready to move on emotionally. Welcome! You can keep the thread alive while we're all (hopefully) asleep.

Hello MsJL - so sorry to hear about your multiple mcs. That's really Sad I'm not surprised you feel so low about it. Sending you lots of unmumsnetty .
I do know a few people who have carried a pregnancy to term after numerous mcs, so it's not impossible, but it takes a lot of strength to keep picking yourself up and trying again. Feel free to stay and don't worry about using the thread to vent your sad feelings, that's why it's here.

harassedinherpants · 07/04/2011 09:28

Wow, you've lot have been busy!! On here not RL lol.....

I'm not even going to try to catch up, except say a belated Happy Birthday to Really.

Yesterday was sooo blinking busy! And quite a difficult day as it was 2 weeks since I started mc'ing. We've decided not to wait for first af, mainly because we're too lazy to sort any contraception lol. Off to the docs tonight to get my blood test results and try to persuade her to send me for more tests.

MsJL you kind of sound how I feel...... I've had two mc's this year. A mmc in Jan at 10+1 and a natural mc 2 weeks ago. You can think of one as bad luck....but two?! Actually it's 3, but that was 8 years, so according to the docs "doesn't count". Would you like to be added to the list??

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 cycle 1
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet
Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF
harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycle

harassedinherpants · 07/04/2011 09:29

babylanguage sorry I missed you.....welcome. It's quite positive here, hope it helps. I see it as a positive step being here chatting about recovery and ttc again.

Reallyusefulengine · 07/04/2011 09:41

Morning all

BLL Welcome! Am so sorry for your loss but glad you are finding your feet again. Did you google 'm/c support for nun fiddlers and ex nazis based in Europe'? Well, glad you found us. We have such a jet setting group! Diamonds is in Germany today, immaculada is basking in the heat in Madrid and now we have BLL all the way from down under!

Freelance The world is full of women who are confident enough to post their scans on FB and do all sorts of reckless mad things that we can't do. One of my friends texted me to tell me that she went to her 12wk scan and bought her 2 kids too. Apparently they were ecstatic and over the moon to see their future sibling. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. So there we have it.

Reallyusefulengine · 07/04/2011 09:45

Sorry MsJL x posts - I missed yours. Am so sorry for your losses and please join us, you will find we are pretty hard to depress and we are going through alot of the same pain and emotions as you. May I ask if you know why this has happened to you more than once? You poor thing. We are available for handholding. Sending you a big ummumsnetty hug too xxxx

MsJL · 07/04/2011 10:02

I'm just taking onboard what a jet-set lot you all are!

Really thank you for your thoughts and hugs (and you others too).

No explanation for my rmc. All 8-10 weeks when discovered having stopped developing at 6-8 wks. We've seen heartbeats on 3 occasions. Under the care of St Marys with all associated tests - all normal. Also tested at Epsom for NK Cells - again all normal. Have had 3 of them tested with no's 4 and 5 being chromosomally abnormal.

I am really struggling at the moment.

Reallyusefulengine · 07/04/2011 10:21

MsJL I am not surprised you are struggling. What have the doctor's said about trying again? I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you considered counselling? It seems like an awful lot of sorrow for the average person to deal with.

magicofthinkingbig · 07/04/2011 13:17

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF

There, just amended as didnt know about 'WTTC' and cycle 1 seems wrong.

LOL at new thread title. Just had to check there hadnt been a new thread started in my absence!

Love both Blackheath (we have family friends there) and Richmond (fell in love there once , altho not with DPBlush). Think I mentioned we're geordies but it IS sunny here too! Immaculada Envy at your home town!

I cant help worrying about something I read on another board about when you're past 35 you have a higher % of duff eggs. With my past drinking and other social habits mine cant exactly be in tip-top shape. Must have just hit lucky with DD although I was 34 when she was conceived. Surely it cant be that exact a science??

babylanguagelearner · 07/04/2011 13:47

Thanks ladies for the warm welcome.

MsJL I also sorry you are feeling so awful . You worry you will be too depressing for the thread and I worry people will think "what is BLL doing here she's obviously doing fine!" and yet presumably we were both drawn to join because of the supportive nature of the chat so far. I hope you stay and I hope it helps. Wish I knew what to say except [hug]

Yes a bit random to have an Aussie hijack your thread - sorry about that! - but DS (now 3) was born when I was living in London and clearly I have some issues letting go (i was inexplicably excited when the first mothercare store opened in my home city last year, despite owning all the baby gear I should ever need.) But i was already hooked on MN when we left the UK, I know my way around MN and never could face having to navigate my way around an equivalent Aussie forum, I am sure they are not as good Smile.

So I am afraid you are stuck with me! That said, am off to bed. Will read up tomorrow on how you are all doing.

InmaculadaConcepcion · 07/04/2011 15:35

No hijack, bll - Aussies are as welcome as anyone else! My PN thread has two French women and a German on it. MN is truly international!!

magic, I'm afraid all the risks associated with pregnancy do go up in the late 30s and upwards. That's why they don't take eggs on the donor programme from over 35s.
BUT
Plenty of older women have perfectly successful pregnancies, so although the probability of mc/Downs/prematurity/low weight babies etc. is statistically higher, that doesn't mean you won't be absolutely fine.

I had DD at 39 and that was an easy pregnancy. She was born four weeks early and was on the small side (5lb1), but was otherwise absolutely fine (didn't need incubation or anything).

My mw was pregnant with her first child at the age of 42 and another friend recently had a baby at 43 after years of trying and a few unsuccessful cycles of IVF, including one that ended in a mmc (this pregnancy was entirely natural and a total surprise).

Stay positive!

