How are you feeling after MC?

[freelancegirl]

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

Hello to all and sorry for all your losses.
It has been so useful and reassuring to read how you all feel. I am all over the place, had a scan on Monday (at 9+2) to find out that our baby's heart had stopped the week before (a few days after a scan). I have to say I kind of knew, was not feeling pregnant at all... and didn't feel too shocked at the time. DH was devastated and also very very surprised - despite me talking about my fears he was resolutely positive. It's upsetting to see him like that, especially as he is not usually one to show feeling...

I took a note out of Inmaculada's book... I think talking about it and making it public is important to me... so I have written about it in my blog.
journeybacktotri.blogspot.com/

I live in Greece and miscarriage is such a taboo here - people are ashamed and there is quite a stigma attached to it. I want people to know, it might explain my crazy behaviour over the new few weeks/months :)

Thank you all for sharing your experiences - you are a source of strength.

Hello.
Not posted here yet but quite a few of you have helped me over the last few days and I am really grateful for that. Officially, don't quite qualify for the miscarriage board yet as I am in the limbo land between knowing it is going to happen and it actually happening. Go back for another scan next week and then can discuss options - they say I am 6 weeks but since I got a BFP just under 6 weeks ago I know that it is not growing. (The sonographer agreed and gave me the leaflet about miscarriage but it is procedure to wait for the second scan as I was not in normal cycles after the pill.)

Reading about Crackers AF and people waiting for BFNs makes me realise what is coming up and how I will start looking forward to things that I never thought I would. I was really excited yesterday as I thought a natural miscarriage may happen after a stupidly long run in the afternoon. (It feels wrong to say that.) Was very disapointed when I realised I had fallen asleep and the cramps had stopped overnight and no more blood. May need to do another run/gym visit to cheer myself up and try and get my body to get on with stuff.

At the moment, I am swinging between feelings of sadness, numbness and then wierd practicality and optimism. The optimistic part of me is knowing things will get better but impatient that I have to wait before I can move on. (Get wierd moments when I get urges to go and cook things, do the washing, ironing etc. and then I loose motivation and leave it all half done.)

That's a very moving blog, escapeartist, thanks for posting the link.
I'm sorry you're having to go through it too. It sounds like you've got a positive attitude, though - good for you. A lot of what you wrote reminded me of my own feelings when my mmc happened. And FWIW I feel pretty much back to my normal self now (with a few extra pounds nestling around the tummy/bum/thigh area, ahem!)
Good luck and I hope your DH can also recover soon too. x

Hi LIG - more sympathy to you. I remember - after the shock of finding out about the mmc - how I actually felt better once I was out of limbo (post ERPC) and able to start trying to move on. Hold on to those philosophical, optimistic feelings, but if you feel like you want a good cry, let yourself. Your emotional ups and downs sound very familiar!

Everyone treats a mc slightly differently. I prefer to think of mine as a lost pregnancy or embryo (it still was, just about, in my case) or lost fetus rather than a lost baby. I find it harder to think that I lost a baby and although I had lots of positive feelings about the little (short-lived) life growing inside me, I didn't feel any true emotional connection as such.

But some women find it helpful to name their lost baby-that-never-was and indeed, for there to be a funeral. It helps them with closure (some of the women on this thread, for example).

I think the gestation of the pregnancy is also important here, but the personal responses to mc and how each woman processes it vary widely.

Sorry, started rambling.

Mornin all, and welcome to escape and Laura so sorry to find you here under these sad circumstances, but we're a cheery bunch. We also appear to have some extremely talented and remarkable ladies in our midst, I for one feel very proud of you all
I agree with all of what immac says above, I felt the same way, and refer to "the pregnancy not progressing" as this helps me, but we're all very evidently different when it comes to this.

Sorry to hear about your loss Laura - running has been one of the things I have most been looking forward to doing post mc. It feels like my body will properly be back to normal then.

Thanks for the comments inmaculada - not sure if your comments about naming etc were to do with my blog, but I totally understand what you mean. I also think of it as a fetus, not a baby - the baby that we lost was in our plans, hopes and wishes, not in my tummy, if that makes sense. We were expecting baby B (as I am Mrs. B and DH Mr. B) - we had not and will not be naming the little bean we lost.

Laura I did feel better post ERPC, it def feels like a full-stop and then you start moving forward, physially at least. Now... to muster up the courage to do POAS... maybe next week? I notice people can take from 2 weeks upwards to get a BFN... Anyone had one sooner?

Morning folk. Hi LIG and escape, sorry for what you are both going through. Yes we are all a few weeks ahead of you here but it's amazing what a learning curve it is and how quickly you feel like one of the 'old girls'. I can't believe my mc started less than a month ago and did go on for 2-3 weeks so it's all very recent. Time has dragged in an unusual way.

It must be especially feeling strange for you LIG, not really knowing. One compensatory thought I had was that, after I had had two days of contractions and bleeding before the scan, at least I went into the scan knowing it was going to be bad news. It must be such a shock for those of you who are are not aware anything is up to find it out at the scan as you are looking on the screen for that little bean. I too have hoped that running etc has helped 'carry things along a bit' and I think for me it did as - tmi alert - it seemed to help the blood flow a bit more occasionally. I know running is meant to be fine when pg but my scan revealed that the sac was already on its way out so I thought a bit of help from running and gravity might help. Sorry if that upsets you, we all seem to learn to talk very pragmatically about it. As you say, the feeling veer quite dramatically from practical to hideously upset. Keep us updated along the way and feel free to cry, laugh, whatever here with us all.

That is indeed a lovely blog post escape. I love your photo too. I think you are right in helping explain your behaviour to friends. Having been first pg and then mc they might have noticed you haven't been yourself for a while.

I am with IC and Big (and you too escape it seems) on the I preferring to think of mine as a lost pregnancy or embryo but I am aware that many people (and I sometimes do too) will think of it as a lost baby and want to do something to mark the occasion. I went out and drank like a fish for a few days (err, weeks...) and made an effort to enjoy some of the things I had missed when pg, trying to look at the brighter side when possible.

Good morning ladies

escapeartist Am so sorry to hear of your loss but admire your way of dealing with it and sharing it on your blog. Am so sorry to hear your husband is so devastated, it is funny how it affects them. My DH burst into tears picking up our DS from nursery whilst I was in hospital.. not a normal reaction from him at all. May I ask if you have had the ERPC yet? So sorry too you live somewhere where this is a taboo, how awful for you.

Escape Am sorry to hear of your loss too. I remember that limboland too and I genuinely think you suffer some degree of shock. It does get better, especially once you have had the actual miscarriage and the bleeding stops. Your swings sound exactly like mine, it felt funny reading it.

Big Good morning lovely, I agree entirely, I am very proud too of the ladies on this board. Every last one of them

BLL Your olive oil crackers sounds amazing. My cake recipe was from one of the Australian Women's Weekly cookbooks. Am utterly mad about the AWW range, the best baking books in the world. Am waiting for a friand tin to arrive - I hadn't heard of them until recently (never seen them here and I have eaten alot of cakes) so I can try out those recipes too.

I agree with IC and Big it does help me too to think of mine as a lost pregnancy. Still awful, still sad and my stomach lurches every time I think how many weeks I should be now. But again, everyone deals with this the best way they can, as long as it helps the emotional healing, it doesn't matter? Oh, and wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Does anyone else hate the word 'Miscarriage'?

Thank you for the laughing last night. It doesn't feel that long ago that I really didn't think I would ever feel anything other than sadness ever again.

So, am feeling bloated and hungry and have sore boobs. Apart from the lack of PMS I feel I must surely be coming on. Hmmm. Tested for ovulation yesterday and today and no sign of that. I now think I might have ovulated 5-6 days after the bleeding stopped, so think AF could be on its way. Am not sure how I feel about that. To be honest I am just bloody fed up of sanitary products right now. But, really want and need to know where I am with this. I feel like I'm on a limbo land of waiting and waiting before I can be proactive and start ttc again.

Big morning waves at everyone xxx

Race you to af Really? Do we get a prize? I am so bloated, coming in handy right now so I can look semi pg still as I wait to see dentist still using Nhs card. Still got to pay lots though! Dont think am actually get anything free. Also at the best of times I have a v long cycle. Speak later after dentist and gym ( getting lots of work done as you can tell).

On your marks, get set .... GO!!

Again for newbies who think I am wildly inappropriate for drinking wine, it is evening here for me .

chin chin baby enjoy

I'll have you know am about to do some rather vigorous exercise with a personal trainer (not conducive with wine either but will make up for it later) and might just shake out an af :)

That sounds like an extraordinary race, but I'm in. I wonder if it'll feature in the Olympics? Yup, feel odd and read this link again - now not sure if I have a longer wait than I thought. Have you all seen this?

www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

freelance I hope the dentist went well. I didn't get a card annoyingly as I'm pretty sure I need a filling. Am v. impressed you have a PT. Are they worth it?

BLL Is it evening time? With wine? You lucky thing. Have a big glass for me

Really do you think you have to wait longer than you thought because you have retained products? Are you talking about waiting for your AF or waiting for the opportunity to ttc again? It's says on the link that all post-miscarriage periods take more than four weeks and are late - mine came yesterday after 4.2 weeks (had an ERPC). Was unsure if it definitley was my AF - but now I'm pretty positive it is.

I can't believe the AF race has started now! I could have won something for the first time ever if the race started a couple of days ago.

Welcome escape and laura so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing your blog escape and laura I know how you are feeling as I was in the same place last month. Had a 12 week scan which showed a 6 week fetus, yet I had to go away and wait 10 days before they confirmed it. I told them there was no way it could be an early pg as I'd done a +ve test 6 weeks previous which said I was 3+ weeks. Their response was 'well those pg tests aren't always correct' I found it all very frustrating as I knew it was an mc. It's good to hear they acknowledged your concerns though and sent you away with some information.

Cream Oh, you have already won the gold I think the prize was a glass of wine. We're all battling it out for Bronze and Silver and then a plethora of runners up prizes.

Well, I read it and started thinking that it might be weeks and weeks until AF turned up. Am pretty sure I have no retained products though and I had forgotten that yours showed up 4.2 weeks after your AF so maybe I won't have to wait too long for it after all. I wasn't very clear was I? .

No you were clear, it was just when I read the link it was saying about waiting for 3 cycles before ttc, then it mentioned about the longer wait for AF so I wasn't sure which bit you were referring to - doesn't take much to confuse my little brain! My cycle is usually 30-42ish days - so I was shocked by it's arrival.

Oh I shall certainly take up my reward of wine - thank you . Have taken a few risks the last couple of weeks so was beginning to worry incase I'd fallen pg again, so I was trying to cut down just in case. However I now have a licence to drink! Well for 2 weeks anyway, then maybe I'll need to cut back again just in case.

Here's hoping for some more AF's. If I hang around for a bit I may bring some on as that often happens in RL. My cycle is often similar to close friends and colleagues, very strange.

I can imagine with the loonies on this thread we will all be in sync before too long! I saw someone on another thread refer to their AF as 'the red witch'. Thought it was very funny!

Hi girls! Good to see you guys chatting away. Even better that you're setting goalposts to our recovery! Pretty certain I'll be the last to the post! Thanks immuculada: we have with the advice of the consultant decided to go for the ERPC, purely so that we can put this unfortunate episode behind us(and so I can join your race too!)and start ttc again. It's booked in for an all day jobbie tomorrow (as on the NHS conveyor belt- they can't tell me when exactly I'll be having the procedure). So we go in at 11am, leave at approximately 5pm. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I am terrified of things going wrong, absolutely bricking it! x

Diamonds Lovely that there's some resolution in sight and I will be thinking of you. You'll be absolutely fine and looking forward to hearing from you afterwards. Is your DH going with you? Remember to tell us if they put the dog lead thingy in your mouth in recovery - as happened to Big and IC*. So good that you sound positive albeit nervous.

I am having a glass of wine. It was boring being like Ghandhi.

The AF Race: I was thinking we should club together and get a series of trophies made in gold, bronze and silver, perhaps in the shape of tampons. Hopefully Freelance can negotiate some sort of corporate sponsorship .

Yes-Dh staying with me all day, bless him. He knows I'm terrified of hospitals. Looking forward to who gets the awards, Reallyuseful, Grand idea!
lots of wine flowing in our house already! Good tonic to steady nerves and looking forward to an early night too! Very very tired. Hopefully the ERPC will end things now, as naturally just seems to drag. Started spotting brown discharge again today, accompanied by period like cramping. Hopefully the operation will end our rather drawn out misery. Feeling glum now. Just hope I'll be smiling tomorrow, with the knowledge that we are over this minor setback. Will post after the procedure tomorrow evening ladies. Take care x

Hello all, I've been to the dentist. Was uncomfortable - injection was the worst bit, two fillings, going back for two next week, charged me for two, rest on NHS as I am 'pregnant'! Was conscious of sticking my belly out to prove it!

Then I had a sesh with the personal trainer. I don't actually have a PT, I just manage to 'exchange skills' for them quite often. I had one all last year (I wrote some ebooks for him) and it was great. Really got me in shape. And before I was lucky enough to have a miscarriage and meet some online friends :) going to the gym is often the only way I get to chat to other people. Working from home can be quite boring, with often only the odd meeting to break up the week. Unless I am travelling of course. I think this trainer might be up for seeing me reasonably regularly too, again in return for some writing.

Cream yes you did win the race already. Damn. I am pretty sure I will be last on the list too being that my cycles are usually quite screwed anyway. And as far as the ttc list goes, who knows when I will make it on that!

Diamonds you poor thing having to go through all of this, just to string it out a little bit longer. But I guess at least after tomorrow you will know it will be over and you can definitely look forward to your body getting back to normal. I think it's a good thing that there is only the sac there so it hopefully isn't affecting your hormones too much (I would be tempted to do a pg test to see if it was negative if I were you) so it probably is just a procedure to get that last bit out. I know you must be nervous but I am sure it will go ok. People have them all the time.

You know my nan was telling me the other day that in her day it was quite common for people to say 'oh am going in for a D&C'. She seemed to imply it was said quite casually! WHo knows, these people lived through wars etc and gave birth whilst being bombed with sirens wailing.

Really is right Diamonds. You have to tell us if they stick a rubber dog bone in your mouth and ask you to growl.

I think I will definitely be partaking in the wine therapy this evening (I feel it deserves a name check having become such a big part of our board).

After I got back from the gym had an annoying row with annoyingly moody DH and went straight for a lie down in a sulk (me not him) and fell asleep. SO I haven't had a very productive day it seems and he has made me feel a bit miserable. I can be upbeat most of the time but when something like him being moody gets to me I start to feel quite negatively. Right now am thinking am bored, lonely, there's nothing to look forward to... blah blah blah, which I know is not really true.

So I am sure we will make up and have a drink :)

Freelance: loving the "swapping of skills" - lucky you!
Sorry that you and your Dh fell out after a minor row- DO remember that he's been through the rollercoaster ride with you; take it easy with each other hun, it's still quite recent. You are so right about the wine therapy, seems to cure everything! Caved in last Friday, did a preg test- negative! So wrongly assumed was a total miscarriage; only to be told on Tuesday that the scan could still see the sac sitting on top of the cervix- strange! This ERPC will certainly help us draw a line under it all. Freelance: drink and enjoy: while you still can! x

Diamonds Just want to say I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I had an ERPC last month and it was the first time I had ever been in hospital. I can honestly say it's nothing to worry about - it's all over really quickly and the recovery process doesn't take too long. I decided to go down that route as my body was still holding onto everything 9 weeks after my MMC and I needed to move on, which it helped me to do.

Really I'm looking forward to my gold tampon - it will sit pride of place on my fireplace mantel

Freelance I hope you and DH make up after a glass or 2. Why oh why do their moods affect ours so much!

Maybe it IS a total miscarriage as in everything important has gone but really all that needs to come out is the sac. Does that make sense? All your pg hormones having gone it a good sign. Doesn't make it any easier though as you still have to have the op I guess. It will soon be out of the way though, we will be thinking of you so update when you can.

DH and I have made up and decided we are both so up and down at the moment, fed up one minute and the realising we have so many lovely things to look forward to at the moment. We have decided to do the decent thing and go out for a drink. Will probably be drinking and dialling later...

I missed the Gold Tampon comment amid my mouth drilling, gymming, arguing and napping but I think it is a very good idea. One can hang one's award on one's mantelpiece. A charming addition to any living room. They should advertise them in the Sunday supplements.

Thanks for the reassurance creamcracker! Just hope my cycles return as quickly as yours did: well done you! Are you gonna ttc asap, or are you gonna wait awhile?
Freelance: so pleased that you guys are back on again! just let your hair down. Tomorrow is another day. Those tampon awards- just make sure they're hollow inside: so the winner can have a celebratory champers from them!