What would you do? Pls help

[Beesok]

Hi everyone, it is really painful for me to join this thread but I am really confused and need some help/advice.

I just found out yesterday that I have a blighted ovum (it's my first pregnancy and I am 6+2 weeks). The doctor said she can see a sac but no yolk sac or fetus and expects me to miscarry within next few weeks. She told me all my options but I felt like she suggested to wait it out to happen naturally.

Obviously I am extremely upset and yesterday after talking to my hubby we decided to let things happen naturally. Today I woke up with minor period like cramps but still no bleeding (I haven't had a single drop of blood since my last period in September).
After reading on the Internet I saw that it took some women weeks to miscarry naturally...I am scared of my emotional state if I wait for weeks and weeks (won't be able to move on until it happens) am just seeking advice from people who went through this? Did you wait or is it better to get a D&C?

BTW The doctore is def off in timing my pregnancy - the report said I am 8 weeks but there is no way that can be true (otherwise I would have been on my period and pregnant!) I am not more than 6 weeks +/- few days....not sure if that means I'll have to wait longer for it to happen...

Thanks in advance for your help

Morning ladies
star I had gone from the scan with a letter for the gp, so I handed it over then used their toilet. I watch myself as I am going and felt and saw it. Initially I thought it must be the jelly stuff from the internal, but I fished it out the toilet and just couldnt believe my eyes. Then wrapped in toilet paper.
Thankfully there was no one in the waiting room and I had to tell the lady on reception who has been there 20 years so I know her. There were no doctors in the building! all out on rounds. She gave me a bag to put the paper in and said I would need to go to A and E or back to the EPU. After giving me a ccuddle.
Apparently the majority of MC dont happen this way and usually it breaks up before it comes away, so I guess I am 'lucky' to be able to give some rememberence for it.
The hardest thing for me today is that I now know my body has spent 6 days rejecting a baby that hadn't died. In my heart I had known it wasn't right all along with having no MS or symptoms and also my hcg levels not raising as correctly but its so hard.
Im sorry I have hijacked your thread, but as I knew alot of you from jue in june I shared on here. Have made another thread now.
Hopefully we will meet in the future on a more positive thread. xxxx

Thanks for sharing your story with us brought - you've been incredibly brave and it must be so, so hard to have been through what you have over the last few days. IMO (and I don't want to make assumptions for others), you haven't hijacked this thread at all and you are more than welcome to stay on with us as long as you would like to. While we haven't gone through your recent turbulent times, I personally feel there's a real sense of "we're in this together" on here and whatever we share is useful and helpful for us all. Like you, I do hope we meet again in the near future with good news. Take good care of yourself xx

When I started this thread I had no idea that it would evolve this way, I am sad that so many of the June group have come here but at the same time I am glad because this time last week I was a wreck and today I feel much stronger and I couldn't have gone through this without being able to voice my emotions and thoughts to people who really understand what it is like to lose a baby, even though that "baby" wasn't even officially a fetus :(

Brought you haven't hijacked the thread at all, please stay on it for as long as you need/want. I am still in shock when I think about what you went through :(

As to myself - well sort of back to square one :( I have the scan tomorrow which I am dreading then the decision to get the D&C (am really not putting my hopes up) which I am dreading even more. I find it hard to be around people who know about the whole situation but it's also difficult with people who don't because frankly I cannot pretend that nothing happened and just go out for dinner and have a laugh but I am trying to get to that stage.

I just keep trying to think positively about the future - yesterday I spoke to one the children's mums at my nursery and she had exactly the same experience in July and is now pregnant again and due in February so there is hope :)

Someone asked if it hard to look at pregnant women - I am not going to deny it, it's damn hard :( I see tons of them every day at work and it makes me feel sad :( I don't have jealousy or hatred but just feel like it's unfair that I had to go through it :( selfish I know but can't help it :(

I really wish we all get out of this limbo and meet in a due in......thread soon

Yup, I'm sharing your thoughts re pregnant people. I SO didn't want to become one of those people who felt jealous of pregnant people but I was already becoming one as it took us about a year to get pregnant in the first place. I was always happy for them but disappointed for me too and I felt really guilty about it. I met my DH for lunch yesterday and there was a woman in the lift with a baby in a buggy meeting her DH and I felt really choked.

brought please don't leave this thread, like wonnay said we're all in this together. Thanks beesok for sharing and I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

beesok - well done on trying and wanting to think positively. I will follow your example and focus on hopefully a "third time lucky". Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of thoughts.

I'm glad it's not just me re: pregnant people - I do feel selfish thinking it but at the same time it's a bit of a release valve for all the pent-up emotions. I thought time was going slowly when waiting for scans etc. but the days are positively going backwards now....

One thing the ob/gyn said to me the other day is to take a multi vitamin including iron as it may be needed if and when there is blood loss which seems quite seinsible advice to me.

Thanks brought for sharing your story. You've been so brave and strong. Do you feel it's sunk in yet? I feel quite calm about everything but i'm starting to wonder if i'm in denial and it'll hit me like a tonne of bricks when the actual miscarriage happens. It sounds strange as i was so eager to get everything over and done with and yet yesterday and today i'm feeling there's no urgency and i'm happy as i am......how things change.

Beesok, i have a scan at 9am tomorrow. When will you be having yours? Thinking of you :)

For anyone that's been looking at Asherman's Syndrome, i've just been on Daily Mail Online, and there's a whole piece on a presenter Sophie Blake who was diagnosed with this and was told she was infertile. She had surgery to try and fix the problem but was told that the scar tissue had re grown so was back to square one. She's now due in May so a little miracle happened there. The syndrome was diagnosed after having a d&c following the birth of her first child.
This really scares me. I started panicing about it yesterday and then to see this article pop up in front of me today, i'm wondering if it's a sign not to go down this route. Sounds nuts i know, especially as i really wanted this preocedure, in order to have everything dealt with quickly. I feel like i'm back to square one.
I wish my body would just do what it's meant to be doing and miscarry on it's own. If i knew this would happen within a week, i'd just hold on but i can't wait much longer. The embryo stopped growing 2.5 weeks ago so i thought i'd have some sign by now. Not had one bit of spotting and feel fine physically. I do not get it.

At least DH has tomorrow off now. He usually has wednesday's off but for somereason, last night, it's changed to thurday so means he doesn't have to go in after the scan and if we are done in time, can also come to DD's swimming lesson which he's never done before. :)

It's funny you saying that star - I'm thinking something similar - at the same time as wanting it all over, I also feel as if I don't want it to be over - it kind of feels like I'd be giving up on it even though the logic says there's nothing to "give up". I am at a complete loss as to why our bodies won't just reject something inside that is no longer viable - it doesn't make any sense medically.... thanks for info on Asherman's too. Good to hear you will have DH with you tomorrow.

On a similar medical note, have you and your OHs / DPs / DHs had your blood groups done? I am A negative and DH A positive so I have to have an antibody injection before the ERPC (and possibly again if we were successful TTC if I m/c naturally) so that any future PGs (fingers crossed!) wouldn't get rejected by my body as a foreign body, if there is any crossover of my blood and placenta blood during the ERPC or natural m/c(I think this is right). This is all the stuff about Rhesus negative that you hear about.... sorry if I have given anyone something else to worry about that they didn't already know, but thought it best to mention it here.

Ooh, not sure wombat. I am A positive but have no idea what DH is. Will he be the same as his mum? Is it only if the mother is A negative, as in your case, that this becomes a problem?

I'm pretty sure it's only an issue if the mother is rhesus negative. If you're positive as you say then I think it's fine - prob worth checking with your health care professional to be sure star. I don't think that people are the same blood group as their mother's but again I could be wrong.

I tell you, we will be total subject matter experts at the end of all this!

Haha!! Sure will :o

Thanks ladies
I have just planted a pot rose for 'him' its called blue peter, I know there is no way of knowing what the sex was , but this is just what DH and I felt.
I am praying it survives...........a cold november day is not the best time to plant anything. Hopefully it will be flowering in june, then I will cut some flowers off it and bring into the house for the due date.

To all you ladies who are waiting for the inevitable I so feel for you, if it were me I would want it over with I have to say. Am I right in thinking it is only a D and C where they actually scrape you and potentially cause scar tissue? I thought erpc was a vaccum? Sorry if I have that wrong
I am curled up with a duvet waiting for lunchtime when I am going eat lots of cheese and chocolate
xxxx

brought - I think that sounds beautiful and I do hope it brings you lots of comfort.

Thanks for thinking of us at this time - it's really kind of you. I beleive it is all vacuum and an ERPC is in fact the new name for a D and C.

supersunny - do you know something? When I referred to the sight of other pg women being hard, I was thinking that I hope you weren't reading it thinking that it applied to you! I for one am sooooo grateful that you have helped us so much with your great advice and here you are again with more lovely reassurance. And all this while probably feeling anxious about yours too having gone through it all yourself, so a BIG thank you for being with us and from me anyway, please do keep your posts coming. They are definitely very helpful. Also, I can't see you, so you're fine!

Will be thinking of you on the 23rd then supersunny and fingers, toes and everything tightly crossed that you, your DH and your bean are just fine.

I've just had a proper look at that research article and it's very helpful. meltobe while I know we are anti-statistics right now, there is some very reassuring and valid research data in there. star82 and others, I think you will find it useful. If you can't log on now, then here is the concluding paragraph - "Conclusion Method of miscarriage management does not affect subsequent pregnancy rates with around four in five women giving birth within five years of the index miscarriage. Women can be reassured that long term fertility concerns need not affect their choice of miscarriage management."

HTH everyone x

Hi everyone, Brought im so sorry for what happened how cruel to be told everytings ok and then for that to happen!

Im recovering well and to be honest the procedure was well fine (i know that sounds weird)i went down at nine back on the ward for ten, although when i woke up i was crying for ages,and then they let me come home at 12 so it was over very quick. I bleed for about 4hrs very lightly and no it has stopped. The consultnat said the procdure went well and there were no problems
and no follow up.
I do think the ERPC was the right descion for me i feel very weepy today and tired but apart from that im ready to grieve now and move on.
Star i hope your able to make a descion its hard i know i was like you in my first pg i just showed now signs of mc a i didnt want a erpc but it was the last resort.

hope the rest of you are ok, sorry if i missed anyone head still a bit all over this place.(blush) x x x

Glad to hear from you nurse. Is that normally it for the bleeding then? Were you told it could stop and start back again or did they say when it stops, that should be it? To be honest i feel i will end up with the erpc. I've never been under a GA before so don't know how it may affect me which is another worry i have.

Im not sure about the bleeding with my frst erpc i bleed for about five days but i was bleeding before the surgery, this time its stopped when i wipe (tmi) there is a slight bit of blood like at the end of your period but i had no bleeding before the surgery all i can think it that they managed to remove everything. I think everyone is just different. Im glad i had it done as the mental torture of sat waiting was killing me, i just felt the longer i waited the longer it would be befoe i could get back to normal and start to try again. After my last mc i was going to have a star tattoo but when i went couldnt decide what to have then a week later i found out i was pg. Im now going to get one done with three stars two for my angel babies and one for my DD, but im going to get a design to put one more star on! thats positive thinking!!!

brought that sounds lovely - it is a nice way of remembering your baby

Like many of you I am worried about the ERPC but then what is the alternative? "This" for another 6 weeks? Can't bear that idea :( and selfishly I think it would be hard because people around you (if they know) begin to move on esp if you're like me with no symptoms so I find it hard
emotionally and explaining what you're going through is tedious...

I started having cravings yesterday - for salt&vinegar crisps which I NEVER eat. Seriously how bl*dy ironic?? No baby but cravings :( I am munching through a tube of pringles as we speak......this is just great.

Sorry guys I don't mean to be insensitive but my overwhelming feeling today was a mix of anger and frustration at this whole thing that has taken over my body and my life :( I would happily bear it for a baby but this is just too unfair :(

oh and sunny your bump doesn't bother me at all :) please keep posting if you feel like it :)

Star my scan is at 4:00, will be thinking of you tomorrow as well :)

nurse am glad you are recovering well and I am sort of jealous that you are finally able to move on, I hope you feel better soon, big hugs! :)

PS sorry for random posts :)

nurse glad you're recovering well.

Re statistics, I really wish people would stop going on about it's okay once you've seen a heartbeat It only shows their ignorance of how high pre-6w mc rates are, i.e. approx 25% or 1 in every four pregnancies wil fail by 6w. A heartbeat is little guaranteed of sucess and for first trimester heartbeats it has to be post-9w for the mc rate to fall to the same level as the second trimester when 2 in every 100 pregnancies will still end in mc. Between 6w and 9w the mc rate is approx 8% which equates to 2 pregnancies in every 25, which is really quite a lot if only people would stop to think before spreading their platitudes.

But then I'm a lightening conductor when it comes to pregnancies stats. Of my 6mc, 5 of them had visible heartbeats but died between 7.5-8.5w, only one ended spontaneously before 6w. My 5th pregnancy ended in a termination at as the baby had no upper brain and skull: it had anencelphaly which is fatal. The year it happened (2009) only me and 158 other women in England and Wales had abortions due to ancelphaly. The rate of ancelphaly and related neural tube defects is about 4 pregnacies in every 10,000 in the UK.

And now it looks as if I'm on for my second pre6w miscarriage, even if my body hasn't yet caught up. Must admit I'm feeling less and less pregnant as this week goes on and am not at all hopeful for this Friday's scan. I've already decided that I'm going to get a decent haircut as my post-ERPC treat next week

I totally agree with you issy after what happened to me yesterday. If I go on to get pregnant again I will not be asking for an early scan. The fact I had seen heartbeat at the same time as my body was rejecting it makes me realise what will be will be. I should have trusted my instincts. You are so brave to continue trying after all you have been through.
xxxx

Issy I feel so stupid about my feelings when I read what you've been through. I admire your courage - I don't think I would have been able to endure all of that :(

re stats - honestly girls, does it matter to you? I mean does it make you feel better? I don't care if the chances were 50% or 1 in a million it doesn't change the way I feel at all :( I pretend it does -just to end the conversation but seriously it doesn't change a thing for me.

What I really hate is the, well meant I know, comment of "oh don't worry - you'll have another one!" I mean WTF? I understand that some people may feel that there wasn't "anything" there and yes I have tried to think like that myself - it helps to detach yourself but then I see a photo of my friend's 2 week old baby and you know what? It hits me: I was pregnant and I lost it and I don't care how many times I get pregnant after this it still hurts :(

sorry for the rant :( as you can tell am nervous about tomorrow even though I know the answer deep down, hearing it again won't make it easier :(

I promise I will be more positive tomorrow and thank you for listening :)