Reallyusefulengine · 07/04/2011 16:32

*Hello all, I was thinking of the 35 year thing - having just turned 35 yesterday!

MSJL I hope my post didn't upset you and sorry if it sounded insensitve. Big hugs xx

BLL Lovely to have you on here. I know, it is hard to match MN.

Big waves to everyone, and glad we've all got a bit on sunshine xxxx

bigflipflop · 07/04/2011 16:36

what a lovely day! Doesn't it make everything seem better? Welcome to all, and I'm so sorry to hear of others who have been through the shitness that is pregnancy loss.
MsJL please don't go! stay here with us, we're a good bunch, and anyway our lucks on the turn, so you'd better hang about Wink

mopey · 07/04/2011 19:21

Hello all - can I join - mc 2 weeks ago at 5 weeks - just got a bfn - well nearly, very faint now so must be almost there - not feeling too bad about it all now - just that I have wasted time - itching to get on with ttc again but think I will wait until after first af.

Very new to mn, so still learning!!! Just nice to feel there are others out there in same boat as not told many people here and been needing a bit of a rant!

freelancegirl · 07/04/2011 19:28

Phew, it?s going to be a long post ? that will teach me to go off and do a full day?s work and not sit around avoiding work at home and spending all my time on MN as usual. I missed you girls though!

Hello Mopey! Glad to see you on here, having chatted elsewhere. Everyone is very nice and we really can seem to help each other out by swapping info, research and plain old chit chat about how we are all feeling both physically and emotionally.

Hello BabyLL, glad you have joined us for support. Yes it is a great sign that you might have ov already, despite no AF. Can I ask you what signs you have out of interest? I think I might have done too. Is it even possible to ov before af after mc? I guess it must be as plenty of people don ?t wait. I think I am joining you in the waiting game at least for one AF. Funny, I am also mentally working out when any baby might be born and how that would fit in my lifestyle but, then the pessimistic side of me adds to that 1) I might not get pg again that easily and 2) I might have another mc!

I agree that it?s hard to talk to RL friends who want you to have moved on. I am seeing friends I don?t see regularly so I have to tell them the whole story from scratch over and over. I guess I could keep quiet but I can?t pretend things have been ok when they haven?t and it goes very far to explain why I have been so distracted and low.

I love Australia so you are most welcome! I too am a travelling girl today ? been working on an industrial estate in Creepy Crawley

Hello MsJL! Welcome to the topic. Really glad you joined us. I don?t think it matters (in terms of the thread that is) that you are a multiple. Some of us (like me to a certain extent) are also. I can?t imagine how you must be feeling after 5 mmcs in any period of time, let alone such a short one. I can only hope that we can help you feel better, all help each other feel better in some small way.

I too was awake at 5am feeling depressed and tearful. I woke up and wrote a list of all my feelings and physical symptoms which makes depressing reading. In the cold light of the early hours with a bit of discomfort still and some dark thoughts I felt old for the first time in my life. Having led a very ?young? lifestyle this was a real shock to me. Having gone from being super fit and strong and feeling I could take on the world just a few months ago, I worried that my body wouldn?t be able to cope with another pg or would result in mc. So I really can only imagine what you might be going through after 5. Makes me want to give you a big hug. And a large vodka. Makes me want to believe in something to make things better but I am not sure what. Glad Inmaculda and Harrassed had some positive words for you too.

Hello again Cream, not sure about my exact date either re stats. I have put 19th March as that was the day I started spotting and getting cramps.

Hello Really - Post Birthday, hope you had an ok night in the circumstances. I was checking this thread until the early hours with not much concentration going on in this goldfish brain of mine. I think suggesting counselling (as you did to MsJL) is not a bad idea. I had a few weeks worth when I was younger and felt it really helped.

Magic, on a lighter note I love Blackheath and Richmond too! We are so lucky to have such green spaces here in London. I am about ten mins walk from Blackheath and Greenwich Park so will be making the most of that whilst it is sunny. Re bad eggs over 35, pah ? what can we do?!

And yes, BigFlip, it has indeed been such a lovely day. My dark mood from 5am lifted. Hope all your dark moods have their lighter shades too. Hope I haven't missed anyone xx

OP posts:
freelancegirl · 07/04/2011 19:31

PS I think this is now the updated list but copy and paste again if you see anything I have missed or want to add new stats xx

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF

freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?

ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF

InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1

Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF

Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet

Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF

harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycl

OP posts:
mopey · 07/04/2011 19:41

Hello again - am adding my stats harassedinherpants seems like we are similiar situs x

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF

freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?

ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF

InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1

Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF

Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet

Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF

harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycl
mopey Age 38, MC 24/3/11. TTC #4 WTTC after AF

(what does the 8232 mean - sorry a bit new to MN!)

freelancegirl · 07/04/2011 19:46

oops! It's my silly Mac doing something weird again when I cut and paste from Word! will delete. Am a bit new to it too :)

magicofthinkingbig Age 38 MMC 17/3/11 TTC#2 WTTC after AF
freelancegirl Age 36 MC 19/03/11 WTTC after AF - End April?
ReallyUseful engine Age 35 MC March WTTC after AF
InmaculadaConcepcion Age 40 MMC 15/03/11 TTC #2 cycle 1
Bigflipflop Age 39 most rect mmc 01/04/11 WTTC after AF
Creamcracker Age 33 MMC 02/03/11 TTC/WTTC #1 no AF yet
Babylanguagelearner Age 34, MC 26/3/11. TTC#3 after AF
harassedinherpants Age 40, most rect mc 23/3/11 TTC #4 WTF cycl
mopey Age 38, MC 24/3/11. TTC #4 WTTC after AF

OP posts: